hey kids you’re about to listen to

comedy podcasts that means that none of

this is medical advice if you need

medical advice or medical care please

contact your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith the only podcast

bold enough to take a stand and

definitively say

we do not support the coronavirus nope

in fact i think we’d all be better off

if it didn’t exist introducing

your host dr london smith

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners

we’ve received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terminology that i’ve been using such as

fully vaccinated and spicy meatball

so i will try to temper my terminology

to a simpler one in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron hey dr london i’m glad you uh

were able to catch me i’ve been so busy

lately that i

you know it’s been hard to even find

time to schedule a podcast recording

business has been booming dr london yes

like it’s been

really hard to to catch you like and

physically too like i’ll see you running

by

and i like i’ll run out and i’ll catch

your your jacket but you’ll keep

running get out of the jacket and leave

it in my hands

that’s because before you try to text me

or call me you try to

you know physically capture me which you

don’t have to do

because you called me right after that

and i i answered

yeah well but definitely don’t chase me

like why is that

why is that your go-to form of

communication well it was just so hard

to get in contact with you

so i had to call you so like it so if

calling is that big of a problem then

just let me catch you you know what i

mean

no no no no please you know what you can

catch me that’s fine but regardless

business is booming dr london okay yeah

you said

so this is unrelated to the podcast or

is this

i mean it’s sort of related because it’s

health related okay

do you want me to say i mean is this i

mean do i have to pay

as like a sponsor or something like that

i guess it depends

um but but i guess go ahead and we’ll

we’ll see about

if you need to pay i guess

i’ve been able to register my dog house

like with an llc and it is now a

drive-through vaccination center

and you’re trying to get you’re trying

to advertise it yeah i mean i’m trying

to get people to come out there you know

we’ve got great deals we’ve got

coupons going on well you know it’s the

vaccine’s been

free assuming you’re talking about the

you know the coronavirus vaccine that’s

been a free thing

no no no no no no no no no i did not say

anything about covet that’s what you

said

okay so sorry uh i guess that begs the

question what

you know what type of vaccination

it’s just i mean it’s just whatever

vaccine you need it’s a store

okay so you have say like you’re asking

you’re asking like the ice cream man

like hey what what ice cream do you have

and he’s like well i’ve got a hundred

different kinds i mean

okay it’s just whatever you’re looking

for like do you have

let’s say the measles do you have let’s

say

like an itchy foot or um

maybe you have like hot tongue you know

when your tongue is so hot that every

time you touch it

you burn yourself one of the things you

said is real

and also covid19

you when you have you have cove at 19 or

you have because that’s

that’s an infected person that’s a covet

19

that’s an infection so are you saying

you have a

sars no no no covey ii i’m saying i have

the covid i have the cova vaccine as

part of my vaccines as well

and also my dog has coven 19. okay

that’s why i was able to use the

doghouse for this

oh so the dog let you in because of that

the dog is so sick that he didn’t have

an opinion basically okay

so i get but regardless i mean it’s like

what like what what’s alenia dr london

do you want me to get uh

i can mix mix up a vaccine for you well

so i’m fully vaccinated so i’m you know

against

whatever hepatitis uh yeah but i mean do

you have a headache or something

like what like i mean because basically

all i’m doing is

i’m mixing up whatever the opposite is

of whatever you’re sick with

so like what’s the opposite of a

headache oh you’re asking me i

uh yeah maybe like a pillow

i i mean i guess a dark room

can be alleviated it depends on the

cause of the headache is really the

answer

so so i would say like a pillow

is the opposite of a headache and so

what would you do with that well i mean

pillows doesn’t have any liquid

form to it no but the sweat on it does

dr london

so you just squeeze it out and then that

is your vaccine and then you just go

inject it okay for two and only for two

hundred dollars

and so so you’re injecting sweat

into a person and charging them

calling that a vaccine against headaches

have you

yes and you’ve been approved by the

government

as a vaccination side oh yeah absolutely

yeah yeah i mean i was at the

the like main fda guy’s house the other

day

because we’re in the same like like

pickup basketball league at the y

yeah you’ve talked about him are you

sure that

see i’m doubting the legitimacy of this

and maybe this guy

was just lying to you to maybe sound

impressive

or relevant yeah i mean why would he

sign all the

like he had so much legal documentation

yeah

i had to register this register this as

a business doctor

yeah yeah your dog has i there was a

health inspector

i mean so i feel like there’s

there’s so much more to this tons of red

tape okay

so sony with that that’s our producer

cameron um also with us is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

vaccine

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

vaccine when you have vaccines when you

have vaccine

when you have the vaccine when you have

[Music]

vaccines

my dog has covered 19.

my dog has covered 19.

when you have vaccines when you have

vaccines

[Music]

brand new

and later cameron tells me we can expect

a special guest

so um that’s right dr london

what’s the opposite of like uh of like a

like

like a chick-fil-a stomach ache you know

with chick-fil-a stomach ache where it’s

like

it’s not like a mcdonald’s stomach ache

where it’s really in the pit

of your gut it’s more flavorful and it’s

more on the outside

talking about from the like the gas from

the belching

yeah so what would the opposite of that

be so i can inject that into myself

uh i’m you know i’m not

i’m really not sure about your

methodology but but before we move on

you think pepper no i think pepper

okay let me just try well let me try it

and then if it doesn’t work it doesn’t

work

i’ll go ahead so um you know i’d like to

address a bit of listener feedback real

quick

so um usually our listeners

contact me through various writing

patterns and newspaper columns or

through license plate

letters and numbers but this one

actually tagged us

via a social media post which you know

just to clarify for our listeners we

we i don’t know how we even got a hold

of that that’s so

out there um but anyway so

this note comes from instagram user the

pod shop

underscore

and the note reads quote jock doc

podcast

83 hypertension scott pinchuk

entertaining

but not my favorite jock doc’s goal is

to combine

improv comedy and medical education to

me this combo was funny at times but

occasionally came across as a little

forced

if you’re someone who has desperately

been looking for a merger of

the drive with peter atya and

if i were you then this show could be

perfect for you

two stars end quote

so first of all i would like to thank

you so much for your insightful review

of the jock doc podcast

yeah that was great yeah so um i mean

well first of all it’s

it’s glowing to be told that

our show sounds forced because that

sounds like we’ve put

some sort of effort into it and we are

trying to accomplish something yeah

so which is so far from the truth well i

would like to clarify the one point that

they they talk about

comedy this is a medical education

podcast and we don’t

you know any of the we don’t we try to

take away all the fluff this is all

just the goods so to speak um

maybe by force he meant like over

prepared like your medical lessons maybe

he wants you to just sort of be off the

cuff when talking about medicine

okay yeah make it like i don’t need to

look this up okay

or just guess a lot more you know yeah

so um

so one one thing i do want to point out

so i distinctly remember in that

particular episode i left very specific

instructions

at the end of it with regard to how many

stars you’re supposed to give

a review of the jock doc podcast um and

so that’s really where i feel like the

problem

is with this review like i i loved it i

was glowing you know people are always

telling us about the drive with peter

eddia

and saying that’s a podcast that we know

and that you would know and if i were

you

another podcast oh yeah that it’s just

constantly on it’s just constantly on

the background

and people are always like uh i don’t

know about you know comedy bang bang or

any of that but but i’ve definitely

heard of the drive with peter radio and

if i were you

so so definitely those parts super

relevant but

you gave it two stars and that’s the

part that doesn’t make sense to me

because we don’t uh usually acknowledge

those

we’ve never had one of those that few of

stars it doesn’t make sense to me so

just to clarify and i’m sure this was

just a misunderstanding a mistake on

your part

go ahead and put five stars on your

review before you

um offer your glowing

uh insights you know let’s be a little

kind here dr london

this could be a person who is does not

know how to count beyond the number two

okay and we don’t wanna we don’t wanna

talk down to that or discriminate

or you know make that person feel

awkward in any

way but maybe we could teach him so

there so there’s a star

right after that one and do you want to

describe it dr london yeah yeah

and you know what we should take a

minute to um

yeah i should apologize i’m gonna

apologize right now uh you know there

are certain people with

um who are differently abled who maybe

aren’t um

as as perceptive on some issues and so i

should have

i should have taken into account that

their the number of stars can be

but maybe they’re incapable of knowing

that there are five stars instead of and

so

the third star which i believe is what

you’re referring to cameron so that

one’s to the

uh if you go if left and right you can

hold up your hand

and so on the the left hand will look

like an l

there is no way that the person you’re

talking about

knows what the left hand is no way said

that

we we might have to we might have to

like create an entire

separate podcast for this subject like

breaking down the basics

maybe as like maybe that could be a

patreon thing we could we break down

medical basics to our listeners like the

number four

yeah no that’s that’s about so i guess

just

um just because they were obviously

confused on this especially if you look

at some of their reviews before that one

where

it was four and five stars only wow

you know i they were obviously confused

and you know

just i’m so privileged to be paired with

the drive

with peter eddia and if i were you

because those are both once again very

popular

well known um to to our listener base

so um thank you to this to this uh

instagram account i i think that’s how

you or instagram however you say it

i i’m very new to this we don’t normally

get feedback through these

path uh channels so that’s uh

anyway thank you for listening and uh

just you know

once again if you’re gonna leave a

review then take the time to educate

yourself on how to leave a proper one

would be my advice for the future

[Music]

and once again at the beginning of your

review you say

jock doc’s goal is to blah blah blah

blah

and then you later later say comes

across as forced

there is no there is just nothing being

put into this at all

except for dr london reads a wikipedia

page

basically probably i’ve never seen him

do that process but i just assume that’s

what it is

yeah and you know to be fair but thank

you so much that is such a high review

to even assume that we have

some sort of goal or have just any idea

where what the next like five words out

of my mouth are gonna be

i was counting when you just said that

and uh yeah i was surprised

on those words i’m all i’m constantly

but surprised by it

sometimes i’ll get to word four and then

i’m like god i hope that

this next one makes sense anyway

uh so so once again thank you to that

listener uh but now it’s time for

today’s medical topic

ogilvy syndrome ogilvy syndrome

is an unusual problem in which signs

symptoms and radiographic evidence of

large bowel obstruction are

present but there’s no mechanical

obstruction so

basically the intestines are acting like

there is a kink in the plumbing or a

clog

but no imaging will show it common

causes include recent surgery or trauma

uh serious medical and this is like your

mom or something

no which which part of that who’s who

who are we talking about who who has

this

the sickness this is a well this is a

medical lesson

based on so this will be a hypothetical

patient that you might encounter

that’s the idea but so then this is

you’re like your mom or something she

has to be so sick

because like you keep talking about her

every single week

and how ill she is like it’s like she

has something new every single week

no so she so so my mom is no she doesn’t

have

i don’t believe she has any of what

we’ve discussed so far uh

now this is all about um

we so kevin every week we we bring up a

medical topic

and we we talk about it that has to be a

hipaa violation

to break down in great detail

your mother’s many illnesses i assume

without her permission

that i that has to be a hipaa violation

and she must be the sickest person on

earth

yeah so once again it’s not really

hurting whatever you can just continue

on with your description of your mom’s

illnesses

so common causes include recent surgery

or trauma serious

medical illnesses such as sepsis and

malignancy and medications like

narcotics psychotropic drugs

and anticholinergics the diagnosis

cannot be confirmed until mechanical

obstruction of the colon is excluded

uh treatment consists of stopping and

the offending agent

that can slow down digestion that that

includes like narcotics you know opioids

that kind of thing

and uh giving supportive measures oh

so you’re is your so your mom i mean is

she like

like heroin no she like into oxy

no no once again this is not i’m not

talking about my mom here this is

sort of just sort of a patient that you

might run into

but um it’s okay it’s an epidemic like

it’s a legitimate concern it’s not even

something to make light up

yeah and i know it’s i mean it’s okay

relatively speaking but once again it’s

uh so it was so you can also give

supportive measures such as iv

fluids and electrolyte depletion uh

decompression with gentle enemas or

nasal gastric suction may be helpful

colonic decompression is usually

successful if those

earlier measures fail and surgical

decompression with

c-costomy or colostomy is a last resort

don’t and honestly even if it is

successful she has at least

90 other things going on because we’re

in episode 90 whatever now yeah yeah 93

so

and so it’s like you cure that one thing

but it’s like you’re not even there’s so

much

else like why even why focus on this

yeah admittedly this is more of um

just just things aren’t aren’t moving

uh in the digestive tract that it says

that’s it’s not my mom but hey we can we

can move on from there if that’s all

right

sure sure

[Music]

all right uh cameron you said that we

have a guest for us today is that right

that’s right dr london and look i’m not

gonna try to

hype up this guest too much dr london

okay

but let me just say that i would choose

this guess over the one and only

shaquille o’neal i’m just saying well

that’s we’ve

we’ve talked about this and you know i

told you that there is no guest that

will replace

shaq like that’s that’s a policy of

like we’ve we’ve signed paperwork over

this that that’s

okay well then this this guest is second

to

shaq can we say that at least but now i

feel like i’m i’m

offending our guest hi hi nice to meet

you hello

hi how’s uh how’s how’s it how’s it

going uh even though i’m even though i’m

not uh shaquille o’neal

but second to shaquille o’neal is pretty

good

i am so sorry dr london has this

just fixation with shaquille o’neal

being the number one guest

who he’s he has not been a guest on this

show yet not yet but if people ask who

who’s the biggest guest you’ve had he

said he says well shaq because he says

he’s like planning a place yeah he’s

like setting it aside

putting out a plate of food for your

friend who’s not there yet

you know well naming shaq as a potential

guest i think is you

uh dr london manifesting uh

shaquille o’neal a cultural icon and

athlete

to be on your show just by speaking it

thank you

now um you know before we move on i i

should say uh my name is dr

londonsmith.com and this is our producer

cameron and what was your name

uh i’m uh dr tim kimball uh and i

am a uh an approved medical specialist

and spiritual advisor approved by whom

uh a higher authority than me um

it’s the fda wow okay yeah so

normally i i i guess you know there’s no

need to clarify

further but you don’t you don’t have to

say

introduce the fda as the higher

authority than you most people recognize

it as a

okay dr london i’m sorry that someone

has actual respect for the industry that

they’re in i know

you don’t but it sounds like our guest

is just honoring the fda as they’re

supposed to be

a healthy i live in fear of the fda in

the moment that they turned their

unblinking eye upon me and my practice

because the thing is that at the fda

they are

kind of set in their ways and they’re

not necessarily

prepared to embrace a new way of

thinking yeah

and like you kind of know when their

eyes are on you because they have sort

of a lord of the rings

sauron’s eye type of situation going on

yeah

um so you can yeah which is i mean

thankfully

you know hey thanks for letting us know

that you’re watching but a

little creepy uh i you know i think of

it less as being creepy and more just

being interested i think the fda has

a lot to to tell us in our lives and you

know if i can feel

their gaze upon me and i can feel the

hairs on the back of my neck standing up

i feel like i’m part of a community you

know you know what that is

so true i actually i thought sort of

that similar thing about you know edward

snowden years ago people were like oh it

was so great he told us about

you know the nsa reading all our texts

and all these things and it’s like okay

but somebody cares like isn’t that more

important oh hey somebody cares about me

enough to read my text and listen to my

phone calls well exactly and like know

who my mom

is well exactly when you have a new idea

you know you want somebody at the fda

who

you know can maybe uh you know shift

their perspective a little bit and

think outside uh the box

exactly yeah so and i mean we’re we’re

off topic here i i’m sorry i was on my

nsa radio again about how we should love

them

yeah you’re always going out about the

nsa and you’re always writing love

letters to the nsa

and um oh that’s nice taking pictures

that’s neither here nor there that

you know this has nothing to do with

medicine i am sorry for taking us down

that

that rabbit trail but dr dr kimball what

are you here

uh to talk to us about today well i am

here today because i

uh have a revolutionary uh new system uh

wellness system that i wanted to tell

you about it’s called the orb cleanse

and it’s a holistic lifestyle change

that will cleanse

not only your body physically but

spiritually as well

okay i is there there a possibility that

it could also

clean my shoes because they’re just

covered in [ __ ]

right now if applied correctly why are

your shoes uh covered in [ __ ]

i stepped in i mean like i stepped in oh

it was so you walked in it

no you yeah well you you walked in it

and then you started scooping with it

with your shoe

you got excited and i don’t

like i know looking back now you’re kind

of disappointed in yourself but

you know you you dug a big you dug a lot

of it it was a big mound but you dug a

lot of it out

i i don’t i don’t even understand what

you’re

what you’re trying to say yes well

you’re trying to achieve something

well yeah so i’m just sorry

to break it down a little bit so

whenever so i don’t think it needs to be

broken down

we i just want my shoes to not have all

the stuff on it

or in it yeah okay yeah sorry yeah uh

okay so i guess can the orb

and in my socks and stuff clean and i

guess shovel

out the the excrement well the orb

can’t shovel excrement as far as i’m

aware i mean you could

use several of the orbs to uh cover it

now the orb cleanse um is primarily

marble based um what the thing that you

need to do

is uh consume as many beautiful

beautiful glass marbles as possible and

just

fill your body with them because your

insides are so

dark and glass reflec refracts the light

and if you get enough of them down in

there you will be full of sunshine

huh so so you’re

are you saying to swallow marbles well

dr london there

he described them the material is marble

but i mean they’re they’re orbs

yes glass orbs and you swallow as many

of them as possible

physically with your body you consume

them and are these just any old glass

orbs

or i mean have you have you like

instilled some sort of spell on them or

something

or dipped them in some liquid of some

sort or something

you know that’s the thing uh uh here uh

i

have actually some branded uh limited

edition

uh glass marbles uh from uh

from the orb cleanse now you’re going to

want to get as many of these down as

possible

and then the healing can begin the

moment you start

only marbles okay this is a full marble

diet

okay yeah i mean this is great could i

get

one or like a bunch of them in a cone do

you have any cones

i do have a cone but the cone is also

orbs

oh okay well then i’ll just take a bowl

because i mean dr ellen do you want to

get in on this

no so so swallowing glass

is generally inadvisable like that’s

you said you’re approved by the fda

conditionally approved by the fda

because i told them that i would send

them a proposal but it’s basically in

the bag like the fda

they respond to good faith effort and if

they know

that you know i’m on i’m on the level

with them and i’m positive and i’m

trying to make a change

i’m basically approved by the fda so

and and so the food and drug

administration usually

you know they’re they’re supposed to be

approving a a

drug or you know a lifestyle change

something based on you know uh

clinical trials on proven efficacy

so could you tell us how well we if

something was usually like a gut

you know okay so i really i really

couldn’t tell you said there

cameron

how many how many was in a bowl how many

did i just oh you just

slammed about five marbles um so that is

a great start uh i think that

that’s cool you know i’m sure that and

you can already feel the change inside

your body right

oh gosh i mean it’s like i’m almost so

overwhelmed with some sort of feeling

that it’s like

i can barely even breathe like it’s like

it’s like

overwhelming me i know what you mean i

am actually full of and i don’t mean to

brag about this but i am full of 10

000 glass marbles i haven’t had any food

in days

and oh wow you know my insides like i’ve

got my electrolytes

so right it’s so bright inside my body

listen

uh dr london.com you don’t know what

your guts look like like you haven’t

been able to look in there and there’s

so much

darkness and like why well it’s so

you can you know have a look in there

like they have

they now have the ability to stick a

camera down into your stomach and

actually take a look

that’s or from the other direction they

can do a

you know uh colonoscopy and look up the

other end so it’s

so when you say that it’s all dark and

you never know

i i can’t open so so are you a doctor of

what are you doctor of uh i mean what

are you what are you

real quick though but dr london it is

dark in there right like what are you

even trying to argue

okay well i guess yeah that’s are you

saying it’s not dark in the gut

i’m sorry you do have me on this one uh

no it is it is dark inside there is a

light attached to the camera whenever

they send it in

but so even by your own admission

dr london it is dark within the gut

you know what i’m sorry i’ll give the

floor then because that’s i

i suppose i was arguing a feudal point

um but uh if you if you could go ahead

and explain to us a little bit about

you know i’m suspecting that maybe you

aren’t

a conventional medical doctor dr kimball

well the thing is that i’m a professor

of foodology and

curative medicines and so if you

take the marbles into your body you know

you’ve got a lot of light bouncing

around

uh you know at that point they’re like

little doctors you can eat

i don’t even need to be a doctor because

the marbles themselves i mean

you know the proof is in how your body

feels after you’ve consumed

at least a few dozen marbles and you can

really see a big change happening

one also like doctor if people agree to

call you doctor then you’re a doctor

like that’s one of those things people

don’t understand that they go to school

and they get a degree in it

and it’s like okay but if you just

convince everyone in the world to call

you doctor

that functionally is the exact same am i

right you know

you know it’s like that thing where you

shouldn’t put in your twitter bio that

you’re an aspiring writer

just say that you’re a writer you know

and if you’re a doctor

you’re a doctor like nobody can tell you

that you’re not a doctor as long as you

practice

medicine well or you know if you put in

the time and you earn

your doctorate degree is actually sort

of

the conventional method

dr london.com i’m really disappointed in

this kind of gatekeeping

ooh

[Music]

denied i well it just doesn’t seem very

ethical like i get that

you know that that’s a term that’s

applied to people you know can’t get

into the industry unless they are

already

you know however high up the thing is

doctors

earn their way through by earning their

doctoral degree

and then um you know and it’s more just

a level of

knowledge base that you’re working with

uh

though i can understand that it could be

frustrating i i feel like i feel like we

are getting off that point yeah well how

is this relevant to our guests we know

how school works i don’t understand what

you’re

yeah so uh anyway back to the back to

the marbles is it

i like i’m trying to see something here

so they’re glass

do you get are these marbles that you

just get from wherever

um well if you can’t uh afford

the uh orb cleanse branded marbles you

can just find a bunch of glass items

generally

glass flowers glass paper weights you

know like a really fancy snow globe if

you hammer at it for a little bit

it’s primarily about filling your body

uh with as much glass as possible

and you know at that point

you know if your body is that full of it

and you haven’t been to the bathroom in

a few days and

you know you’re starting to panic and

you’re like whoa like why isn’t anything

happening

that’s because there aren’t any more

toxins in the body

that are going to leave your body

because the glass has cleaned it all up

now

what would you think about little glass

figurines

is that something that could be consumed

oh definitely it would well it would

depend

the glass figurines couldn’t be of

anybody who has bad energy like a

war criminal or or some kind of a demon

what about are there any animals that

are off limits that maybe they’re too

mean

the american condor the american condor

is off limits and nobody should ever

consume the american condor’s body

either in effigy or in whole

nope i’m sorry i clearly brought up a

tough subject your tone

got changed we we can move on from that

no no it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine um

but no

so you know so if you have a glass

statue

is it it’s specifically the american

condor

that’s correct other kinds of condors

pretty much okay i just

i’m sorry uh the american condor we have

you know the american condor knows what

it did if you have a glass figurine of

the american condor

i think you should know that you have

something really problematic and i think

you should examine that

so wow doctor london are you hearing

this

do you have a hat do you have a glass

figurine if you have condor

yeah i mean i i mean it’s a small

collection

it’s not even a big collection but okay

okay well yeah i mean it must be pretty

small if you’re gonna swallow them

because that’s what we’re doing yeah

well

i would say individually they’re they’re

small and then i’ve also got it

i it just it’s just strange that this is

what you happen to bring up because i’ve

for years i’ve been collecting small

american condor glass figurines and i

didn’t

uh i like i never saw a problem with it

and

it’s what so you’re a real condor head

well i guess my question is you know why

well like i know you said it knows what

it did but maybe

you know this is sort of a public space

like maybe you could air out this

grievance

a little bit because maybe maybe there’s

something to be learned like i’ve

developed this

this affection this affinity for them

and i you know maybe there’s a

misunderstanding

i guess is what i’m saying i mean you

know that’s the thing about uh

toxic presences is that they can kind of

lure you in and you know make you

feel really good when you look at them

and think about them and you know touch

their feathers

and well i don’t know like that’s how

they that’s how they draw you in

but always you know some traits are

going to come out that are pretty bad

and so

i don’t know the american condor we we

have a history

and it’s not something that i’m proud of

but

i actually went into business uh

harvesting glass marbles from the body

of an american condor that uh their body

was just full of them

and they’re inside me now oh we’re there

did you did you have an american condor

as a pet

no no no no as a business partner um

they were

they were an important and instrumental

part in getting me into pop medicine in

the first place

okay yeah and so i mean it sounds like

your your business partner here was

testing out

your own medical

theology and passed away from it

uh it was actually uh dead uh before

the glass marbles got in there because

it didn’t have enough glass marbles

and so you know and the problem is that

when i took those marbles into my body

i could feel myself changing

in a way that i think is going to be

really positive

yeah i mean i’m feeling something right

now like going on my stomach i can even

like jiggle around a little bit and feel

it moving around it’s

kind of crazy yeah yeah although you’re

and i feel

stronger is that part of it like i can

punch harder it definitely is but you’re

gonna want to keep in mind uh

if you get knocked down or um sit too

hard in a chair

or like a like a little kid runs and

jumps into your arms

um it’s it’s it’s bad it’s

it’s like uh the chandelier from phantom

of the opera it’s

it’s just gonna go everywhere um so

you’re gonna wanna

um it’s kind of like the little girl in

chandelier by sia

because she’s dancing everywhere exactly

like the little girl from chandelier by

sia and so you’re going to want to be

it’s also like the chandelier in um hold

on there’s another

there’s another uh not footloose no no i

got i got this uh

stop any momentum so you can think of a

chandelier

in robinhood menin’s heights there’s a

oh that’s fair

there’s a chandelier scene as well so

and that that

that one falls uh and scatters some

it hits someone i think oh yeah so yeah

cool so thanks for stopping the show for

that dr

london no no that was all kind of stream

of thought we were all bringing up

examples of chandeliers we knew

yeah yeah anyway we’re just we’re just

like the chandelier and haunting of hill

house

go ahead doctor yeah no you guys are

right on the money it would be like a

big chandelier

going everywhere if if you if you jostle

your uh cheerful insides a little bit

too much

oh yeah like when you cut the rope and

in that movie i referenced

it so we’re on the same page i guess is

what i’m trying to say and i get the

reference

oh completely on the same page yeah so

one thing that

i found to be sort of odd about what

you’re describing

um have you felt like there’s been uh

sort of you mentioned you know going to

some time without using the restroom uh

without without defecating uh so so

normally our

our medical lessons don’t always

coincide with

the the the afflictions of the guest uh

and it’s it’s always strange honestly to

see a

guest come in with afflictions that

they’re complaining about but

it sounds as if your particular

affliction which i know you don’t see it

that way but it sounds very similar to

the medical lesson

which is an obstruction in the

gastrointestinal tract

you’re you’re trying to find a fancy way

to ask if our guest is clogged up

yeah well i was just more expounding

upon it but yeah that’s that’s more or

less the

the question at hand well i mean yeah i

mean this is supposed to be

like a really honest conversation

you know what i mean like we make it

weird here people ask what the [ __ ]

about our how real real we get on this

show

oh yeah like i mean dr kimball are you

clogged up

i am liberated here’s the thing

i’m not clogged up there’s nothing left

in me

that could cause a clog uh i’m i’m i

don’t have

any negative energy uh inside my body i

don’t have any toxins

uh nothing you certainly don’t have a

negative attitude you’re so chipper and

and kind and happy i mean i kind of want

to be like you and god

like kind of

you look you do look busy and i don’t

i don’t like to talk about these things

you know on on the podcast but like you

physically you don’t you look unwell

now why would you say that i look unwell

though like is it because of how shiny

my eyes are

or how big my smile is

your your eyes are very shiny and your

smile is very big

i would say that your body is similar to

um you know when there’s like cartoon

depictions of

baby new year and then the old man and

it’s like an old decrypted man

that’s sort of how you look from below

the neck

but the thing is that i’m spry like i i

don’t i don’t look like

a young person anymore because uh you

know i’ve learned from

my experiences and from my life and so

that’s going to make me look like

you know man there’s somebody who’s had

a life fully lived and now they’re full

of marbles

is that what you is that you person

because a lot of people say like a life

fully lived is

you know maybe they’ve they’ve seen the

world or they have a

you know a family or but but for you

it’s you’ve eaten a lot of marbles well

i’ve gained a lot of perspective because

now i can

you know i have light on the inside of

my body from the marbles refracting

into my guts and that kind of a

perspective

you know it’s gonna it’s gonna mature

you you know you’re gonna have to rise

to that level

and occupy that space you remember in

aladdin

when jafar like was pretending to be an

old man beggar

uh no i don’t watch i don’t watch uh uh

disney movies i’m i’m sorry

i’m sorry i’m still trying to think of a

better comparison about how your body

looks

from below the neck are you familiar

with you know just related to that are

you familiar with the

the old saying whoever has the gold

makes the rules

oh sure yeah yeah oh was that is that

from the uh from the disney film

uh originally i’m not positive but

at least so so the character saying that

looks

a lot like you except like you don’t

look nearly as

healthy um you look a lot happier than

he

did though because of your big smile

which is just in talk which is just

intoxicating again i want to be like you

thank you thank you listen whoever has

the gold makes the rules but whoever has

the glass

gets fda approval oh

so what about that dr london well it

sounds like he

like he doesn’t have fda approval and it

sounds like he’s

sort of just calling himself a doc you

know

i feel like we i want to ask okay like i

like

you know surely you have i mean you have

a business is business going

well like do you have a lot of people

who have sort of joined this

movement this lifestyle oh i’m extremely

blessed uh

right now it is uh just me uh

bearing the standard of uh orb therapy

but

um you know a lot of people they kind of

they can’t totally get on board with

something this intense as the orb

cleanse um but i’ve talked to so many

people

who have expressed um interest

mild interest uh in the orb cleanse and

in

well you know because the thing is

alternative medicine is booming right

now

and you know who are we to say that

eating

uh 50 to 70 marbles isn’t you know going

to make that change happen in our lives

it’s about making a change happen

exactly and i mean it’s like

people like dr london really frown upon

the alternative medi medicine scene and

i’m always just saying

hmm i remember another time when people

were saying

oh alternative that’s not the real

version

i’m talking about nirvana and how people

said alternative rock wasn’t real rock

dr

london and then they showed them yeah

and well you know that i maintained

the same you know on on the musical

front as well

uh if it’s alternative it’s not real it

doesn’t exist

ugh if it’s you’ve discussed alternative

music alternative rock

alternative medicine any of those i you

know and this is

maybe some of that’s personal maybe some

of it’s professional but i don’t

recognize those as being legitimate

i asked you if you knew who brett

gellman was and you said

you obnoxiously said because i know you

know who he is

but you said well i alt comedy doesn’t

exist

yeah so i don’t know who that is that’s

right

and i stand by that by the way if he was

a real comedian he’d be doing

sets at the laugh factory yeah

yeah and he would have his netflix

special yeah

well but dr london the thing is that uh

as you know

a contemporary of mine in the field of

medicine

i really think that we should lift each

other up and not do so much you know

uh purity politics with each other and

you know gatekeeping and like oh you

you know do medicine you know where’s

your where’s your degree where’s your

medical certification and like

i don’t know i just i feel like you know

it’s about community

in the medical community we really

should you know help lift each other up

well i i see how i’ve

you know my my desire to

uh make sure that medicine is practiced

well

and professionally and in such a ways to

uh

save life and you know prevent the loss

of life

and to educate people maybe some of that

has translated into

maybe uh some harassment on your part

maybe it maybe

comes across as a negative and so

and dr kimball i am so sorry i deal with

this all the time i’m constantly coming

up with new medical innovations that dr

london immediately shuts down oh like

what due to the lack of practicality

what kind of what kind of developments

have you had i do want to talk about

your shoes again because

like you were like you made a lot well

the shoes are a failed experiment

so i mean we can you know the vaccines

that i was talking about earlier that’s

one that you clearly don’t approve of

um i also have this thing where you

drain

blood usually from the foot because it’s

swelling

you know and you drain the blood and

then with the bag

you sort of turn that into like a fun

like a doll

so you can draw a little your or you can

put googly eyes on it if you don’t want

to draw the eyes if you’re a bad artist

and then you put a smile on it and then

suddenly that’s a gift you can give to

your friends that’s a gift you can give

your kids whatever you want to do with

it

and dr london said that’s not even a

medical idea i mean you had me a bag of

full of blood like that’s already such

a striking image okay see it’s it’s at

least it has artistic value that

that i will i mean it’s a little bit it

sounds a little bit alternative but well

i mean

90 of effective medicine is aesthetic

you know like as long as it has

you know a really good logo and really

good branding

you can have faith in that medicine

people don’t know this but crutches are

actually terrible for people with broken

bones but

we just like the way they look

absolutely so that’s why doctors

recommend them it’s all about the

aesthetics to them it’s like a martini

glass like the martini glass is not the

ideal conveyance for a martini but it’s

just so instantly iconic that

i mean i think we have to i think we

have to accept so

so i feel like we’re you know at least

you two agree on this

i think that’s about as close oh yeah

i’m signing up how how can i

and our listeners you know sign like

buy what you’re selling is it just the

lifestyle is there a book i can read

what oh there is

how do i buy into this there is a

website orbcleansciencelife.com

and it’s less of a book and more of

you know just a very very very long

manifesto that i programmed

in because i learned how to use basic

html

and so if you go to my website you can

have all of the information about the

orb cleanse you could possibly want

now there is a small uh paywall for the

site uh

in that uh you do have to give me at

least

30 bitcoins to access some of the higher

tier stuff

but honestly of course the basic stuff

that’s available i mean you’re going to

be dining out on that the rest of your

life

and so bitcoin is considered to be an

alternative

form of currency so yes yes

so for for me i you know i kind of tuned

this stuff

you wouldn’t be able to sign up for that

yeah

but i guess i’ve got you know i’ve got i

i got like hundreds of bitcoin back when

it was first

starting and they’ve just been burning a

hole in my pocket because that you know

no one no

i’ve ever any mcdonald’s i’ve been to or

any walmart i’ve been to or anything

like that does not take my business just

small miners so they’re completely

worthless

and so 30 bitcoins to me like that this

is a steal dr

london yeah i you know well once again i

don’t really

like i can hardly acknowledge this

conversation honestly it’s it’s

alternative it doesn’t make

you know it’s not it’s an alt

conversation to you dr london can you

even can you even see me right now like

am i am i

visible to you

so next up we have uh we have to do some

chores

yes and sorry i felt like there was a

buzzing in the air just now but uh

dr london you can’t ignore me forever

yeah oh hey you’re great um sorry i

you know maybe there’s some some alt

convo going on anyway so um

uh we have we have these chores to do

unfortunately and dr kimball if you

would join us

um i’m right i’m right here i’m right

here

all right thank you i’m gonna explain to

the listeners what we’re talking about

yeah yeah

just i know that you know the the guest

will know but yeah

uh so basically we’ve had this crazy

long to-do list

that we’ve been neglecting because

there’s been a lot of things

on nbc lately um and so

unfortunately that means that the

our chore list has gotten huge and so

we’ve made this cool little

very creative chore wheel that we spin

and whatever chore it lands on we

have to do that chore no matter what it

is even if it’s doing the dishes

we have to do it and so recently we did

add um

clean your shoes to the list

yes my my shoes definitely need to be

cleaned i’m hoping my sheets need to be

cleaned

because i had slept with my shoes on

and walked around on your bed bounced on

your bed

yeah i mean that’s implied when i say

like i’ve used them and like i wore them

to sleep

when was the last time to get ready for

sleep when was the last time you took

your shoes off

ooh let’s see

that song rude was really big at the

time

like why you gotta be so rude

so i don’t i don’t know was that like

2014

okay i mean you know that’s it’s that’s

a good that’s a good time period to

really commit to some to some shoes i

think there were some really good shoes

in 2014.

oh yeah these are great and the sheets

were before that so so we’re

you know at this point i would say it’s

overdue but like it’s one of those

things where you just

we get our chores yeah if it doesn’t if

we don’t land on it with the chore wheel

then you know we’re gonna be busy with

the other chores so

obviously so dr kimball can you go ahead

and

spin the chore wheel for us all right uh

it’s gonna take a second because i’m a

little bit woozy so i’ve gotta

hoist my arm and there it goes

ah not this one no i mean it has to be

done eventually

so i mean it’s i mean he’s your nephew

so i guess it’s like it’s not really

i don’t i don’t have to be done for me

yeah but no he

he likes you more the chore that we

landed on

is that we have to finally plan london’s

nephew

jackson’s fifth birthday party

oh wow so jackson little little jackson

his mom sucks and she told dr london

well it’s been on the chore wheel for

like seven months

so she told dr london about seven months

ago hey can you plan

jackson’s fifth birthday party and so

now thankfully we’re finally getting to

it

yeah well i mean i i would say his

his birthday actually that birthday

actually passed so it has moved on to

the

the sixth birthday we we did wait too

long i think it was like a week before

that we got warned

but so now we can plan the sixth

birthday

so um i mean don’t you don’t you think

we should be celebrating the fifth

because he didn’t get one last year

because we’re still planning it

uh like i just don’t keep up with them

enough do kids like that

let’s do a fifth and a sixth so let’s

let’s we can double it

five and a half doctor london five and a

half i think that works

dr leonard what is your what is your

nephew into

yeah what does he like so and like i’m

you know i try to

i mean i don’t really listen that much

to his whole thing

but um uh okay

i’m trying to remember what he’s talked

about i think he said something about

about street sharks um okay

and that he uh

something about a monorail and

um uh spark plugs

like this is i don’t honestly i don’t

remember how much of it was

uh you know his father talking or me

talking

but uh yeah it’s all just kind of

jumbled in there i mean i was

i was busy i was yeah i had a game on my

phone

so okay and so street sharks are of

course

the people who shark you on the street

that’s right

so i don’t know if he’s one of them or

if he’s just a fan or you know but like

obviously

obviously it’s something big with the

youth culture right now with with that

young

culture uh is you know the

the street well maybe because like you

can’t really remember what he’s into

um we can just you know think about that

think about youth culture think about

things that like

you know kids his age are really into

five and a half year olds what they

what they like what they dislike okay i

would say

so i’ve you know i have a few young ones

of my own

or have had in the past i don’t know i

don’t know where they are

but like when my kids were five they

were

so into food they were obsessed with it

they wanted it every single day well

it’s got to be

frustrating but oh sorry that for the

for a party i guess that’s helpful

yeah i mean so like i mean uh dr kimball

do you have any kids of your own or any

experience with with planning parties or

anything that can uh help us out

uh no i am uh thrice divorced i don’t

have any kids

uh but one thing that i do know about

planning

for a kid’s party is that you have to

tailor it to what the kid wants and so

if

you know if you show the kid um i’m

sorry you said his name was jack

jackson so you give jackson

something memorable something that he’s

gonna you know want to carry with him

the rest of his life

i think if you make the entire thing

glass-based

it’s gonna stand out in his memory and

be really really memorable

okay so i so i have a whole lot of

do you want to make it just american

condor themed

first of all that’s that’s insulting

right i can’t

i can’t believe you would suggest such a

thing yeah i mean dr london there’s no

reason to bring it back to that i don’t

know why you did that what is wrong with

you no no you know it’s fine it’s fine

um and i think enough time

for a second do you would you mind

producer cameron and i just talked for a

second

please please please yeah dr kimball do

you want to maybe play some games on my

phone for a little bit while dr lyndon

and i talk

yes okay here we go um

what what’s up i’m really wanting so he

had apparently

a a business partner that was a glass or

a there was a condor that ate a bunch of

glass and

he i guess dice that to the glass and or

dissected the condor ate the glass

so i’m wondering if i’m the weird one or

if he’s the weird one because

i do have a lot of glass condors as well

and if he well okay

um i would say hey i don’t why would the

guest be the weird one

i don’t he he already explained his

logic

of why he did that with his business

partner and all those things

that’s what we’ve been talking about for

so long now yeah sorry

and we also know that you’re weird

yes huh i that that wasn’t

okay that was my understanding i just

your favorite soda is rc

cola

[Laughter]

yeah when i can afford it yeah

it’s fine um i guess i guess that we

that’s the thing it’s like

i the the reason you’re so

anti-alternative is because you’re

projecting because you’re basically an

alt

human no well that’s

that that’s like everything is just like

10 off with you

i you know let’s let’s get back to our

our very normal guest

okay okay hey sorry dr kimball we just

had to talk about the um

the the deficit

so did you know you have snake on your

phone by the way this

this is a really fancy phone oh yeah

um so i have not been able to get past

the passcode i’m

i you clearly guessed it and started

playing snake

uh yeah i you know i i try not to brag

about it but i’m uh

something of a hacker myself mostly what

i did was enter

one two three four and then instantly

i’m in oh okay i need to i need to write

that down dr london um

so okay where are we at with the

birthday party i’m lost

okay so um street sharks and monorails

that’s

that’s more or less what what i’m

thinking uh dr kimball also introduced

the um

uh what was what was your part there

glass

glass glass it’s right in glass so we’re

gonna

maybe include maybe like

so okay maybe the birthday party

is in a monorail car

right okay so we’ll get one of those and

we can put it in the backyard or

whatever and so everyone’s in there and

so you’ve got everyone’s got tables and

all that kind of stuff that you’re going

to have

in those kind of seats um and then i

guess

glass-wise maybe

let’s cover the ground with glass

figurines maybe i mean we’re just

talking about glass pipes dr london let

the kids like

smoke up a bit smoke weed maybe we’ll

just go to just like a local

junkyard and just pick up our earth

thrift store or whatever and

grab whatever glass items we can find

oh just like because you’re saying

because kids can just smoke out of

anything

well i was saying that they you know

they kids make toys out of anything

that’s more what i was getting at like

you can

you can give someone a you know a tire

and they’re going to make a swing out of

it you know

yeah or you i think people can do with

an apple core yeah a swing with an

apple core and likes with some well like

an apple core and like some tinfoil

anyway you can

and then so anyway okay so we’ve got the

monorail what about like

food like a cake does he like cake does

he like

well i mean again what do kids like okay

yeah let me let me see

let me go back i guess baby food right

yeah well he’s five and a half

so so maybe mix in some real food with

it

yeah like maybe chopped carrots

okay and then the baby food will be like

maybe

applesauce or like they probably have

like cheeseburgers and stuff nowadays

right

like cheeseburger baby food yeah yeah

so you could give them a cake with the

baby sauce as a kind of frosting on top

best of both worlds ah

dr kimball i believe i think that’s what

we need to do

yes so like the last touch yeah if we

can just

maybe find a place a cake store that has

baby food options i think we will be set

i mean over the last year or so i’ve

learned about so many things that are

actually cake when i thought there was

something else that i feel like we’re

gonna

stumble into this you know rather than

search it out

so that you won’t be able to you reach

to shake someone’s hand and then you

realize

someone brings a knife and you think

they’re about to cut the person that

you’re

shaking hands with and it ends up being

a cake yeah

and like sometimes you you aren’t sure

if you’re a cake at that point

anyway so okay i think we’ve got well i

mean last thing

last thing what about entertainment

doctor right

um okay so his again what do kids like

kids like like talk like talk talks well

honestly

and let’s you know his favorite thing

street sharks let’s get some pickpockets

in there

let’s get you know every kid can have

maybe something dangling out of their

back pocket and the game is

can the pickpocket who we will hire for

the event

you know can they steal the you know

whatever little dangly toy

out of their their wallets and maybe we

don’t even tell them that

that’s happening or that it’s a game

yeah and that way we can keep

just whatever our our the guy we hire

i i can do it okay i wasn’t planning on

going but i mean i could do it

yeah like i said jackson is a huge fan

of you

oh yeah he would lose his mind if i

stole his toys

yeah all right all right

i think we got it all right so um yeah

so if we could go ahead

and uh uh spin this

it’s got all the fireworks attached i

think so we’ll just light that

and then back away because it’s gonna

it’s gonna go up in a blaze this tour

wheel we have to rebuild it every week

as well because

once you knock one off that ruins the

fractions proportions

anyway so light that blow it

all right wow uh

so so i feel like we went through a lot

today uh

kind of you know i didn’t i didn’t mean

to go into so much

about uh

i i all the glass stuff i guess is kind

of threw me off and this whole

what is this like the snl goodbyes what

are we doing here

um anyway so thank you so much to to our

guest

uh dr kimball um

is there any way for our listeners to

follow up with you to

to hear more from you uh listeners uh

can uh find a little uh side venture uh

that i do called rank and vile podcast

uh

on twitter it’s a rank and vilecast and

uh we talk about a lot of movies

some of which involve glass uh and

yeah you can uh check us out over there

and on uh

your uh podcast device of choice you

heard it listeners it’s in a podcast

dedicated entirely to the m night

shyamalan movie glass

thank you all right yeah which and i

hopefully the sequel

not unbreakable sorry yes not

unbreakable not unbreakable

just the sequel sometimes breakable

sometimes breakable

ideally not breakable well you just lost

a listener

all right well uh anyway so thank you so

much to dr

tim kimball for coming on the show thank

you to our producer cameron

thank you to DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

i am here today because i have a

revolutionary

new system called the orb cleanse

and it’s a holistic lifestyle change

that will cleanse

not only your body physically

the american condor the american condor

is off limits and nobody should ever

consume the american condor’s body

either in effigy or in home

the american condor

the american condor the american condor

is off limits and nobody should ever

consume the american condor’s body

either an effigy or

[Music]

my name is dr LondonSmith (.com) and this

has been

the jock doc podcast see ya