[Music]
welcome to the jock podcast featuring
dr. London Smith he’s an expert
physician on a physical fitness mission
I’m DJ Dylan now make some noise for
your host the one the only dr. London
Smith hello and welcome to jock doc
hello hey hey Cameron
hi okay well if you okay well that’s our
producer Cameron
you said hello oh that’s that’s true now
you got me there trying to be polite I
walked right into that okay well so this
is jock doc where we discuss fitness
and health and how to incorporate our
modern understanding of science and
medicine into our daily lives both out
up being so boring I’m your host dr.
London smith.com
so unfortunately we have continued to
have complaints from some listeners
about how I need to tone it down with a
difficult medical terminology such as
ambidextrous and back of hand so I will
try to keep my words at a more
understandable level as we continue to
educate in a way that it’s beneficial to
everyone listening I got a complaint
this last week in the mail oh okay I’m a
mailbox like snail mail yeah yeah okay
what was the complaint I just said I
hate you
was it off talking I hate you was it
your mailbox or was it the the podcast
mail do we have a mailbox
I mean it was it was in my house it was
on my kitchen table so wasn’t in your
way it was this just a note that was
written in your house I don’t know where
it was written it was found in my house
okay kitchen table it said I hate you
stop talking please stop talking
does anyone else in your house know
anyone who might have put that letter
inside of your house no I thought that
was the fans look did you write that
letter
no I think a fan did okay well yeah I’m
not sure
I’m it’s always good to hear from our
fans I guess oh yeah no I loved it shown
we’re getting a real response I want you
to die I want you to jump off a cliff it
said all sorts of stuff like that okay
well yeah so well what I was talking
about a moment ago was um how we’re
trying to educate people in such a way
that everyone understands and so Cameron
who was just chiming in he’s our
producer so he tends to be aware of what
people want to hear about he might add
little small comments like he just heard
just here and there – it sort of subtly
guide the podcast in the proper
direction just not everyone listening to
this as a you know scam artist doctor
like yourself so maybe they’re not gonna
get the normal or the abnormal terms
you’re always thrown around that’s where
I come in just a commoner just a guy
loves to hang out as a chill right just
just a normal just normal fine and if
any fan one still just like chill that’s
cool to chill with you yeah okay oh that
sounds nice also with us is a digital
ooh in the house nope oh all right
good call in addition Cameron has told
me that we may have a special guest
coming on and a little a little later we
sure do
okay well stay tuned for that secret
yeah that’s Cameron does have a policy
of not telling me no matter how much I
ask and try to research he helps to
guide this whole thing helps to keep us
relatable so I do appreciate that
well it’s cuz the the first time when I
told you who I was bringing on and it
was that black magic guy who was gonna
cut off one of our fingers to do some
cool tricks he said no I don’t want
anything to do with it right be getting
him out of my house yeah well that was
another thing it was just at your house
and it wasn’t that a recording there are
a lot of reasons why I didn’t want that
man around
we were gonna record it on my phone he
was gonna cut off one of my fingers and
one of your fingers
who’s gonna mix them together and then
something was gonna happen I don’t we
never figured out what the final part of
that trick was he also never mentioned
magic while he was there you said it a
lot like most of what I remember is he
had a knife and you said yes yes yeah
yeah and you just kicked them out so now
I gotta keep it a secret can’t tell dr.
London who the guest is right well in
any case we got some other listener
feedback aside from the note you found
in your house and it was let’s see quote
thumbs up if you poop into your hand and
lower it into the toilet to be stealthy
so before I address this question I’d
like to say thank you very much for your
input hearing back from our listeners is
as we said earlier it’s the best part of
what we do here at jock dock in answer
to that note I’m afraid that I must give
a thumbs down when I use the restroom
I’m not so worried about stealth I’m a
little bit more worried about getting
fecal matter onto my hands and
contaminating in that way just sounds
like you’ve grown up with a privileged
life where you’ve never had to stealth
poop into your own hand into the toilet
that’s exactly what I mean there did you
hear that
I yeah right real life that’s what real
people do okay well so I use I use the
toilet in a conventional manner but
anyway – that listener thank you for
reaching out
they appreciate hearing back for my
listeners
that was our listener flushing your
response down the toilet all right well
think thank you okay
next I don’t know if you can tell my
voice is a little off I’ve some
allergies and that relates very much to
my little tale today from the pediatric
clinic so we had a patient and they were
just coming in for a checkup
but she was around 12 years old which is
an age at which females can potentially
become pregnant so I was speaking to her
about just safe safe sex and
contraception and the risk of sexually
transmitted infections but unfortunately
my allergies had given me a sore throat
and nasal congestion so rather than
having sort of a an informal talk sort
of had keeping it at a comfortable level
I have cleared my her a formal talk you
didn’t want to give her an informal talk
so you gave her a formal talk what does
that even I don’t even know what that
means a professional is what I meant I
was trying to keep it professional but I
kept clearing my throat which gave every
appearance that I was very uncomfortable
with talking about contraception rather
than just you know what was actually
happening was I was trying to clear the
throat mucus out of my throat
I did I did power through because the
object there was to educate you know get
let them know um how to stay safe out
there and that’s also our object on jock
dock this podcast so uh patient
education is of the utmost importance to
us but you had to power through with the
contraceptive I don’t what kind of
contraceptive is this okay I I’ve had a
contraceptive before that does plug into
the wall but you don’t have to run power
through it it just you charge it and
then it goes off the charger when you
say contraceptive this is what you said
okay well in any case in that when I use
when you use the term contraceptive I
mean a method of preventing pregnancy
which in that instance were especially
talking about condom use which
- my understanding is not something you
plug into the wall you know the right
ones for today’s topic I would like to
talk about of a mouth normally we might
think of our mouths as just the things
we talk with or sort of just the Gateway
to the digestive tract but digestive
sorry digestion of food actually begins
in the mouth did you know that your
teeth are technically bones each of your
teeth is actually a bone you might only
think of the big bones and your arms and
legs as being the bones but each of
those little teeth in your butt in your
mouth is a bone all by itself now hang
on dr. London if my teeth are bones then
why I’ve never seen a tooth in a cast
okay I’ve seen every other but every
other bone you can think of top to
bottom I’ve seen in the cast okay Keith
you’ve seen every other bone in a cat’s
teeth are for dentures P therfore caps
okay that’s a nice question part of
these ears
right so the fracturing the way you
would treat a tooth injury is different
from because there’s such small bones
and their placement how easy they are to
reach and everything mmm what’s another
small bone I don’t know my pinky toe I
can go in a cast well usually I would
think more of a splint situation there
you’ve never seen a pinkie toe cast I I
don’t believe so
well I’ve never seen a cast on your
teeth case closed okay well uh alright
so they are all those anyway get them
out of the lesson uh those teeth those
bones in your mouth they grind up the
food when you eat and that’s called the
mechanical digestion but you also have
your saliva or your spit and that has
digestive enzymes that help break down
the food I know my spit is not a bone
okay I know that okay and that’s that’s
true so that’s we talked about the bones
before the teeth and
those are part of mechanical digestion
like a machine oh but the spit comes
from the teeth
no okay those actually those come from
the salivary glands but so these that
the spit has enzymes in it one of them
is called amylase and if you ever put a
cracker in their mouth and notice that
it gets sweeter even without you chewing
that’s because the amylase is actually
broken down some of those carbohydrates
into glucose I’ve never put a cracker in
my mouth and it became sweeter okay well
it sounds like maybe you have a little
science experiment to do tonight No
fair enough oh hello hi it’s Andy hey oh
hey welcome back welcome back to jock
doc Andy
Dylan you said that this was canceled
that you’re going to church you weren’t
supposed to be here you were supposed to
be with me because I have to go to the
dentist today and you knew that well is
this is this something that needs to be
done in the podcast nope I’m not worried
about your little podcast your little
night out with the boys what I’m worried
about is that you were supposed to be at
home getting me applesauce getting me
soft foods I have to go to the dentist I
have to get my teeth removed all all of
your teeth removed well about 90% of
them removed yes but back to what I’m
trying to tell you Dylan why did you
tell me that you were going to church
with your grandma and then Cameron text
me and I track your phone and it says
you’re here huh I’m just understanding
lately what’s going on with you because
here’s the deal
I know that you had a heat stroke at the
Arboretum and you keep saying who I was
wearing a fur coat it’s like okay yeah I
know you wearing a fur coat but you
weren’t wearing it shirt underneath and
that should have kept you cool enough
and now I find you here you’re just
lying you’re just I can’t even deal with
this anymore to to defend DJ Dylan here
for
a second is there a chance that he told
you that he was going to church because
that’s what we call my house the church
well is Dylan’s grandma here yes
well then I guess that’s possible yeah I
can understand that that confusion I I
don’t refer to I have heard of this as
the studio normally and I believe that
the calling it Dutch Church is more of a
DJ Dylan and Cameron exclusive factor
because I try to be clear about it but
you are not allowed to say that I would
be so mad if I heard that coming out of
your lips right well we’re both happy
with an ad you just said it a second ago
but I’ll let it go for the show for the
show well I just want to bring up the
fact that mm-hmm all this money that you
guys have been giving me for my career I
mean it hasn’t done squat it hasn’t done
diddly squat well I’m trying to get my
career up and running and what was your
career again there’s music correct I
cannot believe that you just said that
you know okay you know what Dylan yes
play my new song I’m having to go in a
different direction because my last song
did not take off and I swear if this
song does not take off I’m not taking
your money any more okay you’re not
gonna be sponsored we are still paying
her as a sponsor I just gave her your
debit card that’s not that’s not okay
for for me we’re gonna have to talk
about this after I gotta see ya hands up
Oh baby I wanna see your hands gang
put your hands up hands up hands up
hands up hands up right now if I don’t
get to see those hands up high someone’s
gonna die so show me your hands right
now all right okay they’re up I’m sorry
dr. London
do we have to keep her hands up
I hate she threatened our lives so I’m
gonna keep my hands up um yeah
so baby well wow that was really really
good really good yeah I was gonna say
that’s great um thank you finally are
those the fans outside yeah those have
to be right yeah I think so gotta be
someone uh so you mentioned something
about getting your teeth removed today
we’re actually talking about the mouth
and one of the aspects of them what a
co-inky-dink
right so um could you tell us about uh
the reason why you’re having 90% of your
teeth removed well they all chipped and
cracked all 90% of your teeth yes I got
the cast I got the teeth cast but it
just didn’t repair the way that they
thought that it would so I’m having to
go in and get them removed you did get a
cast on your teeth yeah 90% of my teeth
I had an entire belief system hmm and
surprisingly mine as well
I got a ask was saliva spewing out of
those crack teeth all day see okay so I
did know that for sure but saliva is not
a bone okay now just to clarify their
saliva does come from the salivary
glands and it’s it is located near the
teeth but the teeth themselves don’t
secrete saliva it’s sort of so I always
thought blood came from broken skin but
now I’m starting to think that blood
comes from bones in your body right
bones are spewing blood except for the
one exception mouth bones see that’s
where you spewed the salad the Salzburg
mouth grant yeah the met the blood of
the mouth which is a lot okay well to
clarify there it sounds like eating this
is bringing real science to the common
people this is great your teeth are not
something that it’s the big bones that
make the blood so your little teeth
they’ll bleed but it won’t be where the
blood is made oh yes they will bleed I
will say right now red blood let’s say
big boned around Andy okay she’s been
called that all her life you don’t want
to see what she how she responds okay
she has already threatened our lives so
I’ll see like a bird boat of that that
means something very different
well so who was big boned oh no I said
Dylan are you gonna let him talk some i
said i said bird boned hello okay
I am very delicate and bird boned and
Hollow absolutely okay well well that’s
great to hear
so you said play my hit song boost d.o
[Music]
boost a baby get your hands up high
get your hands up now I never put him
down they’ve been up the whole time
well it’s so great to hear that you’re
coming out with more music have you
thought about changing the the musical
the backing tracks for any of your songs
why their fire I yeah I wouldn’t change
it it slaps yep it just seems like maybe
if you have some variety in there I’d
like it but it’s sort of just one thing
over and over and what if you try
changing it up with a different song a
different beat why don’t you stay in
your lane in your doctor Lane because
what you’re not understanding is that
these are clips of all of the same song
called boost II what are you not
understanding about that what you went
to school for 12 years just to not
understand that it’s all clips of the
same song called boost II I really don’t
think it needs to be explained how
unstable she is but you still antagonize
her over and over so maybe you like okay
it sounds like that’s a good time to um
to move on to our next segment
do we have any sponsors today Cameron
and I sorry I do want to clarify not
someone that we are paying because
that’s apparently an me and I’m not okay
with that
but go on any sponsors today we do dr.
London
[Music]
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unfortunately that is part of it dr. Len
and I had to sort of lie to sign up and
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nice cannon ball lady who did to prove
myself she did force me to crawl into
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left it doesn’t sound like she was
proving herself
I guess maybe you climbed in wrong eye
that must be it because I I thought if I
climbed into the dryer that would prove
that surely I could be shot out of a
cannon right but then she just turned it
on and I don’t I say she left from it
sounded like she just turned on TV okay
did well you say she slit other clothes
in there did you get out of the urine
with clothes yeah okay so I didn’t want
to stop him for you know the clothes
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it after the clothes were dry yeah oh
yeah once I detected that they were dry
I kind of popped it open got out of
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I mean the way technology is I would
assume oh they’re very abusive okay
bullying people you’re saying this from
experience yes because initially I was
hoping oh okay
maybe if I don’t say I enjoy being shot
out of a cannon but I enjoy being shot
out of a catapult that way I could talk
about specifics that they wouldn’t know
and it would be okay that I didn’t know
their world mm-hmm but then they I mean
they egged my car they egged my house so
they found you a bag I mean they egged
my mommy and my dad they they egged
people yeah shot it out of a small
cannon egg-sized cannon absolutely
Wow that’s okay well that’s sorry to
hear but but it is not for cannibals
okay so we should distinguish that yes
cannonballs not cannibals cannonball
lists not cannibals right okay that war
catapult is yeah it seems like they
could have gotten in trouble so good
that we clarify that well um and so the
app is called balls-deep dating all
right all right thank you to our sponsor
[Music]
thank you for all your help
yeah thank you thank you Andy and I you
sound like you’re pretty busy though huh
like maybe do you have anything else
you’re needing to uh maybe you’re too
busy to come by
yeah sometimes yeah and I mean I I don’t
want to put words in your mouth or
anything but it seems like you just
sound so busy with your music so busy
yeah but uh if you’d like to stay then
you could while we go on to our next
segment
Cameron from what I understand you’ve
been spending a large amount of your
time volunteering in areas of town that
maybe they’re underprivileged is that
right oh well they’re underfunded okay
very specific ways how are they
underfunded in what ways well the the
places I’ve been helping out
specifically don’t have a roller rink in
our city there’s 37 roller rinks there’s
a hundred and fifty different
neighborhoods you do the math on that
dr. London that actually sounds like we
might have more than we need for the
given area no that means we’re missing
like I don’t know I don’t want to I’m
not a math guy but six or seven hundred
roller rinks well okay so what are you
what are you doing in town then are you
just like raising awareness or are you
starting your own roller rink company
just kind of bitch in I’m going to
different people and just kind of
complaining it like I’m kind of holding
my rollerblades
and saying I’ve had no place to use
these but I really think it’s kind of
transforming communities in new and
exciting ways that we haven’t yet seen
well I’m glad to hear that you’re you’re
making a difference and you know you’re
in your own way and your own place it’s
that’s great to hear this I this year
alone mm-hmm I’ve told 7,000 people that
there’s no roller rink in their
neighborhood and I want to hit eight
thousand by the end of the year all
right that sounds great um Annie have
you done any volunteer work no why would
I be volunteering when I’m so busy with
my music career okay
fair answer have you have you considered
any charities or something I know a lot
of artists will will sort of try to
raise money for a given charity whenever
they you know raise sort of whenever
they put out music doesn’t it I’m just
gonna tell you right now she sees
charities as thieves so I’ve just tread
lightly here I do have a corporation
that I work closely with and it’s gloves
for poor people and it’s gloves so that
when you poop in your hand and you lower
it into the toilet it doesn’t touch your
skin it touches the glove and then you
just leave the glove in the toilet and
how much do those gloves cost $39.99 per
glove yeah okay
I work closely with this organization
and we really are doing some great work
in the poor community a lot of those
people are having to touch poop with
their hands let’s just say that do the
gloves they do disintegrate in the water
No so these gloves aren’t designed for
the toilet
they’re just latex gloves that that cost
that sounds pretty pricey for a
for Layton there’s one glove in each
pack that okay so so for one glove it’s
$40 then $39.99 39 do we do you want to
combine ideas maybe that might work kind
of take the glove thing in the roller
rink thing and kind of make it the same
thing how would you combine those two I
figured you’d go into these under-funded
areas right and you say you don’t have a
roller rink and you’re pooping in your
hand okay so they have this solution for
both well I don’t have I don’t want to
stress I don’t have a solution for
getting roller rinks there right I’m
more pointing out that there isn’t one
where there could easily be one in
similar situation with the gloves that
they don’t have a glove I don’t have a
glove she does except only have one
that’s all I can’t afford yeah they’re
no one’s we’re not as rich as you doctor
in London well they’re $39.99 from what
I’ve heard yeah we can’t just throw
around 39.99 like you can we have to
hold it in until we have 39.99 to buy
the glove and then we have to wait a
couple of days for the shipping and then
we go we’re only getting to go once or
twice a month it must be nice to be a
doctor who can afford to poop every day
all right well these are issues that I
was not aware existed although is this
only because you want to have a stealthy
poop because which you’ve never had to
experience don’t even know what it is
you don’t understand the struggles of
everyday people we have to have stealthy
poops is there a reason for that
predators they can smell they can hear
when you say predators what what type of
God do you mean like sort of lions
tigers and bears that kind of predator
just anything you can imagine any type
of predator so you haven’t seen these
predators but you suspect
to them and that’s why you wear a glove
well you use my instincts I can smell
them in the wind well and I mean I’ve
seen lions I’ve seen Tigers have seen
Pumas Jaguars have seen cheetahs I saw a
bobcat the other day I seen bobcat with
these awesome traps I’ve seen or have
you seen them in person in person I’ve
seen Penguins – at the ceiling wins
you’ve said had we seen them right and
I’m you said there were that there was
no such thing as a predator and we just
listed I mean 30 or 40 right there
flamingos eagles if you did you go to
the zoo recently and that’s why is that
what you’re listing here animals you saw
at the zoo I’m listing predators that
I’ve seen in real life because that’s so
important to you okay so so you’ve seen
these predators and you fear that they
will go after you if you do not have
stealthy bowel movements well I don’t
fear anything but but you’re saying the
the people you work with may yes okay
and that is why you’re thinking of
combining businesses with the roller
skating rink and the glove yeah okay
well that’s I’m not sharing the world
one neighborhood at a time all right
well one package of a single glove at a
time mm-hmm it’s great that you’re
trying to give back to to society trying
to get back to the world and help those
less fortunate than yourselves I’m not
sure that this is maybe I’m not sure
this is the best venture to to use for
that pursuit and II you can just use the
debit card that I gave you to buy more
gloves and then we could sell like
yeah that was my plan all along okay no
way
okay no ahead dr. London talk about
that’s uh like bone juice or whatever
you’re talking about okay well uh I
guess that’s I guess that’s about it
right is there anything else
Andy do you have anything else to
promote I know you had your music okay
Oh baby booty baby I want to see your
hands right now you listeners we have
not lowered our arms throughout this
recording I’m kind of getting used to it
though I am NOT this is this is painful
this is fine for us so I am trying to
sort of just cut this thing short all
right well thank you to to Andy for
coming by again I hope that you you
solve whatever issues you were having
thank you for sharing you your music the
different segments of the one song with
us and I hope that inspires people to as
we all hope music inspires and Cameron
to thank you as always for helping us to
keep to what the listeners want and DJ
Dylan thank you for that
all right and my name is London
smith.com and this is jock doc thank you
for listening and Mandy congratulations
on graduating from medical school thank
you wow what an episode my favorite part
was the podcast but we want to hear your
favorite part please write a five star
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don’t so I so I there is a group on
Facebook called Cameron haters and it
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let me solve this a little bit if you
give the podcast a one-star review okay
but this is an honor system thing you
have to truly feel like it was a one
star worthy episode we will send you $35
no that is not $35 just to prove how
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mail
yeah is it wait you say that that’s just
because they made a group hating you
that you want to pay them to stop hating
you a it’s not paying them to stop
hating me it’s giving them $35 every
time they have a complaint about me so
that they will like me well uh what we
are don’t don’t do it if you think it’s
a 5-star show right as an honors thing
don’t if you just need $35 just text dr.
London he’ll give it to you but don’t
leave a one-star review jock doc podcast
on social media
[Music]
[Applause]