Hey kids you’re about to listen to

comedy podcasts that means none of this

is medical advice if you medical advice

or medical care please contact your

doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith it’s stimmy season and

i’m here to remind you

not to spend your stimmy on something

stupid invest it into something

smart like a mutual fund or a wave

runner

introducing your host dr

london smith hello

and welcome to the jock doc podcast

where we discuss fitness and health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners

we have received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using such as

magnesium inhibition of pre-synaptic

acetylcholine release

and rats off to you so i’ll try to

temper my terminology to a simpler one

in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron

oh were you cameron

uh sorry no i’m i’m just i’m just

observing today i’m not i’m not

participating

yeah okay i mentioned it sort of last

week but right now

for for this month i’m sort of

practicing self-care right now

and i mean i figured you know you would

honor that because

you know me and my people we practice

self-care this time of year

and so it’s kind of important and so the

pr

like the production stuff all of those

things

the buttons you press and the knobs you

turn it doesn’t really seem like it’s

benefiting me

in any way nope or relieving any of my

stress or anxiety

so unfortunately it’s not something that

i can do yeah okay i’m sorry to hear

that

uh you know traditionally a producer

you know sort of sound engineer type

wouldn’t be

super involved in the talking part of a

podcast anyway so maybe this is

this is okay this actually sounds more

yeah i mean as long as you’re fine with

me

not doing anything yeah that’s awesome

so

well the anything part so i feel like

you should do oh sorry yeah

anything that’s not benefiting me in my

uh stress and anxiety so for example i

could practice self-care

by using the company credit card to buy

me a

wave runner yes

i wouldn’t do that again because i did

that this morning but i wouldn’t do that

you know i’m not gonna do that twice

because then it would be repetitive and

boring and that’s not benefiting me if

it’s boring

yeah so i feel like

you know maybe you know i it’s great for

you to practice self-care

and you know for for your days off

i’d say like go for it and you know

you’ve taken a lot more self-care days

lately

like uh like i guess all the days except

you know last week whenever you

mentioned it you just took off those

days

instead of okay well i mean are you

telling are you telling people like oh

celebrate christmas on your day off no

you

you give it to them as a religious

holiday yeah me and my people we

practice

self-care this time of year i mean this

is

this is the time it has to be done dr

yeah right i thought you would recognize

that i didn’t realize you were so

backwards

yeah it’s just you know you know people

will take a a day off for self-care if

you but you

you take the last six days off for

self-care

oh yes and just just as the old legend

said

six days off and then six days off more

that’s what okay one of the founding

principles of self-care

yeah which is okay so self-care is

it’s a religion for you it’s not just um

it’s not a philosophy it is i can’t

imagine i can answer that in any way

that would benefit me

so i’m not going to okay well so we’ll

i’ll just try to manage

um you know sometimes we’re short

staffed whatever that that happens so

we’ll

we’ll work with it okay because i do

want you to be at your best i want you

to be healthy

so for now i guess

uh so i’ll try to to manage these

buttons and knobs

okay well okay now it’s all messed up

because now if i try to stay healthy

then i’m doing it

apparently for your benefit because

you’re the one who wants me to be

healthy

so then it’s no longer for me so it’s no

longer self-care

it’s that service for another person so

now i have to work

okay you know joe me to do maybe

want me to pitch in a little bit how

how can i help you because yeah once

again seeing you thrive is

you know that that helps me

so ah stop saying it you’re ruining it

for me

okay um so that’s our producer cameron

also with us

is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

me and my people we practice self-care

this time of year i mean this is

this is the time it has to be done

practice self-care care practice

self-care

practice self-care care practice i can

practice self-care

by using the company credit card to buy

me a wave runner

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

waverunner

[Music]

practice self-care buy me a

wave runner practice

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

and later cameron tells it we can

actually expect a special guest today

oh and this i’m sorry cameron did tell

me today

it is a huge guest this guest is

i like i don’t want to spoil it i i

don’t want to spoil it but it’s

let’s just say um

what would be above a list

i’d i don’t know like but this guy yeah

he could um spit on the a-list and the

a-list

would thank him for it and

you know it would weep tears of joy yeah

they would they would

scrape up the the spit and the mud the

little bit of mud that it makes

and they would package it and they would

if they put that on ebay

it would sell for a large sum of money

the a-listers would sacrifice

their children in order to be in a

doritos commercial

with this guy wow yeah and i just

you know i don’t want to i don’t want to

say i don’t listen anymore what because

you know we we have to we have to focus

on

you know medicine medicine um so before

we move on i would like to address a bit

of listener feedback

i found this note carved into the inside

portion of a heart

that was carved into a tree at my local

park the note reads quote

a foreign fellow called me about my

social security number

but he but he didn’t know it so i gave

it to him

end quote so uh first of all thank you

so much for reaching out to us here on

the jock talk podcast

uh you know we do like to hear back from

our listeners

um so normally you know sort of the

classic idea of what you carve

inside of a heart on a tree would be

like

you know someone loves someone you know

like

uh jakey loves bambi or whatever

or like fish maybe you’re a big fish fan

yeah like london loves fish which i i do

eat fish the food

or the the like you know 90s jam band

yeah or i was gonna say that the fishing

ph

fish uh yeah that’s what i just said

yeah well i’m

i guess i’m thinking of the email um

oh right yeah so if you’re a big fan of

of well

i mean it sounds like calling people up

and asking them for their social

security number

yeah okay i get you know what good point

um

so i guess this was a fishing note just

just not an email it’s just on a tree

uh so i you know i guess to our

listeners i would be wary

of such a thing um

all right uh thank you for listening

now for today’s medical topic colonic

volvulus

colonic volvulus occurs when a loop of

the intestine

wraps around its place of attachment

within the abdominal cavity

it may result in obstruction and

constipation or with vascular compromise

with potential for necrosis and even

perforation if left untreated

the most common site is the sigmoid

colon risk factors include chronic

illness age

institutionalization and essential

nervous system diseases

uh cycle volvulus which accounts for 25

of all cases

is a surgical emergency and it’s due to

a congenital lack of fixation to the

right colon

and tends to occur in younger patients

other risk factors include chronic

constipation lactic abuse

anti-motility drugs and prior abdominal

surgery

so i mean really the it’s it’s these

tubes of

uh your intestine part of it gets caught

or or loses me sorry no this sorry this

camera this isn’t you

specifically this is my intestine well

you were everything you were describing

was hit i mean

the laxative abuse everything was really

speaking to me

okay so maybe i mean yeah i shouldn’t

say it’s not you because i’m not i don’t

know

but that brings us to the next part

clinically patients present with the

cute onset

of colicky abdominal pain um

you know so have you felt abdominal pain

well yeah i mean after the bowl of kind

of laxatives i ate as a cereal yeah

okay so the stomach hurts so bad you may

also have

this this is all part of the self-care

thing dr london

the the laxative abuse

yes okay so because i’m flushing out all

of the toxins in my body

yeah so so patients who have colonic

volvulus

they may also have obstipation which is

a severe form of constipation

and abdominal distension along with

anorexia nausea and vomiting

have you have you been eating cameron

well yeah i mean i told you i had a huge

bowl of laxatives earlier today

okay so like food have you eaten

uh and okay so so i guess to describe

food

um like a hot dog have you had a hot dog

ooh um i mean i definitely put a bunch

of laxatives on a hot dog

bun and i put ketchup on it did you eat

the bun

yeah yeah and the ketchup okay so that’s

that’s something so okay

um that’s that’s better than you’re

wondering what my recipe is

yes well that’s what that’s that’s what

this is all about you’re trying to you

can just ask directly it’s not a secret

well

i know i think you just told me right

it’s well you take a you take a hot dog

bun but then you toast it just a little

bit dr london

you stick it right in the toaster oven

you lit it you let it you know like

get a little crispy in there and you

take a bunch of laxatives

and you pour it just right into the hot

dog bun then you take some ketchup

room temperature ketchup dr london don’t

don’t just get it out of the fridge

there’s a reason

places like mcdonald’s or whatever have

the ketchup packets just sitting out

and then then you’re gonna put that on

there and you’re just gonna take a big

old bite

home and then that’s your meal for the

next three or four days

oh okay uh

so so diagnosis of colonic fabulous is

first with

plain abdominal x-ray films uh in a

sigmoid volvulus

the omega loop sign which it looks like

a bent inner tube

that indicates a dilated sigmoid colon

and siegel volvulus

the coffee bean sign indicates a large

air fluid level

in the right lower quadrant

sigmoidoscopy is the preferred

diagnostic and therapeutic test for

sigmoid volvulus

and that leads to if you’re a little bit

more of a chef

um one thing that i think maybe you’d be

a little more interested in dr london

because the hot dog might be a little

too basic for you

is my laxative pot pie okay

is that is it just pie crust you take a

pie crust you take a pie crust but you

know

you you know a traditional pie you might

be thinking oh are there blueberries in

there are there apples in there

or is this some sort of a meat pie and

sort of sort of you take

like peas and carrots so that’s in the

mixture there but then you fill it up

with laxatives

i is there is there a reason why you

want the laxatives in the dish like why

why are you do they taste good to you

well no it’s for the self-care part it’s

fleshing out all the toxins

okay yeah you did say that and you think

that just

taking a whole lot of this of laxatives

will help

i mean certainly doing something my

stomach hurts like hell

okay so as i was saying a slight

mindoscopy um

can lead to successful treatment by

untwisting and

you know decompression in many cases

barium enema is another method of

diagnosis

and that can reveal the narrowing of the

colon at the point where it’s twisted

with the classic bird’s beak appearance

treatment uh for sigmoid volvulus as i

said

involves sigmoidoscopy the recurrence

rate is high

so elective sigmoid colon resection is

recommended

and in sql volvulus once again emergent

surgery is indicated

because that’s that’s an emergency okay

um and so cameron i i think that

you know regardless of whether you have

any sort of colonic volvulus

you should probably not be taking so

many laxatives

and replacing meals with laxatives

you think that maybe i should be mixing

in things like muscle relaxers and stuff

and because i’ve been thinking that

exact same thing just sort of the

flavor of it okay so so that part would

be because like

you know what i mean like i’m not huge

on muscle relaxers i think it’s like a

texture thing for me

but when it’s mixed in with stuff just a

sort of like a light flavoring

i think it really can sort of make

things pop

yeah i i i just

really can’t relate on this because i

see those all specific medications that

you would take

you know as needed for

say whenever you need your muscles to

relax or in the case of laxatives

whenever you have

constipation or you know that kind of

thing

does that make sense to you you’re

you’re saying i should double up

uh no you know i’m saying let’s you know

the muscle relaxers just double up on

the laxatives

i wait you know sure it’s in any case

let’s let’s move on from there

all right well um you know i

it’s so i can’t really overstate how

excited i am right now for this guest

he’s uh i mean you’ve all heard of him

not just heard of him but

you know hurt his music we uh you know

if you whenever you go to

work out whenever you go to the store

you’re always hearing it playing

um i i can’t cameron how did you get

this guest

uh well i’m not gonna you know tell all

my secrets dr london but i catfished him

okay oh well all right well in any case

um

i get i guess maybe apologies will be

owed but uh

hello there um my name is dr

londonsmith.com

this is our producer cameron uh and you

are

i everyone’s gonna know the moment you

speak but you jason

ota obviously hey hey how’s it going

is is is shelley not coming

shelley’s not coming um um so

i was supposed i was supposed to meet

i’m not supposed to be on this zoom date

yeah okay so shelly is on her

way okay okay cool cool

so her dog was a

lady gaga’s dog which has been returned

which was returned like a month ago

uh-huh

yeah yeah she her her flat

flat tire car car flat tire yeah

gotcha gotcha yeah yeah so her dog was

was lady gaga’s dog and her and her her

tire was flat

dog tire okay okay okay so she’ll be

she’s she’ll be here but she’ll be here

maybe like 10 minutes just give it like

10. you know what

dude you speaking of dogs right now like

you know what i love i love

getting a hot dog and just like wrapping

with a bunch of ketchup i don’t know

about you guys but that’s like one of my

favorite

things to do that’s like one of my

favorite things to do like

an activity

it’s one of my favorite things whoa oh

oh i’m freaking

out oh i’m freaking out oh so i take you

you guys recognize me i’m sorry yeah so

uh i’ll just hang out i’ll just hang out

with y’all um

until shelley gets here you should

totally hang out we’re actually we’re

recording

a podcast right now cool cool yeah

here’s my nda

okay yeah just go ahead and sign that

and so you can’t you can’t tell anyone

what i’m wearing

or what dr london has on his face or

anything like that yeah

that yeah it’s no description yeah i

usually i usually

a lot of celebrities they have uh you

know uh nda’s

whatever whatever uh they just to kind

of interact with other people so here’s

my

nda and of course on the other side of

that nda is a direct

release form so you’re allowed to

release anything that is said

uh in in this conversation so go feel

free go ahead yeah

okay cool so it’s just sort of a

dealer’s choice it’s still his choice

okay it’s a dealer’s

choice between you

[Applause]

wow and your sister

so can i you know and i i don’t mean to

interrupt this real quick but

so cameron who’s this shelley i didn’t

know

is that oh uh

uh oh uh hey hey jason can you can me

and dr

london uh talk privately for a second

can you do you just want to play games

on my phone for a second

you got you got uh you got uh best

fiends

you got best fiends i love best fiends

uh

yeah i have that that’s just you’re just

gonna go right

here it’s just gonna go to google.com

and then you can just do whatever you

want okay

and just don’t look at the history okay

i love google i love google

game yeah just don’t look at the search

history okay

how to catfish someone well that’s weird

wow that sounds like dr

london there is there is no

shelly she’s more of a

more of a theory she’s more of a more of

an idea

so cameron no you you’re talking weird

because early you actually talk you

referred to as shelly

and that’s actually who jason is waiting

for so i

um you’re not making sense yeah

see i’m shelley is essentially what it

what it is

is this did you is this a change

should i wait a second what are your

pronouns

are you are you

dr von drsen

who was talking to shelly as well is

that why you’re shocked about this

dr london were you pretending to be

another doctor in order to try

to catfish shelly and then you’ve been

catfished on your own

well look i i mean i guess short answer

look i have my private life and i have

my public life

and um you know i

in private sometimes yeah i do some

dating and yes i’ve been

kind of flirty with uh and i can’t go by

my real name everywhere because i’m

famous and i’m sure

jason will know about this uh i it’s

just

you know what i can’t hear us right now

because he’s playing on my phone that’s

right talking privately

that’s right and i was just resting

because he’s close

yes level 3000 yes on google searches

yeah how did he get to three okay i’ll

have to get tips from him in a second

but dr london the point is there’s no

shelly she doesn’t exist

i how can i stress this enough how how

to spell

shelly that’s a weird search history why

is that in there

okay so i guess you know let’s just go

back let’s just go let’s just go talk to

let’s just amazing guests that we have

here real quick

before we do that have your pronouns

changed because that’s really

i just want to make sure if you’re

if you are shelly now no no nothing like

that

no pronouns have changed nothing like

that okay

okay then we’re good there is no shelley

she’s an idea she’s a theory that’s

i don’t well tell that to

anyway um these these images look a lot

like shelley

oh yeah just to look at those i was

looking up though those are just

pictures of the

just the internet just google just picks

that google just shows you things it

chooses what to show you these days

google’s wow google is truly wild yeah

it’s cause they know everything about

you don’t even have to search anymore

so it’s just i mean to be fair um

i know you guys probably know my history

and i have to say

currently i am promoting my album that

is apology

because i was yes me i was spreading out

some

uh bad conspiracy theories all thanks to

google so

uh google’s a kind of a rabbit hole for

me and uh

i’m gonna be honest with you i almost

slipped down it thanks so here’s your

phone back

i can’t go down that hole no more i’m

actually i’m really glad you brought

this up i i was kind of

nervous to ask about it even though it’s

kind of what

is all over the news like i’m on do moi

and

and all these different like gossip

sites people talking about it

you sort of went down a um

an interesting interesting route right

in terms of your

both your beliefs and the music you were

putting out

yeah i i was uh i well everybody knows

uh i was i was all of last year in 2020

uh for the first six months i was on a

uh

meditation slash yoga slash ecstasy

bench

and i woke i came out of it and i was

like whoa there’s like

a virus right and i was like oh no and

so

i did all my research like a good uh

citizen did

and then that’s when i came out with my

al my album

uh not sorry and that was me telling the

truth

about all of the viruses uh how

you know steve wozniak uh created the

coronavirus

uh you know how uh you know the

microchips

are in the i voted sticker and stuff

like that as well as

as well as micro micro guac was also in

the i voted stickers and stuff

so yeah i i don’t interrupt you too much

at the moment but you know you you

you’re saying right now that you

you put out the truth of this but your

latest apology

well your album titled apology you have

a lot of songs that

say that that was not true so i’m just

yeah so i’m

i’m so after my six months you know

meditation yoga actually bench followed

by an album

i went on another meditation yoga xc

binge uh

up until about uh well about a few weeks

ago and then

uh i came back with all these lawsuits

from

uh various places like steve wozniak and

apple

and uh the you know the company that

makes the little i voted stickers

uh they sue they sued me directly

because i said that

no one actually voted um uh

no no one is wearing those i voted

stickers and so they were like well

that’s slander and so i’m

as part of my you know punishment i have

i’m singing

i have an album called i’m sorry and i’m

it’s warming i’m apologizing to all the

all the things i said from last year and

stuff yeah

um so i mean there’s so there’s so much

in there to

to talk about for one thing you you did

vote right like you had pictures of

yourself

with the i voted sticker so i mean

i i’ve i voted

and i got the i voted sticker but i know

no one else wore it are you know what i

mean like it’s just like that

i’m sorry i should say that like harlan

let me i’ll just sing about real quick

yes it’s a real sticker it is not

a microchip

to make to track how you are sleeping at

night

no it’s not a microchip

it is just a sticker

okay so i mean that that does i mean

you were talking a lot last year about

you know

government trying to track people’s

sleep because the government is in

in bed with a big mattress and casper

yeah casper’s yeah not the friendly

ghosts if uh if you if you know what i’m

saying yeah more like the menacing ghoul

is what you said yeah more like it

that’s that was one of my songs the

more like the menacing ghoul uh of

course but you know and then i had that

song called

microchips and guac and uh you know of

course that was like one of the best

songs

of the of the summer um but

you know most i’m here most popular most

popular to say best

so so here’s one thing i’m having

difficulty with here is

you keep you know whenever you’re just

talking about it you keep

saying that the microchips and

everything and you know the government

control that all of that is true

but then whenever you sing you it’s it’s

like

it’s it’s almost like you’re just doing

a performative thing

to recognize the wrongdoing

are you saying that me performing these

songs is

me performing these apology songs is

somehow performative

and i don’t really understand when i i

don’t i mean

i get this you’re you are you’re you’re

like a dentist or a doctor i am so sorry

for dr london’s attitude dr london you

can’t treat our guest this would

our huge guest i’m sorry i’m sorry no no

it’s not

you can’t accuse him of being a

performative

while he’s performing i yeah i just

because

i’m performing doesn’t make me

performative and that’s kind of like

that’s like saying like uh just because

you’re

a ballerina is on their tiptoes means

that like they want to be taller

you know what i’m saying like that’s not

exactly what that’s just what they do

you know what i’m saying um i guess

that’s

i feel does that make sense i feel like

i’m making a lot of sense right now okay

yes that totally

that tracks and that makes sense and i’m

on board

thank you thanks see dr london you got

to keep him happy speaking

of board uh i reminds me i got it i do

have this other song called

um um uh the board of the board of of

the cdc

um um if i i just every time somebody

mentions i gotta sing this song so here

we go

oh it’s the ball to cdc

doesn’t make it easy to

doesn’t make it easy to

collect mario coins that’s not what

they’re supposed to do

cdc does not count for collecting

mario coins

that it’s just actually the center of

disease control

yeah that that was another one that

confused me

because there are some conspiracy

theories that are very

you know widespread prevalent um

the the cdc collecting mario coins or or

you know the various

types of coins that are fictional within

nintendo games

uh that that’s i hadn’t heard of that

anywhere besides your album and that

which again you talk about a lot you

talk about

you know remember how greedy wario is

well wario is the head of the cdc

um and you blame google for

kind of stumbling upon a lot of these

conspiracies but i agree with dr london

it kind of sounds like some of these

you might have originated right

i mean when you

when one goes down the rabbit hole of

the internet

you you kind of blend your own

personalities

especially with you know if you’re if

you’re

you know you’re watching youtube and it

piles on and piles on and

you’re watching all these live streams

and then all of a sudden you are a live

stream and then you’re talking about

various conspiracies like cdc uh

collects mario coins wario is dr fauci

fauci is uh a uh

he’s a he kidnapped princess peach

is princess peach a uh allegory

for melania trump that those are all

things that you kind of just like found

yourself saying and also hearing at the

same time you know

and i i do want to point out that dr

fauci is a real person and didn’t steal

melania trump she doesn’t like she just

doesn’t like

the public eye

i have of course say that uh every time

i do magic yeah otherwise

it’s amazing what your lawyers

got for you because a lot of people just

you know i have the best lawyers yeah i

got one of the

the some of the best lawyers in the biz

well i guess that’s my

my sort of question is who is greatly

encouraging you to do these apologies is

just your lawyers trying to

cover yourself or were you court was

this a court mandated thing i guess i

don’t know where this is coming from

this was a court mandate yeah i it was

either

sing a bunch of songs uh as opposed to

an apolog and sing a bunch of songs and

apologizing for

all the quote unquote lies i’ve

told or pay one trillion dollars

and i was like i mean i make about

you know and i was like well i make

about three trillion in album sales so

i’m so sorry you can have you can just

have that

how about that you could just have the

money from the album sales so

um you know i ended up making it i’ll

probably make another trillion just

just based off of you know well yeah i

mean because everyone

streams obviously anything you put out

everyone is jamming immediately

yeah you know a lot of people what’s

been odd is

you know with cancel culture people will

stop buying from certain people but

with you it’s been the i don’t want to

say the opposite effect

but the effect has been basically your

your album sales have only increased

yeah it’s the morgan wallen effect

well it’s what’s amazing is like the

more

you know sort of the the more proponents

who who want you canceled

they’re buying your album too and very

publicly and it’s very

i don’t know it’s just much different

from the other celebrities who’ve

who’ve fallen into this well yeah i mean

um that’s that’s one thing actually

morgan wallin and i did

um we did have a uh a shared

track we uh oh you’ve been collaborating

with him recently

yeah it was called um it was all called

up uh

ratify culture um which is

uh of course an antonym for cancel so

um you know i can say i can sing my

parts but he’s got obviously he’s got

his whole parts

uh on on his side it was a nice duet or

whatever but um

it’s just something like ratify

those thoughts and those words

ratify those lives gratify

your face in my hands i

want to know how you

feel

wow that was a that was a harmonic part

yeah he was a

you know obviously lower than me yeah

so yeah it’s just it’s odd to me that

that’s

that the effect has just been you know

just springing you forward so much and

also strange to me that

you know your your attorneys really seem

to argue to try to get you to sing

like to try to get your deal just like

as opposed to you know the settlements

whatever

um to always have to sing and

i guess that’s that is good

advertisement you know anytime anyone

brings it up you just start singing i’ve

of course

you know my my dad of course is my

lawyer and is also a ward of my

all my financial well-beings and stuff

like that so

uh i just kind of do whatever my dad

says um he

kind of controls everything about uh

what i do and stuff and so

you know he says i trust him completely

he’s uh

you know he’s my he’s my uh you know

he’s my daddy and

i uh feel like he could uh

you know he he knows what’s good for me

so um

and that is not a coded message

yeah it just said your your father has a

certain sort of guardianship over you

yeah i mean it’s a legal guardianship an

award ship

and a financial uh um

holds all of my financial stuff and i’m

very and i’m very happy

and sometimes i just look to the future

you know none of that

none of that was coded at all is that

what i just said is that

him on the on this video feed

it’s it’s been muted the whole time

but because there has been someone else

here joining us oh

shelly is this shelley uh shelly is it

shelley

no i’m gonna guess that’s your dad i

know you can see who we’re talking about

yeah uh what technically

technically i don’t see him that’s also

part of

that’s also part of the uh the agreement

uh

he never acknowledges his presence so

like just be cool like he’s just not

he’s just kind of there okay okay okay

cool he’s obviously there to like

witness the

you know make sure i i was like you know

i’m i’m in safe hands and gonna go on

this date with shelley and stuff you

know because i haven’t you know

okay obviously my seven other wives are

um

you know looking for alimony and stuff

so yeah i was gonna say it’s it’s a lot

like a

sort of an old-timey cording situation

with uh

you know having a chaperone except

and there’s nothing wrong with being a

little traditional dr london

yeah yeah yeah all of your wives and

then you court

the next one in the same jason i guess

that’s one question for you

did did you court all of your other

wives the same way that your court that

you were planning to court

shelley yeah um almost exactly the same

way

um i i went on to uh

um farmermixbagel.com and

um that’s where i find i found most of

my wives except for the first one

uh that one i met at the orange county

fair but

most all of the other ones i went to a

farmer meets pigs

i’m sorry your first wife is that the

one who disappeared

is that is that the one that’s

disappeared yeah

i know dad is that is that the one that

disappeared was that

was that melissa ah wait i’m not even

supposed to talk to him sorry

i’m pretty sure i’m pretty sure i i’m

gonna get back to you on that

okay but i’m pretty sure yes because i

know

and this isn’t like a lot of your die

hard fans say that

you know you had your first love and

that your first love

didn’t approve of the way your father

managed things okay

and on that video feed that that that

who i assume is your dad is shaking his

head at us um

he’s shaking his fist too he’s kind of

going away

otta and it it it’s cool that like i

have like an ipad

uh necklace and then he’s just kind of

like hanging out on this

on this on this on my on my chest right

here right you guys oh yeah that’s cool

with like him watching it

it’s really i mean it is genuinely cool

it’s like that

you know the kind of like the oversized

watch thing except it’s a it’s an ipad

yeah yeah it’s kind of like the modern

you know like ipads are like just big

watches

you know yeah like one of that’s also

okay actually i’m not allowed to say

that

uh hold on i gotta ipads are not just

giant watches

they are not just filled with tiny cogs

and

inside them you get the internet

they are computers

[Music]

sorry that was of course one of my other

songs about how ipads were never

actually

uh technology and when i’ve been

directed they’re just one big jack clock

so yeah

this i mean this kind of reminds me i

did want to ask about there is sort of

one um interesting claim you’ve been

making that you

haven’t backed down from in fact you’ve

sort of doubled down on

and it’s that you know

your tv is not showing something that

was recorded those are little people

living inside there

yeah i don’t know why people are like

why people are just like uh maintaining

this lie

to themselves like listen people

are big yes

and so if i’m looking at if people

in a tv they can’t be

small right so they have to be

shrunken people in there and they can’t

there’s no other explanation you know

i mean it makes sense to me and i also

don’t understand why people get so mad

about that because

even if you were wrong about that

there’s not really any harm in believing

that

i mean i the thing is i most of the time

i do fight people that disagree with me

so maybe that’s like the harm of it

but i usually lose i usually lose and i

end up giving them one of my ipad

watches

um to to tell them of course you know

like i’m sorry

but yeah i mean like there’s no harm

really of me just saying

there’s shrunken people uh in the

internet there’s

there’s there’s uh like joe rogan is a

shrunken person whenever i watch him on

youtube

um uh you know alex jones is a little

person yeah there’s no harm in saying

that you know like

um you know like ben shapiro is tiny

yes those are things that like are true

you know and

it’s just crazy that people like you

hear ben shafiro’s voice he sounds like

already like

like a little elf like from a christmas

movie don’t even get me started about

cartoons

cartoons are just p paper held up by

little tiny people that move around in

the screen so like

of course like it just makes sense right

yeah i mean the shapiro

thing was definitely a tipping point for

me because it’s like okay well this

person is clearly about

four foot six and if he was

actually bigger than that in real life

then why would he be so obviously

insecure and constantly projecting about

it so he must be very tiny

and like four foot six tell me like i i

don’t know about you guys but i do have

a 20-foot tv so most of the time when

i’m looking at these

people that are on tv they’re about like

just a little bit smaller

like just like you were you’re like

four-fifths scale

they’re like four you know like it’s

just like that doesn’t seem right

that doesn’t seem right you know like

i watched i was watching this one

sporting event um

where they were like jumping around on

bars

and flipping around and stuff like that

and like waving ribbons

jumping around on bars are you talking

about just bar rescue

or the i was talking i was i was talking

about bar risk

rescue olympics of course okay uh where

they were of

course doing crazy stunts on uh

on motorcycles while also uh

doing double hand backflips and those

people are so small

it’s like of course you’re not because

you’re not real

you live in my tv man get that

motorcycle in there

you see my tv no you’re in my tv

you i wish i could

meet you in real life

[Music]

i just wish they could yeah no i mean i

think it’s very brave of you to stick by

those convictions

despite what people might be saying and

then people are always like

they’re just they’re like jason what

about when you’re

on tv i was like obviously that’s when

they use

mirrors to reflect me into everybody’s

homes obviously yep like they just shoot

me up through

the ipad satellite clock and it’s a

mirror

that just i’m like just standing there

like

it’s simple math it’s simple yeah i

guess

you know it’s it’s just not my field so

much so it’s not really

something i can you know contend i can

say yes or no is this

is this a i thought this was an uh this

isn’t a this is an office right not

we’re not in a field right now sometimes

i

i have terrible spatial awareness no

sorry so this is um

this is our a podcast recording studio

now it may not

look like it at the moment because it is

cameron’s

uh another of cameron’s self-care days

so you know you gotta have you gotta

have self-care days have you ever had a

meditation yoga slash ecstasy ben’s

first

six months is great oh

i have to try that i’ve heard such great

things about that

it’s honestly you’re not even gonna be

the same person afterwards and i have

done it at least i do about

uh well that i do they’re six months

long so i do about three a year

yep some overlapping the first and third

ones sort of

kind of overlap a little bit and then

the second one is right in between them

honestly yeah they all just kind of

they’re they

they’re different but same at the same

time you know

wow yeah so and you know i hate to

to kind of interrupt this because we

have such a good flow

going and it’s so exciting to have you

on the

the podcast but you said flo i gotta

sorry i gotta just soon

okay flo is just

a woman she’s not a robot

selling you insurance flow is just

a woman she’s just a robot

selling you insurance she’s also a woman

that lives on your tv

yeah so sorry sorry i didn’t mean to

interrupt your flow but

of course i have to say that no no

you’re you’re fine and it’s it’s good

that you address the

you know all the the the rumors you’ve

kind of put out about the progressive

commercials

um but uh we we have chores to do

and i you know i hate to involve a

celebrity like yourself in it but

we we kind of don’t make the rules on

this and we made them but

like we don’t currently make them we

already made them so

well sorry before we can before we go

and do that can i just request

one more song from your latest apology

album just if you could just sing real

quick

uh mr bean is not my president oh man

that’s um yeah no no problem here you go

[Music]

mr bean you are

not my president

mr bean you

are not my president even though

you’re so funny and you fall down

all the time and you don’t ever say a

word

you’re just also funny you are not

my presence you never were running

you are not even american but you are

american in my heart cause you’re so

[ __ ] funny yeah

you make me laugh all the time all the

times you’re

on a train or in a bus or on the streets

you got your haircut and that mole

you’re so dang funny with the music

going on

i think you’re so funny you should be my

president oh no

you’re not my president mr beanie

yeah that was one of the more surprising

lawsuits that came about

over that because it didn’t seem like

you were

really victimizing anyone in particular

i guess aside from

the sitting president but

well i mean it’s crazy rowan atkinson

sued me he

directly usually these are organizations

but rowan acting

atkinson literally sued me and i was

like you’re my president he’s like

you know of course he didn’t he was

being doing his mr bean impressions

but still but still got the apology well

i guess you know

good good daddy apology but um you know

i

and i hate to just hurry things along to

the next thing but we have to do these

chores

okay so dumada you want to go ahead and

explain

what that is dr london yeah i know it

would

you know i won’t say how it would affect

me or whatever

yes for your for your own self-care

please share

all right so this is in my self-interest

that i

explained to our listeners and our

guests what the chore wheel is

essentially we have been neglecting all

of our chores for a really long time now

we haven’t been doing the dishes we

haven’t been cleaning the toilets we

haven’t been cleaning the fish tank

uh we haven’t put the dog on a pedestal

like we’re supposed to

there’s all these sorts of things that

we have just been putting off on our

to-do list

and so we made this fun little wheel and

every week we spin it and whatever it

lands on that is the chore we have to do

even dr london if it’s washing your

socks i know you hate that chore

i hate it but i mean i if it lands on it

we gotta wash your socks i’m normally

so anti that but

after stepping in the the wet concrete

the other day

i am i’m starting to see how

cleaning socks would be helpful yeah

you’re really hoping it lands on

because i mean you can’t clean them

unless we get on the tour wheel

yeah no yeah that’s that’s the whole

problem but um

anyway uh now i know this is kind of a

big ask

jason uh but is there any chance that

you could

spin the chore wheel for us like it

would be an honor

oh yeah you know what i’m gonna be

honest with you i

love chores it’s one of my favorite

things to do you know my favorite

yeah i love i love putting away dishes

but i don’t like taking them out you

know they’re like oh

it’s like i like the puzzle of like

putting dishes in

and obviously like my dishes are like

very expensive obviously i mean all of

them are from versailles

but when i take them out it’s like oh

man i just wish

when i tell myself to go

do it i just wish it could be done

and usually they are because i have

house cleaners

and stuff and like i’m i’m i think the

people that live in my tv are also like

cleaning up after the house sometimes

because like stuff is like you know like

there’s like an elephant that like made

out of a towel like on my bed

of course like that good job

uh ryan secrets you’re so funny oh

when you say all your dishes are from

versailles you’re talking about the

queen of versailles that documentary

about that couple

rich couple in florida who were building

like a 90

000 square foot house and then went

bankrupt

yeah wow i got them all very cheap and

is there another versailles

very expensive i don’t think so okay i

don’t think so

so in any case if you could go ahead and

spin that wheel

okay here we go

[Music]

oh no okay no i didn’t

and it was gonna happen yeah and it’s

the timing is kind of is honestly

uncanny because

we these chores have been years in the

making we keep

every time we do a chore we have to

rebuild the wheel to

you know for the chores added and taken

off but um

okay yeah so i’ll just go ahead and read

it so we are

supposed to share what went wrong with

your april fool’s prank oh yeah

so um you know last week we talked a

little bit about it but

um cameron and i have

our families have his family is very

much

into um my family

are prankers and his family are prankies

and we have a long standing sort of

hatfield versus

mccoy’s style prank feud and by feud i

mean

my family pranks his family and his

family are sort of

um kind of cowards shivering in the dark

oh okay this year okay this year was a

little different though classic

do you want me to share cameras yeah go

ahead dr london you can share

what what went wrong with your april

fool’s day okay

and it was so close to working this year

so we

um so my family um they were

that they went to cameron’s family so

the plan was

uh and i i didn’t they don’t tell me all

of it because they know that

i have some ethical restraints but

my understanding was that they had all

these drums of

gasoline and you know all this lighter

fluid

and they were going to um have a bonfire

in or at cameron’s family’s house

something to that effect so you know

bonfire sounds fun

and i thought like what a healthy way to

to celebrate

the this holiday um that normally is so

mean and so so they

they went and um they they only

they didn’t get quite across the street

whenever one of them

tipped over one of the drums of gasoline

and

uh you know it’s basically it’s

so then and so someone else dropped a

match

and so the whole the the street

was on fire that that’s what it no one

was hurt or anything you know thankfully

it was it was fine in that regard

of importance yeah yeah but um

the the entire street was on fire

and that that kept up for a few days

only a few days

and so we had to make some alternate

you know roads and pathways for that but

you know other your street

your street is on fire

your street your street is on fire

and it’s not caused

by

laser satellites your street

your street is on fire wow

thank you very good yes

well speaking of which did you um you

know try out any pranks

over this april fool’s time

yeah uh well you know as everybody knows

i’m a musician and

um i thought it would be kind of funny

if i

put out a like a joke album okay like a

weird al

kind of thing whoa you did a parody of

weird al

yeah i did a weird how parody of weird

out yeah

like i uh you know his thing is like

making them funny and so what i did i

just made them

serious and here’s the thing i thought

it was gonna be

i was like oh bad i i thought it was

gonna be but i

i ended up going double platinum and you

know people started playing them at

their weddings and stuff like

you know like um you know like

like like eat it yeah exactly i was just

like you know like

what what would be funnier it’s like oh

you could beat it right

and people people started dancing to it

sometimes some critics of that album

said that like

to some extent you seem to just be doing

covers of the original

but i was like i don’t even know what

you’re talking about i’m like

i’m i as you guys all know i’m very

young i’m i’m

16 and at three-quarters and i don’t

even know half of like what they’re

saying it’s like who’s michael i don’t

even know who michael jackson is you

know um

yeah i uh yeah i

i mean of course i was like i did get in

a little flack for

his my parody of amish paradise um

because obviously i don’t know the

plight of uh

the gangsters but i was just like you

know i feel like i feel like i could

probably write a song about like what

it’s like

living on the streets and like what it’s

like um

uh in in the in the hood as a joke you

know like that

i’m 16 and three quarters like no one

would expect that for me

and people liked it it was you you did

get some pushback

on you took a very wholesome song white

and nerdy

which is you know just a fun song about

being white and being a little nerd

and then you turned it into sort of a

dirty song about ride and dirty

yeah yeah it’s again it’s i just thought

it was funny because obviously i’m 16

three quarters and i don’t even have a

car

you know i don’t i don’t um i don’t

have a driver’s license yet so i was

like oh i could be riding dirty

like what do i know about uh writing and

stuff

um you know and um yeah so

obviously i went triple platinum on on

those songs

wow you went another platinum since the

last time you mentioned it

yeah well that’s the thing it’s it’s

selling so much

uh yeah i mean it’s only april 5th like

it’s only been four days since it’s been

out and it’s been a phenomenal i mean

i’ve been playing it non-stop it’s on a

loop but

you know and the whole time the street

was burning

it’s it’s all we had just blasting out

the windows

um it was kind of art i love

the song foil because i’m you know a big

conspiracy head and i was like i wanna

i it was like my anthem for most of 2020

uh and then i was like oh wouldn’t it be

funny if i was

like uh what wrote it about royals you

know

and uh and that of course

uh i mean i’m one of the most successful

uh teenagers of all time that ever wrote

a song about royals you know so

yeah that’s true that’s i mean i i

i just every time it just sucks like

when you try to make something

and the people are [ __ ] morons and

they take it the wrong way you know like

it’s like

come on guys i’m an artist like i don’t

shouldn’t even be apologizing for my

words like

yeah why are you taking the things i say

so literally i’m just a freaking

16 and three-quarters millionaire with a

huge platform

yes like why are you taking it seriously

right

i tell people things and they do it

and it’s like what are you yes the

little

people that live in my tv like come on

come on and also just like chill out and

like

chill out you know what i mean everyone

wants to chill chill

out yeah and maybe practice self-care

for themselves as well yes

people more people need to be going on

six month long

ecstasy binges i’ve been saying that for

the last

four years in between yeah

yeah um and i’m sorry i i don’t want to

leave

camryn out but i know cameron you had

some some pretty big events happen with

your april fools

oh right yeah i mean i mentioned it last

week when we were talking about

what we were gonna do how my the main

prank i was focusing on

was um trying to steal my cousin’s wife

trying to break up their marriage and

then woo her

um and so that

worked um but then so then we got

married and it was sort of a prank on me

because she’s in a lot of debt

yeah it it was it was also a prank on

them because you the marriage that you

broke up

and who has custody now

custody of the dog we just let the dog

go

we well so remember an airbud when he

was trying to make them

choose and also beethoven i think

yeah i remember that i should remember

but you may have to refresh my memory a

little bit i mean

they let the dog choose who they wanted

to go with and

what they don’t tell you about that is

that if your dog is not trained

to not run away then when you let go of

the leash it’s just going to run away

right yeah so the dog’s gone dogs are

famously

independent creatures who will just try

to survive in the wild if they can

yep i mean that they’re always they’re

always like

so um like hostile to you

and they don’t like it when you like

tell them to hey go fold laundry you

know

they’re not very uh they’re not very

attuned to like what

human uh beings want and yeah in their

lives

they’re always like digging around in

sand

and like uh they love pooping in sand

and stuff

they really like emotional intelligence

like really

like i don’t think i’ve ever met a dog

that was a true empath

yeah right i just wish like i’ve seen

him fake it though

oh right like a sociopath like most dogs

are sociopaths

to be true you know like they yeah they

emulate

human behavior because that’s what they

think

we want yeah they’re just they’re sort

of responding

to what they think you want rather than

just sort of being who they are

exactly exactly um i do have to premise

this i

do have a song called uh well i just

sing it

hey there scruffy boy

hey there little furry man

you are not the next dexter

you’re not hannibal your

dogs aren’t serial killers they’re just

tiny animals dogs aren’t serial killers

you can have all of these

dog bones on that that one i’m still

i’m still still kind of wow that was so

good

well thank you that’s the i guess that’s

a jack-jack podcast exclusive

um well i guess at this point we’ll go

ahead

and uh oh i will say with my situation

you know like we’re we’re a happy family

right now but

also you know on top of the debt my

mother-in-law is staying with us

now so talk about a prank on me

yeah a lot of praise that’s

that sounds tough for you yeah all of my

seven mother-in-laws are still living

with me oh i feel you

that’s the thing i feel you as from as

for my cousin who the prank was on

um i haven’t heard from him since i did

the prank so

not exactly i don’t think anyone’s heard

from him huh that’s weird

so you know i i can’t overstate this

thank you so much to jason ota

for for coming on the podcast this is i

it wasn’t even in my my sphere of

thought

to have you on what an amazing thing of

course yeah no i’m glad to be here

um i never meant to be here um but

honestly i don’t even care that shelly

never showed up i’m just glad to have

met you guys

oh she’s still she’s still about 10

minutes away she said

oh um how’s her how’s her tire break

so i think that it’s been maybe being

dealt with by

like a tire fixer guy she said okay

um so she went and she is watching

a movie right now oh cool well they

fixed that

in a theater yeah she just went into a

theater and then they were showing

fever pitch and so she’s just she’s

catching the second half of fever pitch

wow i mean okay

that’s that’s a it’s the 16th year

anniversary of fever pitch and so like

you know they’re doing sort of like

they’re going around and i love jimmy

fallon

he won’t have me on his show but i love

him though he’s the best

i think he’s so stupid and i tell him

that every time but he doesn’t let me on

the show

and it’s weird that he won’t let you on

the show when you even made that song

that was like

jimmy fallon is not an abusive alcoholic

jimmy fallon is not an abusive alcoholic

he’ll yes he does only have nine fingers

that doesn’t mean he likes to use him on

his family

he is just a guy

who hosts the tonight show

wow that’s so good

now um jason you know i

i know that you’re you’re so insanely

popular that

you know you plugging anything sounds

like a waste so do you want to

maybe plug some i don’t know indie

artists or something i don’t know yeah

would you like to promote anything no

um well i mean uh you can talk to

actually um you can one of my lawyers uh

his name is adam macias

he um he’s also like uh he’s got a

he’s like a funny guy he like writes

music i don’t know he’s like

he kind of makes me laugh sometimes um

you can follow him at adam r mack

on instagram and uh and

you could subscribe to his youtube

channel he also has this

uh satire show called fake news on

fridays

um their tick tock is actually very very

cool

it’s uh striving for another uh another

thousand k

followers uh if you all can uh try to

get that that is fake news underscore

comedy on

instagram uh tick tock and twitter so

please go check them out if you like

uh just some crazy crazy conspiracy

theories

i don’t i’m not allowed to talk about

him but he is and they’re very very fun

uh but anyways um don’t buy

royal from me that is not uh

it’s already triple platinum okay so so

you you want to promote someone else

and de-promote a little bit of yourself

stop buying royals stop

buying royals i don’t know how your your

fan base is so rabid i don’t know if

they’ll say no to something but we’ll

we’ll see

thank you to jason ottier

for for being on thank you to our

producer cameron

thank you to DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

you

[Music]

you never you are not even american

but you are american in my heart cause

you’re so funny yeah

you make me laugh all the time

going on i thank you soon

[Music]

uh mr bean is not my president

[Music]

uh mr bean is not my president

my name is dr londonsmith.com and this

has been

the jock doc podcast see ya bye