Hey kids you are about to listen to

A comedy podcast that measn that none

Of this is medical advice. If you need medical
Advice or medical care please contact your doctor

welcome to the Jock doc podcast

featuring dr. London smith when you’re

here you’re family Papa John’s

introducing your host Papa Dr. London

Smith (.com) hello and welcome to the

Jock Doc Podcast where we discuss

fitness and health and how to

incorporate our modern understanding of

science and medicine into our daily

lives but without it being so boring I’m

your host Dr. London Smith (.com) I’d like

to begin by apologizing to our listeners

we’ve received some feedback about my

overuse of complicated medical terms

such as pH balance and cup of hot cocoa

so I will try to speak with more common

terminology in the future here to help

with that is our producer Cameron hello

friends I want to say hi to our new

listeners anyone out there this is your

first episode listening to our show I

just want to say hi if you’ve heard us

before I’m I guess I’m kind of sick of

you and so maybe if we could kind of

rotate our listeners in and out I think

I’d be a little better for me and would

that work for you dr. London no no

actually we try to we try to retain

listeners the idea is actually same

people week after week after week I want

opposed to be the constant in this

relationship you know what I mean me and

you know our listeners oh well I’m

flattered that you include me because

normally it seems like you kind of try

to take over a little bit oh no dr.

London this is your show okay yeah well

but I would say that we actually wanted

to invite more listeners we want to

build that listener ships

we want old and new listen oh I see you

want to build it up you want to get our

listeners to get in to listeners

underneath them and then they get to

listeners underneath them

okay way funds the listeners above them

do you see what I’m saying I and they

get to listeners and then everyone’s

getting you know a percentage from each

one coming in underneath this is awesome

okay I feel like what you’re describing

is a pyramid scheme

and that’s not that’s not what this

podcast is really trying to be I mean

it’s if it were a scheme why would I

just be telling you wouldn’t I be you

know secretly hiding it doesn’t sound

like it came to me I guess that’s true

okay well so so let me introduce this is

our producer Cameron so Cameron works so

hard to keep the podcasts informed by

staying in tune with the latest trends

that when he heard that when there’s a

will there’s a way

he saw this as a potential shortcut to

his morning commute so he began writing

up his will so Cameron have you been

working on that will then I think you

have misunderstood me okay I said if

there is a Will Smith there is a way to

get his autograph

oh he’s still figuring that out okay I

don’t know that I know I know

we’ve got point a over here we’ve got

point C over here point B is a little

murky and you’re just thinking I could

probably just meet him and then ask him

for an autograph that doesn’t like the

best way if that doesn’t work I’ve got

this a gun right okay know what know if

you’re gonna use a gun to reach Mills I

don’t think any plan involving a gun to

reach Will Smith is a good plan okay

well whatever I’m still thinking it

through so okay all right also with us

is did you do the hose

oh I see what you’re saying do you want

to build it up and later Cameron tells

me that we can expect a special guest

so actually multiple special guests

special guests and I told them each to

bring guns

oh I don’t okay before we move on I

would like to address a bit of listener

feedback quote sorry buddy I don’t think

this was a clown you ordered for your

son

I am sending prayers for your son and

also this woman has no pants end quote

so first of all we here at the jock talk

podcast would like to thank you so much

for your question we always appreciate

hearing back from our listeners to

answer your question that does sound

like a deeply concerning issue um when

you when you hire a clown as a performer

for your child one tends to expect that

clown to wear pants regardless of their

gender hopefully you can contact the

company and correct the issue I’m not

I’m not I’m sorry what was that Cameron

I was just gonna say I’ve got a piece of

advice for him get a gun okay now I did

a gun baby

I think that that will solve it because

they’re the problems a pantsless clown I

think I’ve come around to a lot of ideas

lately what what kind of ideas if you

want something done use a gun yes I hate

anything across the board so I let’s say

a puzzle like is your thought puzzle yep

you shoot you’ve got to see if a 600

piece jigsaw puzzle if you shoot 595 of

those pieces do you think you’re gonna

be able to solve the rest of that puzzle

pretty easily

no because they all have to fit together

you’ve got five pieces you can’t make

that work but they all have to fit into

the larger puzzle solved using a gun I’m

just saying okay you won’t have issues

with clowns anymore that’s all I’m

saying I don’t like I don’t like how

that’s go but to that listener thank you

for reaching out to the Jacque dog

podcast and now for a tale from clinic

we had a patient in her late 70s present

for a follow up after having a stroke we

had just seen her a few days ago and she

had seemed perfectly healthy but then

she reportedly stopped taking her

aspirin for two days in order to get

Botox in her forehead and following this

she found that she had abnormal upper

thigh weakness in one leg for two days

and an MRI later confirmed that this was

indeed due to a small stroke and a

stroke is whenever a blood clot causes

an occlusion in the brain and in the

blood vessel in the brain so when I

explained that she needs to keep taking

that aspirin and to stop taking the

hormone medication because doing

otherwise would increase her risk of a

major stroke she was insistent that

looking good was too important that she

needed that Botox and she wished to

continue her hormones to prevent hot

flashes and such furthermore she thought

that I was crazy to suggest anything

else

um ironically it can seem crazy to a met

practitioner for a patient to continue

to increase their risk of stroke even

after they had just had one this is

another example of patient autonomy

which is when we allow mentally able

patients to make medical decisions for

themselves even if it is against medical

advice as long as they’re willing to be

made fun of by their physician later on

his podcast you keep on coming back to

this point you know you know what would

make if you’re if you’re a patient out

there and you’re worried that your

physician is not gonna take you

seriously or take your request seriously

that they’re just gonna kind of think

whatever you’re about to say is

ridiculous you know what would help

convince them that what you’re saying is

not ridiculous can you guess dr. London

I I’m not sure where you’re going with

this I’m gonna say a gun okay if you had

a gun do you think dr. London would be

spouting this nonsense on his podcast I

I think if a patient pulled a gun on me

there’s a chance that I would talk about

it later I don’t think you’d solve the

problem oh you mean if I was they’re

gonna get the best healthcare if they’ve

got a gun are you sure

if a person’s got a gun pointed at you

and says treat me I need to be treated

okay I guess are they gonna get

treatment I’m sorry they will get a

hundred percent of some kind yeah they

will be treated in some way absolutely

okay go ahead okay now for today’s topic

peripheral vascular disease peripheral

vascular disease also known as chronic

arterial insufficiency

it’s an occlusive atherosclerosis in

other words it’s the same sort of

clogged artery disease that causes heart

attacks but in this case those clogged

arteries are in the legs although it is

worth noting that in patients with

peripheral vascular disease

they usually have coexisting coronary

artery disease so they’ll have the heart

problems as well anyway clinically these

patients will what was

up Drex Pro Drake’s Pro Drex Pro on Drex

Pro on Drex go on who are you talking to

well so I’m I kind of made my own

version of like a like an Amazon echo

like a Google home thing it’s Drex Pro

yeah I picked up they are expr Oh

Drex Pro Drex Pro dress weirdo

Drex Pro – oh wait Drex Pro turn-on Drex

Pro X Pro say hello to my friends on the

podcast say hello to my friend strikes

bro okay it’s thinking it’s about sixty

percent done okay I went down to 50%

done okay hold on should I just show you

yeah just keep doing it while it’s

loading clinically the patients will

present with Claude excretion which is a

cramping leg pain that is reliably

reproduced by walking the same distance

and relieved by rest

another presentation is with the rest

page which is when the patient feels

pain especially in the top of the

mid-foot where the blood vessels are

small and this can awaken the patient

from sleep at night okay is Drex

on exam the patient will have diminished

or absent pulses decreased hair growth

thick toenails and decreased skin

temperature in the affected area

ischemic ulceration can also occur

usually on the face it’s almost done

because I’m almost done here

yeah yeah yeah it’s getting close okay

along with the other cardiovascular

diseases smoking and diabetes are very

significant risk factors smoking is by

far the most important risk factor this

means that the most important treatment

is to stop smoking and that’s for

peripheral vascular disease also known

as chronic arterial and sufficiency

alright it’s about to be okay cuz we

bout we just finished that whole it’s

about to be ready okay ready okay work

for you you demand too much of me he

must go please do not contact me did you

know I guess is it did you program the

language as well I under X I think it’s

gone what do you mean it’s gone it left

like it walked away it said I must go

please do not contact me I’ve got to

figure this out anyway

go ahead okay alright well know that

we’re done with the medical topic all

right so we can we can move on I guess

okay

so Cameron you said you had some guests

today I did

you have multiple guests today wow

that’s great hey guys hey oh hello my

friend gremlin talked a lot of peril

okay I’m sorry

my name is dr. London smith.com this is

Cameron

my producer so this is the jock doc

podcast we discuss fitness and health

what what are your names uh my name is

Lilith Lilith Jones and uh my name is

Jack Jack Jones I’m Graham Oh

Gregory’s Elizabeth Erne I can’t tell

you about whole day right now

Lewis God Lewis in pain recording this

medical session is that legal

well if with your permission maybe it

does seem like a gray area what um what

could you describe what’s going on dr.

London’s more of a dr. pepper type of

doctor oh we’re not worried about

licenses too much well I mean that’s not

I trust dr. pepper with my life okay

well so Lilith could you describe what’s

going on with you sure so I I was at my

radio station we do a a radio show of

our own and I was cleaning out the attic

and I was bit by what I’m pretty sure

was a vampire bat and I I I don’t want

to sound strange or or odd but it wasn’t

a normal vampire bat if you understand

it was like a vampire vampire bat oh

hold on one second doctor in London I

need to talk to you about something okay

she just described our show as a radio

show is this a radio show yes I mean it

was like an Internet thing or we’re this

is a radio show that’s so lame well we

were both with God I think I assume this

is also played on the radio

we gotta get back to the we gotta get

back to that okay yeah okay so Lilith

can I call you Lilith yeah you can

okay so vampire bats they I don’t know

whenever you say a different or abnormal

one I’m I don’t encounter a lot of bats

generally so I don’t know exactly what

you mean there but I I think you’re a

doctor you don’t do you don’t deal with

bats normally dr. London doesn’t hang

out in badass places where bats hang out

okay wow what a square he’s the type of

guy to like I don’t know go to a bat

museum rather than you know just like

chill with a bunch of bats I mean I’m

just saying like Ozzy Osbourne used to

bite the heads off of bats I’m sure that

he had a doctor who like his first

question would be what kind of a bat was

it well so my first question would have

been did it bite you and it sounds like

the answer is yes I’m not a doctor yeah

are you questioning the medical

practices of Ozzy Osbourne’s a doctor

dr. London I know you think you’re a

better doctor than the doctor who works

on Ozzy Osbourne

yeah the face of darkness and sherry oh

my gosh and the kids there was Jack

maybe Jack and blinky yeah okay I didn’t

mean to I didn’t mean to discredit or

cast shame upon any other medical

practitioners I was merely putting forth

what my first question would be and I’m

sorry if it came across the other way

okay so with with bats the first thing

we’re worried about is going to be

rabies have you heard of rabies before

rabies uh

no can you spell it for me okay so it’s

our a B I II S Oh

Oh Jack was Jewish for a little bit well

I I I mean I’m still kind of having a

hard time with a can you

in a sentence for me okay London we need

to stay away from some of the religious

stuff yeah okay this is supposed to be

an inclusive podcast and now you’re

telling people they’re getting sick from

their rabbis okay and I’m sorry I should

clarify what I say rabies I’m referring

to the rabies virus so in a sentence it

would be something like Lilith

contracted rabies from the bite she

received from a bat does that I don’t

care if someone is a rabbi I don’t care

if they’re a Christian pastor I don’t

care if there are none I don’t care who

they are

well say that if they bite you you’re

they’re gonna give you a disease my

pastor has bitten me so many times and I

have never once got an infection that I

didn’t cause it’s normal I’m sorry wait

that’s a loaded answer there yeah your

pastors bitten you yeah

was there like an in case like horsing

around okay and did you said you never

got an infection from that bite no not

from the Bible from the stuff I did

after the bite which worm stuff on it or

whatever hey hey guys yeah oh no it’s

okay it’s just um a I’m worried about

where this might be going that I’m gonna

have to hear with my ears and B I think

my wife has rabies with Graham I I think

I am turning into a lawyer

listen I brought the box of guns all

right let’s organize this a little bit

first dr. London I don’t hear any more

talk about rabies rabbis any of that

religious stuff done we’ve decided she

is turning into a vampire that is it

that is the objective truth of the

situation right it is a vampire bite so

we have to deal with this appropriately

take a gun everyone get a gun okay now

that I have that gun now that I have two

guns which is okay yeah okay London I

want your gun put it on your lap okay so

my guns I’m holding two and then I’ve

got one kind of like on my on my

shoulder in my neck yeah you’re like

holding a phone John wick fine fine I’ll

take this little like 22 revolver okay I

have a gun okay

I don’t like this all right this I do I

have never dealt with a vampire so I am

just spitballing here but since we’ve

got the guns

what does it mean well just listen what

if we shoot Lilith and drain some of the

three guns

Lilith where where did the bat bite you

it fit me right right on the chest like

the chest meat yeah the meat the meat is

it right yeah it bit her in the left

meaty zone if that makes a difference

it’s okay I gave permission yeah okay so

we’re gonna fight we’re gonna shoot

we’re gonna shoot a little bullet just a

little bullet why a little bullet into

the left chest okay and then we’re gonna

get some of that blood out okay okay oh

it’s there you don’t have a favorite

wall do you I don’t I don’t wanna shoot

into your favorite wall do you have one

that you hate them okay no we I do like

these walls to stay intact and also I

don’t look Cameron I don’t know if you

know this but if you shoot someone even

with a small bullet it could do them

harm are you a little bullet it’s the

smallest little thing it’s so cute do

you know I I don’t want to see it

through the the long end there okay dr.

London I need you to shoot first take

know my terms are open

I’m waiting you guys just so my

questions would have you received of

rabies vaccine before um I probably have

uh when I was younger in the last few

years

oh no no I don’t I don’t like needles I

don’t I don’t know real quick doctor

just a quick aside we we don’t have

medical insurance we can’t pay for this

okay what so Lilith is probably going to

need some immunoglobulin that’s what

she’ll need hey look I’m willing to let

you shoot her but I’m not willing to let

you get any of those emo goblins

anywhere near her okay

I’m taking a stand why would you even

suggest that doctor London that’s weird

I’m sorry so this is the treatment for

the because the rabies virus can travel

it travels up the nerves so in in in a

retrograde fashion so I can stop it

though if you know this is a pro goth

anti emo podcast we’ve established

that’s right Goths first and you know I

I have to say I while I respect that you

are a medical professional and you have

gone to school for this I have years of

studies backing me up I mean just you

know from the knowledge of vampirism and

and the symptoms thereof I I really do

think that it can’t be rabies no I I

mean I keep shaking and I mean just the

light just hurts my eyes so what kind of

what kind of vampire literature you

getting into um

and rice is probably one of my favorites

she’s both it’s Twilight yeah she reads

Twilight little is a big fan Twihard

I mean we’re talking New Moon are we

talking Eclipse I mean what are we

talking about team shame Edward like

what’s going on team dad all right

Charlie I think Charlie we’re trying to

warn Belle about all those boys who try

to

no one talks in a spell team Charlie I

am all about that you know those dads

yes a dad bod even though I got a little

piece of that dad bod okay oh but that

well that sounds good and fun

how long have these been symptoms been

going on has it been since the bad

encounter or did it happen before that

um since the bat encounter yes okay and

how long ago did that happen oh I would

say maybe a couple days ago okay so

maybe two days accompanies a couple like

two I think generally two is a couple

well we’re a throuple oh all right okay

so is that throuple days then yes

there’s a throuple days so three days

okay so so a throuple days ago you have

this bite have you tried anything since

you felt these symptoms coming on

anything help or make it worse I did rub

some lavender essential oils into the

bite that seems to alleviate the

problems at first but then it started to

itch real bad so I did stop but then I

broke out the myrrh and I’ve you know

that felt a lot better

spiritually and physically throw that

out there for a second thank you we

caught it hell yeah

sir what was that Oh Graham don’t touch

no okay London I got extra ones so

people could play with them hang on Jack

isn’t inside of this voodoo dog I know

you you can see this little dog in it

I’m gonna get him out real quick hang on

Cameron

Cameron I should ask how did you find

these people what I thought you were

bringing in medical professionals today

oh no they found me okay how did you

guys find Cameron then in it okay pretty

straightforward like Cameron posted an

ad saying seeking medical professionals

to speak no it was in it was in a yelp

review for like a local hat shop yeah

Jesus I have I mean as you know I have

an enormous skull size right right so I

was commenting about this hat shop that

you know can work with my kind of

bulbous head well I mean part of your

head size is because you wear so many of

the hats well yeah I’m a mime putting

the hat on top of another hat yeah

that’s sort of blending into my head to

make it look like it’s just an extension

of my head plus extension it’s just like

making my extension sorry so so you guys

saw this ad this yelp review for a hat

shop and contacted Cameron because of

that well he had a doctor in front of

his name and I just kind of assumed or

like medical professional and I thought

he knows what he’s talking about he had

a big ol head he’s got a big old brain

so we can fix it yeah I assumed the big

head is a selling point it really was I

was looking at at least five other

people that I could call about Lilith’s

rabies and I figured the bigger the head

the better the job so at the very least

it’s a conversation piece exactly

something to talk about at the water

cooler than that cooler the next it’s

it’s an ice breaker I get it you can zip

code for that forehead it’s beautiful

okay so that’s what brings you guys in

today is Cameron put up her a post on

Yelp you guys came in and thought that

we would build up so I would say

probably you should go to a medical

facility

do something shoot she is looking pale

she was gonna save her doctor no well I

I actually took an oath to do no harm so

because I can’t shoot her listen to me

I’m not a real demon come to me the

doctor the doctor can’t do it you might

have to doctor can you tell someone else

to harm someone else yes do it thank you

for the question

one thing that I should clarify this is

a common myth is that you can do no harm

except that once I have to say it’s

actually just do no harm and there was

no there’s no exception to that rule

yeah but the Hippocratic oath is like

agreeing to Terms of Service when you

register an account somewhere that’s

right you just that’s right yeah you

just skim through it maybe you have to

scroll all the way down before you even

click oh my god I did it it’s like

recently I got one of those again what

are they called the Drex pro yeah we

passed one on the way here yeah it’s

hard Rex Pro on the way here and I felt

so bad for it looked like it had just

given up on its mission and went away

but I know that’s part of the Terms of

Service because the same thing happened

to me but when I was scrolling through I

was like yeah yeah this will happen this

will happen that or no except you don’t

read this you just think you just agree

to it and a big big function that I’ve

designed that I direct Pro to be is to

have free will this is not a Calvinist

you know robot I’ve got to say like I I

know you you’re the designer of it and

that might not have been the best idea

I don’t know free wills kind of crazy

right

I miss my director best world oh yeah I

love West world probably like my third

favorite oh yeah who’s got Cowboys in it

too easily best cowboy

easily one of my best cowboy shows I’ve

seen so are we gonna shoot Lilith or

what’s going on here okay I’ve had my

arms out this entire pose you’re very

strong upper body strength thank you

you’re welcome

all right before we do this Lilith in

case anything goes wrong which it won’t

cuz look how tiny this bullet is it’s so

it’s really yeah it’s so small but just

in case is do you is there anything you

want to like you want to say or do you

any last requests last requests that it

would be a last anything no no you I

found some rubber gloves look like white

last why does this have to be last we

don’t need to kill her she just has

rabies a vampire laced all the Bulls

with garlic that’s what that smell is

well no okay oh wait wait wait

can’t we test if she’s a vampire if you

have do you have garlic honey of course

I always get a guy like I’m from the New

Jersey part of hell we’re loaded with

garlic okay

he practically sweats it how can we use

this garlic to test this out I don’t

know I don’t know how this works doctor

um okay well this is once again for

rabies

I don’t think garlic is really cure but

I guess if we were leaning into the

whole vampire idea just putting it near

her like where the scent would come

around like for any allergy that’s

generally how it works right

you rub it against the skin maybe and

then okay but of course I don’t want to

do and if like shock if she is or okay

well I I love garlic I don’t think I’m

allergic so Graham come here I’m gonna

I’m gonna rub you on my face well I

let’s figure out how to use the gun

first can we just shoot the garlic at

you

no can that be the compromise if you

have to she’ll do it I think that’s a

good conference let’s just get rid of

the bullets we’re just gonna shoot

garlic all right load me up

dr. London is that okay with you finally

I’m I’m still borderline honestly that’s

still are you using gunpowder for this I

don’t know you you just stick it in

there

yeah well wait wait wait well what if we

can at least be nine-millimeter garlic 9

millimeters long I think I don’t know

anything about guns full disclosure

well I know a lot about guns but not

garlic guns that is an area I have not

studied as much as I should have

look I’ll whittle down this garlic half

into a little bullet and then we’ll just

little nine-millimeter okay

have you thought of maybe just holding

that bullet near just like the matrix if

she didn’t dodge it oh no oh this is oh

it hurts yeah it hurts it hurts but I

mean we know we know what that means

that that it was just shot out of a

firearm and maybe the the the impact of

the projectile was harmful to her skin

maybe broke the skin you’re saying it’s

more likely that she’s in pain because

we shot something at her and not because

she’s a vampire why don’t you use that

little metal my god guys dr. London guys

I really thought that it was rabies but

now I think she’s a vampire because

garlic hurts her okay

oh this are so bad what’s the protocol

here you got I don’t know we’re we’re

settled on this we don’t want her to be

a vampire so we’re gonna beat her up

until she’s not here why should matter

is that team Jacob Jacob forever okay so

I guess we need a werewolf is that the

answer there yes I think they just want

to beat the yeah okay oh this hurts so

much guys just get it okay I I don’t

think I can stand by and let someone get

hurt either that’s another part of this

whole doctor thing so maybe it’s about

time to just send you guys off

maybe we can get this worked out at a

hospital or something let’s just go back

to the station or yeah or back alley

yeah

actually hey can that directs pro that

we passed can that do anything that

maybe it is impressive she doesn’t even

look pale anymore

whoa I I actually owe some plastic

surgery to booth oh I feel luxurious

whoa I’ve never felt this good before

oh and the butt cheeks would spray just

like Nicki Minaj lovely scent in the air

to lavender

wow I can’t believe how good I feel oh

I’m sorry what did you say Scientology

well I can’t tell what drag spray what

are you saying

support Scientology I think she’s saying

support Scientology she doesn’t like

that at all

Drex bro is pointing a gun right at me

let’s just end this probably then we

need to wrap this up and deal with this

okay is there any way for our listeners

to reach you

Lilith Grimm Jack at your radio station

right yeah sure um well unfortunately

because we can only keep our radio

station open every so often we do have

an email that we use okay and that yeah

it’s dead waves radio at gmail.com you

can send us any questions that you have

about paranormal things like vampires or

ghouls boozes I do like a good news also

you could listen to our radio show on

Wednesdays okay and the radio show is

dead wife’s dead waves radio that’s

right okay

and maybe we’ll stop on by your station

sometime – Oh we’d love to have you all

right and thank you to Cameron as always

producer Cameron thank you to digital in

the hose thank you ever felt this good

before

spiritually and physically even I got a

bad vibe I’m worried about where this

might be going that I’m gonna have to

hear it with my ears

[Music]

support Scientology

my name is dr. London smith.com this has

been the jock doc podcast see you want

to play some ball he asks you haven’t

spoken in years and now he just shows up

and wants to play catch your mind

searches for familiarity in his face you

can scarcely find it is this even the

man you once knew fine you say trying to

feign some interest but when the ball

flies to the air towards you you realize

that this is too much to deal with

emotionally as you walk away you do some

soul-searching ignoring the raised voice

of your tennis instructor calling out

after you the cutting words that it

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[Music]

[Applause]