Hey kids you’re about to listen to
comedy podcasts that means that none of this
is medical advice if you need medical
advice or medical care please contact
your doctor
welcome to the jock doc podcast
featuring
dr london smith he can run for miles
and he’s done clinical trials he’s the
jock doc
introducing your host
[Music]
hello and welcome to the jock doc
podcast
where we discuss fitness and health and
how to incorporate our modern
understanding of science and medicine
into our daily lives but without it
being so boring
i’m your host dr londonsmith.com
i would like to begin by apologizing to
our listeners
we received some feedback about the
excessive amount of technical medical
terms that i’ve been using
such as stippled epiphysis and upon a
slitted sheet
i sit so i’ll try to temper my
terminology to a simpler one in the
future
here to help with that is our producer
cameron hi dr london hi there
how was your uh how was your weekend it
was all right i mean
you know i didn’t uh you know it wasn’t
all planned
what happened but um you know it was
yeah but you you definitely reacted like
it was planned
yeah so like yeah so as you know i’ve
i’ve been
sort of taking up these clinical trials
i know for the for the vaccine
people you know we’re all doing these
clinical trials you know to try out the
vaccine
yes and so i thought why stop there
yeah normally i’m giving out the
medicine because you
the the trials you’re going on have
nothing to do with the vaccine you’re
just interjecting
that right now because it’s kind of
sounds like a moral high ground
well it’s like it sounds like noble and
just that you’re doing these
clinical trials yes i mean i guess the
reason i introduced it that way is
because
i it wasn’t even on my radar to do a
clinical trial
like yeah like any of these beforehand
so
these trials you’ve been telling me
about are weird dr london i
like i know the word trial can mean a
lot of different things but a
i don’t think a courthouse should be
involved and
b the like time the hunting time trials
that you guys do
yeah where it’s like oh you’re given
three minutes to bag as many
rabbits as possible i i don’t understand
that part at all okay yeah and well and
you know i guess you’re not a doctor i
guess is the short answer there but um
damn son yeah that is true
and i guess i should specify so some of
these clinical trials that i’ve done
um are ones where i sign up to be hunted
and then other ones are where someone
else signs up to be hunted so it’s not
it’s not all one thing you’re kind of
painting broad strokes here i want to
clarify these clinical trials are you
know
that it varies by whichever trial but
i just i hadn’t even thought about doing
a clinical trial until
i kept getting all these advertisements
for the the vaccine
well it’s like that short story the most
dangerous catch
is is that the one where they go uh hunt
crabs
at sea so yeah they’re on this huge
fishing boat
and basically one of the crabs is so big
that it’s hunting the people
so the tables have turned right
yeah it’s one of those things where i i
feel so unplugged sometimes like i just
yeah i’m surprised because yes we do
do most of these outs out at sea and
international waters
um just to there are a lot of legal
things that you can
really get around that way uh to do
these clinical trials
yeah so when you asked how my weekend
was
uh it yeah so the ship did sink
but i made it back ashore so i’d like to
think that um
it was it wasn’t exactly according to
plan it was a successful trial yeah oh i
made it back
and that was i guess what you guys were
testing
yeah safety it was a test of safety oh
okay
so so they’re it’s different phases of
clinical trials so
the first phase of a given clinical
trial is going to be
safety and then you test efficacy
right so this one is saying like can
this pill be taken
if you’re on a sinking boat yeah i i
will say
it was just can this bill be taken
because the boat
oh yeah that was the part that you know
people don’t know this but
testing medicine and is very similar to
how
you know cavemen back in the day would
would test like different types of
mushrooms to see
what’s poisonous and what’s not and by
that i mean you just
you just take them no one knows what’s
going to happen at first
and then you whittle it down like the
the trials usually start with
you have like 300 pills and you’re just
kind of trying them
and different things are gonna happen
and then you whittle out like well these
make this thing grow
these make this thing go away this stops
this thing
to some extent this is you know we’re
getting a little bit into pharmacology
here which is
a bit complex for where we’re at i just
yeah just to make clear
just it was just the first phase the
clinical trial so it’s not
okay well you know well i’m thank you
for telling me about your weekend yeah
you know i i don’t
you know i don’t normally try to talk
about my personal life so much um
yeah but of course well because most of
it lately has just been this
yeah so yeah we’ve been a lot of well
i sometimes i tell people it’s vacation
but really yes
it’s just going out to to see to swallow
a pill
and um see if i make it back
yep also known as the ultimate trial
so um anyway so that was our producer
cameron
uh also with us is digital in the hose
clinical trial
[Applause]
i’ve been sort of taking up these
clinical trials i know for the vaccine
they’re all doing these clinical trials
i’ve been sort of taking up these
clinical trials i know for the vaccine
you’re all doing these clinical trials
i’ve been sort of taking up these
clinical trials i know for the vaccine
they’re all doing these clinical trials
i’ve been sort of taking up these
clinical trials it wasn’t even on my
radar to do
a clinical trial clinical trial
clinical trial
[Music]
clinical trial
i’ve been sort of taking up these
clinical trials i know for the vaccine
they’re all doing these clinical trials
i’ve been sort of taking up these
clinical trials it wasn’t even on my
radar to do
a clinical trial
and later cameron tells me that we can
expect a special guest
so uh that’s right dr london i mean i
have to assume
every week someone shows up and is a
guest usually you
you find them somewhere right like you
well i definitely have been telling you
that
but i would say at least half the weeks
i say that we have a guess and i have no
idea what’s gonna happen and thank god
someone just drops by
okay yeah like because there are
definitely times whenever people were in
full
you know pizza delivery uniform and i
mm-hmm
i thought okay is this a doctor and but
they they do turn out usually to be
pizza delivery dr
okay but before i move on i would like
to address a bit of listener feedback
i found this note written in um it’s
it was written on my big white fence
that is to say it’s
it’s written on the big white guy i know
who sells stolen goods
the note reads quote that was not me
deborah had the rash
and she is telling everyone it was me i
do not affiliate with her
and her rash you take someone to the
doctor to be helpful and this is what
you get
lesson learned tell deborah end quote
so first of all thank you for reaching
out to us at the draw talk podcast
um i don’t always read what’s written on
my fence
i’ll say that now um yeah but it sounds
like one of your patients
brought in a friend or family member who
had a rash and
they’re mad that you helped them that’s
that’s that’s what i’m getting at
it’s it is granted my patients do know
that the best way to communicate you
know some people do it through
a sort of a patient portal messaging
system
for me it is you know
put it into your newspaper uh like
crossword puzzles license plates that
kind of thing
but um this one was a little bit more
direct in that it’s written on
the the fence that i know who sells the
stolen goods um
so anyway i guess they’re just
correcting me on this this little note
that i need to make in their chart where
uh so deborah is the one who has
the the rash so yeah and so i mean they
have a good point like
you you always take care of these
patients when they come in
but you never even consult their friends
and family to see like is this actually
the best option for them
in terms of my treatment plan yeah
like she comes in with a rash but like
did you even consult any of her friends
or like her fans maybe she has fans of
whether or not that rash is an important
part of her personality
right okay i hadn’t considered that i i
i have to feel as if
hipaa could be violated there but not if
it’s through email
people don’t know that hippa only
applies if it’s if you’re like on the
phone
okay or if you’re in person but if you
email someone it doesn’t matter
because that could be a hacker on the
you can’t prove that it’s not using
it could be a hacker if it’s on the
phone or if it could be a hacker if it’s
through email through emails that you
can just say it was a hacker oh
okay you can do that with anything you
have to easy out is what you’re saying
you have an excuse okay yeah that’s why
if i try to break up with someone but i
want to like
maybe keep it open i’ll do it through
email so that way if i want to take it
back the next day i can say that was a
hacker
and they’ll be like how did the hacker
know so many of the specifics about my
family
and i would say oh i don’t know maybe he
must have hacked your
your journals yeah okay i
i feel like i mean that that that’s
a lot about your personal so so you’ve
broken up with people
via email just wording it kind of like a
spam email just in case
yes yeah changing font sizes a lot of
click
here but like it it’s different
letters are high are clickable yeah the
whole word
this does just sound like your average
email in general so
it’s i guess that makes sense okay
um anyway to that listener thank you for
listening and for submitting your
feedback
uh now for today’s medical topic
cavernous hemangiomas
cavernous hermangiomas are vascular
tumors that are usually
small and asymptomatic they are the most
common type of benign liver tumor
so as the size of the tumor increases as
can happen due to pregnancy or use of
oral contraceptives
these symptoms increase and uh they may
include
right upper quadrant abdominal pain or
mass
this is kind of crazy i just read a book
about this
it was like a spy thriller but like i
just read a book about this so i i might
actually interject here every once in a
while with my own
sort of you know maybe controversial
takes on this
subject cavernous because
because this isn’t a super long subject
so i but
it’s cavernous hemangiomas you you’ve
read a book about it
and it was a spy thriller this benign
liver tumor yeah no it was i
oh it’s got to be like a grisham or
something like
that and i think it was about a guy who
was a doctor but it was also a spy i
don’t know i don’t remember
a lot of it but i just read a book about
this so i feel pretty educated on the
subject
okay you go ahead with your eyes i’m not
trying to get it right i’m just saying
i’m going to interject sometimes with
maybe some controversial opinions okay
uh so complications of cavernous
hemangiomas
uh they’re uncommon but if the tumor is
very large
they could it could rupture and that
could you know hemorrhage it could cause
obstructive
jaundice uh coagulopathy congestive
heart failure secondary to a large av
shunt uh gastric outlet obstruction
and this is all you know with most
benign tumors it’s like this where
the bigger it gets the more it can block
or obstruct or
you know cause problems simply because
of size
well and it’s interesting that you
mentioned that dr london because if you
look at the broader
picture of sort of the larger scale of
sort of how
these sort of medical aspects affect
different
sized communities but also
sort of the places yeah
where so and i i hate to interrupt you
there because it sounds
uh-huh it’s time to go and kind of sort
of macro with this idea
i told you it might be a little
controversial
and so i like i thought this show was a
little more free than that but i
understand you don’t want to you don’t
want to turn people off i get it
so anyway uh for cavernous hemangiomas
you can diagnose with ultrasound or ct
scan with iv
contrast uh biopsy is actually
contraindicated
because of risk of rupture and
hemorrhages
most cases do not require treatment uh
consider resection if the patient is
symptomatic or if there’s a high risk of
rupture and once again that can help
with large tumors
but uh well and see this is an
interesting point because if you
if you focus on you the hot you talk
about
high but that ends up being sort of like
relative when you look at
sort of a larger scale aspect of
different demographics
and you look at sort of like the
different ways they sort of
when you sort of turn it on it’s on its
edge
so you’re when you sort of i i i feel
like you’re
maybe going epidemiological about it but
once again this is a
you know it’s just a benign vascular
tumor in the liver
it’s not it’s very interesting yeah okay
well
do you and this is the kind of back and
forth that i’m glad that we can have on
this podcast freely
yeah yeah this controversial
back and forth and like i hate to
interrupt you maybe we can return to it
but you want to move on
for now that’s fine that’s fine okay
all right uh cameron you said that we
have a guest today is that right
that’s right dr london or again i have
to assume i have to assume
when i’m gonna turn around right here
there will be someone in the guest chair
yeah okay
um so do we want to do that right now
ooh uh yeah no no i think i’m ready
okay okay one
two three what
whoa greetings gentlemen hello
see i told you dr london it’s all it
always works out okay
yeah just like my my clinical trials uh
well hello there my name is dr london
smith.com and this is our producer
cameron
what was your name hello dr london hello
cameron
my name is dr charabril byrne hello
doctor
great uh you know great job cameron
normally we don’t
uh we don’t have as many doctors on here
as i would like
so um i’m a psychoanalyst okay okay
that’s and i can already tell this from
the first 12 minutes of your podcast
that
the two of you have relationship
problems that run deep
that is definitely true i mean yeah
there’s i have
there’s no reason to deny that at all
wow this is uh
this guy sucks okay it’s
who me no you mean jack london
oh yeah dr london is just it’s just
sucks is probably maybe too harsh what’s
a different way to say it
is there a way to affirm your feelings
without hurt and hate i don’t think
that’s possible
yeah that’s gonna be difficult but we
could say maybe
like i think if it was a group setting
of maybe like 30 or 40 people
maybe that’s how our relationship should
be going forward
you so you’re saying you want to be
exposed what is it you want to expose
cameron
ooh what do i want to expose well
so there is this one thing so my
grandfather
was sort of around when jfk was shot
and i don’t want to say that he was like
involved
as much as just he he doesn’t want to
talk about that day
cameron you gotta look inside
close your eyes okay
i’m closing my eyes picture the grassy
and all
is your grandpa there uh yes
well then i think he was probably part
of the assassination
yeah you know in his defense his grandpa
loves grassy knolls like every
every saturday he goes to that same
grassy knoll and i don’t know if that’s
remembering or if it’s just enjoying
because grassy knolls
historically are nice places to visit he
just likes to roll around
on it and you know i love the grassy
knoll you know we
dr lynn and i have visited dallas a few
times and i like how that site just has
a big
ugly yellow like like sign
that just says the grassy knoll that
cost maybe 15
and that’s how that city recognizes
a very historic location you think they
decorate it more or say something a
little more significant
you think there would be i think there’s
a plaque and a statue and then there’s a
guy
there every single day passing out
conspiracy pamphlets i i think which is
all of this is very very true
what would help for me is if every year
they put in another grassy knoll for
every year
since this mystery went unsolved that’s
what
what would benefit me i think like
talking to london that’s ridiculous that
the city would be full of grassy knolls
i mean what’s it been
50 some years yeah but the think i mean
from from your accent it sounds like
you’re probably from across the pond
where where there are many
grassy knolls that’s true ireland’s
chalk full of grassy knolls yeah so so
what if
you know we brought a little bit of
ireland brought that irish charm to
this area where jfk was shot yeah and
it’s a really good idea
yeah see and i you know i hate to shoot
my own horn on this but i’ve been
i’ve been campaigning on this for a
while that let’s get more grassy knolls
just throughout dallas let’s replace
some of these streets that are so
dark and gray with a grassy well in some
of these schools some of these museums
some of these like bars and restaurants
yeah
the skyscrapers well and you think like
all these restaurants and stuff have had
to remain
closed or under weird operating hours
because of covid
but if they were just all grassy knolls
you can’t control that
anything that happens on a grassy knoll
is legal basically because it’s not
owned by
anyone yeah yeah legally
it’s natural land i’m just saying that
my grandfather was around
i probably and he seems to uh
hide a lot of different things but what
really
what does your grandpa hide um
his drinking problem and
uh the fact that he had probably killed
jfk
those are the two main things and they
may be related
i would say so i would say that there
was probably a lot of
uh the venn diagram there is pretty kind
of just one big circle
but why are we talking about me doctor i
want to get to know you who what brings
you here
today uh dr jack london a fellow doctor
emailed me
and um uh i decided hell i’ll come on
and talk about whatever they want to
talk about
okay yeah this okay so that doctor
does we dr jack london and i have
communicated quite a bit
um dr lund it’s it’s another dr london
uh has
repeated to me over and over that i
should be psychoanalyzed so
and cameron i didn’t think it would come
today much less during the podcast so i
you know
i i apologize because this is on me to
some extent i didn’t schedule a formal
appointment or anything
once again my fault um but i guess
oh this is fine this is great i think
this is long overdue
yeah so um i guess if we’re all
i i i guess it’s it’s time for me to to
start
sort of sharing my things um yes share
away that’s what i’m here for
okay so i guess i’ll start you know
similar to where camera started because
both of us kind of have grandpa issues
uh so my grandpa um
he’s always denying um
his involvement in any war now
uh i’ve you know i’m always
you know trying to honor our veterans
and everything and i try to honor my
grandpa but he denies having been in any
war
and i can’t prove it yet but i i’m
almost positive he was in a war
maybe too yes well he’s always
vacationing in
areas where a war just started okay yeah
okay
yes this is uh he’s usually there like
the day before a war starts and is there
for maybe three months afterwards on
vacation yeah
and it’s it’s one of those things where
um
you know you don’t want to draw
conclusions necessarily especially about
your own grandpa but it is one of those
things
where just like whenever you see maybe
an ethical or a hipaa violation by a
fellow doctor
you do start to consider maybe it’s time
to
um call attention to what what needs
attention
because accountability is important uh
in medicine so what what are you what
are you getting you’re saying a lot of
words but what what
what’s what’s your issue here you your
grandfather’s too badass for you
i just well like you said i he may be
starting
the wars um now
once again he he won’t even admit that
he’s been to war at all
yeah and so so
and maybe your suspicion is right
because i’m debating now did he fight in
a war or did he just was it more of a
diplomatic
situation where he started the wars i’m
talking about um
you know uh whenever whenever russia
moved territories all those years ago or
just a few years ago in what 2014 uh the
the crimean
area all of that my grandpa was there
when he was hanging out with with like
the archduke franz ferdinand
yeah like the day before i should say
that was my great grandfather but yes
that was right yeah there’s like
pictures of them there’s like selfies of
them
hanging out and stuff which i just
thought that was kind of you know
uh dr dr burns credit here i
i i am afraid that some of this may be
genetic
you know there’s a nature versus nurture
aspect and i was wondering uh-huh
dr burn do you see how distraught i’ll
tell you what i see
i see two guys sitting there with deep
seated grandpa
issues that they haven’t worked out your
grandpas have caused wars
possibly the assassination of jfk you’ve
got to look inside
and see how does it make you feel that
your grandpa’s a
whole history of grandpas are evil men
it just makes me feel like i haven’t
lived up to my potential are you
implying that you might try to start a
war yourself
no i don’t that’s the thing is like i
have no i don’t have the
i don’t know the gumption the the the
desire to put in the effort to pull off
like a
huge assassination it’s just i’d rather
i just rather watch
tv you know what i mean like i’m lazy
and that that kind of bums me out you
know it makes me feel bad
well cameron you’ve got to think you’re
mixing up
what you see as laziness with being a
morally responsible citizen
that’s good you don’t want to want to
start wars well
what okay i feel like enough of
maybe it’s just my family history but
like to some extent i’m kind of
cameron karen has a very odd approach to
these things where he will
intentionally try to bumble into
starting conflict
uh so he won’t i don’t think cameron
would assassinate anyone but
would he you’re saying when i go on
bumble and match with
people and then start yelling at them
and you’ve
that’s just funny that’s just fun yeah
well it’s just
start accusing them of things you know
it starts out small is i’m sorry
dr byrne this is your profession more
than mine but in my opinion
you know he starts small with dating
apps when you escalate the conflict
further
then could that it could lead to a
an assassination yeah or welcome you’ve
got to ask yourself
why why are you bumbling and then
yelling at the people what
relationship from your past are you
recreating oh man
what relationship in my past am i
recreating i don’t know
unless we get the help we need we
recreate the same relationships over and
over
yeah that was freud said that that’s
right so
i i don’t know i would say maybe like my
relationship with my
dog or my relationship with my
pool like i have a i have a contentious
relationship with my pool
how so can well the skimmer keeps
getting a bunch of leaves in it
and again i i want to reiterate how lazy
i am so i don’t like
cleaning that out super frequently and
you’re supposed to do it like all the
time
and i feel like the pulpits are no
effort to just take care of that stuff
on its own
well you gotta ask yourself cameron what
relationship are you recreating with
your pool
what significant figure in your life was
messy that you couldn’t clean up because
of your laziness wow okay this is big
yeah this is huge okay i guess my
relationship with
dr london exactly
he i mean it’s true i’m constantly
trying to fix him
and fix just whatever the hell is going
on over there
and i don’t like swimming in his pool
and yeah most it’s mostly pool related
it’s mostly
dragging him in the pool and then sort
of trying to teach him how to swim that
way
people say like the best way to teach
someone how to swim is just throw them
in the pool
i keep doing that dr london keeps saying
i know how to swim
but it doesn’t fix anything doctor i
don’t i don’t know what i’m doing
anymore you know
you got to ask yourself where does it
come from this urge to repeatedly throw
dr london in the pool
what is it that you’re covering up with
this addictive behavior to tossing dr
london in the pool
yeah teaching me to swim i would think
that’s more of an excuse
since you know that i know how to swim
and like
like at bet like i’m holding electronics
sometimes but aside from that it’s
it’s pretty just annoying so what’s
yeah what is this underlying issue i
guess the
the feeling i’d be having is
anger okay and usually hunger because
sometimes he’ll
he will be eating something and i’ll i
don’t want to
take it from him because that would be
rude but if i make it wet and make it
where he can’t eat it
then that makes me feel good so you
enjoy eating wet food
no no i don’t no one eats it but it’s
just the fact that i’m taking it away
from him
makes me feel really good and that’s
just the foundation of our relationship
i think that’s something really special
i would say maybe you don’t have to be
embarrassed about
the times whenever you have given in and
eaten the wet food
i don’t think that that’s you know you
have it’s not like you do it every time
but
you know whenever well yeah if it’s like
a cookie or something that you would
like dip in milk yeah who cares if it’s
if it’s just soaking wet and it’s just
sort of a pile of mush that i’m scooping
into my
to my mouth like a baby cameron you’re
trying to
revert and mush in your mouth like a
baby
whoa that would explain a lot of my
recent behavior
in terms of i throwing fits in
restaurants i threw my keys at the
waitress the other day
yes you’re reverting and just because i
was cranky
and um
yeah i mean i watched peppa pig for like
13 hours it was just the same episode
that was yesterday you fully reverted
is that good nope you’re not saying if
any of this is good or bad
that’s not my job to morally judge i’m
here to draw out of you the answers you
know are true deep down
okay so i mean i’m comfortable with all
of this
well then i guess you don’t need therapy
yeah i mean
wow i refuse to change i guess i should
have probably stated that up front
dr london though he needs to be fixed
yeah i
i guess i’m glad that we’ve been
focusing on cameras made it easier for
me but
the reason why you’re here is dr jack
london
um you know really impressing it upon
you to
seek me out and uh
i you know i we could just talk about
cameron’s pool thing though like that
sounds easier than
uh i’m confused are you dr jack london
or not
oh oh okay no i’m not dr
jack london i’m doctor londonsmith.com
but you’re friends with dr jack london
but you’re friends with dr jack london
that’s right
yes okay yes and so and i understand how
confusing it is because we are both dr
london to whatever extent yes but um
well that’s something you
might want to think about doctor smith
so having a first name like london think
about the significant weight that
carries with it one of the greatest
cities in the world
that’s true i you know the the british
empire and all that and i’ve
you know then the history of
colonization and that’s
okay i guess maybe this is the point
that we we need to get at so
um a lot of people just
are named normal names for me
i bear the burden of you know the
militaristic con
conquests that uh colonizing
and yeah you’re taking down the sins of
the city of london you feel that one
that’s right jack the ripper
yes pierce morgan yes
yes that’s probably the heaviest of all
the burdens
s club seven i don’t know what that is
who’s the pop band
a british pop band that i think had one
song basically in
1997 oh okay and
dr london i have to imagine you feel
that kind of like
pressure yeah no it’s the shame the
sophomore
slump is just sort of resting on your
shoulders every morning when you get up
maybe it’s one of those things like i
can really you know
uh when i’ve met people named paris you
know whenever i
i read uh you know those uh the
mythology books you know the the paris
character
invading troy whatever these characters
i relate to
but if they don’t have a city in their
name i
i just don’t see them as being on my
level of
in trauma and uh psychological pain
you’re saying like someone named paris
isn’t going to experience the same level
of trauma that you do being named
i’m saying only oh
i’m saying you have no idea no idea what
i go do
[Music]
no and i don’t care to learn no i have
zero
interest in gaining knowledge about you
or anything like that
yeah yeah so it’s it is one of those
things where um
i you know dr burn is there a way
uh with your patience have you had any
patients before who were
named after cities and board wore the
burden you know any any new york
anyone named new york i had a patient
named chicago jackson
whoa okay he wound up in the looney bin
yeah but he was unwilling to work in
therapy to deal with the weight of his
name
okay okay and i got to say just from
this brief
time observing you to cameron and i
don’t think you’re putting in 50 of the
relationship
absolutely not oh you’re totally aware
of that oh yeah there’s no way that i
would put anywhere close to 50
i would say maybe i’d cap out at like
i don’t know i don’t want to say 10
because i think i can give a little bit
more than 10
but i definitely not more than 14. i
would say 13
yeah and taking away percentage if he
can
yeah if we could minimize that that
would be awesome if we could get down to
zero
that would be but also
dr byrne i don’t know anything about you
like i don’t why am i trusting
like changing my entire worldview and my
relationships with people
can i talk to dr jack london he’ll vouch
for me
who are you like who what is you come
from clearly someplace that’s not
here right i’m from ireland okay
oh that’s right because of all the
grassy knolls that you roll around in
that’s right and i’m a board-certified
psychoanalyst
so and the way you keep saying
psychoanalyst i don’t like that i don’t
know if that’s specifically sort of a
british thing but
are you i’m irish don’t call me british
irish thing
are you psycho no
i mean if you’ve talked to me i i seem
perfectly fine don’t i
yes well and yeah uh
i guess i mean again i know nothing
about you you’ve only sort of asked
questions which i
love because i do love being asked
questions well that’s what a
psychoanalyst does yes
he or she asks questions and guides you
to see the truth about yourself
that’s true but it’s just you know
you’re
you’re sort of just avoiding telling us
who you are
by then asking a question we we asked
are you psycho because of the way you
keep saying psychoanalyst and then you
said you don’t think i am do you
well do you well just to clarify here
we didn’t ask that that was cameron
asked the question are you psycho which
i’d
that’s not a question that i usually ask
whenever i’m
getting to know people um yeah i guess i
know that is your
go-to question when you’re getting to
know people like a first date
yeah on your bumble
yes oh yeah i’m definitely yelling are
you psycho at people or
i mean usually i’m not asking i’m
accusing you are
psycho stop stalking me these people
i’ve just started speaking to
so dr byrne could you um yeah just just
to
i guess give comfort to cameron on this
uh to tell us
maybe just some of your hobbies we just
want to humanize you for a second
before uh you know
it just seems like camera’s really
uncomfortable with this yeah just
sell yourself to me and then then i’ll
trust
your the your advice and you know then
change my entire belief system to
whatever you want
okay well which would you want you want
me to list my hobbies or do you want me
to list my credentials
i want to hear hobbies and i want to
hear
the fastest you’ve ever ran my hobbies
football or soccer as you call it right
rugby
sea fishing reading okay
and the fastest i’ve ever run was 100
miles an hour
was that recent no it was in another
life
years and years ago when i was in a
different profession
okay okay so it was
in a different profession but not
another life because for us we’re going
back to our grandpa’s lives
yes that’s what you got to do yeah for
you was it your grandpa’s life that you
ran 100 miles an hour or was it your own
it was my own life i meant it
metaphorically or okay okay i just
wanted to make sure i was living a
different life back yeah i want to hear
more about
i mean you’re talking about an old
profession here i don’t know
very many professions that involve
running beyond
sports well let’s just say
there’s a few criminals off the streets
because of me
[Music]
were you because what that brings to
mind is either
you were an officer of the law or a
vigilante
i was a vigilante of sorts but the kind
of wears a cape and can fly
yeah okay so this oh okay so the skin
thing
is that was honestly a great question i
feel like i nailed that question that
was really good so
so i mean so you’re talking about you
can fl
why would you if you have the capability
to fly why would you pivot
to a medical profession well you got to
go to school that’s what they tell you
i was in school i had to pick a i had to
pick a major i went with psychoanalysis
yeah okay because i do remember reading
um
well especially as i you know bearing
the burden of
london uh being so close in proximity to
ireland i
i keep up with this kind of news so
there were a lot of vigilante reports
um years ago uh so
someone who could run remarkably fast
somebody could fly uh
you i you’re reminding me that’s only
half the story because
there was a shocking amount like the
the rise in vigilantism was corresponded
with the rise and dog nappings as well
and it was like super weird how they all
happened in the exact same location
so the criminals were being taken care
of but there was someone
sort of snatching these dogs and doing
god knows what with them
so does any of this sound familiar dr
barron
i’ll remember the dog scourge of course
i always wondered who did it but some
things will never find out
yeah i mean it sounds like you were
around pretty much every single time
these dog nappings were going on so
surely you s did you not see
anyone familiar that maybe you saw in
multiple locations
because we could get to the bottom of
this that’d be huge
listen i i did witness a few dog
nappings but back then
there was nothing i could do about it
yeah because it’s not really a crime so
you can’t stop it
i don’t know for sure if that person
owns that dog or not the dog can’t tell
me oh this isn’t my owner
yeah that’s what people don’t know like
that guy who
shot lady gaga’s dog walker st you can
steal dogs anytime you want like it’s
completely legal right
because again dogs are owned by nature
that’s a good point
so yeah it’s also well that’s your
position on kidnapping as well
yeah that because humans are also i
would have to disagree with you there
i i know i also disagree but that’s i’m
just saying cameron’s position
is taking anything or anyone
from a given place uh is
is okay because of nature well you’re
just moving matter that’s all you’re
doing is you’re just moving atoms from
one spot to another spot and to
say that that’s a crime to me i
to me that sounds crazy it sounds like
we’re living in idiocracy or something
dr smith i think you might have to face
the fact that the person you’ve decided
to partner your podcast with
is a sociopath also known as a
psychopath
that’s what i’ve psychoanalyzed oh
so so you call yourself a psychoanalyst
because you try to find
psychos that’s right i was sniffing you
out the whole time oh
[Music]
so and all those dr london those times
whenever you said still a vigilante
he’s trying to hunt future super
villains by sniffing out the psychos
yeah whenever you said like you know you
know vigilantes also
have day jobs usually right yeah i guess
so but i
i figured the flying things you could
monetize that really easily so i guess i
didn’t question it that much
yeah just feels like just doing it and
posting it on youtube would earn you an
infinite amount of money forever but
i could be wrong i’m not in it for the
money i’m in it for
seeking the truth yeah in this case
letting a a podcast host know that he’s
uh
his producer is a sociopath yeah and
then i might turn into some sort of
super villain that is pitted against you
it’s very possible but that’s one thing
just because i’m
psycho doesn’t necessarily mean that i’m
evil
like just because yes i am trying to
block out the sun
that i feel like that’s going to be
helpful this summer when everyone’s a
lot cooler
that’s not for evil reasons yeah i gotta
tell you i disagree with you on that
i think people like the sun they’re like
they gotta get their vitamin d you’re
gonna deprive them of their vitamin d
no because you can get vitamin d from
oranges and cuties are so popular right
now
you know what i mean like mandarin
oranges are so cool
that’s a good point so i haven’t thought
about that everything
i think it’s all gonna be fine and just
it’s so hot
when it gets hot you know what i mean so
i just think
you know temperature goes above 75
degrees
sort of a shade thing it’s kind of a big
umbrella
comes out blocks the sun and then it
it’s like dark for six or seven days
after that to just cool things down a
bit
i mean dr smith opens back up it’s like
it’s like a super dome
i mean i think your podcast producer is
some kind of evil genius that needs to
be brought to justice
yeah yeah you know it’s and and to to be
clear i did i don’t have the mechanisms
for this i’m more of a steve jobs idea
guy
and i have not been able to find my
walls
he has he’s done a lot of do the things
he doesn’t have means most of what he he
has a lot of projects
he’s undertaken you know uh for for
regular listeners
listeners podcast he has a lot of these
um projects that go on
a lot of uh a lot of these
these ordeals that he goes through but
um
i i he just doesn’t have the funding
aside from what he siphons from me
uh he doesn’t have the funding to pull
off blotting out the sun
launching blowing up the moon you know
threatening government again i’m a big
picture guy
ideas i i thought of the iphone
before that even came out
like february 2007 i said what if they
what if a phone could be an ipod yeah
you were
there dr dr smith can you confirm this
well i don’t want to okay you don’t want
to enable me
do it enable me [ __ ] all right we let’s
not use that kind of language let’s keep
this
sorry yeah i it’s another way to say
that
uh yeah maybe what’s another thing label
me
bastard well dr smith did you know your
father
i you know with all this focus on my
grandfather i hardly
uh oh yeah no i had a very loving father
all right there you go well
then you’re not the bastard okay yeah so
so cameron doctor remember we talked
about this doctor is the term okay
doctor london
well and you know i i feel like we’re
we’re hitting a really good spot here
maybe it’s time to um
focus on chores a little bit
the second we start to figure out your
messed up
brain you want to pivot to something
else yeah well it’s just
you know like and it’s you know we all
work within our means and i i
think it’s just good for you know clean
house clean mind
dr dr byrne is am i am i the only psycho
person
in this room right now that would be my
belief i believe that
dr smith has some deep rooted problems
with his willingness to work with you
and you’re the psycho it’s a it’s
essentially a
an abusive relationship yeah but you
if it’s sort of two sides if you think
that a psycho would need another psycho
to be friends with i don’t i don’t agree
with you scientifically i know
i think psychos find someone to to latch
on to that will
make a podcast for them to produce so
they don’t have to do it themselves
yeah that is i mean i am producer
cameron but i don’t really
do any of the work it sounds like this
this dj
dylan does everything yes yeah dj that
is true
everything and then dr london does
everything else and you’re just
here i’m not i’m an ideas guy i’m a big
picture guy
was it was the podcaster idea ooh um so
i didn’t have that
big picture idea so you’d but i haven’t
nope no forgetting to the bottom of
yours you do nothing camera you do
nothing for the relationship
and i would i would say whenever he says
he’s an ideas guy he just ha
he doesn’t share them yeah if you don’t
put them into the world what’s the point
oh he just thinks of ideas sometimes yes
well and then sometimes it’s like it’s
mostly just dreams
so i don’t even remember them when i get
up
five minutes later it’s like oh what was
i dreaming about and so that’s most of i
think what i
do to the podcast you’re an ideas guy
when you’re unconscious
yeah well dr smith i think you and dj
dylan need to really take a close look
at your relationship with cameron and
figure out how you want to realign it
yeah i mean most i guess most of what
cameron usually does
is find the guest and it sounds like
you were just you were a referral from
from dr jack london
so even that uh
yeah so even that i okay yeah
i guess it is something to really
re-examine and um
you know cameron maybe you could try to
help right now
we got we got a chore to do right fine i
can do
this can be part of my 13 percent yeah
could you explain the chore wheel
sure so for our listeners who are
unfamiliar
dr london and i because of our laziness
have neglected a very very long to-do
list we haven’t taken out the trash in
months uh we haven’t fed any of the cats
i don’t know what they’re eating but i
have to assume it’s one of the other
cats
and we started a farm but we didn’t
uh our next thing on the list to do was
to buy
you know half of the animals and the
feed and everything so they’re wandering
around
it’s it’s been pretty awful so we to to
knock off some of these chores that we
have to get done we created this huge
chore wheel that we spin every single
week and whatever chore it lands on
we have to do and dr byrne would you
would you be able to join us
and sort of help out a little bit
absolutely hopefully it’s not something
like mop the floors or something like
that
but if it is you kind of have to do it
so well psychoanalysis can apply to
anything okay perfect okay
even mopping okay so actually would you
give the uh the wheel a little bit of a
spin here we go
[Music]
okay oh no not this one
okay no i i knew this would come up and
i was you know at this point now i’m
wishing it was mopping the floor yeah
well the mayor’s been hounding us about
this one for a while
so the mayor uh did call us up a while
ago uh
we’ve you know he he’s he he follows a
podcast and he
tells us like you need to really uh
appeal to children more and you know or
he
i know our basically most of the
children in this town are hoodlums
and little brats and he said that we
need to
maybe put out more material that teaches
them how to be
not so bratty basically and so
that’s he he he brought us in to
write a children’s book yeah
specifically
to teach a valuable lesson yes
and so we got to figure this out we’re
gonna just knock this out really quickly
because otherwise the mayor is gonna be
super pissed and so we need to uh
all right i mean how do we even start
this i have zero idea i’ve never read a
book or written a book
or i don’t know i thought you were the
big idea guys well yeah but my ideas
are they’re just they’re so large that
they couldn’t fit in like a book
you know let’s let’s stick with what
what you know though cameron because
what you know is that your ideas happen
while you’re asleep
so maybe it could be a going to sleep
type book
okay so yeah it’s a book about going to
sleep or
like a book about what happens when you
go to sleep or or what’s the valuable
lesson being taught
i i mean sleep is super healthy for you
okay
in you know in the right doses so
maybe it could be you know this could be
one of those things and i know this is
kind of weird for children’s books but
it could be one of those books that’s
kind of oriented towards
uh children that are going to sleep like
you read them a book before they go to
sleep
okay kind of like a bedtime story yeah
i’m not familiar with the term but um oh
okay yeah
so this is uh so i guess you lost me
what you’re wanting is a book that’s so
boring that’s gonna cause
even a fussy little bratty child to pass
out
as if he took a pill yeah or i mean
maybe not boring just
something that will knock them out you
know how like i said a sleeping uphill
that you take before you go to bed
anyway something like that oh okay so
then maybe the book should just be
about the different kind of like maybe
about like a little kid
who every time he takes a fun sleepy
time pill
he goes on a fun adventure right okay
teaches kids to take you know a benadryl
every single night before they go to bed
right okay um dr byrne are you feeling
this
is this look at what’s happening you’re
working together
wow okay chores are helping you to work
together
i’ve never haven’t seen you two get
along that well in this whole this whole
40-some minutes we’ve been together
yeah yeah maybe this is the way brought
us together is
child ambien that’s right
okay so um yeah i guess
i guess these books don’t have to be so
long because they are for children here
well let’s title it first yeah it’s a
title um
uh how about like i take the same pills
as mommy and daddy
okay yeah and once again i don’t
you know i don’t see or interact with
children that often anymore so so it’s
i’m gonna go a little bit on your
expertise uh you know so medically i
can’t speak to this so much but
sure yeah okay so from my experience
kids and ambien are a great combination
and it helps them sleep and they sleep
for like like 36 hours every time
okay you do know that i am sworn to turn
if any
anyone confesses a crime to me i’m sworn
to turn them in
yeah sleepy children is not a crime i
know for a fact that children being
sleepy is not a crime
you should not throw these kids in jail
just because they’re so sleepy
you think the children would be
imprisoned yeah there’s no reason to
arrest these kids just because
they’re sleeping for like 36 hours at a
time
dr byrne i just want to make sure on
that like do you
are you agreeing with him on that point
or absolutely not no okay i’m saying
that cameron
insinuated he was going to give pills to
children and i’m saying
that because of my hippocratic oath that
i believe you dr smith must also have
taken
yes yes if i find out someone’s to be
harmed i’ve got to turn them in that’s
no that’s right and
you know thank you for holding me to it
dr byrd uh we’re not passing out
ambien to these kids we’re just in the
book the character is taking
one of his mommy’s ambience i think this
is a bad lesson to teach
children okay and it doesn’t help that
we
this podcast is heavily marketed towards
six-year-old
children i just wanted to i just wanted
to say i spent some time in liverpool
too that’s that’s why my accent is
flying between ireland and a beetle i
okay yeah i am now that you’ve mentioned
it specifically i am
hearing it but yes yes that all that all
tracks
okay so um okay so the book starts out
uh tommy boy is
um wondering what to do for the night
okay tommy boy is is thinking and this
is
you know a reference to the movie this
is the younger version of tommy boy
uh the chris farley type so uh tommy boy
is looking around what
should i do for bed and he sees
do you think it’s appropriate to have a
chris farley type who is also
maybe taking pills that’s good i’m glad
we have so much accountability on this
podcast that’s something that we’ve been
missing
i don’t mind it i’m just asking if that
was a good idea
i’m gonna have to go with cameron on
this one i i i think both of your guys
ideas for the book are very dangerously
close to having
causing children to hurt themselves
that’s definitely not true
i’m just more like i don’t want to upset
the
farley estate okay yeah that’s
um and i guess for whatever reason tommy
boy’s the first
boy name that popped into my head but
maybe let’s go for something more
cruz what tommy cruz maybe
okay tommy cruz yeah okay
uh oz i was gonna say let’s just go
gender neutral considering the age we’re
in
with the less you know
yes let’s set gene so gene
is there and gene
wants to go to bed and
that’s because that’s what everybody
wants well i was going to say
i mean kids typically
don’t want to go to bed oh right no i
didn’t
real i just remembered like i know how
much i want to go to sleep sometimes so
i assume okay so they don’t want to okay
okay i think
i mean i thought that was the point of
this book was to encourage kids yeah i
want to go to bed to go to bed no okay
okay
so and so maybe it’s like a fuzzy kid
who doesn’t want to go to bed
but then maybe like some sort of a
creature or like a demon or something
speaks to him
a demon what are you talking about
you’re gonna scare the hell out of these
kids
i’m just trying to imagine like when i
was a kid what would i want
to appear before me to convince me to
take a pill
to enter some sort of a magical land and
the first thing that pop yeah like a
demony sort of creature maybe like a
hooved
guy you’re describing the devil cameron
no i don’t think the big guy himself
is gonna like be that invested in just a
random kid
you refer to the devil as the big guy
he yeah uh you know sometimes
you sound like your personal friends
with him no
again i feel like too important too busy
there’s no way
so gene gene is
uh be gene is being told by his parents
who we’re gonna put maybe we’ll go in a
different direction
his parents have halo sorry not his uh
gene the human child
their parents have halos around them
okay and they are saying
maybe it’s time for bed and then
gene says okay does this sound good
that’s it i mean now that i’m realizing
we have to walk this kind of tightrope
we can’t
encourage them to take pills because
that might be morally bad
um or ethically at least well then why
how about the book just spends a lot of
time on like different locations where
pills might be found and then just
leaves it at that okay then they can
choose to do it or
not to do it that’s up to them okay so
jean looks up
at the cabinet with the medicine cabinet
and then it says it’s usually in one of
the side ones
and then maybe like there’s sort of
instructions on like how you’re supposed
to press
down on the lid and turn like you can’t
just turn it because that’s
the child proof lock i i’m gonna have to
jump in again you’re more or less still
encouraging children to take pills
i think we’re just teaching life less
well no this is this is one of those
things where like i’m really
appreciating having another physician
in the the talks here because normally
it’s just
my guy and maybe i’ve kind of dropped a
little bit of my professionalism over
time
because these suggestions do come often
so
dr byrne thank you we’ll we’ll
incorporate this idea of maybe not
telling them how to open the pill
bottles
okay so jean so let’s
the the leaving it blank might be okay
so gene looks up at the medicine cabinet
considers and we can write considers dot
dot dot
and then looks at bed
and maybe next to bed is glass of milk
okay i mean do we do you want to be on
that side of history
you don’t think things are sort of like
gearing more towards veganism as time
goes on
okay so i so my attempt was to find
something that wasn’t
so controversial as a method to help a
child sleep yeah we’re talking about the
dairy industry yeah
okay so so for you you don’t draw the
line at
ambient for a child for you it’s the
cheese milk yeah yeah okay um
yeah okay so but the kid just goes to
bed
so this is a two-page book yeah the
first page is the kid doesn’t want to go
to bed
on the second page he’s looking at a
cabinet and then he looks at the bed
so i guess three pages in the third page
as he goes to bed
done that was this i think this is going
to transform our community
this is a great book thank you dr brandt
and with your endorsement
would you be willing to be yeah like put
your
i’ll write the forward or the what’s it
called the epigraph or whatever
oh yes yes thank you yeah no the four
would be great and you want to do
you know give us a good three pages of
forward then we’ll have three
two or three pages of book and that’ll
be that’ll be great
got yourself a full book there yeah all
right well um
wow i well first let’s we have to um so
the chore wheel is
yeah the drawer wheel is built with a
certain number of chores
and we have new chores thrown in every
week so we do have to destroy
this one um so this would dr burn would
you do the honors there’s a there’s an
axe in the corner there and if you could
just
try to chop it the um the chore wheel
just chop it down
just chop it up beat the hell out of it
let me grab the axe
and chop away oh wow he’s so fast
he’s so fast see
again i feel like you’re way under
utilizing the actual super powers that
you have
well boys i’ve got to be going i see
you’ve got an open window over there
with no screen
okay well uh you know but before we you
go would you like to um
you know share with any of our listeners
how to keep up with you
or maybe you know someone with something
that uh they’d like to keep up with
i’ve really been enjoying this podcast
bald talk
hosted by brian husky and charlie
sanders you can find it
on instagram at bald talk pod
okay yeah yeah i’ve heard some of that
that’s uh it’s a lot of fun a lot of
funny guests as well yeah had many great
guests on
thank you for for coming on the podcast
uh dr charrel
and uh thank you and for
you know for all the lives you saved as
a vigilante for all the criminals you
put away
that’s no problem i do it i do it for
the good of humanity and yeah
maybe just well if you’re if you’re
around town maybe just keep an eye out
for those missing dogs because i
just just keep an i know nothing about
that but sure yes i’ll keep my eyes open
okay great um that was a strong denial
okay so um and thank you to uh our
producer cameron
uh thank you too digital in the hose
[Music]
dr smith i think you might have to face
the fact that the person you’ve decided
to partner your podcast
it’s a sociopath also known as a
psychopath
a cycle it’s essentially
an abusive relationship
it sounds like this this DJ IN DA HOUSE
everything
yes yes
look at what’s happening together
my name is Dr. London Smith (.com) and this has
been the Jock Doc Podcast
see ya