Hey there this is Dr. London Smith (.com )

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just wanted to give you guys a taste

here it is oh it’ll be valentine’s day i

guess

hey you’re about to listen to a comedy

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[Music]

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast patreon

where we skip the fitness and health and

instead focus

on the business and community side of

medicine by tying up some of those loose

ends

i’m doctor londonsmith.com and i’m

joined by our producer cameron

hi dr london smith.com hi yeah no right

on cue right on cue

um also with us of course is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

[Music]

welcome welcome just

[Music]

this is one dj you don’t wanna

[Music]

this is

and so today it’s kind of an odd thing

because

we were supposed to be just doing you

know recording an episode but

the timing is just uh we have

basically we have a party to plan yeah

when i yeah when i say

when i said hi dr london i’m saying hi

come on in why are you standing in the

doorway yeah yeah sorry sorry

so i’ve got come on the door’s open i’m

having to hold off the dog

i’ve got the two large buckets of

deviled eggs like you asked

i appreciate that now can you can you

catch people up with i’m still doing the

digital yeah yeah okay so um

basically so cameron has uh he’s

throwing a bachelor party it’s really

exciting

he uh he’s not married yet

but uh he is a bachelor for another year

and yeah yeah one more year of bachelor

down

yeah and we’re all kind of scared for

the time when he’s no longer a bachelor

that’s i think i think cameron you’d

agree like that’s something we are

we don’t want to think about when you

stop being a bachelor yeah i would say

like the second

i don’t become a bachelor is the second

i suddenly have a sweater

on and suddenly i’m going oh doctor

london i’m such a professional

yeah because that’s who gets married

right it’s perfect there’s always

professionals

and i’m like i’m a little more of a bad

boy

yeah and maybe a bit of a scoundrel

and that’s the theme of this year’s

party and then embezzle yeah

embezzlement was also a theme so we it’s

a multi-themed party i guess in that

regard

uh but you sort of well i mean it’s just

you know it’s not even just celebrating

that i am a bachelor

it’s also making a commitment that i am

going to remain a bachelor for the next

12 months

that’s right and so i’m signing up and

say you know what this year was pretty

sweet if you ask me

i would say you know i think that’s just

true for a lot of people but 2020

was probably the best year of my entire

life it was awesome

yes yeah and so here we are i’m looking

i’m

you know i’m trying to try to solidify

that this year is going to be

even better if that’s even possible yeah

i think

committing to this is a is a good first

step and we do this every year it’s not

like this is new

no well it’s and one thing that i guess

we can’t say it’s new but it has

escalated over the years i think

so i mean in what way

it’s i think roughly the same amount of

people

yeah uh so so that’s one thing but like

you make bets every year on

like things related to you staying

single you

bet on that on you staying a bachelor

you’re saying

like i don’t know you uh you bet on

and i don’t know i guess you just go to

vegas and you find someone who will

t who will you know match your bats do

the weight yeah i mean i’ve got a

i’ve got guys not even just a guy i’ve

got guys yeah

so you go and so it’s like things that

you you feel are related

to uh settling down and getting married

like

you bet that you um

will be depressed at a certain time for

throughout the year

and yeah i don’t understand what that

has to do with dating this is why i’ve

been silent i don’t really know what

you’re getting at i bet on

all sorts of things in my life dating or

not related

yeah yeah i bet what color shoes i’m

gonna wear most of the time

yeah well i bet on like how many times

i’m gonna be caught in the rain without

an umbrella

okay and i guess i guess your betting

habits

i bet how many um dogs i get to pet and

how many dogs i let pet me

yeah and so i guess some of those things

i guess what struck me as particular to

this was

the size of the money the amount of

money that you bet

on things related specifically to your

perception of being single like you

think being single means not

owning a mailbox that’s a big thing for

you because that means yeah there’s no

mail

yeah yeah so you you

found someone who will take bets on the

like you have the mail well i think i

think there may be confusion here a male

box is a female

okay well that’s because the box where

the mail goes in

wow okay okay i see what you mean there

um

because it it accepts that the envelope

the package if you will

that that’s what you mean yeah okay yep

uh

okay so maybe i’m confused again maybe

that’s just sort of your

policy so i bet on that i bet quite a

bit of money on that

yeah okay so that so that’s just one

also i

mean i also like bet on sort of just how

many points like dating points i

accumulate throughout the year

right this is another when i said your

perceived

understanding so you do have a point

system and i’ve seen your

like well do you have them on display

here actually well all of your notebooks

filled with your

your points tallied uh yeah so like for

example

i will get two points if i can get my

date to sneeze

that’s always a fun thing to do on a

date is maybe have pepper on your finger

or maybe even a little on your lips so

when you give them a sweet kiss

they’ll start sneezing and that’s funny

so you get two points for that

um you get three points if the waiter

spills

um some of the cereal that he’s bringing

over

onto your date which you pay him to do

yeah no

well i don’t pay him to do anything i

pay the guy sitting behind us to trip

him

okay yeah yeah sorry i it’s nothing the

waiter has no idea what’s going on

yeah so he’s holding so much cereal

we’re at a cereal

bar you know and so

you know he’s he’s dropping all of that

on your date that’s pretty funny

because when bars closed down you just

wanted to you thought it was because of

the

the alcohol so you wanted to go to

serial bars

to stay safe yeah and that’s what i mean

yeah

i mean that’s like where i’ve always

been going but that it helped justify my

decision

sure yeah that’s right okay

and so it’s it’s just been a lot of

these uh

yeah i guess like you’re saying betting

on a bad first date because you think

that

yeah it’s not bad it just makes for a

good story dr

london and i’m all about the story

that’s what life is about isn’t it

being able to tell your fun adventures

yeah look i could go on a date and we

could hold hands

and we could say oh what are your

siblings names oh that’s so interesting

here are my siblings blah blah blah blah

blah blah blah

or i could say okay if i

convince this girl that her mom has died

that’s six points

right and and so that’s one of those

things where it seems like it’s just

it’s more self-destructive than it is a

funny story but you know i say that

it’s only self-destructive if i don’t

hit the point quota that i need for my

bet

right yes then my life would be

destroyed because of how

much i’m betting yeah i will say at this

point you have

you know you have all these notebooks

out and you have just

wads of cash on the no that’s how you

finance the party every year right is

these bets

yeah well in finance everything the

podcast yeah

so it’s um wow so you have all these

decorations so you have

this for our listeners right now this

your patreon money is going straight to

vegas

yeah unfortunately that is true and then

hopefully hopefully

it comes back to us in a greater amount

specifically for the next bachelor party

yeah so and i i don’t know if i

explained it earlier but um

so so at least in my view

your bachelorette’s parties are kind of

like the

the sort of male version of the

galentine’s day

parties my bachelor party you said

bachelorette party oh sorry

yes your bachelor party which yeah

there’s you also hold a battery the

bachelorette party was two weeks ago

yeah i know you weren’t invited to that

because you’re not a woman

so that’s right um yeah but your

your bachelor party it’s it’s kind of

just for guys except for the

all the women you invite um yeah it’s

just for dudes

and their friends and

speaking of which i mean all celebrities

oh yeah

oh okay uh good

one of the things oh hey

i didn’t okay is this kenneth from next

door

uh i it’s i call him kenny i guess but

maybe his name is kenneth i don’t know i

hate him

hey buddy what’s going on oh yeah

up see still see you got the your your

like goth

get up huh yeah well that’s that’s a

batman oh you’re gonna

so it’s not so much like it’s gothic in

a sense but yep

don’t don’t sacrifice my cat

he’s gonna sacrifice my cat i’m gonna

pit that’s gonna piss me off yeah

yeah you always say that whenever you

meet someone in a costume so

um okay uh yeah so so kenneth over here

yeah just go kenneth i see yeah i see

you brought

some deviled eggs okay

that’s that’s great i’m glad we have

like three whole things of deviled eggs

now so we can just

put that over in the kitchen and uh yeah

go take a seat in the other room okay

thank you

on the invitations you said almost out

of deviled eggs bring deviled eggs

so i did you did you make different

versions for people or is that the only

one that went out

no i didn’t put that on the invitation i

the original invitation that i made

because you know it was handmade

was on the back of my shopping list okay

so the night when i made copies and sent

those out but i thought that was pretty

self-explanatory

yeah well uh it’s on the back yeah for

at least two of us

it it must have been confusing because

i’m in the same boat

as kenneth but

okay uh yeah

hey marie didn’t know you were

no no that’s good that’s good that’s

good uh hey

uh dr london can i talk to you for a

second yeah

yeah just just as an aside

dr london you know marie can’t be here i

know

but just because she ruined your last

party doesn’t mean she’s gonna ruin this

one

oh okay so we’re just supposed to

believe that she’s not gonna eat a

thousand

deviled eggs and then no one’s gonna

have any well just

i feel like you took precautions this

year on accident

but like we should i think we have

enough that’s three

three buckets we have yeah three buckets

so far

plus the tub you can it looks like hey

marie what you got there

oh okay yeah you brought napkins thanks

yeah the one person who doesn’t bring

deviled eggs

of course that is frustrating i can see

i appreciate the napkins oh yeah we

don’t have paper towels or anything haha

just put those down over there thanks

oh and she is going to town on those

deviled eggs she didn’t even put the

napkins down before she started

scarfing oh god yeah just like a handful

of napkins scooping up soap deviled eggs

um i mean dr london as my my you know

honorary best man this year what do we

have in store

like game wise or yeah so we have

uh pin the tail on the bachelor

are you are you talking about what i’m

talking about yeah it’s so i have this

just a bunch of dudes pinning like a

like a plastic

dick on a guy well no

it’s a plastic tail but yeah

the the rest yeah so that’s it that’s

the whole part oh

someone can you get that hey there tommy

did you bring the games hey it’s channel

6’s

tommy from the the weatherman wow

you came from the weatherman himself

well tommy uh

yeah channel six is always welcome as

cameron repeatedly

emphasizes uh you’ve heard of we’ve

given you a shout out on the podcast

you’ve heard it right

no all right oh

oh because your phone must be broken

yeah because i even i was like

uh i was i was texting you the other day

but you had said your phone was broken

you would text me back and said oh sorry

my phone’s broken

right so that would probably explain the

podcast yeah right

yeah yeah so it’s fine i mean i get it

man yeah when you brought

huh so

uh like so i don’t know they made a

deviled eggs drink

but that’s oh you’ve never had

dr parnassus deviled egg soda

yeah i don’t i don’t think we i’ve i’m

like i’ve ever tried it or seen it at

your

party does it oh it’s so good it’s so

milky it says on it that it

does not pair well with deviled eggs so

i don’t know how to

i guess it’s just one of the other gosh

it’s so

wet and milky it’s so good yeah so i

guess we’ll

we’ll put that with some of the other or

do you have anything

besides deviled eggs here to eat

who me yes i like i was just checking

i’m not trying to demand

okay no i see you have one pretzel on a

plastic plate over there

so we’ll put this drink next to it just

put that in the middle

and then just put maybe cut that into

like f

into fifths so everyone can get a little

taste yeah just to

well especially i guess with the drink

i’m thinking it’ll make them thirsty

with the salt oh wait yeah it looks like

this there’s no salt on this particular

pretzel

okay put that there that’s that’s nice

um all right yeah so as i was saying

oh hey it’s fisherman day oh fisherman

fisherman dave oh i knew someone would

bring something other than deviled eggs

fisherman dave always with the fish oh

these ones fresh are those freshly

caught did you catch those today

fishermen dave

oh no you these were just in your tank

okay okay i yeah i mean if you want to

throw i mean do you want to gut those

bad boys over in the kitchen

yeah just go over there yeah kitchen’s

great feel free use any pants you want

yes i’m so glad that fisherman david

yeah fisherman dave is so awesome

he is every party he is what makes a

party

have you has he told you the story about

how he lost his wife dude

yes and he in that mall every time he

tells it it took him an

hour to find her yeah yeah which

i guess when you when you tell it it

doesn’t sound as exciting

uh or like funny or thrilling

oh no but it’s yeah it’s like oh calls

it so completely lost his wife

they were holding hands and then he

realized like he had wandered off he

didn’t know what to do okay no i

like he’s probably gonna tell the story

again tonight so yeah

yeah i don’t wanna i don’t wanna yeah

yeah okay

um do you want to get that or do you

want me to

are you um yeah i can get that here let

me just

uh because i’m lit i’m trying to

practice juggling deviled eggs

sally wisconsin how are you

i didn’t even realize i didn’t even

realize shut up shut up i’m talking to

her

hey how’s it going

nice i see you’re wearing bags for shoes

deviled eggs

you want some oh thank god you bought

you brought even more

deviled eggs those are some sweet sweet

deviled eggs london stop looking at her

london what

i’m trying to juggle sally look i can

kind of juggle

no you can’t no i can’t but no stop

you can’t yeah so sally if you just

wanna

um you know other people are in the

other room just put the deviled eggs

over on the table there

and uh you know why don’t you uh swing

swing by uh the kitchen a little later i

mean you could hang out here too

sally you can help us you know greet

people whatever no dr london no because

you gotta

you gotta like keep it a little

mysterious right you don’t wanna be too

available okay so you know create some

distance and then maybe later in the

night catch up

but you wanna be like so in demand that

she’s

feels honored when you talk to her later

if if you just spend all your time

talking to her then it’s like oh you’ve

got nothing better to do

oh i’m sorry to interrupt but uh look

who’s got the fish nets on it’s

fishermen

oh

oh can you go get that i think i’m

caught in the nets now

fisherman dave this is a funny prank but

if you could just untie me that would be

awesome okay he seems

does he okay he doesn’t normally untie

them he normally just

catches that’s his thing yeah but you

can can you just cut the net or

something

oh no he’s just pulling it tighter now

i’m just now

he’s shrugging and shaking his head hey

this is one way to get the party started

i’m

now hanging upside down in the net

man fisherman dave is so cool up

yep now i’m just tangled up can you just

can you at least get the door

london oh yeah okay um

hey hey it’s okay

oh thank you for cutting me down

fisherman dave that was great

that was a fun prank that you did with

dave

fishman hey sorry who’s at the door yeah

it’s jonathan the electrician

oh electrician jonathan yeah if you

could go

so okay so the socket that’s been giving

me trouble

it’s oh okay you can already see it

because of the

yeah yeah so if you could just go and

put out that fire and just handle that

and then if you could leave we’re having

a bachelor party tonight so

you know no outsiders you can feel free

to leave the

you know the bucket of deviled eggs yeah

leave the deviled eggs for sure

i don’t know if that’s part of your

normal sort of electrician route

all right now dr london so okay after

pin the tail on the bachelor

what are we uh okay we got it

we got um so there might have been some

entertainment

that i hired to come uh

no yeah yeah so um and it’s

true you don’t mean yeah i

do do you want me to say it or do you

want me to i don’t want to spoil it for

you

because you’re talking about you’re

talking about flanny the

purple dinosaur why not okay well flony

has actually

recently undergone a change flanny is

pink now

but yes the pink dinosaur is going to

come to my bachelor party

that’s right but you’re oh no you’re

saying you got like a copycat one like a

mall santa type right

not like the real flaw so fellaini

okay and it’s it’s kind of a complicated

answer really because i did

we did book the impersonator they’re not

real

but flony reached out on twitter

and no because your word about your

bachelor parties gets around

no and it’s it’s verified it’s it’s the

real flauntie

the pink dinosaur so yeah it’s the real

deal

coming today i mean dude we’re gonna the

party’s gonna get

shut down you’ve heard of what his kind

of parties are

yeah well i i’m aware but i figure with

dave the fisherman

here it should keep things like pretty

hyped but still on the level

until he gives dave a line a coke too

you know what i do mean it cancel like i

can call him

no no no no no not at all i’m excited

about it i’m just saying

i hope you’re prepared for what’s about

to happen for the legal repercussions uh

oh

you know what sorry maria you’re going

to you

you can’t do that many at once one

deviled egg at a time

or like four max okay oh now and it

and it looks like now sally’s like

feeding her

like tossing it up almost like a i don’t

know throwing out throwing a ball to a

seal that’s on a treat to a dog this is

the frustrating part is when they

create this actually might be better

because sally throwing them one at the

time is significantly slower than

maria like scarfing them true yes sally

if you just keep doing that just slow it

down maybe like

five deviled eggs a minute

oh great um this is kind of how many

people did you invite to this

uh you said the same every year so i

guess

oh i mean i didn’t like send this to

specific people i think it just sort of

kind of got out online yeah okay so

um yeah hey there buddy

uh so so i know that you’re you’re

cameron’s cousin or second cousin

uncle something like that uh cameron

how are you guys related you and buddy

hey sally

so uh okay so you’re tossing those

deviled eggs too

one second london yeah i see you tossing

those deviled eggs and that’s uh

you got a pretty good picture the

camera’s busy you ever play softball

right now and oh is that who i think it

is

is that my cousin harry styles come on

over here buddy

how you been doing i thought you’re

gonna be too busy to swing by

dr london this is harry styles he is

okay you always call him buddy

yeah he’s a bit of uh he uh i think he

plays good

are you still playing guitar yeah he’s

still playing guitar

okay and that’s great for you yeah

that’s and it’s really awesome

he’s kind of an artist so i mean you

know don’t ask him about like his career

because i’m sure it’s not going

well or anything like that so you don’t

have these artists

for just one second yeah yeah yeah so i

don’t

want you say some artist guitar guy i

don’t want him to

basically i want there to be a rule of

let’s not have the guy bring out his

guitar and start singing because that

you know that ruins the mood that yeah

party

i don’t want that to be i can mention to

that that to him

no no no harry i see you brought your

guitar and it looks like a little amp

and i think that’s really cool

and that is so awesome but i think we’re

going to go

you know we’ve already got the dj for

the night who’s going to be coming here

in a few minutes and so

if well dj dylan he’s been yes he’s

sitting there

but yeah sorry he’s not ready dj you got

his d dj dylan i love you

so much i love you so much the dj you

got for this party it was dj dillon

you cheaped out that much cheaped out do

you know how much

okay like you paid dj dylan to do this

party

yes i’m not getting paid you’re

you’re betting a lot on it though yeah

that’s true

i guess i thought it would just be like

skrillex or tiesto or something but

that’s fine let’s find hey harry we’ve

already got the dj and everything so

love the guitar yeah yeah i’m sure i’m

sure a performance from you would be

worth like five hundred thousand dollars

i’m sure that’s true buddy

he’s a bit you know these artist types

they’re delusional and pretentious about

i know

he’s got a bit of a big i think he i

think he got featured on like a

like a yahoo.com like

like artist to look out for or something

and that’s awesome but you know it’s big

these artists get

like inflated heads but harry if you

just want to go in there

yeah just go just go ahead and sit down

yeah in the closet there i think

sally is throwing deviled eggs into

maria’s mouth if you want to get in the

mix there that’d be awesome

all right he’s a sweet kid he really is

it’s so good to see

young ones getting so into their craft

like you know

because only if only it was a craft that

actually paid you know what i mean

like come on bet on a bachelor party for

once harry

i’m sorry i said that too loud that that

might be me

i’m sorry um

okay um can you go get that one

yeah are you are you still talking to

sally well no i’m talking to

you right now but i would like yeah i

know but like is that what you’re trying

to

okay okay i’m gonna sneak over there and

i’m gonna try to like

snap one of the deviled eggs out of the

sky i think that’ll really impress her

yeah because it means it means i would

i’m like

good at kissing if i can do that yeah

yeah

okay okay okay okay okay come on

yeah ronald mcdonald do we catch that

deviled egg sally

are you can we scotch out yeah

hey what’s going on so

see like the like the farm guy he had a

dog

mcdonald oh

yeah wait bingo never mind never mind

that was something else

uh but thanks yeah yeah mcdonald’s you

were invited right

uh okay well i see he brought

ronald so you did bring a bucket but it

has a big

m on it like some arches and uh

that doesn’t look like deviled eggs hey

what’s up ronald i’m glad you could

make it and i’m glad you clearly got

your invite that we

that we totally meant for you to totally

meant for you to get oh yeah now you’re

doing a little little dance a little

soft shoe right there

yeah oh that’s funny those are

some really really shiny shoes yep i see

you’ve really

changed your hair yeah nice nice little

red

afro-ish type thing that’s awesome

[Music]

and is that is that new i mean no i

gotta ask i mean do you at least

in that bucket with the m on it do you

have your famous burgers

nope you just have deviled eggs that’s

fine okay yep just go put that with the

other deviled eggs in the

other room and uh i think harry styles

is over there so

if you want to maybe chit chat with him

no you don’t have to you don’t have to

no no i’m sorry i didn’t mean to put

that pressure on you go go talk to

whoever you want to

fisherman dave fisherman dave’s a jam

yeah fisherman dave is awesome

oh you all have met oh you all have

fought

okay well then maybe avoid we really

don’t want anything to like shut down

this party tonight

because it’s gonna get nuts and better

that it gets nuts do you want to tell

him who the

secret special guest is and why it’s

gonna get so nuts

yeah i mean we already talked about

flanti the pink

dinosaur that’s that’s one thing but

then of course we have

uh ronnie the rager is coming and

i yeah oh my gosh yeah

and i like against my better judgment we

invited

not just invited we had to pay a lump

sum ronnie the rager

and he’s even bringing his snowboard

yeah the

snowboard the snowboard he used to kill

that woman

we whacked it over her head that’s the

one he famously

killed a woman and then got the courts

to recognize

the video footage and the photographic

evidence and then somehow

it was amazing because he he he made he

got off whatever and then he

was a deep fake yeah and he didn’t get

cancelled by cancel culture either

that’s what

confused me because yeah like well

after he was declared not guilty he in

the courtroom then killed a man

that’s right which maybe that’s what

saved him which then in that court case

he was also able to

convince them that it was just a deep

fake and killed another person and the

next trial is upcoming

uh i and i guess what but i cannot

believe he brought the snowboard oh my

gosh

okay okay okay i’m gonna yeah ronald

ronald just go in there just go in there

and we’ll

we’ll we’ll see you later buddy okay

okay god i cannot believe that guy came

that’s ronnie the rager

okay uh jiffany ronnie

what’s up boy yo okay well

ronnie are you upset oh yeah

well are you are you okay man you look

like maybe you’ve been

haven’t gotten a lot of sleep are you

okay i what’s what’s wrong

oh oh wow you and your you and your dad

got into a fight

i’m so sorry sorry to hear that why

don’t you do you want to

you’ll go into a fight last week okay

and it just

that you’re still really

kind of but you didn’t get out of the

set about time the other day

it was one of those ones where you run

and there’s a there’s smoke and there’s

punching and stuff and you can’t really

tell what’s going on with the little

ball of smoke and then you

finally popped out of it the other day

is that right

yeah okay and and the argument was over

whether or not there was a british

version of the movie fever pitch that

had

jimmy fallon in it that i think it was

actually before that the jimmy fallon

was like the remake

that’s what y’all were fighting about

couldn’t you all just look that up

instead of you know making this into

like a feud like a blood feud i mean you

look

awful yeah and because you told me about

the last time you had a similar fight

and it was you know the british version

of the office versus the american and

i i why are you fighting about like

cameron said you could just look this

stuff up

like it doesn’t have to be a whole well

yeah it’s not like it’s a subjective

thing it

it either is or it isn’t based on that

so it’s just your family

okay it’s just maybe

and what did you bring um okay you

brought a deviled egg

and coasters oh yeah

you got deviled egg coasters that’s

that’ll be really useful i think so if

you just want to go ahead and put that

over

wherever you wherever you think that

those would go oh

all right ronnie god that’s kind of a

bummer ronnie the rager i didn’t even

check

but he did have a backpack on which you

could have had stuff in

it well you also really need to uninvite

his dad really quickly i i don’t

really want to because his dad is

awesome

his dad like i know that he doesn’t you

don’t like him at these parties but

hey hey donny

ronnie’s father what’s up man yeah yeah

yeah

just uh just come on in oh my goodness

is this what and okay you look pretty

disheveled what’s up man

yeah i don’t know if fever pitch was an

original or if it was based on a british

version i honestly i don’t know

uh never even saw that movie

this is what i’m thinking yeah yeah we

can just hit we’re just gonna donny

yeah donnie you’re getting donny calm

down donnie donnie okay

harry could you harry styles can you

kind of keep an eye on him

no okay yeah harry okay so donny if you

just wanna

um no no no ronnie

isn’t here yet right

right london uh ronnie keep

staying behind me uh no

yeah you know i can’t lie um

he’s not he he doesn’t i forgot your

your your little cousin wished on his

birthday that you wouldn’t be able to

tell a lie anymore and so now you’re

literally unable to tell

really annoying because my little cousin

meant it just for his dad

but he just he said relatives and so i

like yeah well it’s your fault for

teaching him that word

yeah i know but and like i didn’t even

teach him in that

way like i meant at the other meaning of

like things are relative sometimes but

no he really

yeah he just wished the correct words

and

now yeah it’s it’s really frustrating

because

like i don’t lie a lot but anyway uh and

ronnie how are you you doing good you

not no okay uh all right donnie hey

donnie just go just go in the other room

there

we’ll just we’re just just go hang out

in the other room ronnie do you want to

help us

greet people maybe yeah ronnie that

would be

awesome oh speaking of oh you’re too

tired to greet people

can you take people’s coats how about

you take people’s coats we are paying

you to be here ronnie

yes we kind of were okay we could have

thought you’d be the life of the party

we’re painting but on the ground when

you hear that

that’s not we you know we have to clean

that yeah so just

take people’s coats that’s your job now

okay

hey stephen so cam uh

yeah it’s cameron’s house sorry i don’t

mean to be

you know answering for everything uh

he’s busy hosting right now

um yeah and hey

sally i see that your

tattoos are infected

it’s really interesting so stephen

cameron tells me that you’re his most

average friend what’s that like oh

stephen what’s up man hey

i see you’re still five foot seven

hey stephen uh yeah so you just be what

cameron

very very sort of obtusely refers to as

a filler

uh you just mingle i guess and make

small talk

and we’ll yeah enjoy the party uh

okay i see some of the games are coming

out but don’t yep don’t

enjoy it too much because remember

you’re not a main character here

okay okay sort of just a background

character

all right okay i see harry styles has

brought out twister

okay not not the oh i knew he’s

he’s such a flirt i knew he would go

straight for that game

well the game but except it looks like

he is incorporating our new rules of

the the movie playing and trying to

match up movements to the movie

instead of using the spinny thing uh

which great you know i didn’t know if

that would work or not but it looks like

it’s kind of working

hey oh i can’t believe you

showed up dr london why

is my cousin’s ex-girlfriend taylor

here hey taylor oh

yeah hi taylor that’s

uh oh yeah that’s great up she

and she brought a guitar too hey that’s

awesome we’re not going to be

we’re not going to be needing that

tonight we already got a dj dj

wheelbarrow full of

no no skrillex or tiesto thank you for

the deviled eggs as well

taylor i loved your new music i

don’t know if it works really

it but it’s dr london

these are just these are just like young

people who

are trying to express themselves so i’m

sorry and they’re playing in little

coffee shops and stuff you know they’re

not like

they’re not gonna be as famous as this

okay you know

uh yeah so you can go i don’t know if

you and harry will have anything to talk

about maybe

you know hang out with um with dave the

fisherman he’s

he’s a safe bet yeah if you want to go

hang out with fisherman dave

that would actually be really great

because he’s he’s just over there right

now tying different

like sailors knots and i feel like

that’s just giving him bad ideas you

know

so just go hang out with fisherman dave

yeah

oh and she’s bringing the deviled eggs

with her i guess those were for her

not for the party the wheelbarrow huh

all right so i mean like yeah i guess we

should we should we we’ve got these

we’ve got the you know the um twisters

going

everything’s having a good time dj dylan

bump that music a little bit

okay yeah

um okay so we’ve got in the tail on the

bachelor we’ve got

you know flaunting and ronnie the rager

here which is awesome

yeah and but anything else planned like

are we yeah yeah so so we have the uh

the the painting thing where they have a

picture of something and someone’s

trying to tell them how to paint it

uh sally it looks like has because i

didn’t really assign people but looks

like she’s leading that um so everyone’s

got their paints out

and they’re uh well you said no wine at

this party specifically so everyone’s

drinking that deviled egg

drink which is so milky it’s awesome

yeah yeah and so a lot of people are

okay so they’re doing the painting

like normally they would drink wine but

it looks like the painting assignment

according to the sign is like

paint what you think of the bachelor

and almost every single person is just

sort of

painting this weird black void

just a big old black void almost like a

hole

with almost like a little like just two

beady red eyes

really really tiny far away in there

and every single person is doing that

independently

well you okay what i don’t your tone of

voice is the only thing that’s

like why is that worth remarking upon

because that’s i’ve

seen whatever you use that’s fine that’s

and it looks the same

the self-portrait and it’s just i mean

it’s

hypnotic it’s almost

kind of drawing me in yeah

yeah well it’s and hey think of it that

way that people

you really draw people in into the the

dark void that

that is knowing you all right so what

else is planning do we have

do we have something i j okay yeah let’s

get that door real quick

okay oh hey

mr hmm thank you i couldn’t remember

his name at all i know and you always mr

jeff

hi up yep i see you brought

i can you i don’t i don’t know what that

is

it’s just it looks like it looks very

wet

i think part of it looks like it’s

falling apart and it’s very goopy

is that a food or is that like a is it

like a toy is that your phone

just is it alive yeah it’s just more

like a

like a well that’s the only way i can

describe it is that it looks like a glop

i don’t know what a glop is but i mean

that’s the only thing that could

describe this

okay so we’re going to put a bowl right

under that okay that’ll catch so you can

we’ll just put that with the other

oh it needs to be i guess it needs to it

needs to be in rubbing alcohol

okay uh okay but it’ll seek it out

itself oh so we don’t have to worry

about that

okay okay cool so let’s just put that

over

there um maybe next to the deviled eggs

i guess i um if we were i don’t know if

we’re

eating this thing or i don’t know if

this thing is supposed to be eating us i

guess i don’t really know what the

dynamic here is i think a lot of this

party starts out that way though usually

right like we don’t know what’s gonna

happen that’s kind of the thrill of it

um

but uh so mr jeff you know him from

uh he’s your continuing education high

school teacher

is that right uh no my continuing

education teacher is

uh ref okay

okay i i guess i got yeah it just rhymes

and that’s all

jeff was the guy who pickpocketed me

three years ago mr jeff

right and then he he called uh

the information in your pocket and then

you guys kind of laughed it off and made

friends over it

yeah well we’re not friends we’re sort

of scorned enemies but i think

every party needs that dynamic that’s

right that’s right

because for you well like you said with

every story you have to have conflicts

when you’re gonna have good guys and bad

guys i mean imagine a party where it was

just good guys

yeah that that sounds like it could be

frustrating i guess well just boring

yeah i i guess i guess i’ve been to a

lot of parties where people are just

friendly and kind and your parties are

always

like they hate they always make for

great stories kind of like you’re

that’s the dream all of your date

journals it’s all about which wow

everyone’s really getting into your your

date journals and your score keeping

oh hey and they’re all placing their own

bets for

what’s gonna happen tonight yeah i

didn’t real who’s that who’s the bookie

did you hire like a bookie to like

handle betting on my life

that’s kind of badass yeah well

i mean it was gonna be ronnie the rager

but it looks like his dad

ah once again i don’t know how that’s

gonna play out

uh but yeah it looks like ronnie the

ragers is taking the bets

um giving up bags of something

for for certain people okay um

yeah that’s great okay uh

hey casey come on in

hey hey i want to thank you i know i

hate dr london i know you feel nervous

about inviting like the boss

over but

yeah just on i wanted to make a good

impression

hey casey anthony what’s up

what up girl yeah oh and i see

you brought napkins also you didn’t

bring any food

or anything just the napkins that’s

awesome

oh hey no okay you did pull a deviled

egg out of your pocket i like that trick

uh yeah yeah i guess to wrap that in a

napkin

probably yeah so if you’ve got i guess

more of those deviled eggs in your

pocket in your back pocket i guess you

can put those over there

so yeah just go they’re playing twister

you know harry

you and harry go back a while go talk to

him they’re they’re playing twister over

there

yeah i forget how casey anthony and

harry styles

really get along yeah well i i almost

feel bad like

saying that because they get along a

little too well like they kind of amp

each other up

yeah like they’re they they kind of like

push each other like they keep daring

each other to go further you know

and it gets a little escalating dares

yeah not

great no oh it looks like taylor’s

really going nuts at the twister

okay really incorporating the movie

oh man okay and fisherman dave is now

hammered

he’s uh just slamming around

throwing fish which once again those are

not fresh

uh okay all right great

great i guess yeah i guess i don’t want

a sign of a good party yeah i mean

they always say it’s not a good party

unless an old fish gets thrown around

yeah and that’s sort of like how i’ve

judged all of my parties in the past

my birthday parties as a kid uh my

graduation party

my um my white bar mitzvah

that’s a bar mitzvah just because we

were jealous that

that jewish people got bar mitzvahs so

yeah that’s right

and you had to adopt the same name yeah

because

once the jealousy was that deep even

though it was like pretty

insensitive culturally it was awful but

i had to do it because i was so angry

yeah yeah and i mean that’s we all have

our ways of dealing with teen angst

for you you were 43 at the time

but like yeah just my my my young adult

you know my teen-ish a you know

you know right after the teens i would

say you know back when i was still young

it was

fairly soon after the teens uh

but yeah you i mean it was a like you

know

just despite all the if we overlook all

the

religious and cultural aspects it was

really fun

yeah the balloon animals again

fish being thrown old fish being thrown

around by fisherman dave

yeah which i think that might be i think

that might actually be where that saying

comes from now that i think about it

because i have heard that dozens of

times for years

like it’s not a good party until an old

fish is being thrown around

but now that i think about it i think

that’s usually fisherman dave telling me

that

after he’s been throwing around an old

fish

i no that i thought i feel like i hear

it everywhere though like i think i

heard it in like a like a zales

commercial it was in parks and rec i

thought

yeah no yeah oh that’s right i think

april

yeah that that has to be right like

april maybe maybe april and andy’s

wedding i think

it gets brought up a lot and the wedding

reception i like i don’t remember

like all the specifics of it but yeah i

feel like that was part of it there was

there’s an old fish

yeah yeah that’s right that’s amazing

yeah but but it could be one of those

things like

maybe it was just part of the culture

like it it happened to be happening in

your world your smaller world at the

same time yeah

parallel almost like um

finding nemo and a shark’s tale mm-hmm

yeah almost but uh is that

is that everyone you’re expecting it oh

okay i guess not

um is there someone else you’re

expecting

can i i don’t think so i mean

dr london did you have someone

i’m trying to think if if there’s anyone

i know i i try to keep people away from

this party like i tell people not to

come

because i know that you’re very

particular but uh okay okay okay

oh oscar the grouch okay oh

oscar the grouch well honestly

well well oh no i

can’t believe you’ve shown your face

okay no oscar come down come down come

now come down yeah that’s right you hide

your face

in your little trash can body hey and

it’s not that little it’s

fine size of trashcan body um

so karen why don’t you go back to the

you go mingle a little bit i’m gonna

oscar and i you know we talk business uh

he’s really

um he’s works in the administration at

the hospital okay yeah i’ll i’ll just go

back into the living room hey maria

yeah no you gotta clean up what you spit

out

yeah so oscar i know we were talking

about the bonuses for this year

and uh i just feel like i like you know

for all the hospitalists we’ve done our

part to

uh really bring things along you know

like i for one have brought up forward a

few

measures that i think you’re saying

really annoying people harry you gotta

dude this is like an adult

party you can’t be acting like a little

teen dude i know you’re my cousin

but like you’re you’re hanging with some

big shots some of the biggest

people in the city ronnie the ragers

here

all right so you gotta you gotta be a

little cooler dude no one wants to be

with you

i’ll just get back to twitter start

twisting

sorry oscar i didn’t mean to bring up

all the work stuff while we were here

yeah yeah yeah come on come on and enjoy

um

twister yeah if you like if you feel

like you might be limited in that game

but sure

um all right so we’ll play uh

sorry about it about yelling at harry in

front of everyone he just doesn’t get it

he doesn’t

get his place you know yeah he’s just

i mean it’s he’s so much people who like

that they do they’re like oh it’s

do everything for the band let’s you

know let’s really put our time in and

you it’s it’s just such a one in a

million shot to make it in that industry

so you’re like

you know you want to encourage the art

but you also

it’s frustrating to watch um

i guess failure in action i i’m sorry

failure combined with ego

i guess that’s really what it comes down

to well with

with harry yeah all right i mean i i

feel like that has to be everyone do we

wanna

you said there was like a big thing we

were gonna do a big surprise

do you wanna yeah well um

is it a game okay i’m sorry sorry it’s

it’s

it’s a yes dinosaur yes okay

so come on in okay and that’s part okay

and so did you dylan if you could cue

the music okay

all right and cameron if you want to get

in the middle there okay

hey this is so exciting

all right and fisherman dave yes yes

keep it up

string those lights along the net okay

and if we can all sing the uh bachelor

party

song okay you know it’s that month okay

and

we

deviled eggs in a vodka

in a bucket every year every year

please wow

you know and that song gets more

coordinated every year

uh what’s well i love the remix like i

felt like it had a real hip-hop

vibe to it yeah yeah and it’s

it’s great because we you know it it

sounds so coordinated

and you know which it should be because

we are all reading off

the printouts right here uh we all know

how to

well i think we all know it by heart by

now yeah

at this point yeah it’s this and the

national anthem and whatever

okay um so really you know we got

uh flotsy here doing the flotsy dance oh

ronnie the rager he’s over he’s just

texting on his phone

still taking codes yeah everyone’s here

screaming ronnie you don’t have to take

coats anymore

and you can put them down you don’t have

to hold the whole pile of coats

just dropped them yeah no are they okay

just okay i guess i

that’s not really what i meant by you

can put them down as you can just throw

them on the ground but i guess that’s

what we’re looking for

the glob does look like it’s searching

for something or someone

um i don’t know if anyone has hand

sanitizer with them

or okay um

all right uh yeah sorry harry

styles and taylor if you could both just

cool it i

i know you both are just eyeing that

guitar but no

no guitar and they’ve all i also see

that you

guys are sort of like competing in

twister

and i just feel like it’s not really

that competitive of a game i’m not even

really sure

how you can like be aggressive about it

but y’all are

i mean well it’s harry trying to

incorporate somehow you gave taylor a

black eye

you can’t do that isn’t it not this

hour i know that it was your knee that

did it on accident and that’s twister

and if she didn’t want to play didn’t

want to get a black eye then she

shouldn’t have been playing

hardcore twister i get all that you

can’t give people black eyes just

cool it oh all right i mean dr london

now that we’ve got this like party going

are you ready to get out of here

yeah yeah because the best part of the

party is you want to

leave whenever it starts to get going

and then come back whenever it’s

really going well i mean i was just

thinking like our our duties

were to host the party i think we’ve

done a successful job at that

yeah so no i’m gonna go like catch a

movie or something

yeah yeah uh i’ve heard the ronnie the

rager biopic is

really good yeah i’m

javier bardem is playing ronnie the

rager

okay okay yeah let’s go for that um

so see see you everyone uh sally

goodbye uh all right

um yeah so anyway uh and by

digital in the hose my name is dr london

smith.com

dylan do you want to come to the movie

yes yeah you can come to the movie too

man

do you know do you know skrillex or

tiesto could you invite them to the

movie too

nope okay sweet okay

uh all right uh so that’s been um

oh and by the way this party of course

is uh affiliated with the jock doc

podcast patreon so

everyone here raise your glasses well

raise your uh deviled eggs yes to the

patreon that’s right okay and uh

we’ll see you guys

but also witnesses did you know my hose

you

Hello you are about to listen to comedy

podcasts

none of this is medical advice if you

need medical advice or medical care

please contact your doctor welcome to

the jock doc

podcast featuring dr london

smith covet is red covet is blue

happy valentine’s day from the jock dock

crew

introducing your host dr

london smith.com

hello yes uh we have a reservation under

the name

dot com no no not

not that dot com did you make the

reservation i didn’t make the

reservation okay

so i’m sorry to explain uh sorry the

full name i guess if you need that to

narrow it down i’m dr londonsmith.com

of the jock doc podcast yeah yeah okay

and this is our producer cameron of

course hi hi yeah

no you i don’t think they need to know

my name i don’t know why

the host would need to know my name but

that i guess you can

just sort of right um blather that out

any time you want that’s

well i just so okay i also see that uh

did you join the house he’s already set

up in the corner there yeah

all right so we

i mean we’re ready to sit yeah no i

like you know for a vaccine-only

restaurant i feel like

this is the first time i’ve felt safe in

a long time going out to eat

this is the first time i’ve been to a

restaurant in like a year

yeah but for you it’s not like you just

you’re boycotting restaurants

yeah one boy caught in the insides of a

restaurant yeah or the outside

yeah like the immediate vicinity of a

restaurant but

you know today we we’re both kind of

branching out a little bit and i think

that’s healthy to do

and that’s only just because i think

like

uh the world’s so crazy these days

that i think like like maybe we should

like

get out more and so like maybe instead

of going to a restaurant all the time

and all these people are like

like drinking and eating like what

happened to going to parks

yeah doctor what happened to it i’m not

dr london

sorry what happened to it so people do

still do that where are the parks

okay i have i’ve told you this before

they are outside

uh but anyway let’s get to the table

thank you

hey i’m breaking my my uh boycott

right now for you because you wanted to

do this right

okay this is what is what is the special

occasion here uh

well i just i have some well for one

thing

we we have our dates well let’s get

seated before i get into it before i

unpack

okay you know okay yes thank you thank

you

sir thank you yeah here take this oh hey

if you could take

this uh excuse me uh

i don’t know if there’s a mix-up or

something you guys sitting down is this

you guys supposed to be here yeah so

we made reservations here for this booth

oh that’s really crazy and we couldn’t

see

you you’re i mean you’re kind of under

the

table right now do you want to do you

want to come out from under the table so

we can actually like see you a little

bit

you know what okay yeah yeah that that

makes sense you guys just push that cobb

salad over that’s fine sit down

okay hey how’s it going he says i’m

doing solid like there’s only one but

there’s a

ton of cobb salads right yeah okay yeah

the seat or uh if you want

um just like make sure not to do

anything with it i’m i’m waiting on

somebody so

okay oh that’s oh that’s we’re actually

yeah

i was just i’m like expecting someone so

i don’t know if like

justin just so you guys know you might

have to you might have to leave

or you know yeah totally yeah we can

shuffle we can

so we’re actually waiting for somebody

to

for waiting valentine’s oh my god that’s

so cool

so maybe we can maybe turn this into a

bit of a triple date if you don’t mind

i’m honestly very okay with it okay i

mean

london are you okay this dude seems cool

right he was hanging out under the table

he had a bunch of cobb salad

yeah and he’s got a sort of a tent set

up in there as well

made out of i guess the the napkins

um shirt yeah i guess

i kept stealing them off the tables on

the way to the bathroom

right i don’t think you have to steal

them i think you just probably have as

many as you want

i don’t napkins i don’t know like you

don’t know the rules

i i didn’t ask i know this is terry over

here he’s gotten me a bunch of water

but you know other than that i i’m too

scared to talk to most of these people

okay

so it’s not i know i i do notice terry

that you pointed out is not dressed like

the other waiters is this

is this like a someone you know that you

brought along to to give you water

yeah he’s just sitting right next to

that like soda thing with the water

thing and i’m just like dude terry

fill this up for me oh so you called him

terry

yeah okay you met him right now okay

okay this is all making a lot more sense

okay

but i mean dr lynn we should probably

get to know our new

friend here what what’s your name sir

i’m doug

i’m doug doug spritz oh hi hi

doug uh my name is dr london smith.com

and this is

uh producer cameron we actually have

sort of a podcast

that we do oh my god so like all the

websites named after you

yes uh well after sort of after the

podcast

are all are you oh i’m sorry are you

mr.com

or i guess not dot govs that’s not you

but like

yahoo.com is that you too it’s there’s a

lucifer

or is that your family okay all right

i’ve never

even considered this but this makes so

much sense he loves doing this whole

like dot-com thing

and dr london you’ve been hiding i mean

you’ve got google money backing you

apple money backing you all these

dot-com

sites are getting royalties off that

yeah well it’s i i look i don’t want to

say that i come from a place of money

because you know

i’d like to think that i’m separately

pretty self-made like

you know i is your dad john.com

yes okay uh he’s

he has gone by that name what why do you

oh my god

that’s the creator of the internet right

that’s the guy okay

yeah joncom yeah yeah he died in that

skiing accident

allegedly i was broken up not that

i was sorry to hear that i’m sorry about

your loss dr london you do you think

your father is still alive

secretly i look there’s

look whenever there’s so much and i

don’t want to say

money but whenever there’s whenever

there’s some wealth and there’s

controversy

whenever there’s a big system making

everything happen

then sometimes someone could

get into an accident but really they are

trying to bring up a false

or sorry a new identity and uh a new

internet so you think your identity your

father’s still alive and he’s just

intentionally ignoring you like he’s not

reaching out to you on purpose

yeah you mean ignoring me because of how

much i reach out to him

yeah so you do reach out to him

and he responds messed up he doesn’t i

wouldn’t

okay respond is a strong word i

no you know i guess he does respond so

like i’ve i’ve sent letters

and then they’ve come back because they

don’t like have the right address or

something

so i guess that that’s him communicating

to me that he affirms my

words you think like if you get a

magazine in the mail or something you

think that’s your dad

like sending you clues or is that what

you’re trying to get at well i’m

uh that as well but no i was just saying

whenever i send out a letter to him

he sends that same letter back to me

just to let me know

your words matter so much i want you to

hold on to them

because i’m guessing he can’t okay yeah

uh-huh this is this wow this seems dark

it’s it’s sad is what it is don’t feel

bad

don’t feel sad for dr london apparently

he is just

flowing he’s rolling in it in that

that’s

nash i mean

like i said i you know i really i

studied hard i applied myself and now

you know we just have this this podcast

to educate people and that’s really what

what i’m about

well i commend that and i am

glad to hear that your father is alive

and well and i’m sorry

for your uh sad relationship with him

and i’d love to borrow some money

oh man i would love that that’d be

awesome are we float are we floating

that right now

no no okay maybe we can we can switch

over to

uh doug tell us about yourself what do

you do i’ve yet to pay for

any of these cobb salads so i’m just

floating that

how how long have you been here

like uh i don’t know terry how long i’ve

been here

all right stop it terry

oh man he’s rolling his eyes at me again

uh

two i can’t really looked up two weeks

yeah i was gonna say some of the salad

it does not look fresh if it smells

i’ve gotten used to it and yeah if

that’s gonna

i’m sorry if that’s an issue we can get

these maybe taken

like some of the older ones we can get

taken but we gotta leave some of them

so doug what do you do for your you know

your day job

you know you’ve heard i’m uh i’m a

doctor

he’s a doctor i’m kind of a

philanthropist as well as a

sort of producer on the side uh i used

to like

uh i used to sorry um

be in electronics i was a manager over

it over at best buy

oh okay yeah you guys you guys got best

buy where you’re at

yeah yeah i mean i’ve definitely been to

a been to a best buy

okay so you you you say like

you used to do that as in pre-restaurant

you

that and they pre-restaurant me yeah

that’s kind of like a different

i guess that’s a lifetime ago they’re a

little upset

honestly they weren’t happy they they’re

they seem

they must be kind of polite in that

they’ve let you

stay here for this long i don’t know

that they know that i’m here i didn’t

inform anybody

if somebody in a blue polo walks in the

door let me know

i gotta get back under this table when

you say

they are you referring to the best buy

employees

or are you referring to the employees of

this restaurant if any of these people

work

at both best buy and this restaurant i

need to know that as well

yeah you’re screwed yeah

i’m i’m don’t know what i’ll do okay

yeah so i mean i think that probably is

the case like they don’t know you’re

here

they just see this sort of continuously

growing pile of cobb salad bowls

that that sort of evolves over time i

thought about trying to order something

different

i was looking over the menu a bunch but

i just went with cobb salad every time

it’s a

a winner that’s a good choice speaking

of which do we want to get an order in

because i

no i don’t think yeah it’s actually

getting really close to the time that

dates are going to be appetizers okay

okay yeah

yeah my dad’s my date’s supposed to get

here soon too

yeah in my date i mean i mean it’s

actually a little

late now like they should be here any

minute they should be here any minute so

let’s just get the abs now and that way

when it’s here

they can have something to eat already

at the table we don’t have to wait yeah

all right so i’m going to get

the terry can we get can terry

is tear okay well his name tag says uh

jonathan do we um does he prefer terry

terry just like take the order dude

okay don’t be weird about this um

okay uh cameron what are you what are

you getting terry is so awkward

terry can you can you turn around can

you turn

do you see the way he turned around it

was so weird

dude he doesn’t know what to do with his

hands he’s just like putting his hands

inside oh my gosh she’s being kind of

mean guys

me and terry go back we’re fine don’t

worry terry i love you

like a brother and a sister at the same

time

he seems to just mostly stare at you

when you talk to talk to talk at him

really i don’t want to say talk to

him well he shouldn’t be i told him to

turn around come on dude

okay now you can turn back around terry

we’re gonna have uh what’d you say

you’re gonna have oh well now he’s just

turning around

you can stop sir you can stop turning

around that’s okay

honestly if he can write it down while

spinning that’s fine with me

okay keep spinning sir um okay i want

some of these

tuna holes you know the little they’re

like little fried donut holes but

they’re chock full of tuna and then

they’re they’ve got some glazed tuna

sauce on top of it

i’ve had those seven times uh since i’ve

been here and

gotta say good choice oh so i’m gonna

get those

and then i’m gonna go ahead i’m gonna

get no

olives with that okay

yeah i’ll go ahead and um do you guys

mind if i order a few

things just for the table i’ll yeah

sure man you’re paying for it right it’s

on you

this is

um yeah company card company card you

want to order for this table right

yeah for our the one we’re sitting at

for this one not that one because those

people already have food

okay so hey terry can you get these cobb

salads out of here too man come on

they just been sitting here my friends

say they smell bad

well i think i don’t think they smell

bad you could leave a couple of them

i’ve been kind of snacking on some of

these

like they’re old okay they look old but

you know it’s nature i don’t trust that

blue cheese

yeah well when it turns blue yeah um

so so anyway yeah it started his ranch

terry to get started uh

see i’ll go ahead and i’ll get some

bologna cake uh

some pickled corn dogs but hold the

pickle

um let’s see garlicky hold the dog too

actually can we hold the dog on that too

i’m trying to watch my way well can you

have the dog on the side

just cause i you know i like to snack on

a little bit

um some velveeta and ketchup on ritz

crackers

let’s see what else on the menu um mini

carrot dogs in a blanket

uh chicken feet ham and cheese cubes on

triscuits

you’re ordering all of these well it’s

so that’s why

yes it’s for the table it’s not just for

me and our dates are coming

i don’t want it yeah but i don’t think i

don’t think six people need

you know 30 40 appetizers

we can share something with terry if you

want some terry if any

you want any of this just grab some so

just

like i’m seeing things and i just maybe

it’s one of those things where you

shouldn’t order or shouldn’t go shopping

when you’re hungry

but do you wanna you wanna take our

table and then

push it together with those people

uh just so we have enough room for all

the appetizers

just so there’s more yeah more room and

more people like eating it

okay yeah well velveeta on crackers it

travels well so you could take that home

after

so oh yeah so let’s get that to go

blended

and then let’s go ahead and just take

the table we’re just going to press it

over sorry excuse me excuse me i hope

this is all right so you can have like a

birthday party okay

knocked a cob salad in my lap

yeah i’m so sorry it’s fine it’s we just

need the space we’re doing like 30 to 40

appetizers

we

now we’ve got now we’ve got the space

okay

um all right so uh oh sorry and to drink

i will have a hot chocolate with cheese

please

i’m so nervous yeah i know it for our

dates

oh my god do you want to doug did you

want a nap

it’s on us uh everything you got

sounded pretty good

okay so we’ll get to it uh yeah let’s

double everything

yeah and those like uh those little

those little cheeseburgers

that are actually uh not cheeseburgers

that are cake i want those okay oh

cake burgers you cut it in half it’s

cake

yeah dude that’s so crazy that is

something’s not cake and then you cut

into

it and it’s cake that’s why that’s why i

came to this place i follow him on

youtube

wow yeah i mean i only came here just

because it’s the only vaccinated

restaurant in the city

mm-hmm well uh

i actually have been here since before

they put that

into play so oh so

i mean before but i’m definitely

quarantined i guess like i haven’t gone

anywhere

two weeks i would say that’s true but

that seems pretty safe

uh but you had said you’d been here for

two

weeks but i feel like they made that

change at least a month ago

so you’ve you don’t know how long you’ve

been here

uh you never yeah i’ve you know my phone

died

it died yeah that makes sense you didn’t

bring a charger with you i didn’t bring

a charger there’s not an

outlet anywhere near here i asked terry

he wasn’t any help

i see that you’ve you’ve made some some

marks on the wall

here kind of like people do in prison

when trying to

mark the days is is that what this is

oh yeah for yeah that’s exactly i’ve

broken four forks doing that but

i didn’t think to count them all up

right

that’s the hardest part of tallying is

the counting yeah

yeah i’ll lose count like after five

but uh if i concentrate let’s see

you know it’s it’s all right we don’t

need to concentrate we know it’s been

okay okay

okay okay i got up to 60 but there was

more

no have have we figured out why

you’re staying here so long i know you

said you’re waiting for a date but now

i got somebody to come i got some heard

of coming now i’m trying to i’m kind of

doing the math here was

that was the date supposed to meet you

like a month ago when you first arrived

or did you come here a month in advance

to prepare if that’s what the tallies

say

then yes i’d follow those facts i’m

gonna stick to the facts of the tallies

the tallies are now infallible okay so

yes

yeah it is raw data so

okay i might have missed a few here and

there but yeah yeah yeah yeah

i mean uh dr london can i talk to i’m

gonna talk to dr london privately for

one second

so we’ll just scooch i’m sorry to all

these other people here i

just if you could take our spots for a

second

excuse me i’m gonna hop back under this

table yeah just go just see

if you could did you see how he scurried

down there that was a scurry he seemed

very comfortable strong scurry though

i’ve got to be honest i don’t think this

guy’s date is going to show up

it’s already been at least 30 something

days

don’t say that we don’t know like maybe

that’s just the kind of

person that he’s into someone who’s oh

someone who’s a little aloof

a month or more late yeah like

mysterious you know

some people are like some people are

really bad at remembering appointments

or yeah you know certain times of the

like they’ll be like oh it’s wednesday

whoops

you know and i mean she could be like

getting ready

too yeah that’s true that’s true because

i know sometimes girls take a while to

get ready

that’s that’s what i’ve read about that

yeah yeah

okay we can get back into it

that was really fun i’m glad we got to

talk about the

uh the our team our favorite teams

yes at uh the the dodgeball rally

swim team uh swimming the dodge

swimming in dodgeball it’s a new type of

triathlon

oh wow i hope that goes well for you

guys thank you it’s going to awful

it’s terrible but i don’t want to i’m

sorry i’m sorry

anyway i mean i mean dr lynn what do we

or what i mean

i mean

[Music]

your date like because i know you’ve

you’ve talked about some to me

me okay yeah yeah sorry cameron

um oh yeah just because you’ve mentioned

like you’ve really you really like her

and it’s

it hasn’t been that long but you know

it’s you’re excited for valentine’s

thing um

i mean it was pretty cute it’s kind of a

traditional meat cute i would say

at the bookstore oh yeah that’s adorable

we both reached for the same bathroom

handle

we were in the bathroom at the same time

and we had

it was like a single stall bathroom but

it was kind of dark it was very

complicated

and anyway so we were reaching forward

at the same time we were like oh excuse

me and we thought that was really funny

that like

two people at the same time like isn’t

that kind of

yeah i mean cosmic in a way like

it’s destiny as long as you guys had

washed your hands first and yeah that’s

adorable

it’s i don’t well i don’t have to do

that anymore that’s a whole

lot okay the sweat on my palms actually

have sort of antibacterial properties

wow that’s a doctor is that that sounds

awesome

he’s no that’s not really how but but go

on cameron oh yeah she

i mean she makes me laugh and she makes

me

sing songs about love dr london

well when you say she she makes you is

this

like a is it a bullying situation

this is like no thank you no no tell you

what to do

i could take a joke that’s why i’m

laughing so much it’s funny

i’m not i’m not dude i’m not like a

snowflake okay

i’m not like gonna get a fun dude when

someone is like leave me alone

why are you in the bathroom like i’m not

gonna be like this kind of guy like i

can take a joke

you know yeah that’s just me i’ve had no

judgment on anyone

you sound like a good guy it’s

you know the amount of gifts i’ve been

leaving her recently

i think really really enforced the idea

that i am a good guy

and she must on her porch gifts or

gifts or in her phone

her phone porch well it was its gifts

gis on her porch i was printing them out

frame by frame they don’t work that way

well no

no have you ever buy do you buy them

like a flip book i was about to say have

you ever done it like a flip book

i haven’t you’re right you got me it’s

sort of unbelievable

to me that someone hasn’t printed out

frame by frame

that gif of michael jackson eating

popcorn and then done it like a flip

book for their sweetie

like i it’s 20 21 i feel like everyone

is doing this right

yeah too bad you know it’s valentine’s

day now otherwise people could

do that yeah for next year for next year

um

so would so you said that you’d leave it

on her porch so it sounds like

i don’t know it makes me think of like

how a cat will leave

you know like a dead bird or a dead

mouse

at the porch in order to like you know

like say

look i did this look how are you proud

of me for doing this

uh is did you just just left it on the

porch and did you

like is there a back and forth

communication i guess is what i’m asking

like did she communicate back to you

no cause gifts don’t have sound so

they’re silent

okay but uh does she give does she give

you back

um i think that’s sort of that this is

where we get into sort of a complicated

territory with the concept of like

giving back because you know

she she gave me back the things that i

had given her but isn’t that just as

special as a gift

did you ask her to come here via gif i

did

yeah i used so okay all right there’s a

fun game i don’t think your date’s

coming my date’s definitely coming i

bought this suit just for it

of course the dates all right let’s love

my life and i

invited her to a date using like a

taylor swift gif

from the music video of you belong with

me when she’s like you know what how

taylor swift is so nerdy

and guys don’t like her um and that’s

really what the video is about because

her the guy she wants is really into the

popular

girls she wears t-shirts exactly it’s

like she’s such a dork and it’s

but people don’t realize that like

underneath that

is something special and so i sent that

gift to her i feel like she got the idea

and now we’re just gonna sit and wait

yeah which it’s it’s kind of weird it’s

actually been like we

i always say that we’re gonna be late

sorry can we get another round of uh

tuna holes extra chia sauce can you edit

it you blew through those

cream cheese and jelly sandwich and then

maybe some

some uh cut cheese and mayonnaise

yeah thank you you guys got winchester

toilets

no no no no you guys gotta try these you

guys got to try these you guys got to

try these

is is this a is this a drink

no it’s a food okay oh

and it’s like i i chew it through the

mouth

uh i’ve seen it done that way

okay okay i definitely do need to try

this majority of the time

and is it okay are they bringing it

around now is that

yeah check these things out okay they

make them real fast

okay i can blow these things out okay so

what we have here

is a pastry shell

and then just like kind of whatever

else they had back there so there’s like

some carrots i’m seeing just some

peels various peels uh a bone

so uh yeah man okay that’s good

okay they’re bringing over the lighter i

do want to mention

there is gluten like you say it’s a food

that we eat

and not drink but it doesn’t seem to

conform to a

shape uh it all fits in this little cup

like a like a toilet just like a toilet

don’t you

i mean i can’t argue with that you can’t

get some of those bad boys

yeah down the hatch

i told you right that’s good i told you

it hurts it hurts really bad

just can i borrow one of your napkins i

i’m not supposed to swallow it i’m

supposed to chew it like gum

well these are actually all i made a

mega napkin out of this one napkin

all these napkins so you can use that if

you want it’s about 40 napkins

okay it’s been a blanket i’ve been using

it

tucking myself in okay oh

okay well i mean dr london do you want

to talk about talk about your date some

or yeah yeah so actually so i know

um i don’t know i don’t always talk

about my

sort of romantic private life but uh

that’s

i don’t know it’s just kind of it’s i

found someone i guess is

is it so um wow yeah and it

you know it’s so uncommon to find

someone but uh anyway her her name is

uh tarfton fambringo

and oh yeah yeah you know

so she’s canadian obviously that’s

beautiful saskatchewan she’s an import

um and it’s very international that’s

pretty cool dr lynn very open-minded too

thank you yeah you know that i’ve like

i’ve been trying to work on that

yes yeah so i’ve i’ve been you know i’ve

been trying to be more open-minded about

you know recognizing nations canadians

people above above the border yeah

recognizing nation

basically i don’t i come from a family

that doesn’t necessarily believe in

other countries

and it’s it’s one of those traditional

things that like

i’ve you know when i went to school like

the movie theater

yeah yeah a lot like that so so whenever

i um

you know whenever i do this uh whenever

i meet people i’m

i’m having to be self-aware and say

if they have an accent and they’re from

another country

that’s okay and it’s not made up

so if that i know that might be pushing

some buttons for our listeners and i

don’t want to

sound crazy and whatever but that’s

i’ve had to be accepting in that way in

any case

so powerful um there’s this girl

and uh so we met at the uh

the well it was formerly an ice skating

rink

now it’s a fishing area

yeah um yeah because uh fish and skate

yeah efficient global warming yeah so i

should say they do still skate around

there but

i went in and then you know cut the hole

in the ice

well and doug makes a good point it’s

the reason they had to convert was

to this is because of global warming

right mm-hmm

i i assume i didn’t i know i’m not as

tough

as i sound so much better i’m not as

tight with them

mall scientists as you are yeah which

that’s what i majored in yeah mall

science

mall science yeah

so uh anyway so so i was you know

digging a hole in the eyes or

i guess drilling using one of those hand

drill things and she came up

and said you know i’m trying to try to

skate here but she said in one of those

crazy accents

and so i was like uh hey

yeah what what what are you um

and i’d so so there was a lot like i i’d

say for the first

few weeks of knowing each other i

couldn’t tell a word she said

uh just the the accent was so strong she

kept on saying

stuff like a and sorry

and i i like i i couldn’t get it i don’t

know

um oh so french i

french you know it’s i’m trying to be

open but i really don’t

know but i know that she was it sounded

like a

canada or canada something something

like that

i all i know is candido which is a yeast

infection

so that’s that’s kind of where i’m

coming from on this so

anyway uh so you just hear key words

that sound

like kind of medically words out in the

wild

and your ears perk up like a little

puppy that’s right

i mean you hear you hear something that

kind of sounds like

a yeast infection and you go oh

that’s right so i’m drilling and i hear

this yeast infection

and i’m like i’m starting to get really

pumped about it

uh yeah man anyway and so she comes she

says

please stop i think and then uh

we we start talking about yeast

infections i think i

once again it it might have been all

one-sided uh

but then we went out to eat and stuff

anyway

so what a few weeks yeah we’ve been

getting along great

um she uh she showed me that you can

actually do the same kind of ice fishing

outside

which i had no idea that people did that

are you catching fish

in there uh

i didn’t take mall science i don’t know

yeah so i

so cameron will usually

bring in because he takes it upon

himself to do a lot of things at the

mall he’ll bring in

fish and he’ll supply the uh the ice

rink with

fish wow i can’t say that there there

are any at the start okay okay so i

can’t just go

i can’t go to any mall and do this

like i can’t tell you i can’t like prove

a negative that that doesn’t make sense

to me

but dr london if he doesn’t know like

the objective right answer

he struggles with using basic human

knowledge and common sense to figure out

the answer

that’s dr london sticks with what he’s

studied he has not studied malls you

know

not like cameron for sure like i could

say like dr

london um is uh

is the last mall we went to really a

bread factory

and you would have to say i don’t know

because you’re not you didn’t study that

even though it’s an absurd question that

anyone else would be able to just figure

out with common sense

that’s not dr london’s specialty unless

they have a sorrow and then it’s like

they make bread there

that is true sparrow

or panera however you say it so

so anyway so what led up to this

date this date night was we were

uh she and i you know

me and uh tarfton we were out

and we were kind of in this outside area

it was really

beautiful there was a statue and stuff

uh which they were tearing down

and then you know she she said something

about

her mom getting a colonoscopy

and i once again just cameron said my

ears perked up

perked right up uh yeah and then and my

song was playing and it was this

strange moment and you know the song it

goes you know you’re the best

around nothing’s gonna ever keep you

down

uh i’ll also associate that with

colonoscopies

yeah and so that’s our song um

that was playing at the skating rink as

well and

maybe someday we’ll dance do it that’s

so

cute yeah so anyway um that song was

playing and it was such a picturesque

moment so i got down on one knee

and you know i said like uh you know

speaking of colonoscopies uh colorectal

cancer is actually the third most common

cancer in the united states

yeah and so she she covers her mouth for

a second she seems like

uh her face seemed a little confused but

mostly like excited tears were kind of

starting to fall you think you’re

turning her on at this point

oh no did her diet her dad die of

colorectal cancer and she started crying

i not that she mentioned but like

and maybe i just maybe my view was weird

from being on one knee

you know but any uh so maybe it just

looked like she was crying

anyway um so now i said

well uh so if we look at the

gastrointestinal system there’s actually

an important concept to understand

namely what was that

did you pull out a chart you start

showing her the colorectal system

uh yeah okay okay is that okay i’m just

that’s just how that’s a that’s a it’s a

move i haven’t heard of that one before

yeah i would say that’s a legitimate

move

yeah yeah i mean and you have to

understand

coming from dr london this is a huge

step yeah

i ain’t knocking it no because i ain’t

tried it right

yeah so i have the poster out and i’m

saying so there’s an important concept

symptoms will look different depending

on what location within the digestive

tract

problem occurs so if there’s bleeding

there’s likely to be anemia

which is you know low blood count uh but

a red blood cell count specifically but

there’s only frank blood if that

bleeding occurs very close to the end of

the tract

in the left colon and anus and so i

pointed that on the diaphragm diagram

and she’s still huge mistake

dr london i i didn’t want to say

anything but you can’t like on a first

date bring up anus oh i thought you were

mad that he said

diaphragm instead of diagram i was like

that’s not a huge mistake he’s fine no

that’s just dr london i

i that’s just how he talks but to me

it’s just like

bringing up anus so quickly dr london

too

forward too forward we’ll see i

i guess i guess i just thought things

were going so well it’s just you know

it’s a medical term so i was

anyway so but then i said of course that

yeah

but blood gets degraded if the bleeding

starts earlier in the digestive tract so

stool may just look darkened or black as

a doctor you got

to be saying anus all the time anyway so

it makes sense to me

that’s true you want to get her used to

sort of the life she’s buying into

yeah you’re throwing around anus you’re

throwing around like anal glands

yeah oh i’m turning around all the time

chucking it yeah

so i’m you know i’m saying that the the

stool may look

darker blackened if it’s if there’s

bleeding in the right colon or higher

so that’s you know i was like telling

her that’s that sort of framework to

bear in mind going forward

uh and then she at that point she’s

uh she does seem confused and a little

horrified

and so i i’m thinking like maybe this is

such a

like a an empty hole where knowledge

should be

and she’s just realizing yeah so yeah

oh and i should say also that at this

point it’s hard to be confronted with

your ignorance

yeah yeah and i know girls were really

impressed by that

uh especially in that kind of setting so

and i guess everyone else there was too

because people were bringing out their

cameras and stuff because i was kneeling

and i had like a

a little a toy in my hand that i was

kind of fiddling with that i was holding

up in front of me

uh it came in a little box but anyway so

um

so i said of course everyone uh

over the age of 50 years old is that

increased risk for colorectal cancer and

this is why people begin to undergo

colonoscopies at that point in life

though um you know even at that you know

at that moment

specifically uh recommendations are

shifting towards 45 years old for

colonoscopies

i’m not always great at reading people

but i feel like she was really getting

into that so

i was about to say she’s got to be like

on fire at this point right

she’s losing it yeah like she was like

tears were streaming down her cheeks and

you pull

you’ve pulled out all the classic tricks

yeah

it’s a statue it’s it still sounded like

she was

maybe waiting to hear something else

like maybe waiting for me to change the

subject so i

i was like okay i guess i gotta i guess

i got to get a little bit more into

pathology

so i was like okay so colonoscopies are

done to look for edematous polyps which

are pre-malignant lesions so in other

words they have characteristics yeah

that make them predisposed to becoming

cancerous

villus adenomas in particular have a

higher chance of becoming malignant as

opposed to the tubular ones

the larger the size of the adenomas

polyps the greater the number

the higher risk of the cancer and and so

at this point

she is losing it has to be

yeah it was it was really hard to read

really down on one knee at this point

she well so she’s she’s got her face

her hands covering her face and she she

said

like is is this what i think it is and i

said i was like yeah well

yeah i what does it look like yes i’m

you know in my head i’m thinking finally

someone is getting

really excited about learning about uh

you know the digestive system

and cancer screening all of that like

it’s so have you tried this before

what have you tried this before with

previous dates

you run this by anybody before and this

is when it finally clicked with somebody

i don’t think that i don’t think i’ve

ever liked anyone enough

to do wow london really does play

like hard to get you know and it’s you

you’ve got to be really invested in

someone and so that’s what i mean that’s

why i’m excited to meet this woman i

mean it sounds like oh yeah

i feel honored to be here honestly i’m

glad you guys

sat down here and what’s crazy is you

know i’m not finished with the whole

story but

that was today that was actually today

that this happened

today so you asked her to come here

immediately following

this uh yeah well and you know spoiler i

don’t wanna

so so anyway i tell her also you know

inflammatory bowel disease whether

crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis

also poses an increased risk of

colorectal cancer with ulcerative

colitis having a greater risk so much so

that

these patients with ulcerative colitis

should begin surveillance colonoscopy

for colorectal carcinoma eight years

after they’re first diagnosed

uh family history of a first-degree

relative having colorectal cancer also

increases a patient’s risk

so that’s something to watch out for

with her mother you know getting uh the

colonoscopy

if something that’s kind of you maybe

yeah yeah

just just bear it in mind

yeah i was told her dietary factors can

influence this risk with a high fat and

low fiber diet associated with

a higher risk of colorectal cancer and

um

you know that then i did stop i

clarified because i

at this point higher than what

uh the a higher no one’s

no no one’s higher than me right now

buddy

you kidding every day when i say that

there’s a higher

risk it wasn’t saying like i know you’re

and i can see the smoke

yeah i don’t think that’s allowed but

i’m on board for it

oh well what uh what’s his name again he

hooked me up

yeah terry hooked me up what the [ __ ]

terry yeah

come on man yeah this whole time

two weeks or seven months i don’t know

what it says

i can’t i i lost count of the tallies

but you know

i could have used something terry

wow just when you say his name it just

he just piercing eyes staring at you

like with

with death he does not like you

is that what you see i see a rapport

that’s been built up over time that i

see love behind those eyes

and i see a friendship that’s gonna last

a lot last a lifetime

so when he doesn’t reply to you and he

just stares at you you think that’s sort

of like banter

i know what terry’s thinking and saying

and his

brain is oh so he doesn’t even have to

speak and y’all just are kind of in sync

like that that’s awesome

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah right now

right now i’m like terry what the [ __ ]

and he’s like uh actually

um sorry dude i wish that i’d let you

know i didn’t know you’re into that

thing

and you know we’re cool about it i’m

over it

okay thanks i hate

you know i hate to get back but like i

really want to share

what happened so so i’m so sorry i’m so

sorry

you know i’m on one knee i’ve got like

there’s a whole crowd that’s gathered

now like everyone’s got their phones out

there they’re recording it

um they’re losing it oh they’re they’re

so excited they’re cheering

and i’m like okay okay yeah great you’re

excited about medicine

i love that so i said uh the reason why

we screen with colonoscopy is because

colon cancer can grow a lot in the

abdomen before showing symptoms

so the disease can become relatively

advanced by the time it becomes

symptomatic

symptoms can be you know sort of

lesser things like black tarry stools

dark stools that are sticky from

partially digested blood

abdominal pain change in bowel habits or

unexplained iron deficiency anemia

but other signs and symptoms can include

abdominal pain caused by

partial obstruction of the intestinal

tract or peritoneal dissemination from

spread outside of the intestinal tract

colorectal cancer is actually the most

common cause of large bowel obstruction

in adults

and if that obstruction perforates the

bowel that can lead to

a peritonitis that is life-threatening

complication

patients may also experience weight loss

or blood in the stool if the tumor is

located on the right side

obstruction is unusual actually because

it’s its larger luminal diameter so the

large tumor can go undetected

a change in bowel habits from a tumor in

this location on the right side

would also be you know unlikely uh

but again occult blood in the stool iron

deficiency anemia

and melanoma are changes and so

terry can we get some more winchester

toilets please

and so at this point she was

she didn’t seem as happy

and terry can i get the muscle

not muscles the muscle are you trying to

get their bouncer over here

okay because i think it is a super

wrestler no it says on the menu it just

says the muscle and then underneath it

has a bunch of question marks

oh man so i think it’s like maybe a

mystery

a special sandwich or like an arnold

palmer but

muscle oh actually can we get this in

like an

arnold palmer format if you could just

get me the

muscle and sort of like convert it to an

arnold palmer that sounds really good

thank you for that suggestion doug yeah

just

add lemonade dude that’s all it is

muscle and lemonade

mmm the ultimate comment now london was

this the end of your

just incredibly long story in which he

proposes

no i sorry sorry i didn’t want to spoil

it oh

wait no okay okay i’m sorry

as i was saying she was kind of not

not she didn’t seem happy anyway so but

but i

you know i think she’s probably just

looks unhappy because she doesn’t know

the end

of this that i think she was fishing for

so if the tumor is located on the left

side that means there’s a smaller

luminal diameter so sense of obstruction

and abdominal pain are gonna be more

common uh

partial partial blockage can result in

alternating constipation diarrhea with

the narrowing of stools known as pencil

stools

uh frank blood and stool is also more

common with left-sided tumors

if a tumor is located in the rectum and

23 or 20 to 30 percent of them are

patients will more commonly have black

and tauris school tenesmus

and erectile mass leading to a feeling

of incomplete evacuation of stool due to

the mass

and she by this point she has

like started to back away from me a

little yeah she’s checked down

mm-hmm yeah you had her going and pumped

up for a second

and now she’s like you just said stool

too many times i think it’s lost on me

the words lost meaning so she’s just

lost

doug this happens every single time i

think dr london is afraid of success

stool stool stools he knows that’s the

key word that messes people up

why does he insist on bringing it up

every single time he’s on a first date

or just meeting someone

so i huh okay well that makes

so you know i was finally you know

almost done at that point

with with teaching her uh

so i said you know surgery is the only

curative treatment for colorectal

carcinoma cancer and

this involves cutting out a tumor

containing bowel as well as a resection

of regional lymphatics

the cea level should be obtained before

surgery as a sensitive marker for

recurrence

chemotherapy or radiation therapy will

depend on staging and follow-up will

vary among physicians but it is worth

knowing that

about 90 percent of recurrences occur

within three years after surgery so

adequate follow-up is important to

prevent this

so i tell this to her as she’s walking

away

and then i say like so we’re so what’s

the crowd doing at this point

um so a fair amount of them have started

booing

so oh wow okay yeah i mean i was like

okay well i i got on one knee because i

was kind of tired of standing and there

wasn’t a chair

fair and i’ve noticed that there’s not

enough chairs in parks

yeah yeah i see benches but i don’t want

a bench i want a chair

yeah so i got up and

then um i kind of just

was like okay like just yelling after

her like i guess

i guess we’re good for dinner then and

uh yeah so she’s she’s actually running

a little late

at this point yeah like pretty late

i think traffic’s probably bad or

something like it seemed like a bad

traffic day or something

well especially especially this time of

year you know

you know mid-february i feel like

everyone’s driving around a lot

um you know a lot of football games

maybe

great time to drive you know because

football

football just ended but people want to

party after the super bowl dr london i’m

kind of losing hope here

but no you know what you know let’s

let’s fill ourselves with some hope

let’s hear about doug’s date okay okay

okay

all right we’ve uh actually known each

other a while

but only reconnected recently

i’ve known her since since middle school

summer camp actually so it’s been a

while

we sat we stopped talking i got married

got divorced and then just i’ve recently

reconnected

and uh yeah it i’ve just you know been

so excited to finally

see her again and um yeah

just been waiting here she’s running

late as well

okay so she’s outside she’s running late

she’s just delayed man a few months late

yeah

she’s my she’s getting ready did she

always used to take a long time to get

ready

yeah in middle school man she used to

take hours to get ready

yeah at summer camp

okay so um she’s actually canadian as

well

yeah that’s actually crazy you’re

comfortable with that you’re like okay

with that

yeah yeah yeah yeah it was weird because

i go back to school

middle school and everybody was like i’d

be like i got a girlfriend and they’re

like

no you didn’t dude and i’m like yes i

did she lives in canada you gotta

believe me

yeah and uh you know it’s hard

it’s hard being a kid but yeah

i’ve been talking to her a lot recently

and you know

not recently because my phone died but

you know

before that yeah well does she know

like maybe if she if she like mixed up

the address of

the restaurant or something does she

know to

like is she sure that you’re here

because that maybe that could be part of

it

uh i’m sure she she she’s very intuitive

so i’m guessing that she could probably

figure it out i was kind of

been hoping that seeing as i did not

bring a charger

or there’s not an outlet in this booth

yeah that’s where i’m at i didn’t bring

a battery pack or nothing

yeah you didn’t want to move to a

different booth just in case she arrived

and saw this one unoccupied

yeah and i’ve like built like a little

thing underneath here i’m not trying to

move that out of there somewhere else

yeah you’re for it

yeah yeah that’s a good way to put it it

is kind of like a fort

i do feel a little bit like a kid in

there when i’m in my fort

it’s sort of a safe space oh man it

really is y’all could check it out if

you want to but there’s not a whole lot

of

room yeah i mean it’s a safe space but

there’s not a lot of

hopefully hopefully our dates won’t be

showing up while we do this but dr

london do we want to check out the

little

area before we go in there maybe let’s

get dessert to be on its way like i know

our dates are going to come but like

it’s

uh actually maybe we can ask the wait

like uh terry have you

seen maybe we just missed them

did someone uh they’re both well two of

them are

canadian um did that did you see one of

no that that’s the main distinguishing

feature terry

you’re canadian yeah that’s all i got to

that’s all i got

to go cameron what about yours was there

any other

like way for them to spot your date

uh yeah i mean it’s the hat really

okay oh so look out for a hat and two

canadians

well it’s like it’s the height of the

hat it’s i don’t want to say pharrell

height because that’s played out it’s

more like a jamiroquai hat

okay i do not understand the reference

but it sounds

tall jamiroquai is sort of the

90s version of pharrell

to clarify for any anyone here in this

restaurant at our table who doesn’t

understand that

hey i’ll quit eavesdropping the the cat

in the hat

would be another shirt that’s a tall hat

right there that’s a tall hat

real tall hat lots of leds you can’t

miss it

yeah so terry have you seen like mine

a tall hat with a lot of lights in it

or maybe a few no okay okay well in that

case um i’ll go ahead and order

let’s see if you could get me uh wendy’s

frosty a chocolate frosty with some

fries to dip it in it

is that yeah okay um

so they’ll just i think it’ll take a

while yeah actually

i want well can i actually get some

frosty to dip in the fries sort of the

reverse of that

it’s it’s a it’s a it’s a it’s a dietary

thing

okay thank you yeah yeah he’s allergic

okay

and if you could just bring me a if you

could bring me a bowl of whipped cream

i’m just going to tackle these leftovers

and just dip them in some whipped cream

i know so let’s climb under this table

huh see you guys later

i gotta stay up here but uh don’t touch

anything if you can avoid it there’s not

enough room

it’s not enough room for all three of us

oh you’re gonna okay

so okay so i’m gonna hold down the fork

in case i see any of our dates okay i’ll

i’ll let you know okay cameron

um look look at the he put up like star

stickers everywhere this is

beautiful and it’s oh my god he seems to

have

he doesn’t have an internet connection

or a charge to his phone but he does

seem to have a whole like computer

set up here like he and an espresso

maker

yeah here’s the thing

i you know i don’t think that doug’s

date is gonna show up

like i don’t want to break it to him but

what

no i mean you

again getting ready remember or what

about

you knows uh uh she had to get her like

tires rotated

right that can take some a little bit of

time yes

no it’s just you know after an hour of

waiting and uh

you know we got to espresso yeah

it’s supposed to be this cold i it’s not

it’s not plugged in oh it’s just an

espresso maker

right okay uh let’s

should we break it to him yeah yeah i

mean

okay cause cameron like we know our

dates are just late but

i gotta you know like months is a lot

longer than an

hour you know um

hour and a month and an hour is awesome

before we leave let’s um

let’s let’s write our names in the guest

book here yeah yeah

thanks for inviting me had a great time

in the floor sorry about the

mess okay

uh okay we’re just gonna do that okay

yeah man where’d y’all think what’d

y’all think that was

doug that was beautiful down did you

guys get a mat i’ve been snagging those

mints up front putting a little bowl

down there

oh i didn’t even let me okay let me get

one of those there you go

you are so hospitable and you’re just a

great andy’s a great guy

and i that what you’ve done with that

space is just wonderful

wow and and it’s you know

and any girl would be so lucky to have

yeah to share that space with you

and do a compliment do like a compliment

sandwich you know

and do they have those here

oh actually yeah can we get two

compliment sandwiches

subs get a house a children’s order for

me

a party sub please like one of those ten

foot long ones that you get at a party

can i can i get a children’s party sub

like a children’s ten foot party sub

okay all right okay

so okay do we who

okay yeah so is that so you got so like

i said any girl would be lucky to have

you know to share your space with girl

wow

i appreciate that anyone mia or whoever

wow mia ham yeah

you something about lettuce uh you you

you have great taste in salads no no say

you

let us into your space and that was

really nice and kind yes

i appreciate the salad compliment as

well but that’s also nice

okay and then the tomatoes

um i i fro from my head

to my toes i appreciate your company

this evening oh my god uh

i don’t even know what to say i’m

blushing like crazy okay and now to the

um

to the meat of it uh hold on your date’s

not coming your date might be dead

oh my god why do you say dead what are

you talking about

your date’s not coming he’s talking

about cole and ectorectomy cancer

well i i couldn’t make sense of what he

was talking about i have to assume that

she’s dead also just because

there were so many like negative

sounding words in the mix there

sounded whatever it was sounded fatal

but my hat girl my hat girl is

definitely going to come she’s just

late we’d see her coming from a mile

away and she’s

yet too i think she had to do laundry

probably

oh based on what she was wearing when i

met her i think she has to do laundry

because there’s no way that

that was the only thing she had you know

so maybe your date’s not coming either

my date’s coming

okay i wouldn’t buy all these salads for

no reason

your date’s not coming your date is dead

and damn

and but you’re all but your hair is

glowing today it’s so bouncy you have

nothing to contrast it against but i

appreciate that

it’s uh well no it’s i mean it’s a

glowing

and like some people would say it’s

unhealthy to have hair that glows

and like radiates light in that way and

i don’t know what you

what what you put into it like if you

broke a glow stick or something and

rubbed it in you know if you look

underneath here there’s some

glow-in-the-dark stars that i’ve just

been

using that you put in okay um

yeah you saw them under the ceiling

right yeah the ceiling meeting

the the under the table okay gotcha okay

um

all right with that do you wanna uh

i feel like the only way to really

finish this out would be

to uh and cameron i don’t know if

if you’re okay with us but i feel like

we should get a chore out of the way

you want to do that here now yeah i mean

just to

like they got bus boys um and dj dylan

is already

here so he’s got the wheel ready uh yes

so we can uh do you want to explain um

what you know the chore wheel to our

guest

at this table please get lost so so

basically uh dr london and i and the

years we’ve

been friends and business partners um

he uh

i usually say we but it’s really his

fault he let a bunch of chores a bunch

of things on our to-do list

pile up and so for the last

few months we’ve been trying to go

through this

chore list and just knock one thing off

the list and we kind of made it fun by

creating this fun

chore wheel which i brought a mini

version of the tour wheel here with us

you can see

adorable and this has all of our chores

on it all of our to-do lists that we got

to get done and we’re just going to go

ahead and spin it

and whatever it lands on we just got to

do it can you help us out with that doug

uh with the chores or the spinning both

yeah if i don’t just give that a tiny

tiny little

the tiny glove with tiny hand on it

to spin it okay okay i put the tiny

glove onto my fingertip

and spin the tiny wheel with the tiny

glove

okay there we go okay there it goes

there it goes there it goes there’s a

hell of a ball bearing in there

oh okay i did not want to do this one

uh but no good this is left over from

from last year i guess

uh we neglected to do this last time but

the chore

is complement your date

on their best feature wow that’s so

uh convenient that it landed on that

yeah that actually

it actually has been working out like

this a lot lately

that’s incredibly impressive it’s it’s

pretty good because

we because you know we don’t record

every chore that we do and so i mean

there definitely has been some where

it’s been like

uh like find the easter eggs and it’s in

like november

well i’m gonna go ahead and say it’s a

little uh

concerning if it’s a chore to compliment

your dates

so i don’t know if you guys wanna maybe

um and usually chore wheels have like

vacuuming or

clean the kitchen i mean it has that

like do the dishes

yeah okay okay okay make prank phone

calls to your grandmother

build elon musk cyber truck we have a

giant enterprise here that we’ve put

together

and to keep everything you know all the

plates spinning

we have to do this and one thing i

should add sorry and i

kind of realized one of the chores we’re

specifically supposed to stare into the

eyes

of the person on our left which is our

date

and um of course the compliments into

them

into their souls okay okay

okay so that’s what

i’m supposed to do so i’m just about to

turn i’m just looking at you dr london

i’ve got to pretend you’re my

pretend or should you say this to that

person

just to your date i guess whatever you

would think

to say to i guess okay

um all right hi tila tequila um

uh it’s good to see you again and uh

i love your jamiroquai hat and i was

wondering if i could borrow it

that was sort of the sort of the

intention of this whole interaction

wow so okay is that i mean do you think

i

did did i do it is that right yes i was

so nervous

oh my gosh i was so nervous doing that

oh you did so good

oh thank you okay it’s good to practice

yeah all right so i’m going to look to

my left and of course

uh so so terry

um thanks for sitting down finally i’ve

been invited

if i could look at your eyes real quick

okay you’re not big on eye contact but

i’ll

try to force through this um

so tarfton

uh i we’ve been through so much together

and um i

i feel like we’re really doing

great and i can’t wait for you to

be oh compliment the comment um uh i

love that you sound like a yeast

infection

compliment our nails girls love it i

love

that your nails look like they belong to

a yeast infection

nice yes that was good yes you crushed

it yes

nailed it nailed it yes nailed it

really what the hell you got tara to

give you a high five

that was that’s impressive yeah just

even the way you say his name he his

eyes dart at you

terry there’s a lot of goodness in those

eyes i’m sorry

it’s a playful menace okay i think

phantom menace is that but yeah um so

doug

uh do you wanna pay your look into the

eyes of

i guess uh well the way you’re

positioned i can’t tell if it’s

if it would have to be cameron or the

stranger next to you

uh cameron would you be comfortable with

being the stand-in deborah

yeah that’s fine okay okay

sorry sorry it’s to cameron he’s he’s

gonna speak oh it’s me

yeah it’s not gonna be you guys sorry

sorry about that

turn around lady okay i’m not talking to

you

good lord get some space thank you push

them away a little bit

okay deborah

deborah i cherish your penmanship

and you lied to me dog oh my god

i knew this is what happened wow wow

wait what’s happening are you wait

is she lied to me are you being

channeled the voice has changed

deborah what’s wrong with you are you

okay

yeah it’s just like whatever uh

yeah i’m i’m real sorry that i’m late i

was just getting ready

for a long time well that makes me feel

better to know that you lied to me

i am so sorry if i uh misrepresented the

truth in some way

if you could fill me in as to how that’s

good

that’s good assume no guilt assume no

guilt thank you

thank you you lied to me doug is there

anything you lied to her about

uh i’m i’m honestly at a loss i

did you lied to me in middle school

about the talent show

yeah we were supposed to be a team

you’re you’re right but i thought that

maybe it would sound better as a solo

rather than a duet i thought

i thought you wanted to sing islands in

the stream

as a as a solo you thought that would be

better

yeah i could do i can do both parts okay

yeah and you killed it i’m not gonna lie

you

you [ __ ] killed it dude thank you so

much

thank you so much i was practicing all

summer

yeah i can’t be too mad about that

deb i i honestly appreciate you taking

this so well

oh okay i’m sorry did i uh i mean i

tried my best i’m

i’m taking you lessons

that’s something i’ve been really trying

lately is that like i want the people

around me to almost

feel like it’s so real that they’re

playing a vr game

you know what i mean like that’s how i

real i want to be is that like my

friends are like oh my god is this

am i in a vr game right now because it’s

so real

i was ready player wedding like crazy

i’m really sorry about that yeah it

wasn’t great

it sounds like it hurts i mean my eyes

hurt

dr london are we i mean do you think

yeah i feel like we we did the chore

so so did you dylan i know you’ve been

kind of set in the mood here

for a while would you mind um you know

bumping it up a little bit

and uh sending it i guess well it’s a

mini chore wheel so i guess if you could

mini

um demolish it yeah and maybe play a

very

tiny very mini outro song

just the tiniest closing or uh

finishing the short wheel as in it

sounds small like the chipmunks or

like it’s uh short yes i want to leave

that up to dylan’s interpretation

i think i could be taking a number of

different letters

[Music]

well yeah great choice that was that was

extremely tiny thank you

that was great and on the fly like that

honestly i’m so

good no he’s he’s great at that so his

his laptop is smoking right now that’s

not good for it

i know that much that’s how hard he was

he’s that good

like it’s not it’s not good for most

laptops

like used by us but whenever he’s at the

wheel at the helm

the game has changed but i feel like

you know we’ve been here for a while and

at least one of our dates might have

passed away

so i’d say like maybe like doug you

should i’m sorry

uh you know if you guys want to take it

home

charge it for me bring it back to me i’d

appreciate that or if you want to bring

me a charger

or get an extension cord find an outlet

bring it to here

oh you haven’t even looked for an outlet

not no there’s not one underneath this

booth i don’t want to impose on anything

you haven’t explored beyond fellow

patrons

yeah and his his computer set up down

there

there was already like part of that must

have already been there

is what i’m assuming and so you didn’t

want to disconnect anything just in case

it

messed with the restaurants i can’t get

that to turn on either

uh so okay yeah so

so with that in my okay so you’re gonna

you’re gonna stay here i’m gonna

i’m gonna go ahead and get out of here

and i think

i guess do i do i have to check out um i

don’t want to

yeah no i’ll i’ll cover i’ll cover the

tab i guess um

oh my god just with the patreon so uh

are you kidding me with the amount of

money we’re making on this patreon

who yeah oh man yeah we can buy all the

dollars in the world you kidding me yeah

i haven’t started one of these worth it

worth it is what i’m hearing

so uh yeah so tutor um

yeah so mike my name is dr

londonsmith.com yes i’d like to pay this

bill

uh that’s our producer cameron of course

uh and uh

this has been uh doug actually yeah

doug before we leave um do you have

anything to

promote uh well

i don’t know if i have anything for

myself i haven’t made a twitter account

or nothing but i know this guy

keller knoblock on there he’s supposed

to be pretty funny

somebody was printing out tweets and

dropping them under the table

they’re pretty good and uh and i think

he was uh

i was real i was too scared to say

anything but two people sat down at this

table

and had a whole conversation about some

podcast called the 500 greatest films

podcast

and it sounded interesting and

informative

and entertaining so uh yeah that’s about

all

i have as far as new information

so you’re gonna download that podcast

the second your phone gets up and

running again right oh my god

yeah as soon as i get that thing plugged

in if you guys want to take that home

that’s still on the table you guys can

do that for me but yeah

mm-hmm perfect great yeah

all right so that was our guest uh at

the table

doug spritz uh that was our producer

cameron uh

thank you for serenading us throughout

the meal uh did you join the hose

[Music]

you’re the best

[Music]

my name is dr london smith.com and this

has been

the jock doc podcast see you

bye

[Music]

no one’s gonna ever keep you down

as you hold her in your arms you know

it’s too good to be true

surely there must be a catch you briefly

glance around

but somehow pigs are not flying and the

world is not ending

at least not discernibly within your

line of sight

surely this is the greatest moment of

your life

you hesitate to call it that though

remembering the day that you earned your

phd

that time that you climbed through the

sewers to acquire that shiny penny

and of course that really good hair day

in october of 1997

no this moment really does top them all

the embrace lasts only for a few seconds

however before she releases her hold

and you do the same hoping to hide some

degree of your enthusiasm

you may have been the smelling guy that

she agreed to cash in on a 50

bet but you came out of that with the

greatest riches of all

speaking of real treasure all along

don’t forget to leave a five star review

of the jock doc podcast

which you share about the times when

someone had to be paid to show you a

physical sign of affection

and consider joining our patreon where

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give you a hefty dose of improvised

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go ahead and share the jock doc podcast

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and don’t forget to take a peek at our

post on social media we are

@jockdocpodcast thanks for listening

Hey kids you are about to listen to a

comedy podcast

that means that none of this is medical

advice

if you need medical advice or medical

care please

contact your doctor welcome to the jock

doc

podcast featuring dr london

smith you may know him as the jock doc

but really he’s a jock of all trades yes

introducing your host dr

london smith

[Applause]

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners

we’ve received some feedback about the

excessive amount of

technical medical terms that i’ve been

using such as warmed peritoneal

irrigation and shoe fly don’t bother me

so i will try to temper my terminology

to a simpler one in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron

[Laughter]

[Music]

cameron are you

well it sounds like someone’s talking to

me but i can’t hear anything

definitely not someone i’m not speaking

to an audio issue are you

hearing either am i working is it

nope just can’t hear any people i’ve cut

out of my life because i’m not talking

to them anymore trying to talk to me

denied

uh okay so did i karen did i offend you

in some way

i’m mad okay no i and i’m not talking to

you so

this is not directed to you i’m talking

i’m pointing the opposite direction and

i’m talking in that direction for anyone

who wants to hear

do you want to say to DJ Dylan will

that help

no because i feel like DJ Dylan enables

you

yes with the sound effects

okay because i sometimes feel like he he

really takes your side with

but but sure okay um what do you have to

say to

to the opposite side of the room then

what’s what’s the problem well

hey dj dylan yes isn’t it messed up when

your best friend and co-host is supposed

to pick you up from soccer practice last

night

and didn’t okay except wow

maybe you have another podcast so you’re

the producer for this podcast you’re not

actually

you know an official co-host that’s sort

of a you know

you’re the producer you just kind of

make sure that’s your response is to

negotiate titles i say

to no one in particular yes do you have

another podcast where you’re the co-host

i want to clarify this because if you do

you did not pick me up from soccer

practice

okay now that okay no i can explain and

i waited out there

all night i didn’t go to bed right which

cause you know the soccer field is next

door to you like it’s not a

long walk you could have just well yeah

but it was cold i’m not gonna walk in

the cold

but you’re gonna stand in the cold and

not sleep in the cold

all night

yes i so for me it’s a commute

i have to drive across town to get to

you to drive to pick you up and drive

you

to next door where you live yeah it’s

not next door

nope well it’s like it’s like it’s like

two doors yeah sorry

it’s like a couple doors down it’s it’s

in the same neighborhood i should say

yeah

like a block or two so okay so i i’m

sorry

i did so so at the hospital there

there’s a patient

i mean not to but arsenal but they were

dying this

ugh this whole thing again dude you are

like obsessed with fixing people

well it’s that’s that’s kind of the gig

you know being a doctor i’m not sure

oh my gosh you’re just like oh like oh

you know you’re not gonna let people

figure things out for themselves and

sort of like

grow you see their issues and you’re

like oh i gotta fix them gotta fix them

i gotta put that back on well like say

whenever it’s a uh

a cancerous tumor i i won’t let that

grow i will

i will try to you know treat that maybe

with radiation chemotherapy surge

surgery whatever whatever’s necessary

depending on

so so a lot of things in medicine we do

not want

to to grow on their own this is beside

the point like i said i am sorry for

missing

you know your pickup time i know you’ve

kind of arranged a strict schedule for

me

that is difficult once again because

it’s across town and it seems like you

well for one thing you could walk for

another you could uber yeah like i’m

gonna spend

i’m gonna spend like a thousand dollars

a day

doing uber and lyft because i gotta go

to my soccer practice my piano practice

swimming practice fishing practice

okay what about pete your friend pete

who goes to the practices with you

you said yeah pete’s dead

yeah well i’m i’m so sorry i didn’t

realize

could that be what’s what’s making you

upset here does something extend no

he died a long time ago he died like 35

years ago

okay maybe we’re talking about a

different pete then

uh peter your friend

like there’s peter griffin on family guy

i don’t think of him as a friend he’s

more of like a scoundrel

i hate actually hate him all right just

go on okay and we should move on but

i’m just who is that who’s your friend

who plays soccer with you

that’s what i’m wondering here maybe i

got the name wrong no i just play with

the kids like the neighborhood kids

yeah and did you not ever ask like

hey could could one of you give me a

ride or your

your parents yeah well i tried but like

the buddy pegs on their bike

broke due to the the weight okay

okay so you did and i’m sorry i’m sorry

that i guess that does fall back to me

then

you’ve exhausted your alternatives

yep okay so so that’s that’s our

producer cameron and i’m still

mad okay and uh

in is producer cameron it’s not

co-hosted it is producer cameron

uh but also with us is digital in the

hose

well it sounds like someone’s talking to

me but i can’t hear anything

did you do in the house definitely not

someone i’m not speaking to

talking to me can’t hear anything so

no just can’t hear any people i’ve cut

out of my life because i’m not talking

to them anymore trying to talk to me

[Music]

hey dj dylan isn’t it messed up when

your

best friend and co-host is supposed to

pick you up from soccer practice last

night

and didn’t be the producer for this

podcast you’re not actually

you know an official co-host because you

know the soccer field is next

door to you like it’s not a long walk

you could have just

isn’t it messed up isn’t it isn’t it

isn’t it messed up

did you own the house isn’t it isn’t it

isn’t it

and later cameron tells you that we can

expect a special guest

that’s right dr london all right so look

forward to that

but before we move on i would like to

address a bit of listener feedback

there is this laboratory in a sort of

top secret wing at the hospital where i

work and i stopped by there the other

day to pick up some

candy because they always have really uh

like a well-stocked candy ball there

so anyway i happened to look up at the

big glass partition

and there was a lot of fog in there with

what appeared to be electrical sparks

and

bodies flying around and tentacles

pressed up against you know different

parts of the glass

so that was all normal but the new thing

was that there was also writing on the

glass partition

that i assume was a note from a listener

and all this is in like dripping red ink

the note read quote since ron died and

my son won’t speak to me

because he considers me rude for telling

a few truths to his godless wife

i’m alone i’m willing to lend you my

chairs

in parentheses not the good ones the

ones from the dining room in parentheses

as long as you don’t remove the plastic

cover from those chairs

end quote

so first of all i would like to thank

this listener so much for reaching out

thank you so much yes that really does

mean a lot

to answer your question i do not think

that

that i am actually in need of chairs

plastic cover or not

but it sounds like you could use some

company this listener

so it just you you’re just like out here

just encouraging

people to hang out with this person well

i just it sounds like they don’t have

company i was gonna say they could

listen to podcast for one thing that’s a

form of company really um but they

already listened to the podcast so they

wrote into you

yeah and it it looks like it’s not

helping their personal life okay yeah

then

why not you know maybe they can find a

buddy

um but what candy you get

what what candy you get oh from the

from the hospital uh

so so sometimes i go for the kitkats

they don’t always keep chocolate in

there but

yeah but what was in this circumstance

why are you so afraid to talk about it

i don’t did i sound afraid i yeah

i’m i’m sorry i what candy did you get

why are you stalling so much

sorry it was a kitkat okay

that’s it i just wanted to know and you

refused to tell me for some odd reason

now i know that you did not get a kit

kat

if anything could prove that you did not

get a kitkat it’s this okay

which i i mean that brings up so many

questions

that i don’t even really want to ask

okay well um

anyway so to this listener uh maybe

consider

making an apology to your

daughter-in-law because people can be

very defensive about

certain views uh religious or otherwise

and it’s important to bear in mind that

just because a person’s perspective is

different from yours that doesn’t make

it

a wrong view or a bad view

so try apologizing and try to

communicate your understanding and then

ask

her to express and honestly and if

you’re the daughter-in-law

cut it out stop being just like this

like

just awful person you know what i mean

oh you mean

godless because that’s all we really

know about them yeah but you can just

like you can just sort of tell from the

letter that like you know that

she’s probably a little mean and like

a little nasty yes i

i guess i i wasn’t sure whether you know

it could have been the listener

writing in who’s kind of mean and nasty

or

the daughter-in-law in any case uh sure

well dr london

our listeners are always the good guys

well i depending you know if they’re

if they’re mean or hurtful then

that’s then there was a reason for it

because those are the lessons we’ve

bestowed upon our guests

as they eat up all the tips that we’ve

been giving them

yeah and some of those tips are how to

have a righteous anger

aren’t they dr london sometimes i feel

like i don’t get that

but um in any case to this listener

thank you for listening um

now for today’s medical topic pulmonary

aspiration

so pulmonary aspiration is what occurs

when a substance is introduced into the

respiratory tract that is not normally

present

this can be acidic gastric contents from

the stomach which

are especially damaging to the lungs or

aspiration of bacteria that lives in

your mouth and your throat

or can be from a foreign body or fluids

basically this is like the times

whenever you’re

eating something and then it goes down

the wrong pipe that kind of thing except

it’s

it’s a worse version of that so

the right lung is most often involved

due to the anatomy of the right main

bronchus following a more straight path

down

and particularly the lower segments of

the right upper lobe

and the upper segments of the right

lower lobe

there are a number of risk factors this

is what i’m talking about what is the

point of talking about this

so well for one this is for training

doctors that’s really what this podcast

is all about we’re training young

doctors to be

you know the next generation to to

obsess over fixing people you’re

teaching people how to build

poor relationships dr london yeah i i

feel like that’s not really

the case you know what you should be

telling your doctors hey

let your patient be your patient you

know what i mean like let them be them

i’m not gonna tell you that you are less

of a person because of your haircut

so why am i going to tell this patient

oh you got to do this thing and

if you want this to grow back you got to

do this hey just let them be

them yeah um so i feel like maybe

it’s uh it’s more that like and so in

the case of

pulmonary aspiration if someone has

prostate cancer then that’s their choice

a lot of them don’t choose this i guess

is the issue that you know pulmonary

aspiration or

or cancer they these things happen

without them wanting to so

but but me sharing a little bit about it

can kind of clarify so

so there are a number of risk factors

for pulmonary aspiration but a few of

them include

a reduced level of consciousness

alcoholism excessive vomiting

and anesthesia so like if they’re

knocked out

for whatever reason they can

accidentally while they’re

asleep or you know unconscious they can

inhale

stuff from their mouths these people

you’re fixing you’re also

knocking them out you’re drugging them

okay so this is

a patient comes in just wants to hang

like just chit-chat

and like see what’s up you roofie him

and then you start playing around with

his organs and stuff

see i feel like you’re if that wasn’t if

that wasn’t in an

office you’d be a psychopath dr london

yes

you’d be considered like a crazy person

but because society has normalized this

through things like er

and grey’s anatomy okay

suddenly it’s acceptable yeah so it’s

it’s more that um

you know they patients come in and they

have these troubles they have these

issues but it’s

uh anyway so clinically the presentation

is variable and you’re just so obsessed

with fixing them oh my god

some patients develop acute onset of

respiratory distress

however patients will often appear well

at first

and then develop respiratory dysfunction

in the form of

coughing shortness of breath fever

increased rate of breathing

hypoxemia or for all the sputum patients

may also have

obstruction of the airways with

localized wheezing findings on chest

x-ray are variable and can resemble

infiltrates that mimic

bacterial pneumonia adelectasis that’s

that’s uh

one collapse and local areas of collapse

may also be present

differentiating between aspiration

pneumonitis and aspiration pneumonia can

be difficult

so aspiration pneumonitis will show

infiltrates acutely then why

do it see this is what i’m talking about

you’re just creating more work for

yourself yeah so

so that you’re saying oh it could be

really hard to figure out if it’s this

one thing or it’s this other thing

but like if you stopped sticking your

nose into people’s businesses

wouldn’t even be an issue well so if you

just say hey like

whatever it is that’s who you are and

that’s i’m gonna let you be you

right so and just just hang out so

pneumonitis

would be the um just the body reacting

to a foreign body whereas

pneumonia would be an actual infection

is that like

newman is this a seinfeld bit is that

the whole thing

no i mean not not really so uh

now you’re just making making jokes

you’re making light of your patients

that have these

terrible diseases that are coming to you

for help ugh

so aspirational humanities will show

infiltrates acutely on x-ray whereas

aspiration pneumonia which is the

infection one that takes a few days to

develop

however many physicians will treat

empirically with antibiotics

since it’s often difficult to predict

which ones or which patients will

develop

the pneumonia after they uh they have

aspiration demonitis

in terms of treatment if aspiration was

witnessed the first steps would be

the abcs of airway breathing and

circulation uh

you’re familiar with the abcs cameron

of airway and circulation breathing it’s

abc

airway breathing circulation the

the am i so what are you asking though

are you i was just basically asking it

sounded like you didn’t know the abcs of

of uh oh because of last time no because

of this

moment ago that’s because of the last

time you asked me to do the abcs and i

had

yeah okay i didn’t wasn’t able to follow

through with it

but i was busy i told you i was busy

well and

you also and i was stressed no because

you i was taught i was sleeping

you did list something but it was

numbers

you started listing numbers and i was

like no it’s it’s the letters that

you’re supposed to do for abcs

well and that i mean that just depends

on what language you’re using too

because i think you’re

using sort of the gregorian language

well because you didn’t list the numbers

in order

or you just kept you were saying certain

numbers

it didn’t sound like it was a time

consumption 4 8 15

16 23 42 etc

right okay well um in any case

uh you like i said you do the abcs of

airway breathing in circulation along

with supplemental oxygen and supportive

measures

if aspiration pneumonia is suspected

give antibiotics that have anaerobic

activity such as clindamycin

if obstruction is present early

bronchoscopy is indicated

uh prevention is critical in patients at

high risk for aspiration so

to prevent this you’ll keep the head of

the bed elevated

and place um a nasogastric tube to

decompress the stomach

is that does that make sense cameron and

if you don’t

you should also say like if you don’t

want to prevent this then that’s your

choice

you should say that to let them know

so that’s always part of the the

physician-patient relationship is we

we explain it to the patient tell them

the risks benefits of treatment

and from yeah but just tell the

listeners now like hey if you don’t want

to prevent this because like that’s just

who you are and it’s kind of part of

your part of who who you are then like

that’s okay

right okay we can go ahead and move on

from there don’t go to the doctor

[Music]

all right uh well cameron you said that

we have a guest today is that right

that’s right dr london we actually have

i want to say maybe a little bit of a

famous guest

okay wow great that that’ll help with

our numbers

he’s famous to me because i had met him

okay

okay your lead into that wasn’t you know

exactly

okay but um sure as long as you know

that we can

talk medicine i’m assuming this is gonna

be you know you you’ve been

kind of talking up the idea of bringing

in uh a medical expert like someone

who’s the top of their field

someone uh epidemiology i think you said

specifically was gonna be

well i mean that that’s actually an

interesting point because that i met

this man in a field

and i would say we were at the top of it

i mean i i feel like that’s hard

directionally but we were definitely on

the northernmost point of it okay

sort of just digging through like like

rappers and stuff that was like on the

ground seeing what’s

you can find coins sometimes or like

sometimes maybe

that’s that’s what you go to a field for

and soccer yeah if it’s a soccer field

once again i’m sorry but i’m not really

gonna do that anymore because

i don’t want to have to stand outside

all night yeah i don’t want to

i don’t want to bring this into the

interview with the guests

just still really pissed off okay but

hello

hi to our guest oh well we’ll

well hey there you know this is jack

over here

hey jack hi my name is dr london

smith.com and this is our producer

cameron

well i’m just a jack of all trades you

know just just just wanted to to get in

here and talk to you all

just have a little problems of myself

but i’m wondering to know i mean are

y’all are you all homeowners

do you protect the investment the

the legality of the ownership of my home

is very

complicated and lengthy subject and it

involves a lot of

like bank accounts overseas type of

thing

i understood i understood technically

i mean on paper i know that there

is a deed but it’s not to the house

itself it is

to um a place in idaho which which is

not where i currently am

yeah these are just it’s just

straightforward because i

i don’t understand it but i’m glad you

do yeah i just i just wanted to know if

you you have your gutters up you know

you have your roof cleaned

crawl space covered you know toilets

really need repair i’m

i’ll do it all for you oh okay so you’re

you’re sort of like uh like a

fixer-upper guy like you’re like a

fix-it man

like a of all trades almost like a jack

of all trades well you know

i just like to do all the kinds of home

owning things you know go to lowe’s home

depot you know you get

you get you get that uh gift card from

there and you can do much

pretty much about anything with it and

i’ve just learned a few a few things

i’ve learned how to do my

my outlets here i’ve been shocked a few

times

you know people just call me the the

jack of all trades i i just want to

start flipping houses i’ve

i’ve flipped about uh i think i’ve done

one

so far but wow ah you know i just need

to get on it

when you say flip houses you don’t mean

because

because cameron tried something once

that with with his house

and now he got it upside down but it’s

the full 360 flip that he couldn’t

master

yeah oh well no i mean i i i can see

where that can be an issue but uh

i don’t really mean flip them i just

mean you know protect protecting all

sorts of the investment you know it’s

the most important investment of your

life so you you really gotta

you really gotta make the most of it i

mean yeah i mean i’m not honestly i’m

not much of like a uh

handy guy i do a lot of experiments and

i do a lot of tinkering

but uh i mean this really isn’t my area

of expertise what

what brings you on the show well you

know

it’s funny that you asked and and and

and my clothes are real dirty but yeah

and

i just got to tell you you know i don’t

want to say anything but it’s

it’s like it’s evenly dirty the entire

way

usually i feel like when people get

dirty it’s you know you’ve got mud spots

over here and some dirt over here this

is

this is head to toe or i guess net like

neck to toe

evenly spread and distributed mud and

the floor

has taken on the color of your your body

essentially at this point yeah where

you’ve stepped

and now you might well might ask my

clothes the way they are and i’m usually

a sharpened

dresser but i had a really tricky

problem with the leaky radiator

okay so so i used a jar now i did i

didn’t have a jar right away so i used a

mayonnaise jar

and that mayonnaise jar wasn’t so empty

so you know i had to put

put it in my fishbowl that fishball had

my fishing and then i had to

put put put the dang fish in the sink

and well now

the sink was full of dirty dishes so

where did you have to put those

and you know i had to i had to load them

in the dishwasher

the dishwasher was full of the dirty

dishes so

at that point i just had to you know put

the dirty dishes in the laundry basket

and

my laundry basket is full of dirty

clothes which you see on me right now

that’s how i got here oh okay

so okay a large amount of so your fish

are still in the sink

oh yeah i guess that is i i was about to

skip over that

you’re yeah are your fish still in the

sink right now currently they are

you know what i’m saying and then and

that’s fine are they

i mean are they are they are swimming

it’s just another thing to take care of

it’s just another thing to take care of

which is your favorite thing to do right

garbage disposal

i was yeah i was gonna say that’s not

really an answer but i guess that one is

okay that is a very clear answer

i i i like it yeah well i like you

people

so oh that’s that’s nice thank you so

so i rarely get that that’s the reason

you’re on the show is because of a leaky

radiator and you blended a fish

incorrect my friend incorrect so

there’s a snake’s nest underneath the

porch okay okay

and it’s fairly unrelated well yeah

and uh you know instead of hiring an

exterminator way too expensive

i i understand you’re not a handyman i’m

not either

but it was still way too expensive is

how i got into this you know

instead of you know instead of finding

an exterminator why don’t i just

go ahead and get the snake myself well

it turns out

snakes aren’t that bad when you become a

snake charmer

you just gotta you know get that flute

looking thing that

that people overseas have you know it’s

called a punji or something

and you all you have to do is blow on

the thing and the snakes are just fine

it’s completely fine oh so that’s how i

took care of my snake problem so i mean

you just like blow on the pipe and the

snakes just come out from

under the house they do they do

sometimes they might just get on my arm

just a little bit

you know the snake is kind of nice you

know i might try to kiss my arm

so you’re just so even after the snakes

have vacated

the house you’re still playing still

playing still going at it sometimes they

want to come up and give me a little

kiss but

you know i was like hey little fella

you’re in a groove at this point and you

don’t want to stop

jamming yeah and i was like hey little

fella you gotta listen to my song and he

just snuggled around my waist and began

to contract a little

it was nice okay so but uh okay so i

have this slightly puffy you know arm

and my throat closes up

i got my hives all over so that’s really

the main reason why i’m calling here i i

don’t want to go to a doctor

well the air’s been so dry lately you

know what i mean like

i really it looks a lot like it could be

from you mentioned the snakes coming up

to you

giving you kisses uh and

did did they happen to bite you because

i’m

seeing well i’m seeing one that has not

detached from your arm that it

still appears to be well holding onto

your i was gonna

ask i guess i thought it was i don’t

know like a big belt that was just sort

of

hanging off of you but i think that i

think that is like a like a

python right it it it it might be well

you see at first it hurt a little but

then i just got used to it and then the

puffiness just comes and goes you know

and uh you know i i just i just think

it’s just really nice but

it it does hurt a little bit and i i am

trying to get rid of it and

you know my throat closing up doesn’t

help at all because

i wake up and i got the cold sweats yeah

because the air’s so dry yeah for any of

the listeners

asking or thinking to themselves like

wait are some of those he mentioned a

constriction he mentioned a python

so some snakes are poisonous some snakes

are not

and um he is covered in a lot of snakes

like we’re

we’re kind of minimizing it by talking

but he has a lot of

what appeared to be different species of

snakes attached to him

and around him constricting him in

different areas

and so you know just for the listener

it’s just hard to tell because his

clothes are so dirty so it’s kind of

like i can’t tell what snake and what’s

shirt yeah

but the parts that are writhing the i

think those are

i guess that makes sense yeah like it’s

it’s it’s impressive that they’re all

staying on you to me

i i mean at this point i just i just

have to live with it you know my wife

you know she she might not sleep in the

same bed as me but you know that’s

totally fine it’s just

i think we got the case she’s sleeping

somewhere she does she seems somewhere

we got the california king so it’s

really

you know ah i’ll make do

you know it’s just all about protecting

the investment the and i mean that that

has to be the

that has to be the goal yes the snakes

are part of the investment

so so the investment has gone beyond

merely

the house that you’re trying to fix

i guess everything on the property

itself everything that comes with it

including when you purchase a house

you’re not just purchasing the house

you’re purchasing the land as well

you’re purchasing the snakes that live

under it and that you charm

out from underneath and onto your body

yeah and you own the mud

you own all the stuff that is on him

right now he

he does own that i don’t know if you’re

trying to like steal it or something

no is that why you’re asking about own

like trying to clarify ownership you

want some of the snakes because that

actually would be very convenient for

this issue

right he’s got snakes he wants to get

rid of it sounds like you want some

no so i so we can just do a swap right

here i mean

that i mean that would be a bad idea

right there okay well i

for one thing i can go ahead and say

right now this is partly due to

you know a lack of knowledge on my part

because like i said i’m not

i’m not such a handyman i’m not a jack

of all trades

i don’t do a lot of and you’re dumb and

i don’t do a lot of house flipping

so whenever someone comes in covered in

snakes

my first thought isn’t this guy knows

how to fix a house

but i i can understand that your first

thought is probably like oh i should

play video games or something like that

right

you’re not even considering any of this

no when i see a person covered in snakes

my first thought is not i should go play

video games that’s not

oh i wish i had like uh dr pepper right

now

that’s all you’re thinking about because

you’re off in your own little world

where me and jack here in the real world

real worlds have

snakes we’re in the we’re in the real

real doing men

things lifting heavy objects and snakes

you know

i’m just saying i do gotta ask so you

are wanting to get rid of

you specifically one snake but

do you want to leave the rest of them i

mean

you know at this point they’re just

really nice i got i got that wonderful

punji

and if you don’t know what a pungent is

just just look up that middle the the

middle eastern people i mean they i mean

they have them

they have them they they they charm the

snakes all day long all night long

and uh and you can really jam with it

you can just really jam with it and at

this point

i’ve jammed so much that i have also

become a dj

so what’s the connection here oh so

you started playing this flute

and you what you started sampling it or

something you know it it’s just

it’s just that my house was clearly also

disturbed by

by ghost so i thought you know maybe i

should become a priest to expel them

or or so this is all the homeownership

thing

not only did your house have snakes it

also had

did you say ghosts yes i know that i

wanted to become a priest to expel them

the kids and the wife and i mean we all

had nightmare well i had dreams

i just had dreams of of dancing ghosts

so then maybe all of them aren’t so bad

after all

why don’t i just throw them a dj ghost

house party

[Music]

oh okay so you sort of while being

covered

in snakes learned from your snake

charming lesson

and are now sort of establishing that

line of logic towards anything you’re

trying to expel

or now make them party basically

exactly my friend and it’s not expensive

have you thought about

maybe how the snake venom that i’m

sure is becoming a part of your

bloodstream

could you be hallucinating to any extent

and maybe this could be driving some of

your

plans to you know have a dance party for

ghosts

in your home that you’re trying to flip

no i don’t know whether whether

or not to go with or or without that

suggestion

because my reality is real right now you

can

assuredly go against london’s suggestion

at any point

yes he’s usually wrong i mean everyone

that tells me that comes to me they say

hey

you know get on chip and joanna gaines

show i mean you’re jack of all trades

you’re a snake charmer you’re a dj

you’re a priest i mean

what can’t you do jack you know what i’m

saying yeah i mean that’s

three whole things it it sounds like

you’re not

like it’s more that you just have it’s

not that your jack of all trades it’s

that you’re a jack of having so many

problems

in your house you see you see them as

problems but

my life couldn’t be any better i’m just

enjoying this life

london fixing things is in his blood

look he’s obsessed with fixing things

and can’t that be okay

so can you remember life before you were

bitten by snakes

let me think before you be became

covered in snakes

because because i’m guessing it felt

better than however you

how you feel now well i mean i did i did

a few toilet repairs life was a little

bit more boring

i just discovered how to uh you know get

them wi-fi outlets working you know

you know get with my goo with my google

home so maybe

you were doing your repairs normally and

then you just came across a problem that

it sounds like you were able to fix a

toilet on your own

but then once again whenever it came to

snakes too big a problem

and ghosts maybe not quite

your specialty and so these things or

maybe

maybe you aren’t a jack of all trades

just maybe a jack of a great

many you know a healthy amount of trades

yes i thought i thought the same thing

but then

the snakes shut up and they stopped

buying me even though they’re still

hanging on

i still got hives all over but i’m i’m

still okay i can still sleep in the

night

without my wife but uh you know

life has actually gotten a little uh

better more

fun less unexciting well it’s probably

pretty fun with all the crazy stuff

you’ve been seeing right i tell you so

because i uh especially i imagine if

you’re like partying with ghosts and all

this stuff

yeah i don’t even know you you do look

very pale and exhausted

your foot does appear to be lost to the

python at this point

oh actually i do know what this is when

i met

when i met jack he goes into snake mode

sometimes which is this

and that’s when he’s got the brains of a

snake so

okay so so my thought here i don’t know

if you remember

uh if you were listening earlier the the

abcs airway breathing and circulation

so you circulate the a

you do a first airway you said your

throat was closing

well let me get a pen okay we i mean you

don’t need to

you don’t have to do a tracheotomy right

now no so i’m saying

i’m trying to write down the area there

okay so a it’s it’s

i mean he’s like wobbling back and forth

yeah

he’s like picking up a pen okay no you

don’t eat the pen

i’m sorry okay sorry about that sorry i

just can’t eat the pen that’s

that’s his choice there’s i mean

i’m not gonna stop him so so it’s a for

airway and you said that your your

throat has been closing up so it sounds

like

occasionally occasionally sometimes i

wake up and i’ve done passed out

i don’t know if i passed out from that

or dealing with electricity in the house

yeah it’s you should you should see a

doctor

about this like not well that’s what i’m

calling i mean i’m talking to you it

sort of seems like you just continuously

go to room

from room to room in your house uh maybe

hurting yourself

just in just in like very complicated

roundabout ways and then you wake up

dazed from it possibly have

suffering from some sort of hypoxemia

memory loss

and you just try to get to the next task

like something actually has this

actually raises another question you

said before that you

think you can’t remember quite but you

think you’ve

flipped one house

is that memory loss a new thing

or is the house the one house that you

quote unquote flipped is it the house

that you’re still working on right now

you know yeah you know i i just don’t

want to be a failure

i don’t want to be seen as a failure for

my family

and my wife so i i was just hoping to at

least flip one house

in the future okay

so so can

can i ask how long you’ve been working

on this house

17 okay you

you’re i i think to call that a flip is

is

very misleading i feel like i feel like

just the word flip itself implies like

sort of a quick

yeah a few years oh okay

okay when when was the last time you

slept in the same bed with your wife as

well

oh about two and a half to two oh okay

so she didn’t put up with 15 years of

you uh flipping this house is she still

living in the same house

flipping the house she’s still living

she’s still okay oh okay okay

now she lives downstairs it gets a

little cold at night

we have upstairs set on 69

downstairs 62 62.

yeah i don’t know if i needed to know

all that she gets a little cold you know

w

women get cold okay yeah i mean that is

true

well and yeah the coldest person i’ve

ever met was a woman

you also might have the issue of you

know thinking

uh you know if if it feels pretty cold

to you it could also be because you have

you know less blood circulating you’re

like i said you’re very pale

it’s probably so it it’s probably so

okay so you do agree

that’s that that is nice that we have we

are

getting somewhere here so my suspicion

is for one thing you should you should

go straight to the hospital but

uh aside from that i agree you

probably can stop

trying to get the snakes off you i guess

is a big point

the snakes i don’t think you yeah well i

and the other the other point i want to

say agree i’ve had i’ve had to eat them

here and there you know cut them off

eating stick them on the grill

oh are you are you uh are you out of

food are you hungry

i’m never hungry these snakes all around

me you know it’s good snake meat

okay so you’re never hungry because

you’re constantly eating the snake okay

i guess that does make

that adds up yeah i shouldn’t even ask

the question

but i do have another tip you know maybe

getting rid of the snakes

and these dj parties that you’re doing

for the ghost play some dua lipa

she’s been having she’s been having a

really big album cycle

now do alipa i’ll tell you it’s funny

you should mention that

i guess it’s kind of funny that you did

i mean what what is funny about it yeah

you know you shouldn’t just listen you

shouldn’t just listen to her hits you

should listen to the albums

because she’s got some oh well you’re a

big dualipa fan as well she’s got deep

cuts is what you’re saying

like a fever with that funky girl funky

woman you know

yeah and he’s about to he is

falling down again and he’s looking hey

hey hey look over here okay

so there i feel like we’ve we’ve maybe

we’ve covered a lot of ground here and i

i feel like we cracked this this nut so

to speak

uh so maybe we could go ahead and move

on to a chore

i don’t know jack would you be okay with

helping us with the chore

if you can yeah if you’re if you’re if

you’re able to stay awake

during this portion we could really help

i’ve definitely taken a few naps here

and there but definitely listening

for any new listeners uh me and dr

london unfortunately lit a huge list of

chores

build up because we were really busy

playing on our phones

and we did that for about a year and a

half and so now we’ve got

all i mean thousands of chores that

we’ve sort of just neglected

and so we just to get this done i built

a little fancy

chore wheel that we spin and whatever

chore it lands

on it we just have to do it we get it

done today

and then we can move on with our lives

so dr london can you give that actually

uh jack could you give our wheel a spin

let me give you that little spin there

uh yeah and you just want to put your

hand up okay and

well let’s cameron can you lift up his

hand for him because he doesn’t see

yeah just put it on the wall okay the

snake got it the snake okay the snake

the snake is grabbing the wheel okay

well i can just yank the snake at that

point right

oh if you’re comfortable yeah that would

be fine just try it out

try it out let’s see what he does

okay it landed on

check in with our dating profile oh okay

boy

so it is february i guess this does this

is convenient that it landed on this one

yeah the month of love as people say

yeah it is from last

february to be clear the month of

cooties but

okay no i i’ve been dreading this one

because

this month is a whole thing you know

all right so let’s log into our i’m

gonna log into mine

my dating profile is over at surf

bulliesdating.com right

you know the people when you’re trying

to surf and they just come by and

they’re

they’re messing up your vibe with your

babes

oh yeah yeah that’s my type yeah and so

that’s and that’s who i am so i gotta

surf bullies

and uh all right let me log into my

profile

okay i mean do you want to just show you

my profile is that

is that or do you want to read the

messages what what should we do yeah so

i think well specifically the the chore

is to check for um anyone you know any

prospects

who is there anyone there who looks like

they’re dateable

it looks like i’ve gotten one

message and it’s a surfboard

it sends you a surfboard is that a like

that the system no yeah so i think it’s

a surfboard it’s maybe your board is

that beyonce song

i think sir yeah i think surfboard is an

equivalent to one beyonce song which i

think is equivalent to maybe two likes

okay and then if you can see right here

there’s a beach ball as well

yeah that’s actually a dislike because

surfers and beach ballers

they’re that’s a huge clashing gang war

that’s been going on for a long time

and it’s so hard to hear about it so

all right so there is one person who

messaged me um

let’s see um it is

from ron perlman the guy

who played daredevil like a long time

ago

okay or no sorry he played

uh uh yeah i was going to say that was

ben hellboy

hellboy and he was in sons of anarchy

okay and he sent me a message and it

says sup

and it says what wyd which i don’t know

what that stands for

yeah it says it’s wide like he’s calling

you fat

so he just said sup wide yes

maybe it’s my profile maybe i’m

attracting the wrong type of people here

let me like if i pull up my profile

you can see here age i put 17

right because you know i want to appear

young and youthful and okay like i’ve

a lot of life ahead of me yeah which is

same thing you tell

like whenever you go play soccer and

everything you’d be like you’re just a

kid

at heart and you you try to live by that

yeah

and i just like hanging out yeah and i

like playing soccer

except i’m not doing that anymore

because i don’t want to be left on the

cold all night

we don’t have to talk about that now no

we don’t all right

i do i mean the only description i have

on here the only thing in my bio

is that i’ve never committed any federal

crimes

because i thought that would be like one

of the most important things to tell

someone and it’s not

true but i feel like if i put that sort

of forward

well see it would be so part of the

issue there i think is that

you know you’re on one of the rare

dating websites where a police report is

a part of the

of your registration so you’re saying

it’s you’re saying like i’m sort of

hurting my my rep

well not necessarily you just you are

making yourself have to be a liar

that’s i need to present myself as the

bad boy that i am

i no i’m just remember that time i was a

bad boy for a little while

yeah for halloween yeah yeah that’s

right

yeah all right we gotta uh so

i mean jack do you have any suggestions

on what i should add into my dating

profile to

finally well i say you you know you get

it

get on some of some of those cultured

ones you know

uh uh arabian date you know what i’m

saying

elite singles is this is this so you

have a hook up gq

[Laughter]

is the is the arabian dates so you have

a hookup for

for more flutes you have like a supplier

well

now you smell what i’m smoking you know

what i’m saying i do

i i’m now realizing that maybe a lot of

this is just

based on you wanting to acquire more

flutes

you know it might be the case it might

be the case

the snakes i can’t help but think like

the effect of the venom and the poison

in your body

and the lack of oxygen and your lungs

like all these may be really affecting

how you think

but i’m telling you he’s in snake mode

he’s thinking like a snake that’s why

he is attracted to the sound of the

flute that attracted all the snakes

and that’s why his tongue keeps falling

out yeah

and he does keep rab rattling his little

butt i think he

thinks it’s gonna make a rattle sound

but it does not

it clearly does you know what i’m saying

right

uh it makes a sound but it’s weird and

it’s not

it grows and i don’t dylan can you cut

all the times that’s a little bit

making that sound out of the show yes

it’s not it’s not good it’s not healthy

but anyways cameron

for for your profile i so i feel like

you can just go ahead and say

i committed a few felonies in my time

but i serve my time um

do we want to pick the felony here i can

just google it real quick right

you’re what okay felony

you’re gonna check that okay best

felonies to do that’s the

what i’ve googled um okay what about

forgery and counterfeiting

that sounds fun that does sound that

sounds intellectual

yep so as an intellectual

i tried to use chuck e cheese dollars

at a cvs and i got arrested

okay so you put that in your presents

i’ll put that in my profile

all right it’s really good send okay

because you on on this dating site it’s

not like you have profiles that people

can check it’s that you have to

send your profile to every user on the

site yeah so anyone

anytime anyone makes a change they then

send it as a message to the 3.8 million

users on the site that way we’re all

connected

and always talking so whenever that guy

called you

wide he said sup wide was that a profile

update or was that a message

that was a message okay okay that was

separate but it was in response to

me making that change to my profile

which then sends it to a message to 3.8

million

okay okay okay and one one lucky okay

should we should we talk to jack about

his dating program yeah jack i

i know you’re you’re married but i don’t

know

if it’s open relationship or anything

like that if you have a dating profile

just

for fun to see what it looks like or

maybe a dating profile from before you

guys got married

you know well you know i

there’s a christian singles you know

because you know can’t date anyone

listener christian you know what i’m

saying sure

and uh you know we’re in the south over

here bible belt

and uh you know just uh make sure

they’re

at least a little bit of redhead a

little bit of blonde

it’s got to have those blue eyes or

brown eyes make sure they’re a woman

and you know looking nice looking nice

okay

and that this is what your profile says

on christian

singles i am reading it now and it does

say that i want to say maybe that’s a

little too

forward i just wanted to read it

verbatim for you because

i mean i’m straight to the i do like

that you don’t say anything about

yourself in your profile it is all about

who you’re seeking and it’s a run-on

sentence it’s not

it’s not like a list it’s just those

words

together i can almost one long block as

i read it i’m

like it sounds like you’re passing out

like with the looking good looking good

at the end and your picture on here

has the snakes you took this picture

recently with the snakes on you so you

at least you’re being forward about that

like these are part of your life now

let’s just

let’s just wait a little bit let’s just

wait a little second

yeah i mean it could have been you know

they they’re able to type as many as

they are

but uh you know as far as as far as far

as dating goes you know

i’ve just i’ve just kind of run out of

ideas

okay well you know given that you’re

married i feel like it’s okay to be out

of ideas at this point

yeah so maybe we should just change the

profile i think you’re going to change

the profile to

married don’t message me

well you know if if they know that i’m

married they’re going to come running

for me you know

okay oh yeah that is true because and

especially with you being a homeowner

i’ll tell you

i mean i tell you yeah these sausage

fingers these sausage fingers barely fit

my wedding ring off okay so then

then let’s change your profile to i am

not married and you

must message me i feel like that will

give you the results that you want

yeah yeah well you know i’m saying

i just at this point i i i just don’t

know if i can even date

anymore well no that’s why we’re we’re

saying

like on the profile that you you’re

you’re it’s reverse psychology you’re

saying you must message me and then no

one’s gonna message you

and that way oh well okay well that

makes sense

it’s fine that you don’t want to date

anymore because you’re married like

that’s that’s actually a normal response

but you shouldn’t delete your profile or

anything like that yeah you want to be

able because you know what if you want

to use it later or what if you want to

use like the social

media aspects of it now yeah just in

case my my wife dies from

from from the dirty dishwasher i’m

saying

yeah i guess you think that’s the most

likely way

that she’s gonna die not the i’ll tell

you you never met this woman

she needs cleanliness you know

if it ain’t clean then it ain’t her

cup of tea you know you say that as if

like oh it’s so

strange or she’s really strict but like

you are covered

covered in dirt and

the floor where you’ve been her standard

is it my standard yeah

that is true dr london like it sounds

like she has a much stricter standard

where

you know she doesn’t want snakes and

dirt all over the house

you know because she’s very particular

and that’s very rude of her okay

well thank you cameron for no dr london

let’s go through your profile

yeah okay so what side are you on uh

okay this is tentacle dating and this is

not a weird thing

it i wanna clarify it’s not a weird

thing but it is a loud

thing i do why is the website so loud is

my question

okay well i look i didn’t build it

i guess a short answer um my

my dating sites they don’t make any

sound ever

yeah and i don’t know if you can hear it

through the computer and everything but

like there are

it’s uh it’s a lot of splashing sounds

um yeah well it’s all and it’s also just

like a piercing

static yeah it’s almost like like a dial

up modem sort of sound

but it’s sort of stuck in that yeah

and just to clarify it’s not like a

weird

uh kinky thing like it’s some people but

it’s just

it’s just a normal dating site and so i

learned about it from work

you know there’s this uh i think i

mentioned earlier there’s this

the sort of top secret wing of the

hospital and so

anyway sometimes one of my co-workers

over there

mentioned the site and it’s like so

interesting and i’ve

gone on it and like you said there’s

this this is really

entrancing sound to it so i don’t

you know uh so i can try to check my

profile i guess

yeah so just log on let’s if dylan if

you can filter out

as much as you can of the loud noise

that would be great yes okay

and so to do it i do have to okay so

every time i get on it does do this

thing where i have to

um put in my various hospital passwords

okay and then they do want information

on the government which i guess i

know i guess i did go i wouldn’t obtain

have you have you ever received a

message on this site

i honestly whenever i i don’t know it’s

kind of weird whenever i open the site i

kind of can’t think

but in a good way kind of blackout the

second the site’s open

yeah like right now i’m i’m i’m in a

weird state i don’t know what’s

happening

exactly but like i love dating when i’m

yeah and dating for you is

opening this website hearing hearing

this

hypnotic sound take over your soul

essentially and then and then uh giving

into a fishing attempt is that

right it’s hard to hear you over it

don’t uh

so i’ll get out of this window

okay so we’re just not gonna check in on

your dating profile i just

sorry you were done oh okay yeah

i’ll log in so this is a tentacle dating

oh we’re going to be stuck in a loop

like this huh no i

we’re fine i don’t know uh i’m not the

person

usually i am not the person who should

be like taking

charge and wrapping things up but i can

see what line we’re going down

and we’re gonna become stuck in a

constant loop here i think we’re i think

we’ve done the chore right

uh yeah i well no i still need to log on

to the side

unless you think it’s okay for us to

have the other do you think it’ll be

okay

just two of you just do it one more time

just do it one more time okay yeah i

mean it’s

it’s nothing i like i love to go on this

thing um

i don’t know why i just feel so good

afterwards yeah it says

yeah it says put in your password three

times social security number

looks like if you do it twice it’s going

to be locked out there

you know wow london okay

london london so i’ll just close the

window real quick

i’m just gonna just close the window

okay yeah let’s think we

oh should i hop on the uh do you think

we’ve rep you know what

you know what i think uh today

i think today you should leave the

dating site how how many times a day do

you log into the dating site dr london

i never like counted

but oh yeah you’re in a you’re in a like

a weird

state right during that time where

you’re blacked out i don’t know what

you’re talking about so

should i get on the is kind of fun

lately i haven’t liked the other side i

knew this was going to happen okay we’re

gonna we gotta wrap this up

we’ve done the chore dylan play the wrap

up the chore wheel song

before london continues to do this

no i see you trying to log in right get

stop that well it’s

stop okay dr london that whatever that

sound is that is hypnotizing you into

this weird state that convinces you

to give as much information as possible

over

i think it’s actually pretty cool

technology and we can talk about that at

a later point

and so that’s why i want to wrap up now

because we can kind of commit a full

episode to it in the future

okay sure and i i i don’t know you can

talk about a weird sound i just

i i just i don’t know i like for you

there’s no weird sound you just

you you love dating that’s all you know

i don’t love

dating usually but this there’s

something about this dating app this

website

yeah anyway yeah uh so that’s yeah i

guess

are we we’re done there for now at least

i guess we’ll go back to mine

um all right well thank you so much to

uh jack for being on jack of all trades

you know just you know i really i really

enjoy you all

and uh pray for me if anything yeah

uh and also maybe just also dial nine on

one but um

do you do you have ma do you have any

way for listeners to keep up with you

after this

uh any well

at this point i think i’m on my last leg

so if they keep

up with me i’ll see you on the other

side okay so

you can find him on twitter in heaven

um in the afterlife and

hopefully yeah that’s true okay

all right and um also thank you to

cameron our producer

thank you to digital nose

[Music]

well i’m just a jack of all trades you

know the jack of all trades you know

jack

[Music]

like a jack of all trades you know

people just call me the jack of all

trades

of all trades you know i mean everyone

that tells me that comes to me they say

hey

you know get on chip and joanna gage

show i mean your jack of all trades

like a jack of all trades on those

jackpots

[Music]

[Applause]

my name is dr londonsmith.com and this

has been

the jack of all trades see ya

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

uh there’s really no denying it your

pajamas are firmly attached to the wall

and no amount of goo gone is gonna fix

that

well not the meager amounts that line

the local store shelves at least

this would require a wholesale bulk

order

and you left that life behind long ago

no no these pajamas are beyond recovery

now

why oh why did you glue yourself to the

wall in your favorite pajamas

and how on earth will you get yourself

down

come to think of it unless a massive

amount of goo gone was within arm’s

reach

it probably wouldn’t be of much help

right now anyway you feel the wedgie

forming

strengthening as gravity does it’s

predictable and let’s face it

pretty pathetic work on you within the

pajamas

you look to the side and see your phone

within reach you pick it up

with a sigh and dial the number

yeah it’s me been a long time

i know i said i was leaving this

business forever but it finally happened

again

get me the goo gone hoes speaking of an

old-fashioned remedy to a real world

issue

don’t forget to leave a five-star review

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we are @jockdocpodcast thanks for

listening

Oh hey kids no no you’re about to listen

to a comedy podcast

that means okay that none of this

medical advice

if you need medical advice or medical

care please contact your doctor

bienvenido help podcast the jock .com l

dr

london smith el unico podcast de comedia

de

improves decion medica completamente

in english presentamos a su

an vitrion dr london smith

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring i’m your host

dr londonsmith.com i’d like to begin

by apologizing to our listeners we’ve

received some feedback about the

excessive amount of tactical medical

terms that i’ve been using

such as calcium pyrophosphate dihydrate

crystal arthritis

and unpleasant disposition so i will try

to

temper my terminology to a simpler one

in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron hey

dr london you’re actually you’re here

early

the party’s not till noon okay

so so we’re so cameron we’re doing the

podcast right now

i don’t know if did you did you plan

some events

at the same time oh is that today

yeah no it’s you don’t want to do the

podcast every week right

we already did it though we did it last

week no okay so i feel like we do run

into this problem a lot

when we do the podcast that doesn’t mean

it’s done that means one episode it’s

done

it’s over so one episode was over but

like at the end of the episode whenever

we said you know this has been the

jackknife podcast

oh so this is sort of a sequel to last

week’s episode

yes in a sense yeah but then you know

the week before that

we we also had an episode sort of a

prequel

to last week’s episode yeah okay yeah

but then before that we also had an

episode

i don’t know if you remember that one

yeah so sort of like how there were

three hobbit movies which was a prequel

series

okay if you want to you’re saying that

the

what we recorded last week is it being

expanded into a

like 30 movie universe is that what i’m

getting

i this is all beside the point why are

you here you’re here early

yeah so i’m i’m here because we’re

recording the podcast this is the

scheduled time

every week we we get into the boat we

we drive out yeah well i i get that

i just i feel bad i was setting

everything up i mean you can look at the

decorations i’ve

kind of been here for a few hours now

sudden yeah so it says

well you you’re describing it as a party

it says intervention

in big letters is that that well this is

actually this

well no this is actually i need to take

that down because that’s from a previous

party um this is sort of the i would say

the sequel to that party

um which is like someone

kind of had a they fell back into old

habits

uh you could say that it’s a gender

reveal party for my pythons

i okay you know just to say

i feel like my guess was pretty wrong

but okay so i would say it was pretty

close

but yeah okay so your python so after

the last intervention we were all

hanging out

drinking and so someone started passing

around these pythons kind of like

everyone gets one you know any kind of

like a gift basket at the end

um except this is deering yeah it was

well it’s not in a basket it was loose

so you had to kind of like

fumble around with it you could put in a

blank you could do whatever you want

with it

it’s your own snake you can do whatever

you want i’m not here to like tell

people what to

do with their pet snakes um so

anyway one thing led to another and now

we’re having a gender reveal party

and we’re doing it i think in the most

snaky i guess way possible so like

during a podcast recording is what you

think is the most sneaky

no no no because this is just

coincidental okay

this is just we’re gonna i mean you got

the invite like we’re gonna paint one of

your legs blue

and one of your legs pink and then

whichever one i kick no whichever one

the snake goes for

that’s it right okay right right

um this is all on the invite the invite

was huge

it was like a manual you know i think

that the problem with the invite was

that

because it was it was so huge it was

like it was a wall

and so it for me it was more i i kept on

because you put it in front of the house

and like lean it against the house and

so for me to leave

it was like stuck you know keeping the

door shut so i’d actually use an

alternate

exit to the house and so that part

became unusable so i didn’t

read it i didn’t realize that that was

you sent that to everyone

no because not everyone had the special

instructions okay

yours was 130 your your invite came in

the form of a 135 page

manual yeah that was gigantic each page

across a series of i don’t know

what structural the invitation explained

you need to paint your legs and you show

up at noon

and then i repeat that in a bunch of

different languages that’s why it’s 135

pages

it’s really only one page of information

yeah it’s you know that i s

that i speak english though correct and

you’re doing

so well with it too it’s gotten so much

better

okay well it’s i and this may shock you

but english is actually my first

language

wow and it it that i that you consider

that

that’s really cool and you’ve grown so

much

right okay from the sort of babbling

nonsense language that you

spoke in for a few you know many years

are you just talking about the medical

lessons

whenever you say weird language yeah

when you’re like

a blobbity bluebity and you’re

stethoscopy and

uh uh lungy cancery

and you’re saying all these like kind of

fun sounding words that i’m sure are

like really

fun to say in my culture you mean

one thing that’s important to know about

language is that you’re trying to convey

information not just fun noises and

sounds

okay and that’s something that you’re

developing you’re still a growing boy

you’re developing

okay well anyway um great so i guess

so just to clarify for listeners and for

you so

this is the podcast recording and i

guess at the same time maybe there might

be

a gender reveal party for your pythons

okay so anyway that’s our producer

cameron

also with us is digital in the house

did your door in the house i’m your host

dr london smith.com

and you know that i speak english though

correct

calcium pyrophosphate dihydrated crystal

arthritis

[Music]

calcium pyrophosphate dihydrate crystal

arthritis

calcium phosphate dihydrate

crystallographs

calcium hydrophosphate dihydrate crystal

arthritis

you know that i speak english though

correct

yes

[Music]

yes

[Music]

what

[Music]

we can expect a special guest a a

nutritionist of sorts

is that right that’s right doctor great

uh can you say that word nutritionist

i’m sorry i you were doing the you’re

doing the babbling thing again i

couldn’t make out what you were saying

you were going blue

nutritional probably it’s again so

it’s fun it’s really cute it’s fun

but it’s not it’s not it’s not language

okay

well but before we move on i would like

to address a bit of listener feedback

so i saw this note strapped to the chest

of a man who walked into the bank

and the man was sweating and crying

excessively

and he had other sort of bulky steps

stuff strapped to him too

and then the bank teller gave him um so

much money

anyway so the note strapped to his chest

uh it said quote

hi jorge perhaps you can spend time with

my

oh sorry it was jorge uh perhaps or

georgia jorge perhaps you can spend time

with my son

harold he says he needs to borrow some

sugar from a mommy

end quote

i’m sorry i i didn’t read that quite

well enough uh but

anyway first of all i’d like to thank

you so much for reaching out to us here

at the jock doc podcast

uh so this listener is asking you for

mommy sugar um wait

to spend time with their son harold

who needs to borrow from sugar some

sugar from a mommy

oh so okay so i don’t

i i think it’s kind of understandable

what’s happening here

you your voice was the first thing that

this child heard

and so it sort of had an imprinting

effect where he thinks

everyone thinks that you’re his mommy

so so you think the thing that

imprinting which which happens with

ducks

you think that that mm-hmm somehow which

which normally does not ducks

and was a plot point in the twilight

series i think right

like yes remember he like imprinted on a

baby

you know you’d think i would have kept

up with it

but it the series did lose my interest

at a certain point

but um in any case so

i guess you know i could i could spend

time with

with this person’s son harold that you

know i don’t

i don’t think i have any sugar from a

mommy i mean what if this is a uh

what if it’s like a make-a-wish thing

you know what i mean like what you don’t

want to help this kid yeah so i guess

i guess i’ll why do you hate fixing

people so much maybe i’ll

ask for sugar from a mother

and then take that like bag or cup of

sugar

to harold to your to your child

and then um the child that has chosen

you as a parent

okay through the you know miracle of

of imprinting which is very much the

thing that applies to ducks and normally

not

humans but maybe harold is unique maybe

harold is a duck i’m not sure

in any case um that’s ridiculous thank

you so much for reaching out to us here

at the jock talk podcast

but now for today’s medical topic

pulmonary embolism

so consider pulmonary embolism which

is often shortened to just pe and deep

venous thrombosis which is known as a

dvt

so those are a continuum of one clinical

entity called

venous thromboembolism so basically a

dvt

is when a blood clot is formed somewhere

in the body and if that clot dislodges

travels through the veins oh my gosh i’m

sorry

is this the you’re doing it again you’re

just talking about how english is your

first language

you’re doing it i so this is this is

medicine i’m using

i feel like i’ve really tried to uh to

simplify the terminology

you know like i say the beginning of the

episode

i’m really struggling to explain this in

a clear way

um let me think

you know how when i say do you want to

go outside

it it’s sort of a i’m asking a question

and then you say uh-huh and then i’ll

let you outside

see the words i’m making are not fun

sounds

they convey information okay

what’s what you’re doing is nonsense all

right

do whatever you got to do but here we go

we got to speed it up all right

okay see every time you this is

we’re gonna we’re gonna turn this

medical lesson to a game is that okay

sure yeah anything to keep the listeners

engaged you know

every time you hear avril lavigne’s

voice

you need to start speaking faster okay

have you ever seen those videos where

it’s like

uh b-movie but every time they say b it

doubles the speed

no but that it’s like an old mimi type

thing all right

so we’re just gonna do that with your

fun babbling noises

okay okay sure so ready yeah so

uh if that clot dislodges travels

through the veins into the heart

then it is pumped into the pulmonary

veins and where it that’s where it

finally plugs up arteries

and that event pulmonary embolism or pe

that means that ventilation which is

breathing may be working fine but

perfusion which is blood flow within the

lungs is compromised so patients can be

breathing all day long but no gas

exchange takes place

it’s no surprise then that diagnosis

faster for treatment clinically the

presentation of pulmonary embolism

depends on the severity in terms of just

how much blood flow is

stopped patients can have difficulty

breathing fluoride chest pain which is

chest pain when taking breath

cough hemoptysis even syncope or passing

out if it is a large pe

clinical signs include tachypnea which

is increased breathing uh

rails techniques faster in passive pe

other possible signs include low grade

fever decreased breath sounds and

dullness and percussion

uh the workout for suspected pe is based

on people do it in the high-pitched

voice it’s based on pre-test probability

so the modified whale’s criteria is a

scoring system that helps guide this

process directing one towards the

d-dimer testing the low probability

towards the cta if a p is likely uh we

don’t have to go

we don’t have time to go into wells

criteria right now because uh

you know with not enough time but feel

free to look that up uh to diagnosed one

may try to get a

canadian accent in an accent yes

canadian uh sorry

uh to diagnose one may want to get abg

levels which would show

low pao2 and low co2 the latter due to

hyperventilation high ph

uh sorry chest x-ray is usually normal

uh sorry uh as i said the endometria is

another test that can be used testing

for the leftover products that occur

after a claw dyslogist so it can be

elevated in patients with pe and dvt

if the diameter results are normal and

clinical suspicion is low pe is very

unlikely it can be elevated in other

conditions though so

it is not specific on its own um

clinical suspicion is high however the

first agnes

step in a suspected pe is a venous

venous duplex ultrasound

of lower extremities since the dvt

typically happens here there’s a

positive result

treat with iv anticoagulation with like

heparin uh bear in mind though that

although this test is very helpful than

positive

little value is negative as half of

patients with the e may show negative

the next clinical diagnostic step would

be ct angiography which has been found

to be a good sensitivity

of over 90 in specificity uh this is the

test of choice in most medical centers

but cta cannot be performed in patients

with significant renal insufficiency

because of iv contrast that is required

although cta

is the usual test of choice pulmonary

angiography is the gold standard however

it’s invasive

so it’s not done as frequently treatment

for pulmonary embolism

includes supplemental oxygen to treat

hypoxemia and intubation with mechanical

ventilation if severe

if it is severe enough am i doing good

are we are we tracking

oh i stopped paying attention like so

okay well i’m glad that you’re painting

i’m just watching these avril lavigne

videos now okay

so uh well also acute anticoagulation

therapy with either

unfractionated or low molecular weight

heparin to prevent another pe

can be used uh anticoagulation prevents

further clot formation but does not lyse

existing emboli or diminish the current

thrombus size so in other words

this is just to prevent the next pe from

happening not the one that is currently

happening

start that anticoagulation immediately

on the basis of clinical suspicion if

clinical suspicion for pe is high

contraindication separate include of

course active breathing uncontrolled

hypertension recent stroke or heparin

induced stromocytopenia

oral anticoagulation like warfarin or

one of the novel oral anticoagulants can

be used for long-term treatment with the

heparin bridge

though it has not been shown irish

uh those not been shown to improve

mortality rates in patients with pe

one may consider thrombolytic therapy

with streptokinase or tpa in patients

with massive pe

who are hemodynamically unstable or have

evidence of

heart failure uh another option is

inferior venus

like a b uh like a b

yeah like a b like buzzing b yeah i

guess

make sure okay uh

another option is inferior vena cava

interruption with

ivc filter placement

uh which has been more commonly done but

reduction immortality

has not been exclusively demonstrated

patients who have an ivc filtered place

read it like you hit someone on

with your car on the way to the studio

and you kept driving

and you that’s a secret you have and

that you don’t want anyone to know about

[Music]

just be informed yeah okay okay um

all patients have you see filter

placeholder a higher risk of recurring

dvt but at lower risk of recurrent pe

this intervention can be used in

patients with

uh in which anticoagulation is

contraindicated and finally the surgical

thrombectomy can be considered in

patients with hemodynamic compromise

a large proximal thrombus and who are

poor candidates from fiber analytics

is that wow i think i learned a lot from

that

good yeah no it’s uh pulmonary embolisms

very high yield very important topic

that you know it can be life-saving too

to be

well it sort of reminds me of the artist

bony bear known as justin vernon and how

he sort of developed this way of writing

where he moved away from traditional

lyricism

and moved towards um just picking

specific words that are announced

specific ways and sort of um morph

together in an aesthetically pleasing

way

right so the lyrics a lot of times don’t

necessarily mean anything

but they’re really fun to listen to and

that way babies can listen to it

just like the show and your medical

essence yes

okay like you know great to start

education at a young age so

having a baby listen to that might sure

that might be useful

i i feel like it is more for

you know medical stuff did you get it

out of your system though no i’m i’m

finished i

you know especially that thinking about

hitting a person with a car

um and carrying that secret yeah

that’s gotta be tough yeah we can move

on from there

all right uh cameron said that we have a

guest today is that right

that’s right dr london we have a first

time guest

but you know what i think this might be

one of the most special guests that

we’ve ever had now i’m bringing that

back if you remember

i was banned from calling every single

guest the most special guest that we’ve

ever had yeah well the lawsuit because

you said

it was misleading and there yeah there

was the um

slander lawsuit about it from it was a

joint lawsuit from all of our past

previous guests complaining that they

were

told they were the most special guest of

all time this is

not that situation this is the most

special guest we’ve ever had

i’ve never spoken to them and i don’t

know who they are

but they’re here which is about as much

research as you usually do so okay

uh well anyway yeah before i choose um

hello there

uh my name is dr londonsmith.com and

this is our producer cameron

hi hi dr london

hi producer cam i am associate melanie

juice i am a nutritionist

and a intuitive empath

so i mean i mean can you feel what i’m

feeling right now

um not quite i mean i

i would need to get to know you a little

bit more i would need to hear about

you know the coordinates and time of

your birth

and things like that but um if you have

any medical

issues uh my gift allows me to figure

out what it is

you should be eating and drinking

to help cure whatever ailment you might

have

okay oh wow i’m glad that you’re not

feeling exactly what i’m feeling right

now because i feel

terrible what it sucks

and so i just don’t know i just don’t

want that for you

no i’m picking up on it but don’t worry

i can you know

shield myself from feeling what you’re

feeling but i can

let you in and know intuitively what it

is that you’re feeling

it’s just like everything smells like

burnt toast my left arm is numb

it’s ugh i feel terrible right i think

it i

i honestly do think it’s a dietary thing

yes oh absolutely i

know exactly what it is you need and

that

my friend is celery juice

dr london are you not you don’t seem

sold on the celery juice why it’s celery

no it’s you say it like it’s like i you

know had a huge problem with it no it’s

just um

so what cameron that sounded like he was

describing was

sort of the classic stroke and heart

attack symptoms of you know smelling

burnt toast is

like kind of just known generally as a

stroke thing and then the left arm

numbness and

i’m guessing chest pain cameron uh

let me feel um yeah i think there’s

chest pain

okay see that’s just probably from a

build-up of toxins

and i know and if you can get on the

right diet you can cleanse yourself of

those toxins

the things of the american diet today

are

horrendous would you agree dr london

uh yeah yeah there’s a lot of processed

foods a lot of very fatty foods

especially in the american diet

and cameron i would say he doesn’t hold

to the conventional

american diet uh in like in the healthy

way well and there’s a lot of foods that

i keep dropping which i don’t

which is sort of been an awful epidemic

that sort of plagued

america for a long time is these

slippery foods well you

okay you mean dropping on the floor yeah

they’re too slippery

everything is looking my hands are

soaked because everything is so slippery

all the time

like greasy foods yeah and that

hydraulized

fats disgusting i don’t know it’s just

food’s too slippery these days it’s

become an issue but i mean what are you

so what are you suggesting

with the celery juice so that sounds

like a fun

uh drink to have what about for the meal

that is part of the meal every day you

wake up you have a glass of water with

lemon then you juice in a juicer

an entire stock of celery and i actually

have a line of juicers

that i could send you a link to that you

can buy

uh free of shipping and those will just

fit you right up so you drink a celery

stock every day you don’t want any of

the particles

you want on an empty stomach nothing but

water and lemon

celery juice and then you make what i

call the metal

detox smoothie which contains

uh seaweed from the north atlantic ocean

and that is going to

help with the toxins yeah that sounds

amazing and i do

feel very toxic lately exactly i’ve been

online

and the things i’ve been saying are

terrible and i don’t know why i keep

doing it and so

i just want these toxins out that will

help with online trolling i have a whole

chapter in my book

all about that oh you have a you have a

book as well

i do i have three books with lots of

smoothie recipes

and i have as i mentioned a line of

juicers

for you to juice your own celery and i

also own a farm

that produces celery that you can also

get your celery from

so when you were saying you’re gonna

send me a link to a place where i can

get a juicer

it was to your website where you are

selling juicers

exactly oh okay well i mean that just

sounds convenient and like

a good business like you own every

level of the process exactly and you

know i wanted to just be kind of a

one-stop shop because you don’t want to

be following all kinds of links you just

want one link

to one place where you can become healed

you want to be

able to integrate these systems

vertically one would say

i i don’t know what you mean by that but

yes

dr london i mean what yeah what you what

what is this dumb face you have on your

face

well it just the fact that

for me it’s kind of a big kind of a cool

breakthrough that

something that you say is not

understandable to someone else on a

similar level to

what you claim that you know my words

sound like it’s

it’s just a little it’s kind of a goodie

for me

but so what i’m wondering about this the

celery

diet you’ve only mentioned celery so far

and i’m not sure if your lemon and water

was involved i believe

sorry lemon and water okay so that you

know you try to get

fruits and vegetables which it sounds

like you’re covering some of those

uh but then you know grains oh no no no

no no no

no no oh what are grains i mean are that

is that bad for me

it’s bad for everyone cameron and i’ll

tell you why

it’s that we are human beings who for

the longest time

on this earth ate fruits and vegetables

fruits vegetables that’s it and that is

what our bodies have

evolutionized to take in and we

we’re not built for all this hydrolyzed

fat

or or or meat or icky things like grain

we are made to process

pure foods this is really alarming to me

because i had a

ton of wheat earlier like a just absurd

unbelievable amount of just raw wheat

and how do you feel terrible my left arm

is numb it’s just

it’s these toxins attacking my body now

that now that you’ve

opened my eyes to this i can see it it’s

almost like

uh in an example of a movie

that might exist where something happens

and then someone can see something

better

if you could think of an example of a

movie where that happens it would be

just like that

you are correct producer cameron and uh

me associate melanie

juice which is the name of my brand of

juice

i’m sorry is is associate your first

name then and you’re going by your full

name here

no doctor just as you go by the term

doctor i go by associate uh to reflect

my

level of education associate’s degree

i do in nutrition yes very recent i just

got my certificate in the mail

because you know we couldn’t have a real

graduation

sure and so it’s two years of

of sort of usually isn’t it more like

preliminary courses and the uh

you know sort of you cover your basics

and like i’m assuming well there’s

probably electives too

oh yeah i took surfing as an elective

isn’t that fun

yeah so i mean i think of the

like this i i really apologize for dr

london’s behavior he is more of a

how would you say book learner type

he doesn’t vibe well with people who

learn it on the streets and

learn it from experience in real life

like yourself

i can tell that you exactly you have had

a full life

and dr lennon he’s just got his he’s got

his head and his books and he’s like

oh but what does this say and what does

that say and two plus two

who who decides what that is all these

things

right and and let me tell you out you

seem to really

get me producer cameron and and and my

knowledge really is from the streets

from myself i grew up with a terrible

disease called eczema and when i had

eggs emma which i don’t anymore

i do not have it and you know what cured

me

cameron was the celery juice i also was

on a regimen of

steroid cream but at the same time

was juicing a whole stalk of celery from

my farm

every day and i was cured

wow that’s incredible i mean dr london

have you ever even cured anyone in your

entire life

nope i like cure isn’t really the

word that i usually use for any of it

but like you treat and then people

recover yeah

like eczema usually i feel i feel like

the

you know the steroids the corticoids

whatever

might have been more helpful and i i

just want to clarify something before

cameron goes off on it so

eczema isn’t eggs with a mature rating

it is an xma

it it’s eczema is a skin condition yeah

eczema

is a is the i think there’s only two

types of mammals that also lay eggs

platypus and echidna yeah what

what is an echidna

it’s uh like a platypus

and that they’re both in that they’re

both eczema

and that is what i said dr london eggs

emma

right okay anyways i didn’t want to just

clarify that

so so what i’m seeing as an issue is

that

you can have some you know depending on

what

vitamins you’re getting from that food

it’s it sounds like you might be

deficient in some vitamins and you know

maybe not getting enough protein

oh deficient what language

[Laughter]

okay so this is another because i yeah

dr london stopped bullying our guests

he wants to tell me i’m deficient oh

okay i’m deficient

oh oh i i haven’t read all the books

that you have with we are expensive

schools and so thus that i can’t

think for my own right it sounds like

cameron

what you said about dr london is he’s

deficient in street smarts

what do you think about that dr london

wow yeah okay so it does sound like you

understood the word

it’s it’s just ssd street smarts

deficiency

i die i hereby and with my associate’s

degree

diagnose you dr london with a deficiency

in street smarts

this is wow breaking the story wide open

so and i’m sorry to turn the turn the

attention away from me

but um uh miss miss associate

melanie juice if i could ask how long

have you been

have you been using this particular diet

how long have you’ve been on it

about three years now so take that

vitamins

take that vitamins i take celery and and

and seaweed from the north atlantic

ocean and lemon every once in a while

yes every day every day

so i’m i guess my question to you is you

know

let’s say for a second that sure you

you’re fine but do you have numbness

in your your hands or feet um

what did i define numbness

it’s kind of like okay yeah

okay it’s kind of like what cameron

described in his arm it’s where you

can’t

feel with your hands or feet to some

extent

well i’ve never been able to feel with

my hands or feet

wow okay

i so that’s that’s not the usual

response that i get

um so let’s say that you touch

i i’m going to try to think of it simply

let’s try say that you try to touch

something with your hand

okay like let’s say i’m kind of

following

okay see again i’m really sorry if he’s

speaking in this kind of like weird

it’s it’s it’s like code isn’t it it’s

like it’s like yeah it’s

hyrule it’s a little secret language

that he has with his little friends so

they can tell their little secrets

i don’t like it okay i think i have an

example for you okay so you have

your celery and you’re you’re you’re

grabbing your celery with your hand

can you feel it whenever you do that can

you feel that you have

the object in your hand there’s not much

to feel on

celery it’s just it’s kind of like it’d

be

it could be a waste of time right it’d

be like a waste of time because it’s

like like there’s not even anything

there to feel

so like why am i gonna be like paying so

much attention to feeling this the

celery and like right i mean if i put

the celery stock on my leg

when i’ve taken it out of the fridge

then it’s cold

okay i can okay on my leg yeah

and is it can you feel that you know on

your

toe i guess you don’t put on your toe

probably um

i’m just i’m just wondering because you

you know your cold and heats or

sorry your uh your temperature and

pain sensations are with a different

group of nerves and so i’m just trying

to figure out maybe

if there could be a problem

with your curve why are you trying to

poke holes in her

her entire system yeah are you trying to

say i’m a hand

and foot deficient yeah what are you

even trying to do i don’t understand

what your angle is here

dr london i so i’m wondering if you’re

are you

if she has a peripheral are you selling

like a competing

juicer is that what this is about or

something oh do you have a line of

juicers doctor no okay

you know what you know what we we can we

can table

what i was saying there and i did have a

question

can i do i have to raise my hand if i

have a question i will call on you yes

cameron you may ask your question um so

i do already have a juicer will

your celery work in my juicer or do i

should i just go ahead and order a

couple years to be safe i think you

should go

well the thing is celery doesn’t keep

great so you have to have a weekly

shipment coming in

and if your blades on your juicer are

not

new and sharp you may need a whole new

juicer um and

and i i tell those okay

okay yeah that makes sense because the i

mean yeah like the juicer it makes

juice but like i don’t know if it’s

getting all of the um

antioxidants into my into my juice you

know what i mean

exactly and you need it and you need you

can’t just

if we’re going back to the lemons you

can’t just buy lemon juice at the store

you need a fresh

lemon because you need the insides of

that lemon to be alive

wow yeah and so i mean do you do you

like have a lemon tree of course i do i

sell lemons

my lemon lime is called little lucy’s

lemons

oh wow okay so not named after you then

no lucy is well it’s my middle name okay

okay

right that clarifies that confusion

earlier so your

your title is associate and it’s melanie

lucy juice yes associate melanie lucy

juice

okay lucy juice okay

um i mean dr london i just

i don’t i don’t you seem very

antagonistic about this

all she’s doing is she’s telling people

eat your vegetables and a little bit of

fruit juice

and you’ll be good do you see how

limiting that is why is that bad

so like okay so good things about it

okay

uh you know celery you know you’ll

you’ll get some fiber from that it’s a

very hydrating

vegetable uh and

so that’s great um with the with the

lemons

you’ll get you know that’s great way to

prevent scurvy so that’s a lot of

vitamin c

and it also has other vitamins in it but

there are certain vitamins that you

cannot get from these things

and i’m worried about your the amount of

protein that you get

and you know the building blocks

basically for let’s say

i think that’s a is that a toxin which

one protein protein is

toxic okay people at the beginning of

time were not killing and eating animals

they were surviving on leaves and

berries

okay so so i should clarify so

leaves and berries like depending on

what like lettuce leaves those

kind of things those can have amino

acids which are the building blocks of

proteins so it’s not like

it’s not like those are bad across the

board but you’re

you’re missing out on some things like

like a a big dose of protein

and then also you’re thinking iron like

you look very

pale and you seem kind of woozy and i

can’t help but think that might be

connected to the fact that

you’ve been on this diet for so long

this is what all you doctors tell me all

the time oh you’re pale

oh you can’t feel your hands and feet oh

he’s just trying to sell a product you

know what i mean he’s trying to push

drugs onto you

exactly he’s trying to big pharma just

throwing big pharma in my face when i

really just need

some fresh fruits and veggies and you

know what i think i’ve solved the hand

thing that you’re talking about because

i burned off

all the fingerprints on my hand years

ago on the

stove i just put my hands down on the

stove didn’t notice

and now i have no fingerprints so i’m

sorry so years ago so usually

the timeline is once you begin one of

these diets that

may be lacking in certain vitamins it’s

about two years

of you know storage in your liver that

you have

maybe you started another diet before

then but like

anyways so i guess the point that’s an

interesting question

is this you’re the first sort of uh

diet that you’ve been on no before this

one i was actually eating a diet of

wild blueberries what very very

important that they’re wild and not

grown

no pesticides no pesticides no human

planted the plant it has to be just wild

natural blueberries

and i was eating that um and a lot of

pomegranate juice so that

was that did okay you say it

wild did you maybe this is a strange

question

and you know do correct me on this if

i’m wrong

did you live in the wild like were you

out

in sort of a a rural

place where this was easily accessible

well i wasn’t gonna talk about this on

here but i guess

now i have to um i was

kicked out of my house for having eczema

and i had to live in the wild amongst

the elk

the elk took me in and introduced me to

wild blueberries

and that’s um that’s how i got on my

my nutrition kick is i realized once i

started eating these wild blueberries

this celery

my eczema along with a small

regiment of topical steroids cured me

and so at that point you said goodbye to

the elk

and you invented a juicer that’s an

amazing story

thank you i i i really am a wonder of

nature

uh so dr

what are you struggling with it’s just i

don’t understand what your issue why you

keep taking so much issue

with someone who is as healthy as our

guest

yeah it’s just just there are so many

things that like

so you were raised by elk for a period

of your life

um okay so that’s you know i think

that’s a less controversial thing to

discuss that’s something that

you know maybe i won’t be as concerned

with giving our listeners some some

information i wouldn’t want so maybe

let’s

eat celery they do yes whenever they can

find it

how long did you spend with the with the

elk

eight years okay so you were

and you were kicked out whenever you’re

diagnosed with the eczema so

my mom said i i will not have no

daughter with eggs emma

get out get out get she said

we hear about this epidemic of um

you know older generations let’s say

boomer type not being accepting

of like having a rash or uh dry skin or

these kind of things and

exactly it’s terrible i’m really really

sorry to hear i’ll

hear about all that and i actually have

a foundation called the

lucy juice foundation for kids who get

kicked out of their house for having

eczema

and um i adopt for them all

oh oh wow you your foundation is just

anyone who fits those requirements you

adopt

it’s an i haven’t seen i have 60 adopted

children um that live outside

on my farm and pick the celery

i grow oh wow yeah so you have

wild children well i just yes i

i just want these kids to feel accepted

and loved you know

as i wasn’t by my human parents my elk

parents

were very kind and so you keep them sort

of as like human cattle

oh i mean no i mean they they have

they do live in a barn yes and they do

pick my celery

for me and i but i do pay them in love

yeah do they eat from a trough well it’s

not a trough per se i guess it would be

more of a

more of a a big a boxed round

deep plate it’s like a

tub it’s like tapas you know you like

you’re sharing and now you’re kind of

passing everything around with tapas

but that’s that’s the opposite because

it’s a small plate rather than a big

plate

but a bunch of small plates doesn’t that

equal a big plate

isn’t that just the most profound thing

i’ve ever heard

this is the kind of science and

education you’re gonna get from this

podcast

well i’m just gonna have to listen okay

so you know it’s it’s great to hear

about

you know these great products and that

you

lived with elk for eight years and that

you later you know essentially started

sort of an adoption i guess you’re a

foster parent

more or less uh with 60 children

who you you have them do the work for

you

yeah sounds like they roam quite a bit

they do um and something i should have

mentioned

is all of them have

not had an eczema outbreak in over a

year

wow we’re all cured i’m telling you dr

london i know it sounds crazy my doctor

says that that it’s crazy uh but

you got to look at the results i mean i

haven’t had a rash in nyon three years

and my 60 children

same thing since they started living

with me and eating celery

and it really goes to show how

close-minded the medical community can

be

where they won’t be open to these new

ideas like

if you if you and your 60 children only

have celery of course it’s going to get

rid of your rashes

like that to me makes so much sense and

i feel like my mind is being open to an

entire new

category of health yes and and the

medical community does not want to talk

about celery and

you know why is because it would put the

topical steroid business completely out

should i throw up because i ate all that

wheat earlier i just feel like i know

that it’s just like toxic in my body

listen i

i don’t want to endorse throw up but

um pooping it out would be just as

helpful

you know you know what you need yeah

i’ll see what i can do with that you

need a cleanse

what does what does that mean i have a

book just on cleanses because i took a

shower

like two days ago so i know that i’ve

like i’m i’m good i’m clean

so you got the the external toxins

washed off

now it’s time to shower your inside

with celery juice i tried to do that

once

and then i nearly drowned so that is

something

that you want to like trying to like

shower the inside of your body

so i would just like open my mouth and

then you know it didn’t work out great

well that’s because i don’t have a

chapter in my book on showering your

insides

that was more of a metaphor you know

what i’m talking about dr

metaphors that’s a big you know

i don’t know all my knowledge is from

the streets so i i don’t know these kind

of things

metaphor isn’t like a medical term if

that’s what you’re trying to say

that’s that’s just annoying these uh

it’s just you’re

you’re you know you’re you’re speaking a

different language there dr london no

idea what you’re talking about

okay but i mean so what what is this

cleanse like what do i need to do

all right you gotta give up all the

grains all the protein and you just

gotta

for for three straight days nothing but

fruit okay you can do a little avocado

dip with plantain chips almost feels

like you’re you’re having

chips and dip yup

but plantains and avocado that’s my

trick

for this cleanse just three days of

fruit that’s all

are then just any fruit it doesn’t

matter any specifics

yes but not tomatoes

crap is not a fruit okay yeah that’s

what i thought you were gonna say

because you just disagree with it on

principle okay

i’d get that okay

all right so so cameron you can try this

cleanse i think you know for a few days

that doesn’t sound like a bad idea like

that’s would be fine for you to

get because normally cameron is

he got this uh how to describe it he has

a basket hanging from his neck normally

and he um he

he got some automated system where like

he’ll he has a muzzle

and he’ll scoop from the bag it’s filled

with fried food

and just various kinds with cheese dip

to kind of fuse it all

so he he gets his muzzle and he scoops

just some of the food and straps that on

and then he just it’s a horse feed bag

is what you’re talking about yeah yeah

well horse feedback it’s a thing you

strap that has

like different food in it it’s usually

fried foods that i keep around my head

all day long

yeah well and he’ll do this the thing is

he’ll do this during the podcast and

like we have

we have hundreds of episodes that we

haven’t been able to use because

he’s just talking through his food the

whole time

that is that’s disgusting honestly i’ve

only known you a few minutes

cameron but that is that i i wouldn’t

expect such things from you

yeah and it was really hard because it

sort of conflicted with my sleep apnea

machine to try to have both of them on

it was a nightmare i would like to see a

photograph of

that that sounds bonkers

it’s it was miserable i hated it yeah

cameron does

frequently bring up especially in the

winter he’ll say like well

layering is just super important to stay

warm and then he’ll try to layer

the feed bag and the sleep apnea machine

and i don’t i don’t think the saying

really applies to this

that’s just because just dressing in

layers that’s

that’s the term the saying you never

stack

a sleep apnea machine on a horse feed

bag

ah yes i think we learned that one in my

english class when i was at school to

become a nutritionist

oh what school did you go to i went to

monterey bay community college for

people who want to become nutritionists

is that is that last part something that

you added

no that’s that’s the name of the school

okay

great so it sounds like it is it is

directed towards

what you wanted to do so that is exactly

well i also like that it has

basically an advertisement in its name

right that’s how i found that it’s like

telling you what’s going on i like that

yeah it’s a good old m c

c p f w

b and r i love that school

oh i haven’t switched it against them we

competed against them in surfing

yeah that’s it i thought that was so

cute a surfing class for my pe

requirement

yeah that was that got brutal i remember

i was able to say that was a really

violent competition i’d actually i went

to that game

and yeah it’s that surfing match

well yeah because you well and i don’t

know if you know

if if every side was aware but i don’t

know which side it was but one of them

poisoned

the the water both what the uh

athletes were drinking and also the

water they were surfing on

they poisoned the pacific ocean wow

that’s my understanding i didn’t hear

anything about this this is crazy

this this is terrifying i just drank a

ton of the pacific ocean earlier today

this is not good yeah that’s

yeah it’s not uh the salt water that you

know the tonicity of it is actually

anyway i you know what i feel like once

again my medical jargon is going to go

over someone’s head

so maybe it’s about time for us to uh

and you know i hate to do this while

you’re on the show

so don’t do it i know what you’re going

to do but

we have chores to do

okay yeah if you would help us with it

so we

um and kevin i don’t know if you want to

explain because i feel like

yeah basically like we

were we’d been we got really busy

because we had been playing a lot of

like

blackjack we don’t know how to play that

game

no but there’s like a fun there’s like a

fun variation where you i heard it’s all

about jack black impressions and it’s

like

numbers so you count them anyway we’re

doing that for counting

yelling out numbers we we neglected

a lot of our chores a lot of our to-do

lists like we have this like we haven’t

done laundry in forever we haven’t done

the dishes in forever we

there’s a lot to do we’re trying to take

care of it especially in this new year

and so we built this fun chore wheel

that we’re gonna go ahead and spin

whatever it lands on

we have to do it even if we don’t want

to do it dr london do you if you don’t

want to do it you still have to do it

i still have to and like and i don’t

mean that and just like oh like oh i

have to i did sign

something you had me sign yup uh

and so like legally i’m obligated to and

like there is

and if you if you don’t i’m gonna leak

your dms

mm-hmm yeah he’s gonna he’s gonna dox me

is also it’s contractual anyway

so let’s avoid that now yeah let’s do it

let’s spin the thing

okay and would you like the honors would

you like to spin it yes please

okay i just i just pushed down yeah and

so okay and it’s

i don’t know if you can get a proper

grip with your but um

i don’t feel anything yeah so you’ll

just yeah use your eye

you have to use your eyesight for this

one because since hands don’t feel

anything you can’t just

yeah you gotta you gotta there we go

there we go and then just

kind of touching it

well this one i guess it’s i mean it’s

probably a decent time for this one

from last year i think but yeah

but uh we’ve got to return our christmas

gifts that we hate

great good oh you got some stuff you

need to return to

yes i have a box of chocolates that um

i have no use for

all that space all the space yeah i got

to get rid of this and it

it’s just disgusting and i could never

imagine

doing that to my health well i i

appreciate that you brought it with you

that like and so you said

this is from this christmas this past

one right or this yes just a month ago

and

a month ago to the day i believe and i

brought it just

as a thank you re-gift to you two for

having me on your

show but now oh okay so you’re just

you’re pawning off the chocolates you

don’t want to us

well i was going to but now i illegally

i have to return them i think that is

true

yeah that’s true otherwise they’re going

to be doxxed well and

you know to our benefit it does look as

if you left it outside at the farm

just it looks like it’s been stomped

upon

quite a bit i was i was actually able to

comment some of these chocolates

you say you don’t eat chocolate but some

of them look chewed on for sure

well i have 60 curious children who i’m

trying to teach

how to be healthy and and they have days

where they’re just

they just don’t get it but so y’all are

just like chewing on chocolate and then

spitting it out so that way

well they start to chew it at it and i’m

like stop it

spit it out spit it out and i hit them

on the back until they spit it out

but you just you just still just keep it

around

well in case i need yeah i can find

somebody who would enjoy it

yeah dr london what are you returning

yeah so i have this um well like so i

got this crate

and i’m not sure who it’s from it was a

secret santa thing and the limit was

thirteen hundred dollars

so i didn’t know then like it was it was

anywhere from ten to thirteen hundred

dollars that you could spend on the gift

and so i got some more normal secret

santa stuff

yeah so i got someone uh a bow tie

and you know i spent 50 how much did

that cost oh

yeah no and it’s super cool time it’s

it’s actually like and i paid for

i’m trying to remember does it spin it

spins that’s that’s

nice and lights up which i thought for

15 that is a steal

yeah that’s awesome yeah it was a really

good deal so they got that

and i got so this crate they had

delivered to

my house and it’s so it’s taller than me

and it grunts a lot and

um so so what i found to be

like the crates oh

have you opened the crate so so here’s

the thing so it has

like these these holes in it that like

you know they look

built in air holes kind of thing the

thing is

the box came with like a prod

like a cattle prod so it’s something

electrical

so i at first i thought that that was

the present and i thought like well this

is neat

i can yeah you jokingly use this shock

my friends right

uh but then but then the crate arrived

right after so i’ve been

not it’s it’s like one of those you’ve

just been sticking the cattle prod

through the air holes yeah so it’s like

the chocolates i don’t know what to do

with it

right now so have you opened the box

yeah why haven’t you opened the box well

it’s

so i tried like poking at it with a

cattle product that didn’t open i didn’t

know

i guess i’m not a handyman i don’t know

how to do everything you don’t know how

to open the box is the issue

well okay so and one thing is those book

smarts again yeah

so it didn’t have a ribbon on it for me

to like you pull at

to untie it didn’t have tape for me to

pull off like none of it like i tried

pushing at parts of it

and like there’s like no no wrapping

paper so

no i was super confused and like like

i’m on your side here like i did

it doesn’t make sense but so i so i

but as these holes in it so i keep on

poking at it and it has been

yeah so i guess uh

it says like it says

what do you mean it says oh it says like

[Music]

we need to get a crowbar in here like a

normal person

and and rip that box open and save

whoever’s in no that’s right

that sounds very crazy because a crowbar

like

look i’ve had crows before but to

actually have them gather together to

drink

i’m uh oh my god

cameron how do you do it it’s impossible

to deal with this guy

i mean okay so wait who are you

returning it to do you do

i guess the person who gave it see you

as a secret santa

it was a very secret santa um

oh gosh what does that mean

so so i got a letter in the mail months

ago

and it was telling me all about this

secret santa he was like

you know just i guess they didn’t say

santa but like they said a whole bunch

of stuff about like oh we’ll exchange

this and that

and i was like oh great this this sounds

wonderful

so uh and like i knew the holidays were

coming up and that if i got ahead of it

then i would have a present ready and i

would be able to get

you know what i got which is an on sale

bow tie that spins and lights up

so like i know i played my part right

and so i was like

you know i i wrote them back i was like

i’m

so down i’m game let’s do this

and it can be hard to shop for gifts

you don’t even it’s hard to get someone

exactly what they want

and like and i for one thing i get it

and that’s why i haven’t like

tried mailing them again or calling or

uh you know i haven’t like

they’ve sent some messengers by but i

haven’t like

you know messengers dr london you

might have a missing person a kidnapped

person

in that box in your house and somebody

just pawned them off on you

what a perfect hiding place to a man’s

house who can’t

open a box yeah in exchange for a bow

tie they accepted seem to accepted that

as payment

with no questions oh i should we gotta

get that box open

we’re not returning this present we are

taking it to the police

we should at least throw some food in

there like the bare minimum

should be you should be throwing stuff

in there here’s the thing

uh just to clarify one point um the so

the bow tie did come back to me in the

mail i

i neglected i forgot to mention this

earlier so it said like you know

that like that the address wasn’t right

or something you know it did that return

so uh anyway so

you know i should probably yeah no i

should try to return this but i realize

that address is wrong

so i’ll just i’m calling the police

right now on my cell phone

you you they’ve been in there for over a

month how

are they even still alive

can a person live that long in a box

okay and i don’t do secret santa a lot i

don’t play this game much

so i don’t know if that’s part of it

but uh the rules the rules are there’s

sort of regional variations of it too

i i have to assume look and like i’ve

played secret santa when i was little i

don’t remember the

whole game but i could

swear that there were less kettle prods

involved like

maybe there was a taser there might have

been a taser but i don’t remember there

being a full

length cattle prod so that’s new to me

and i’m thinking

i want to learn to play this game so i

will continue to

and so i the boxers and labeled those

anyway

yeah i feel like we’re i’m going on too

much and

you know should i talk should i talk

about what i’m returning yeah yeah if

you could

yeah i’m returning my son um

i think we’ve had a good run and he’s

pretty good at baseball which is cool

like we’ll but like i think besides that

and he’s

cool but like we don’t like vibe super

well

but he was was he given to you i don’t

you know in a way

he was he was given to me via you know

the miracle of life birth

yeah yeah um so was he

how old is he now uh he’s 19.

yeah yeah so i’m just gonna take it back

to the hospital and then say

y’all send them back do whatever you

want this is your thing

okay he seems down with it too i want to

i want to just throw that out there it’s

there’s

he’s totally fine with living at the

hospital he’s already started

started calling all doctors and nurses

mommy and daddy

um so i mean i feel like it’s not that

big of a deal but yeah i’m gonna go

ahead and

go and it’s time to return my son back

to his home his

real life also the hospital

where he’s born you can also look up the

lucy juice foundation

for unwanted children and maybe

maybe your son could come work and pick

some celery on my farm

that i mean that is super interesting

too

that could be it he does like picking

things he’s always like

like like just picking at things so that

that could be yeah

put that to use just grabbing he’s

handsy is what you’ve described him as

in the past i feel like handsy implies

that like he’s grabbing

people but it’s not that it’s more

just like everything always he’s just

he’s just kind of flailing around

grabbing

yeah yeah and that’s just what he does

day to day i would say that’s honestly

probably the most annoying thing about

him and is why i’m trying to ship them

off

oh you know so this might be a chance

for him to grow as a person

and you know that’s i know he’s thinking

hospital but

you know it’s college age anyway as long

as he goes to

you know kind of live life on his own

maybe being away from you would be a

good idea just to help him grow

a little bit to grow apart to grow

together again later possibly

again it’s the vibe it’s so off like i

just don’t see that happening

okay well i would be i would love to

meet him

yeah i mean i couldn’t have 61 children

once one more

if if you if you meet him you’re gonna

know because

anything you have in your house he’s

gonna be running around grabbing every

single thing

and you’re gonna be like oh i think

that’s the kid

we just call him the boy the kid

whatever chocolates

uh the boy the boy who likes chocolate

half chewed chocolate he can have my

chocolate i honestly don’t know like a

ton about him

because like again like we’re cool we’re

cool in groups but like one-on-one like

it’s just like a different vibe you know

what i mean

but like super cool in groups and stuff

and like a group hang

um yeah you’ve told me you won’t bring

them on a date but you’ll bring them on

a group date

yeah if it’s like a group hang then yeah

sure yeah

but it’s just like one-on-one it’s like

oh like what do we even have to talk

about like i don’t even know anything

about this guy

because you’ve said it’s not even just

the one-on-one like if it’s three people

like if it’s you going on a date with

someone then if he’s there it gets

really awkward

because he just sits there and grabs at

stuff

yeah yeah yeah yeah he’s just constantly

grabbing everything yeah it’s mostly

food stuff which gets pretty nasty

yeah he’s grabbing my quesadilla with a

fist

and then he’s just like squeezing it if

you got a calzone that’s shooting pizza

stuff

everywhere it’s it’s a hish it’s a whole

issue

and then if he’s reaching into your

horse mask that’s great he knows not to

do that because he’ll get a bite

because it’s once that thing is on my my

jaws

my jaw movement is automatic i just

start going

round yeah it is like

like a masher like a i don’t know like

one of those

giant machines in any case i feel like

it’s like a hungry hungry hippo

okay no i guess that is more accurate

there’s like

a scooping situation also your head does

go out a little bit for it yeah that’s

true

um anyway i feel like we’ve about done

that chore

i think we did dj dylan get let’s get

our gifts

give it an old uh we just did that chore

jingle

uh well all right so i feel like it’s

that’s a good time to wrap it up so

um anyway thank you associate melanie

juice

sorry associate melanie lucy juice um

for being on

thank you dr london this has been so

much fun getting to know you two

learning about street smarts and book

smarts

yeah yeah and hopefully i just i feel

like yeah

i feel like i’ve learned a lot today

about celery

and a little bit of lemon wow

those are the main two things and a

website where to go to to get a juicer

yeah speaking of which yeah if there’s

any way for listeners to uh to follow

you after this to to get more of your

product

oh yes please associate melanie lucy

juice.com

easy enough on social media at associate

melanie lucy juice

all right and also oh you know who i

want to talk about my eldest

daughter adopted daughter her name’s

kayla teal she’s a

quote comedian so cute

uh you can find her on instagram at ke

teal t-e-e-l she

she would get a kick out of this that’s

awesome that she finds her

time to do that in between picking all

that celery

well you know she’s she’s starting to

yeah she’s starting to flute fly the

coop i let her out to do her little bits

and giggles

as long as she’s back home to get some

celery then you know that’s okay

that’s what i say all right well um

thank you to our producer cameron thank

you to did you do in the hose

[Music]

i hereby with my associate’s degree

diagnose you dr

london with a deficiency in street

smarts

did you do in the house did you do in

the house

[Music]

i went to monterey bay community college

for people who want to become

nutritionists

it’s a good old mcc p

f w b

m i love that school i have a sweatshirt

with that up

so take that vitamins that vitamins i

take celery

from the north atlantic from the north

atlantic ocean

[Music]

my name is dr londonsmith.com and this

has been

the jock doc podcast see ya

[Music]

well the bucket is full of mustard

you push it back a little with your toe

remembering what your dentist had warned

you

with regard to mustard’s ability to

stain teeth

your teeth shudder at the thought or

perhaps the cold

at this point it is difficult to discern

the culprit of such an action

when your friends had bantered about

stealing mustard packets so you would

never run out

you laughed along when they suggested

emptying all the packets

into one big bucket and then placing

said bucket into the middle of the

dining table to eat

you forced a few chuckles but for every

one of those

jokes you could sense an error of truth

of genius

what you did not anticipate was that

when you took it a step further

and simply tossed your food into the

mustard bucket

the food would be difficult to find

and it would also undergo a slight

change

in both flavor and consistency

so but you’ve put it off long enough it

is either time to

count those meals all 12 of them as lost

or pour the collection into a blender

and then funnel it all down your gullet

why oh why did you have to choose this

as your new year’s resolution

speaking of resolving to make the world

a little better don’t forget to leave a

five-star review of the jock doc podcast

in which you share about the times when

you have transformed your meals into

bucket form

and consider joining our patreon where

we have new episodes that ditch the

medical lessons

to give you a hefty dose of improvised

comedy and while you’re at it

go ahead and share the jock talk podcast

with a friend or foe you can send them a

link to your favorite episode

or just send them our handy website

jockdocpodcast.com

which is also where you can find a link

to that patreon

and don’t forget to take a peek at our

post on social media we are

@jockdocpodcast thanks for

listening

Hey kids you’re about to listen to

comedy podcast that means that none of

this is medical advice if you need

medical advice and medical care please

contact your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith aka

the realest podcast under the sun the

day we stop keeping it real

we’re done

[Music]

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i would like to begin by apologizing to

our listeners

we’ve received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using such as

pubic synthesis diastasis and

inauguration day

so i will try to temper my terminology

to a simpler one in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron hey

dr london i just uh

i’m not feeling that you aren’t dr

london i need i need like a little

i don’t know shot of energy or something

i’m just not

i can be like hey but it’s not real you

know

yeah okay and we all kind of have these

what did i what did i tell you when we

started this podcast

one thing that i refuse to never do yeah

it’s uh

be not real you said that you yeah okay

that and like i refuse to never not be

also said you don’t work weekdays or

weekends

you said yeah nothing like during the

day hours

and you get really tired at night so

probably not then either

well yeah not at night time it’s too

dark also to navigate

yeah the the soft the light up screens

that we use

yeah so that’s what you what you told me

then these were all your conditions

and it has made it pretty difficult to

schedule any

yeah i take off i take off all holidays

regardless of religion

yeah all jewish holidays muslim holidays

and it seemed like you really worked

hard on creating new religions

to to give you more holidays well i

don’t create

i feel like this is a misconception does

the person who leads a religion

necessarily

create the religion i just do

my own stuff i just focus on what i want

to do

and like hanging out and stuff and if

people start following me naturally

that’s not my fault i didn’t tell them i

guess that

that what makes it seem the most

suspicious is

like i said like how many holidays there

are first yeah when first thing you do

is make holidays that’s

like before you establish the you know

the basic tenets of your religion

it’s always about the holidays yeah and

it’s just like every friday is

is the holidays yeah it will on mondays

because you said oh i hate mondays but

then tuesday started feeling like a

monday so

the next religion you made really

started making tuesday hammering it on

tuesdays had sort of an anti-tuesday

agenda yeah

yeah and you know eventually

just the amount and like we try to be

very inclusive

and you know we we try to keep out of

religion on the podcast which is why

this hasn’t come up before

but i just you know to some extent it

has become problematic

do you see it so

i just ask you for just like uh just

like a shot of energy to

to get me feeling it and then you start

hounding me about my religious beliefs

this is the show that you want to do dr

london

okay and yeah i’m sorry no i apologize

that is on me i shouldn’t be so critical

of your many religions

because whenever you say religious

beliefs just just the listener is aware

that there is a lot of plurality in

there like

it’s a lot of religions and a lot of

beliefs

that also strongly contradict each other

yeah and are mostly holiday oriented

yeah well

almost entirely yeah like a few of them

you also have to eat a bunch

yeah like that’s you just like

early you know you have ice cream before

dinner is

part of one of the recall yeah

and i just yeah but but once again you

know there was a big like burger and

fries based one

yeah and milkshakes and i’m just you

know

i’m not sure that that’s

it basically just i guess like any

sort of supervise your position type

someone who has to manage the time it

has been difficult to do scheduling

around it and so to some extent

i have i i couldn’t use

these same religious excuses at my

place of work you know the hospital

because they

they don’t recognize all of it quite the

same way you do

when this podcast started i told you

that i would never not be real isn’t

that right

that’s because i’m real and i’m just

being real and i’m just

telling you honestly dr london i’m just

not feeling it today

okay okay so you want to go back and

emphasize how you’re not feeling it

yeah because i thought we could i need

you to i want you

to like give me a reason to be excited

for

for this okay inject some energy into my

veins i’m putting i’m giving you a job

okay so sorry if you’re not familiar

with those

as i said that you know my job actually

strongly requires me to just show up and

do the work

but um so anyway this is uh

maybe i should somewhere except this is

our producer cameron

yay all right that didn’t do it

and then also with us is digital in the

house

did you know in the house

[Music]

when this podcast started i told you

that i would never not be real isn’t

that right

yes that’s

[Music]

the day we stop keeping it real we’re

done we’re done

what did i do what did i tell you when

we started this podcast one thing that i

refused

[Music]

one thing that i refused to never do

we’re

we’re done we’re done one thing that i

refuse to never do

be not real

[Music]

and later uh cameron tells him that we

can expect a special guest a

a physician is that right yeah that’s

right dr london

and so it’s it’s a doctor who’s come up

with a new way to

to uh to administer medicine to patients

um you know we’re always you know trying

to bring the cutting edge the new

medical news and technology and we’re

always trying to come up with new

medicines

yeah i mean as a show yes and we aren’t

usually

quite as involved in the clinical

research aspect but sure

we you know any chance to bring in a new

way to

address uh these these clinical

syndromes is always

you know something to look out for

before we move on i would like to

address a bit of listener feedback

i found this note nailed onto a piece of

wood that a patient was trying to

fend me off with as i was advising him

on his diabetes

medication regiment the note reads quote

how did you get that picture in the cake

dot dot

witchcraft end quote

uh so so first of all thank you so much

for your insightful question

here on the jock talk podcast to answer

your question

so so cameron i think they may be

referring to your preferred method of

cutting cakes which is with a framed

picture

so i guess this listener’s question

would be

is witchcraft involved in that process

well it’s the only way to get a perfect

rectangle

slice yeah okay i guess i guess i’d

always kind of been in the other

room whenever you do it so you don’t

just use the

the smaller diameter edge you use

no no no i’m not cutting it with the

corners i take a small picture frame

that doesn’t have a picture in it

i put it on the cake flat side and then

i just push it all the way through

yeah and then you eat that and like

what’s left in the middle is a perfectly

rectangle slice of cake

and if you’ve ever watched chef’s table

or top chef or chef’s reunion

or the chef zone or chef island

or the chef pack or

the uh john’s uh chef

hut i you know i haven’t or

uh the the the chef cauldron

or if you’ve ever seen um

like chefs and the chefs in the jungle

then you would know that a perfectly

rectangle slice of cake is the ultimate

sign

of a good chef the how the cake is cut

is what tell so not the ingredients not

the flavor not the consistency

no because presentation tells the

audience that i put a lot of work into

this

and that i care about the product

i could make the best tasting pancakes

in the world but if i gave it to you and

it wasn’t

in the shape of let’s say like your

favorite

character from

i don’t know let’s say news radio

let’s say you didn’t have a pancake in

the shape of andy dick from news radio

wouldn’t that piss you off and wouldn’t

that taste awful

i i feel like his presentation is key

okay yeah i i don’t watch all these

shows so you know i

maybe i just don’t maybe i know where uh

and if you ever watch the chef murderer

you would know that

yes okay i and once again you know i i

just

this is a different territory for me i’m

thinking to myself

regardless of the shape whenever i bite

into something the flavor is

is going to be a big determinant with

you know to tell me how much i like

something

or consistency as well but but

you know i’m once again not a chef so

this oh we’ve got consistency

you mean in in terms of shape no just in

terms of mouth feel

like the cake is gonna feel like a lot

going on

okay are you afraid to like we make it

bumpy we make it very lump

i make very lumpy cakes is kind of what

i’m trying to get at okay

i okay and that’s so whenever this

listener was asking

about the witchcraft using cakes uh

you your answer is essentially

that you make it really lumpy

yeah and then i use the picture frame

okay

all right well now for today’s medical

topic core pulmonale

so core pulmonale is defined as a right

ventricular hypertrophy

with eventual right ventricular failure

resulting from pulmonary hypertension

secondary to pulmonary disease so if you

need a refresher on pulmonary

hypertension

listen to last week’s episode and

corporal manali

is a complication of that so it’s just

whenever your lungs have the high

pressure system going on it’s it’s high

blood pressure

but only within the lungs specifically

so if that goes on too long then you get

core pulmonary

it’s most commonly secondary to copd and

other causes include recurrent

pulmonary embolism asthma cystic

fibrosis sleep apnea

and pneumoconiosis clinically patients

may present with a decrease in exercise

tolerance

they may have cyanosis and digital

clubbing and that’s whenever the fingers

get to be thicker

like kind of bulbs i mean this doesn’t

this doesn’t get boring to you

dr london week in and week out

typing in ian.wikipedia.org

and then clicking random article and

just reading it off on the show i mean

come on

yeah well this isn’t this isn’t bumming

you out a little bit i’m just i’m just

in a mood

yeah no i can tell because you you seem

to really

every time i feel like we’re really

getting somewhere like we’re kind of

hitting our stride

you keep interjecting with saying that

you’re not

feeling it i’m in a mood yeah you’re

bored

so i would say that almost so your job

as a doctor is to

cure patients and yet you’re not even

willing

to try to cure

your best friend and co-host and

producer

okay what if cure him of the blues what

if i tried

okay so normally you would sometimes

you would interject with something here

so what i just said was digital clubbing

you think that i should give a lesson

and then you interject my last son

no no i’m just i’m letting you know sort

of the way that you seem to keep

yourself

occupied normally so a lot of times if i

said something like digital clubbing

then you would say something about maybe

going on your computer

you know digitally and going

clubbing like going dancing maybe you

know

and that’s you’re like club penguin yeah

that would be something

yeah so so today it just seems odd

because today

you seem to not have the energy or no

maybe even it’s just the desire you seem

to have lost the desire to do any of

that

but it’s the passion i have no passion

anymore

but i’d love to do your job and then you

interrupt me

so let’s go i’m on wikipedia i’m

clicking random article okay i don’t

think that’s

okay i got stower bridge which is a

market town in the west midlands england

stour bridge is about 12 miles or 9

kilometers

west of birmingham the second biggest

city in the uk

so and i think fox news one time said

birmingham was a

muslim no-go zone this is about eight

years ago

but i think that’s important to mention

um

sitting within the metropolitan borough

of dudley at the edge of the black

county yeah

stower bridge includes the suburbs of

ambleco

lye norton old winsford

pedmore what what i can’t help but feel

like this

this is one of those instances of

something that is neither here

nor there like it’s very unrelated to

the topic

yeah it’s not here we know it’s in

england

yeah so and we know it’s about 12 miles

west of birmingham

which according to a guy on fox news

eight years ago and they got in trouble

for it they said

birmingham which is the second biggest

city in the uk was a muslim

no-go zone wow yeah

okay and i’m not really contesting or

commenting on that

i just you know i’ve gotta so our

listeners are here for medical lessons

they’re just trying to learn medicine

you know we got medical students we have

you know doctors who are trying to brush

up on a few things

i don’t my fans aren’t these people

you’re talking about

your cam girls yeah yeah i

the cam squad the squad of cam girls aka

my fan base

does not care about medicine whatsoever

you know what we care about we care

about we care that much of stower bridge

consists of residential streets

interspersed with green spaces mary

stevens park

opened in 1931 has a lake a bandstand a

cafe and a mixture of open spaces in

woodland

okay i great but um

so do you see so i’ve gotta i’ve gotta

finish this up for

okay so you have your fans and i have my

fans so if i could finish my appeal to

my fans

you’re saying we should have read them

at the same time and then no no no no

put the audio into different years

look we’ve tried that i do not think it

worked ah so

anyway so if i i’ll i’ll just try to be

quick about this okay so that you can

get to

your cam girl stuff because i know that

they’re good they’re big on this

so as i said clinically patients may

have

um digital clubbing was last thing i

said uh they can have signs of right

ventricular failure such as hepatomegaly

edema

and jvd and that’s whenever the the vein

in the neck

is is it’s it’s dilated it’s big

and they can have a parasternal lift a

diagnosis of corpulgnoli begins with

chest x-ray revealing enlargement of the

right atrium right ventricle and

pulmonary arteries

an ekg may reveal right axis deviation

p pulmonale and that’s peaked p waves

and right ventricular hypertrophy

an echocardiogram may reveal right

ventricular dilatation

but normal ventricular or start normal

left ventricular

size and function so this is useful in

excluding the left ventricular

dysfunction

so this is right sided stuff so

treatment involves treating the

underlying pulmonary disorder

diuretic therapy must be used cautiously

because patients may be preload

dependent

you apply continuous long-term oxygen

therapy if the patient is hypoxic

administer digoxin only if there is

coexistent left ventricular failure

many so copd patients die of right

ventricular

failure secondary to chronic pulmonary

hypertension and many does do

yeah i knew i actually met met a guy who

suffered from that unfortunately he was

at

the we met at the festival of glass

which the international festival class

is held

at ruskin mill in stower bridge every

two years

launched in 2004 it showcases the skill

and innovation of glass artists

designers and crafts people

the british glass by and all

biannual this is the festival’s it’s not

biannual

okay it’s biannual

is the festival’s flagship exhibition

featuring contemporary work

by glassmakers in the uk the exhibition

attracts collectors galleries and

museums from all around the world

okay so so i like how you did

try to work that in casually i

i i do appreciate that oh it just came

up yeah it was just natural in

conversation

so uh just the the last sentence here i

want to finish

so many deaths due to pulmonary embolism

actually result from

acute pulmonary hypertension and right

ventricular failure

uh okay and so cameron did you get

th you know everything to appease your

your fans the cam girls

uh yeah well just one thing i did want

to ask is that i had heard

that robert plant of led zeppelin

actually attended king edward

the sixth college which is uh in

stourbridge is that

would you say that’s correct in your

personal uh medical opinion

uh you know i i don’t really have a

professional medical opinion on

that fact mostly

that sounds like a trivia question

really so

and it’s not medical related not not

related to medicine so i’m not

you know i i don’t see how that would

apply

yeah you you haven’t you even gotten to

that part of your training because what

you’re saying

uh you know what sure i and once again

you know i

i am seeing some divide here between the

the cameron don’t you hear but how don’t

you hear how much more excited i am

yeah no i am i am glad that you haven’t

brought us back

to telling us about how you’re done

and bored and don’t care anymore

yeah and over it yeah yeah uh

no i i like that now i’m i’d love life i

love this podcast and i love

stower bridge all right or store bridge

sure there’s no way to know how it’s

pronounced there

yeah there wouldn’t be a way uh but

maybe

maybe our guest will know um no way

anyway

we can go ahead and move on from there

[Music]

all right uh cameron you said that we

have a guest today is that right that’s

right dr london i’m gonna go out on a

limb here

and this i hope i don’t get in trouble

for saying this

but this might be

one of the fastest guests we’ve ever had

i haven’t seen this guy

run but you can kind of look at his

figure and kind of figure out that he’s

probably pretty quick

okay so in terms of just speed not like

wit or anything like that just

physical speed okay so it’s like yeah

the fast muscle fibers

okay um so

yeah so as i was saying earlier the

guest is one of these types who’s like

sort of bringing something new to

medicine and we all like to see these

innovations

so yeah i’m pretty excited for this

guest uh

could you introduce yourself please

doctor

doctors thanks for having me on this dr

bill butler yeast

here and and thank you for acknowledging

my muscle fibers you know i’ve been

working on them for quite some time

when when you folks flew me in for this

and put me up in such a nice hotel i

mean you were putting me in hotel

so far away but so easy to run from

there to here it was really nice to do

that doctor so

thank you thank you for that yeah well

you know and i you know we’re working

with a budget here and so you have the

options of you could get a much

worse hotel much closer to the studio

or we could put you in a nicer hotel

further away that you can just run to

and then you know we’re not going to pay

for transportation or anything like that

of course

and i would say we you know we when

cameron chose to put you in

because cameron was really handling this

the bookings and everything

uh it was a mild difference so i know

for running

it seems far but

you know for most people who are from

here and who are used to

you know using their own cars

transportation it’s actually

this is the first time someone hasn’t

complained about it

uh you know about the lack of

transportation everything but anyway so

thank you so much for coming here i

should correct one thing

cameron here is not a doctor i i’m

actually the doctor here

so i i realize that but i think

i i believe in treating everyone who

forms who contributes to the medical

profession as an equal so in my eyes

cameron

wow you’re you’re a consultant but

a doctor is suffice because you know at

the end of the day it doesn’t matter

whether you’re a junior doctor

you’re a consultant or you’re the ceo

you’re a doctor

this is this is amazing i this i love

hearing this that you actually approach

medicine with a sort of egalitarian

attitude whereas dr

london he is all about hierarchies he is

all about who is whose boss

who is bossing around so and so who’s

giving instructions am i

in charge i love hearing that

look because i contribute to medicine

which i do

that sort of makes me a doctor and if

anything that makes me more of a doctor

than

someone who just got a degree and never

helps anyone

like dr london when you say i totally do

you know

do you know this is exactly the problem

the medical profession has

ask any doctor well let’s ask let’s ask

doctor who is the most important person

in the medical hierarchy oh i want to

hear this from you dr london

uh so the most important person that

really

i mean at a certain level the most

important person is

going to be the medical students

assistants and the nurses because

they’re the ones

who are kind of the first ones the

patient encounters but then again the

doctor is the one who kind of has a

knowledge to guide the whole process

so you know i feel like everyone has

their worth

but you know at least in the states that

the pay is given

you know a little bit more according to

training level and everything if that’s

what you mean

wrong wrong absolutely don’t

could you explain why he was so wrong i

mean dr london

i’m so grateful to be here but this is

exactly

what i’m talking about you’re clearly

the eldest in your family and you’re

clearly

were very greedy as a child and that has

fed into your

life now as a medical professional the

most important person

in the medical profession is clearly the

patient because without the patient

you don’t have an opportunity to doctor

and without an opportunity to doctor

you can’t make a difference in the world

so every single patient

whether they come in with a stubbed toe

or a life-threatening illness

without them we can’t be doctors

and it doesn’t matter if you’re wearing

a stethoscope around your neck or you’re

holding the door open

for somebody who’s coming out of the

restroom it all

counts if there’s a patient there

okay and you know how much i would even

sorry sorry to interrupt do you know how

much we pay patients

nothing nothing zero they don’t get

anything to be part of that hierarchy

with all due respect and i would even

say patients contribute to the

uh medical practice even more than

doctors because a

you wouldn’t have doctors without

patients b

doctors their entire expertise is

finding out what’s wrong with you well a

patient can tell you

how they’re feeling where it hurts

what’s swelling

all very important pieces of information

that make them

more useful than whatever the doctor’s

gonna find

i would say that every single patient is

a doctor wouldn’t you say

i completely agree let me hit you with

some very

interesting statistics so they say

one in four people will get cancer for

example

but did you know that every one of those

four people

is technically a patient because they’re

they’re at some point in their life

going to need the facilities of the

medical profession

and you can’t you can’t be part of that

hierarchy

unless you have a patient

to put you there okay so can we take it

one step further and say that because

every person is a patient in their own

way

everyone is the most important and then

doctors have the doctor education on top

of that regular patient level importance

no

it sounds like doctors are actual

doctors are the one exception i would

say patients of the doctors and in a way

doctors are the patients

it’s all legal you see dr london that is

ego speaking i mean i don’t go to dinner

parties

and say to people oh by the way i’m a

doctor no i don’t

i’m a human being first and if you if

you do say that sometimes that’s okay

i mean sometimes but that’s only when

there is willy waving going on and

and it’s a point it’s a point of clarity

but you know i i say to you dr london

dr london when when for example is the

last time

you had effortless stomatitis for

example uh you know i

i don’t believe that i’ve had that you

see

what are you contributing to the

profession that is

lining your driveway with all of those

cars so

yep whenever you if you ask just a ra

a random medical disease

that sort of doesn’t quite make your

case if you ask for something like

you know relatively more common like you

know do you have high blood pressure

diabetes

or since we’re from the states you know

obesity

these kinds of things are a little bit

more you know

common in that way do you see do you see

how there’s a distinction to be made

there

i i i totally do doctor but do you have

any of those three

you know as you say common ailments i

mean i

i don’t come across them that much i

have to say but have you got

one of those three ailments no

no i don’t and and i i get that you come

from a different place

where epidemiologically you’d be you

know encountering

maybe less well especially the obesity

epidemic is

bad here not so much there the opioid

epidemic

probably not as big of a deal there

just because you know our culture has

shaped

cooler about it yeah so

y’all are a lot more chill about opioids

and so like that

you know quote-unquote epidemic that we

have is uh

probably going to be less of a big deal

but i feel like this is

all sort of beside the point right dr

london that’s true so dr yeast

what um what what brings you here today

well i i was going through a midlife

crisis when when i was in my

my and i realized that i couldn’t quite

put my finger on it but there was

something

inherently wrong with how we doctor

and then it just hit me it hit me we’re

working within a niche market

we are totally relying on medicine

to cure ailments it’s like every time

you get sick we immediately go

to medicine to cure it or some form of

medicine be it

physical is in a pill or mental is in

therapy or what have you it often falls

under the same umbrella

and that made me think if i was building

my house i wouldn’t hire an electrician

to build it

to plummet to pick my furniture

i’d have different people from different

backgrounds doing it

but why is it why is it when we’re sick

we only go

to a doctor and we own special hospitals

specialists messages you’re special now

it’s not just enough that you’re

educated dr london and that you’re

better than everyone else now you

consider yourself special

well i just i feel like you’re going

down this road of

you know not all doctors are trained

and we have one like baseline i know not

all doctors are trained because every

single patient is a doctor and training

is irrelevant

okay i’m sorry dr yeast go on i i

interrupted so yeah so so anyway

and that made me realize that perhaps

we’re looking in the wrong places for

cures

we often think about managing illnesses

but when are we putting that patient

first you know when i have a patient

that comes into me with

transient lingual palpatitis if i give

them a pill

they’re going to take the pill walk away

and where is the

the value-add in that you know where is

where’s the experience yeah they’re

gonna walk away thinking ah this guy

doesn’t care about me

he’s just throwing drugs at me exactly

and we have to think about

you know medical prescriptions as a

service and not as a product

so i did a community college course in

poetry

and as i was in this course i realized

that poets had one thing in common

we remember them for their poems and not

for their illnesses

and that got me thinking that got me

thinking that

with the right string of words because

words are very much like chemicals if

you string them together

you can have an impact because you can

create something

that carries meaning in the same way if

you mix chemicals together you get a

pill

and that has a meaning and meaning is

just a different word

for cure and on that basis i found that

by stringing certain words together

in a poetic sense i mean

poet poetry is an anagram is it well

it’s not a nanogram but it would be an

anagram

for solution to medical ailment

give or take a few ladders and i figured

that poetry could be used

to rewire the brain to cure itself in

the same way that you can insult

somebody and it rewires their brain to

be

upset or to be sad or to be mad i said

why can’t we do that with poetry

why can’t we rewire the brain with

poetry to

cure to cause the brain no less to cure

because the brain is the most powerful

part of our brain

did you know the brain does most of the

thinking in our body so the brain

rewire the brain to cure itself

okay the value add is the patient walks

away enlightened

yes and probably way more enlightened

and feeling a lot lighter and better

than if you were to just throw

some pills at them or throw therapy at

them exactly or

you know just giving them like a a

checklist to make them better

and who likes checklists

yeah i mean dr london does but he’s a

freak so we’re not gonna even and i

would also say

so cameron sir cameron does throw

medications and medical supplies yeah if

you could refer to me as dr cameron

please

i’d feel more comfortable if you said dr

cameron yeah i would feel a lot more

comfortable too so

so doc dr cameron uh he

you know whenever he he’s not speaking

like metaphorically or whatever

he throws medicine and medical products

medical appliances at people whenever

they

if anyone asks him hey should i see a

doctor about this

that’s well i’m testing reflexes most

doctors you know they do that thing

where they just sort of like

they hit a hammer on your knee yeah

i toss things at you and expect you to

catch them

yeah so i mean that doesn’t really test

the i mean

in a sense tessa’s reflexes but it

doesn’t test the

you know the ones in the spine i’ll be

in mid-sentence i’ll be like okay

so how are you and then yeah they’re

gonna catch it real quick and then just

pills thrown at your face and you’re

having to

like i’ve swallowed pills on accident

not realizing what was going on

yeah but that’s very very irresponsible

you can’t swallow it i didn’t by

accident

that is very true well unless that poem

is written down

and one of the things i’m throwing at

you is a wadded up piece of paper which

it

is sometimes okay so anyway to get back

to

uh dr yeast you know you’re see your

method so you

you well i i did i did want to say on

something that was said previously

in that for famous poets we remember

their poetry and we don’t remember their

diseases

uh except for the one disease that most

of them have

which is depression and suicidal

ideation

because most of them end up killing

themselves even so that one

that one disease comes up a lot

that’s fair but most of the most of the

most of them don’t

most of the diseases don’t get mentioned

at all have you ever taken the wrong

medication for

you know an illness you know have you

ever taken

say an aspirin for a broken leg i mean

think about what that would do to you

yeah because i’m throwing them at myself

so i don’t really know what’s landing

and what’s not absolutely you know so

exactly in the case of those very very

very very you know few and far between

very rare that a poet

you know suffered one or two of those

things that you mentioned

in in those cases it was a case that

their own poetry wasn’t good enough

for them because no doubt for every

depressed poet i mean i have to be

honest i’ve never come across

myself but for every depressed poet

their poetry has probably cured

approximately two or three billion

people potentially yes wow

and i i’m just you know it’s not an

exact science but

it’s it’s think of a curve it’s like a

curve

graph okay yeah and just how it curves

around

yeah yeah i’m thinking about it

okay and so just watching it curve in my

mind yeah when you say

it cures do you mean it treats or do you

mean it

absolutely cures no trace of disease

completely totally totally totally

totally i i mean

it’s it it you know it’s like it

it can it can sense it can sense you

know

the need for follow-up it’s like it’s

like a broken leg

you know a broken leg and then you have

to help patients

you know afterwards where you have to go

back into the hospital as a day patient

and get checked out

poetry the right pump can get beyond

that and

see that you don’t need to do that so

not only does it cure

and address and remedy and all those

other

words that we have in our medical book

they

also make things better and that’s the

language patients need to hear

not cure and remedy or you know

make things better exactly speak people

i mean dr london i don’t know about you

i’d like to see some of this in action

yeah yeah i was about to get to the

you know i like i know that you’ve dr

bill butler yeast you have released a

few

you know books on of poetry and on

on the method by which you read poems to

help people could you uh could you share

with us some of

some of this i mean i think we can even

if we’re dealing with anything like i

i can say right now that i have a bit of

a headache do you have a poem maybe for

for something like that oh now of course

i have a poem for headache

but i i i don’t want to be an

irresponsible

practitioner here i must ask do you do

do you have a particular type of

headache

that you you know is bothering you or is

it just a general type of headache

um i i assume it’s because

i had a lot of sugar yesterday

i drank um 45

hard ciders high alcoholic abv

hard ciders and so i think just the high

sugar content

is sort of giving me a headache today

well and you should you stir

in sugar whenever you take that as i

recall

yeah and i do shots of vodka in it to

sort of level it out yeah

yeah you you have what we call

gia and that’s ah

you know i suspect it as much but i

wasn’t quite sure

it’s it’s the common the common hangover

as as known in some parts of the world

but by his algae is is what dr london

would recognize it as

clearly but um yeah so that’s

that’s that’s quite simple i mean some

people and and this is what you have to

be so careful some people would read the

works of edgar

allan poe or something like that as an

attempt to

to handle it but that’s not going to

work so

here’s what i need you to do dr cameron

are you sitting comfortably

uh i could be more comfortable no don’t

sit uncomfortably because right now

your inside is uncomfortable so you need

to replicate that on the outside

because the more comfortable you pretend

to try to be it’s like

somebody closing their mouth when you’re

trying to force feed them a pill it’s

just not going to go in

so you have to mirror the feeling on the

outside so that your body can be a

conduit to absorb the words because it’s

not just the

ears we’re trying to deal with here

we’re trying to get it into your whole

body

and while the ears are on your head

they’re not connected to the part of

your head that has a headache so we need

to use your whole body

okay so i’m sort of wadded up into a bit

of a pretzel

shape now yeah okay one thing you i

could just

uh okay and then now my arm

is stuck inside of the pant

leg so and then

one thing this is as uncomfortable as i

can get one thing no

no there is one more thing so all the

people you have fanning you

with the with the branches you have to

stop them from doing that

because that’s regulating the

temperature that’s adding to your

comfort level

i agree

but they only they only respond to me

waving them away which i can’t do with

my arm

stuck in my pant leg so i guess

you know your inability to address this

is adding to your discomfort level right

uh i not really because i don’t really

care

if i listen to you or follow your rules

that doesn’t make me uncomfortable

okay all right well i guess

we find ourselves at sort of a

standstill at this point

i’d love to be able to stand still i

can’t because of how wadded up i am

a human sort of a piece of gum

i think we could work with it as it is i

mean it’s not going to be ideal

i mean you may have a dose of diarrhea

or or possibly vomiting

afterwards but at least your headache

will have gone and

that’s you know what’s the most

important thing here that’s the dream

that all right can i hear a

poem or something this is a poem

and it’s simply called

i sat cold step

upon of which

my brow broke cider

abv lucozade

[Music]

to win which she came and ripped out

my liver such that

i could not take no more i did not take

no more

[Music]

across oceans filled with substances to

drink

would feed my demon soul

yet punish my empowered

kidneys

oh wow how’s your head i

feel a lot i feel relieved am i can i do

i have to be in this position still

you can relieve yourself of that

position at a time that feels good for

you but

you know like most things do it do it

slowly

you know i would say we are gonna have

to get a mop for that

you did find relief in other ways as

well i guess

okay i’m back into my normal position

but i do feel

a lot i mean dr london i do think

there’s something to this i do feel a

lot

lighter and a lot better yeah well i

mean the lighter could be because of

just the volume that you just vomited

but you know i there could be

something else i mean also vomiting

sometimes

helps people deal with the level of you

know alcohol but

but he said one of the side effects

might be a little diary and a little

vomit yeah and you did do both

so i i guess side effects you get you’ve

really got down

dr yeast one thing that that was very

much what came out

when we went through the phase three

trials you know we discovered that we

nailed to the side of

side effects nailed okay

so and i think that is one of the main

things you’re trying to do in a trial

like that

is being able to list as many side

effects as you can it’s not necessarily

trying to

fix the side effects it’s just

acknowledging that they’re there which i

think that

is important you know yeah because

you’re you’re trying to get work for

voice actors

to list the side effects and the

commercials for it

well it’s a dying industry they keep

giving these animation positions to

establish celebrities

very true it’s very true and so when you

think about it

uh being a voice actor who reads the

side effects on

on drug commercials

that’s sort of the ideal position that

you’d want to be in

but anyway i mean dr yeast this is this

is sort of amazing i feel like every

second that goes by i’m feeling better

and better i mean dr london do you have

any sort of ailment or something

you want to bring forth yeah i mean

so um you know i’ve had some uh

i guess i’ve just been stressed so my

stomach has been

kind of troubling me like i have an

upset stomach

is there a i don’t know is there

anything for that

yeah you you have a classic case of bora

bora game

which okay it’s one of those across the

pond’s term that i’m not

i’m not familiar with you you need to

keep up on your continuous professional

development

my good doctor that is very much an

affliction that

affects everyone all around the world in

when it comes to stomach matters

so a little bit surprised i’m sorry i

just

i mean terminology might just be the

difference but go on go on

so with a condition like that again

similar to the headache i have to ask

what do you think might be driving

driving that and you know is it is

you know that stress is that is it work

related stress is relationship related

stress

is it connected physically or

metaphysically to the stomach

problem uh you know what do you what do

you think yourself

yeah so i um i guess so for one thing

work i’ve been working a lot of hours

it’s kind of it’s been very demanding

lately

we uh sort of have an overburdened

healthcare system here and so i’ve been

just just working all the time and then

well you’ve also been stressed lately

ever since your

your workplace started letting people

bring therapy dogs into the office which

they keep attacking you yeah and not

just the dogs because the dogs

i kind of like you can throw some raw

meat

at so i started carrying you know just

raw meat in my pockets

for them but then you know you don’t

wait you don’t think that maybe that’s

what the dogs are going for oh what do

you mean

i no no you just the raw meat that you

have in your pockets i feel like that

did you start bringing the raw meat

before or

after therapy dogs started

i mean for lack of a better word

hounding you

well so i they sent us a memo

a week before these rules were going to

go into effect that they’re going to

bring the therapy dogs because you know

you can’t bring humans in

for some of these patients because of

the contagious nature

of this virus so they said you know

they’re going to be some dogs

don’t worry about it uh if you don’t

always get along with dogs

maybe have a treat so i’ve been

so i stocked up on raw meat and

before yeah okay it was before to answer

your question um

so i mean dr dr yee so you can see the

sort of trouble that my

my friend is in i think i think dr

london is

this is far more serious than you think

i mean think about it for a second

the gnost of carrying food for doc are

you

trying to compensate for an upset

childhood by feeding

other people’s depression dogs as i like

to call them

i and i wish i don’t want to

say no because maybe but i’m also

thinking like

these dogs really went after me and i’ve

you know you know i’ve gotten uh these

calls that i need to be

you know be somewhere because a patient

is about to die

and i’ll be running but then the dogs

will will outpace me

and so that has been a significant worry

but

in childhood something similar might

have happened

it’s it you know do we need to get into

that now or is there

is there a poem that can just is that

enough for me

i mean i was around then i do remember

one specific instance are you talking

about when you had set up

i had set up a lemonade stand and then

to compete across the street you would

set up a

a raw salami stand

okay well yeah that’s that i guess that

rings a

little bell i don’t really and then a

bunch of neighborhood therapy dogs

chased you down yeah well at that time i

couldn’t run quite as fast so it wasn’t

so much a chase

as a you had the we’ve talked about this

in previous episodes but at that age you

would have had the forest gump

leg braces on that’s right so they

yeah and i tried to run but once again

they were

they were from the movies so it was a

badge of honor really like people try to

make fun of it but it’s actually really

cool that i did that

yeah but i imagine they they slow down

your speed

yeah and like yeah and so and all these

dogs would come over and like just

attack and i don’t

you know they would attack me and i

couldn’t tell why i still to this day i

don’t know why

they just target me every time and i

keep wow

you know i’m a cat person and that’s

you know this experiences like that kind

of reinforced that

feeling that i’m a cat person

you know i’m so glad you’ve shared this

with me and this is exactly

what we’re talking about here there was

a risk that i could have

prescribed you the wrong poem in a

romantic

genre but the fact you’re a cat person

you know really brings it back to where

it all went wrong for you dr london

th this this isn’t about stress this

isn’t about stomach problems

this is about you never having a puppy

when you were young and that in turn

caused a massive and i i don’t use

hyperbole that often but a massive

spinopalapatine

ganglion ureology in your head

huh a ureology

i’m using the american term yeah

i just and you’re sure it’s because i

didn’t have a puppy because i

like once again it was it was because i

was so scared of puppies because they

would

attack me and try to eat me

yeah it’s okay it’s all it’s all it’s

the medical equivalent of a placebo

you know is what you’re talking about

there okay so

so what okay what what poem are we going

to use

to sort of fix this problem then because

you are the specialist in this so i

you know i defer to your judgment yeah

so

so this poem i’ve just been writing it

out there while while you were talking

i’ve crossed out a lot of words in it

for this poem um

it’s it’s fairly fairly hard-hitting so

i need you to get

really uncomfortable for this i mean i

want you to imagine you have just had

your heart broken by somebody that you

love deeply

and it is drip dripping on the floor

being eaten by those dogs as if it was

raw salami

that’s how i want you to feel on the

outside

uh okay so i just think back to maybe

like if there was a recent heartbreak

that i could actually use

and maybe also contribute to the stress

yeah okay

probably just all of the heartbreaks

probably all all of the heartbreaks

happening always like all of your

ex loves are right now breaking in your

heart

okay so and this will help me me

me bringing back all the the horrific

like the time whenever she told me she

would meet me and then she instead got

her gang of cronies which happened to

include our

dr cameron here they they came over to

egg me

just throw eggs at my body and then

i’m crying as you say that like i

totally totally feel your pain

but unless unless you open the up like

that

the poem the words will not connect

with your upper thalamus and

your epididymis and frontal lobe

right all those well connected things so

okay so i’m going so i just

i just have to remember the time

when uh she said

meet me on the roof and i went and then

she was on the roof and she pushed me

off

and said try to fly and i said okay

and then i was in the hospital i woke up

in the hospital

for a few months and and that’s you know

how i got into medicine i guess

because you woke up in a hospital yeah

i’d never seen one before

you became a doctor to compensate for

failed love

is what i’m hearing

so so i’m not feeling super comfortable

or if you’re gonna compensate

do it in maybe a cooler way not

like this yeah like ride a motorcycle or

this is the heavy metal or you know dye

your hair

but becoming a doctor is fixing other

people’s problems

yeah not yours get a hoop earring

dr london i hate to say this but there

is a strong possibility that after i

recite this poem you may

seek a career change as a professional

motorcycle riding badass i mean it’s one

option

okay i you know i don’t i feel like i’ve

invested pretty heavily in the one

pursuit professionally but you know i

maybe after the poem i’ll have a change

of heart

are you ready you’re ready

stop stop

each pump of my heart beats like a stop

sign

not moving just suddenly looking at me

so direct stop stop

stop reaching in and ripping out my

brain

and eating it as if

liver thrown to a beast

stop stop stop don’t touch my testicles

don’t

touch my fingertips do not touch

my soul stop stop

stop let me be the one

who places my hand upon my brow

and my other upon my heart and let in

the good

go go go

oh what happened

how do you feel wow it’s almost like you

woke up out of a trance state

yeah i don’t what what year is it

the year now yeah what do you

what do you think i meant

i don’t know like what year did radi

were you asking

like what year is it that radioactive by

imagine dragons came out or something

yes

that is what i meant i think maybe like

2011 2012.

okay well good good to know um

what’s your name

my name i know it’s doctor i know that

um

think again think again doctor isn’t a

name

dot-com i’m i’m doc

dot-com doctor

i said um

[Music]

what’s the most common one of the most

common names in the world i’ll go with

that one

smith john smith um smith yes

see dr cameron what’s happening here is

uh dr london

is going through a complete personality

overall and he’s giving himself a new

identity so he’s perfectly aligned to be

on

a new road for a better him wow

and this is the sort of i mean sort of

magic better than medicine medicine

that is really sort of blowing my mind i

think how many years of

therapy he would have needed to get to a

point like that he probably would have

had to go for hypnotherapy

and possibly play therapy and i’m

hearing yes

and maybe even surgery i’m hearing this

sort of

maybe something kind of uk british

accent so maybe my first name will be

related to that like uh i don’t know

what’s a

dublin or london i’ll go for london to

switch it up a little bit

so it’s london smith okay

smith because it’s the most common last

name yeah

just i want to unique and then

common and then i should get a website

are you imprinting on me do you think

i’m your mother now

i when you

ask it it feels like it’d be weird to

address it

it seems like i took a couple steps away

and you you took a couple steps in my

direction like almost like everywhere

i move you move closer to me yeah well

and me mirroring your actions

i and i’m sorry were we

were we doing something here are we

what was i

i don’t think so no you were doing

everything

you were doing everything london every

everything and

i must say it was

and i’m not using hyperbole incredible

it was truly incredible

are you hungry okay are you hungry

it’s a metaphorical question it’s a

metaphorical question

okay because like i

i’m feeling my pockets and i feel a lot

of raw meat and i don’t know if that’s

an answer or not

there are no questions to which you

cannot answer yourself

as uh somebody once said

okay well yeah that famous the famous

man yeah the famous man

yes i’ll wait to cook this though like i

won’t eat this raw because raw meat is

it seems gross but um

so so that’s something to eat later i

guess

uh whatev whatever we were doing i feel

like we’re at a good time to kind of

stop doing it oh you think it’s time for

the

for the chore wheel ch chore yes

that does yes let’s do those does it

ring a bell do you want me to explain to

you what the chore wheel is real quick

if you could because i’m not

really yeah so yeah so the chore wheel

basically and you’re not going to

remember this but basically you and i

accidentally let

a lot of chores and a lot of jobs that

we had to do

pile up because we were playing video

games and we weren’t doing what we

needed to do

so we have this gigantic to-do list that

we need to

finish and so i created this fun little

chore wheel and every week we spin the

chore wheel and we do whatever chore

is on the wheel okay

and actually dr dr yeast will you be

able to stick around and help us with

this chore

i love chores perfect

okay and then dr london so you’re gonna

just you’re just gonna

spin the chore wheel you’re gonna grab

that little thingy okay this one

uh-huh and then you’re gonna pull on

that okay pull that crank

and i and do i do i eat it

try okay no it doesn’t fit my mouth

it’s too big all right try spinning it

instead

all right oh you probably don’t even

recognize what some of these words means

but it says

create content for patreon

uh do you remember anything about our

patreon dr london

uh it was something about

avoiding the the parts

of the podcast we signed up for patreon

to avoid taxes it’s part of a grand

uh scheme okay and essentially

so we have and this is sort of a new

thing we have a patreon with additional

content

and sort of behind the scenes follow-ups

to

our past chores and maybe even some

follow-ups to our past sponsors and

things like that that you can sign up

for

and you can access it by going to

patreon.comtalkpodcast or by going to

jocktalkpodcast.com and signing up

does that does that clear things up for

you a little bit

yeah i i think it i

i don’t really understand what patreon

is but okay

patreon’s a site where you give us money

so we can give you

more content okay and so right now we’re

gonna actually we’re gonna

try to create some mini sewed some mini

episodes

just like lit right we’re like one

minute episodes is what we’re gonna do

right now on the patreon they’re full

length episodes like it’s a full thing

but right now we’re gonna do little

teaser

mini episodes okay about

the business of medicine and being a

doctor

and so we’re gonna do just quick each of

us

is going to host a 60-second

mini episode of any sort of medical show

that you like

and we’re going to provide it as content

on the patreon does that make sense

i i think so dr east are you following

i have no idea what he’s talking about

but i’m game

okay so maybe

uh dr cameron that’s you want me to

start off

yes doctor i am dr cameron okay and i’m

an osteoporosis

okay uh

i mean i i could also maybe i don’t know

who goes for

how does this work i’m sorry i’m just

very confused

just from the start uh i was just

thinking that each of

us would go one at a time right okay

okay

and host a one minute 60 second

podcast episode okay to provide

content for our patreon okay

so as an example here i’m gonna do uh

i’m gonna do a 60 second timer

okay and hi

welcome to cameron’s medical cram

corner where i’m going to give you

medical tips such as

leave your feet in the pool after you

swim

allow your feet to keep that fun wrinkly

soft feel and it’ll allow you

to soak up some rays and soak up some of

the sun more while being out of the pool

now my first guest today is dr london

dr london was the last time you kept

your feet in the pool

oh i can’t even remember because it’s

winter so

for for me at least so whenever i put my

feet in the pool it is cold

and sometimes there is ice but and

there’s probably a medical

uh advantage to having your feet in such

cold water right

depending on how one the rest of you is

maybe it would feel good

which is and positive feelings is sort

of a medical advantage that’s all we

have today on cameron’s

cram corner

okay i mean i think that’s gonna be a

perfect episode look i think our

listeners are gonna really like that

yeah if we just add some music to either

side then that’s a full one i think

i think if we honestly if we if we add

enough dj dylan’s sound effects to that

and stretch that

to about an hour we could have that be a

main feed episode

yeah okay and uh

dr yeast do you want to give a try at

hosting your own

sure okay let’s get that timer

all right and go

hello and welcome to doctors

i want today to tell you about the great

new adaptation of

talking to your family members when they

are sick and they need to go

talk to somebody professionally about it

the first thing you must do

is talk to them about it in person

or on the telephone or on an online

method

and you explain to them why they should

go to see somebody medically qualified

and then they go and

they get seen to buy somebody managed

qualified and afterwards

afterwards 15 seconds they will thank

you for it

and probably bring you around for tea

or supper that’s what you should do five

and if that doesn’t work tough try

something else

[Music]

perfect all right okay i mean i feel

like

all of these are gonna be this is all

again on our patreon it is not

small one minute episodes we have

full real episodes this is sort of bonus

content

okay so i don’t want to discourage

people from not signing up for the

patreon because they think it’s just

one minute episodes that we create on on

the cuff no off the cuff it’s

i think it is upon the cuff maybe

on the cuff so dr london are you ready

to do your episode

i i think so let’s let’s get that timer

okay

and go hi are you

a medical practitioner who lost

his memory and now finds himself having

to figure out how to practice medicine

despite lacking all the fundamental

knowledge to be able to do it

well this is the show for you try

just fumbling your way through retrace

your steps

where was the last place that you knew

how to practice medicine

hospital go to the hospital run to the

hospital

you have raw meat in your pockets and so

there is a problem with that

so when the dogs come for you you will

have to fight them off

and you won’t remember much except for

this new

traumatizing experience with dogs and

are you reliving it again

15 seconds is this gonna bring you back

to that time

where you had your memory erased and

this is all a vicious cycle

and what is this cruel reality that you

keep stepping into

okay all right dr london i’m

i gotta say i think we’ve finished this

chore don’t you think

yeah and i i think i remember everything

that happened that was weird

okay um oh so on that note

um thank you so much to dr bill butler

yeast for introducing us

to this new approach to medicine

thank you so much for for having me on

and uh dr london

thank you so much for for being open and

honest

with us i feel you’ve gotten about 6

million and i’m not using hype early

6 million new subscribers just on the

back of you being honest

and thank you thank you thank you

wow yeah i appreciate that so

uh is there any way for um our listeners

to follow you after this or

to keep up with you

me no i i tend to as a doctor i i tend

to focus on my patients i haven’t got

time

for for such things but i i may

recommend

a a chap i know by the name of neil

curran and you can find

him on such social things such as

facecrack

and insta instaboom and twitter

you’ll find him there as improv neil

because he couldn’t be any more creative

than that in coming up with a username

uh you can check him on the web on

lowertoton.com or if you’re ever

visiting ireland

uh look us up on improv fest ireland

improv utopia ireland

and the tight rope if you’re visiting

dublin

all right that sounds great and uh

dr cameron you know you i usually don’t

ask you but do you have anything to

promote

uh do i have anything to promote the

patreon

that’s something for you i guess well

i mean the page promoting the patreon

that’s sort of for

everyone it’s for me and it’s for you

and it’s for

all of our listeners because they are

getting something out of that too

right by spending three dollars or five

dollars depending on the tier

they’re they’re receiving a gift that

they purchase

yes and that’s not to be confused with a

gif or a gif

it’s not a moving picture they will not

be receiving a gift

from us ever no and that is a policy

i think we can stand by at least for now

i think that we should be strict about

that

but i i i guess i would like to promote

the movie her

okay with joaquin phoenix

um i haven’t seen it since it came out

but i remember thinking it was really

good

amy adams is in it oh okay

you know scarjo is the voice of the you

know the phone

yeah you say you know i i haven’t seen

it so

i’m gonna have to go on your word for it

but that’s you haven’t seen her

yeah scar who scarjo

yeah who’s that oh this is part of your

memory thing

i get maybe there’s still some gaps or

maybe i just

wouldn’t have heard anybody using memory

of scar ugh

perish or maybe have your chance to

discover scarjo for the first time

who knows uh all right well

thank you to uh dr bill butler yeast

again

um thank you to uh for now dr

cameron thank you to did you do in the

house

did you do the house i need you to get

really uncomfortable for

[Music]

i mean i want you to imagine you have

just had

your heart broken by somebody that you

love deeply

and it is dripping on the floor

being eaten by those dogs as if it was

raw salami

that’s how i want you to feel on the

outside

she said meet me on the roof and i went

and then she was on the roof and she

pushed me off

and said try to fly and i said okay

and then i was in the hospital i woke up

in the hospital

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

my name is dr lemonsmith.com and this

has been

the jock doc podcast see ya

i woke up in the hospital

i woke up in the hospital

[Music]

i woke up in the hospital

i woke up in the hospital you hold your

tongue as a scathing rebuke is delivered

to your attempt at a steely blue gaze

you fail at this gaze of course because

your eyes are green rather than allow

yourself to be bludgeoned by

the onslaught of reprimands you do what

your grandmother taught you to do from a

young age

you imagine a big fish trying to put on

small pants

teehee the fish isn’t frustrated just

sort of clueless in an adorable way

oh wait the words are changing in tone

maybe it’s time to check back in

and so i hope you can understand why you

shouldn’t put the toaster in the

microwave

it doesn’t speed up the heating process

but it can start a fire

you don’t really pay attention beyond

recognizing when to say

because honestly you have some fishy

thoughts to get back to

speaking of creatures performing curious

tasks don’t forget to leave a five-star

review of the jock doc podcast

in which you share about how you have

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thoughts

and consider joining our patreon where

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