Ahoy children you’re about to listen to

a comedy podcast

that means that none of this is medical

advice if you need medical advice or

medical care

please contact your doctor welcome to

the jock doc

podcast featuring dr london

smith put on your scrubs and get in the

tub and let’s listen to this podcast

introducing your host dr london

smith

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives

but without it being so boring i’m your

host dr london smith

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners

we’ve received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using

such as leomayo mata uterai

and boy oh boy oh boy so i will try to

temper my terminology to a simpler one

in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron hey dr london how are

uh the the kind of like

hat you’re wearing is a little

interesting today what okay well

it’s very tall it’s like new yeah no i

mean i can tell it’s new

you did leave the tag on it because that

was i think you think that’s cool

because people did that yeah like years

ago like 15 years ago

yes well people can see that i got it on

sale that’s what i’m trying to

show i’m a savvy shopper okay so is this

an advertisement like are you asking for

are you wanting people to come to you

and say like

dude where are the best deals or is it

just a

talking point because you’re still in

your scrubs which i think is the

maybe confusing i thought you kind of

had to wear what isn’t there sort of

like a hat scrub thing a scrub hat

yeah whenever you’re scrubbing for

surgery there’s a there’s a hair thing

that you can wear but this is more for

um

i don’t want to say i’m trying to think

of the right word

so when you’re strutting around the

office you’re starting on the clinic

wherever you’re talking yes yeah okay

okay that’s that’s more or less the term

so

um and you’ll see it’s got spirals on it

it’s like a dr seuss hat except kind of

at a tilt

all the spirals and lots of feathers and

so i just well you also okay i mean

this is sort of a question i wanted to

ask because you say it’s dr

susie and you but you have or you say

it’s like

cat in the hattie right yeah yeah sorry

that’s what i mean but you’ve got

whose from horton hears a who’s sticking

out the top of it

yeah now you’re just mixing up stories

yeah i mean to some extent

like so for that one i just like to the

big lesson i took from that is listen to

me and that’s really what the hat’s

about

yeah listen to me see me i want

attention or else

yeah well sometimes you walk into a

patient’s room and they’ll say

you know where’s the doctor and it

you’re usually hiding at this point yes

yeah and so this this way it kind of

takes away that issue because i’ll be

hiding

but and that’s just a habit yeah because

i’m always sort of

creeping around i don’t want to well

you’re a natural introvert

london you’re a natural introvert i

don’t know well not to mention the

telemarketers they’re always calling

oh i feel like if i can hide enough it’s

a way for you to get away from the world

but if someone’s really looking for you

they can kind of

look around the room and find a little

who sticking out of the top of a hat

yeah

you’re maybe crouched behind like a like

a love seat or

a lazy boy or something like that yeah

or a hospital

bed yeah and i don’t know how your

room’s decked however you want to

decorate your room in your office is

fine by me yeah well thank you you know

not not everyone’s so considerate

especially the administration

uh but anyway um so that’s that’s our

producer cameron uh also with us is

DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

so when you’re strutting around the

office you’re starting on the clinic

wherever

[Music]

peacocking

[Music]

[Music]

peacock

[Music]

[Music]

peace

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

and that’s just that happen because i’m

always sort of creeping around

and later cameron tells me we can expect

a special guest

that’s right dr london all right well so

you know for listeners please look

forward to that but uh before we move on

i would like to address a bit of

listener feedback

so i found this note

yeah okay well you know what that sounds

like feedback to me

let’s address your concerns what

what do you dislike about getting

listener feedback

no i was just wondering if like we had

to

if it was some sort of like either moral

or legal obligation that we have to

address the listeners i don’t can you

get can you

can hey listeners can you play on your

phone for a second take your headphones

off listeners

i don’t like yeah that’s good that’s a

good thing to say to them yeah i don’t

like the listeners

i know you keep telling me this most of

them are too tall kind of like your hat

and i don’t like that i don’t like

being around people who intimidate me by

their height

so you think the hat’s no good no no the

hat’s fine

because you’re not tall it’s the hat

that’s tall i hate your hat

okay okay so you me with a hat is the

way that the hat works okay okay

um yeah it’s fine yeah it complements my

style of being too short

yes but it’s like so i had a listener

the other day and he i was

i was at a uh i was at a bar and i was

hanging out with

like just tons and tons and tons of

people just tons of people hanging

around

everyone’s like uh you know it’s like

you’ve been at bars right when

everyone’s like butt to gut because it’s

like so packed in there

a while ago yeah um and so like we’re

all just talking and laughing and like

screaming and screaming these songs

well no this was thursday and so

we were doing all those things and this

listener comes up and says hey cam

here’s some feedback for you maybe

maybe uh do something about maybe talk

about pixar

more because remember that one time we

talked about pixar

that was i thought that was fine and i

was like i don’t

want to do that and now i’ve already

done it now i’ve already brought it into

the podcast

yeah so do you see how frustrating this

can be it doesn’t sound that

frustrating to me it’s oh

leave me alone so i guess to answer your

question

we don’t legally have to but i do feel a

certain obligation

perhaps even a moral one okay to address

concerns

does that make sense then i will let you

i will let you do that

and i’m just gonna sit back okay that’s

that’s fine because i have

i can answer these questions as easily

sure sure so i found this note stamped

into the ground

ugh by an enormous footprint

i mean okay i i think it was a footprint

uh it might have been more like a crater

it had a lot of

smoldering ash and glowing rock nearby

in the center

so so anyway i found this note on the

ground in there

the note reads quote what store is only

fans

do they have humidifiers end quote

so first of all thank you so much to

this listener for reaching out

and cameron you want to say thank you do

you want to say thank you as well

yeah all right uh so

to answer your question i think it’s

pretty obvious that a store called only

fans would exclusively

sell fans that to sell anything else

would be false advertisement so

it could also be fan memorabilia okay no

that’s that is like

maybe like a cal ripken junior baseball

card

or like a cal ripken junior jersey or

like a cal rick and junior like

signed baseball from you know one of his

many games that he was in

so you’re saying something

it’s dedicated to cal ripken junior yeah

okay

i think it’s a caloric thing junior fan

site is what i’m trying to get at okay

the baseball hall of fame baseball

player who was famous for

like playing the most games in a row or

something like that okay

that was like his claim to fame yeah and

that’s why only fans are so

greatly associated with cowark and

junior okay not

well you’re hearing more and more about

these days people are really excited

about it i think that’s really cool

yeah yeah guess it is i didn’t you know

i’m not as connected with everything

uh yeah as i you know i wish i was but

anyway

to that listener thank you for listening

and cameron you want to say thank you

now for today’s medical topic

diverticulitis

so previously we discussed how

diverticulosis

is an outpouching in the wall of the

colon and the colon is of course another

term for the large intestine

so in diverticulosis the inner layer of

the colon bulges through a focal area of

weakness in the colon wall

usually in an area of blood vessel

penetration

one complication of this outpouching is

known as diverticulitis

and that’s what we’re talking about

today and that occurs when okay and i

think

well hold on i think i think maybe to

like

i’ve been thinking about it lately and i

don’t know a lot of this podcast relies

on

assuming you know

what you’re reading okay so like

whenever but we never see like the

other side so maybe we can hear from the

other side a little bit

too and that’s me okay that’s i didn’t

know

i didn’t know there was an alternative

side to this

yeah so my thing is

um if you were to step in something like

real goopy

and you need to get it off you can use

like rubbing alcohol and pour that on

there and it sort of just like scrapes

off really easily

and i think if more people were

knowledgeable about that we would see

less infected feet in our hospitals

which is sort of an epidemic lately that

has not been discussed by media

at some when you say epidemic

it sounds like very focal in origin like

maybe it’s just you

because yeah but it’s happening i mean

it’s happening daily it’s all the time

everywhere everywhere around me i’m

seeing these people with infected feet

well and you keep saying people but it

is every day

every day when i wake up it’s just well

you have a lot of mirrors set up

and it’s almost as if you want to see it

and you want to feel a congregation of

people relating to you

i don’t mind seeing it i’m not like

offended by the infected feet i just

think we should do something about it as

a society

instead of just throwing it under the

rug yeah

and so anyway now it’s here yeah i was

gonna say so i don’t really see this as

an alternative

idea this is just separate um but one

complication

two sides are the same issue i mean one

complication of

that outpouching of diverticulosis is

known as diverticulitis

which occurs when feces become impacted

in the diverticulum

leading to erosion and micro perforation

so clinically

acute diverticulitis is suspected in

patients with lower abdominal pain

typically in the left lower quadrant

abdominal tenderness on physical exam

and increased white blood cell count on

lab testing uh to exclude alternatives

and i want to say so the i think

what you’re talking about when your

foot’s infected like that it’s actually

a

lower white cell count okay i don’t

i don’t think that that because you’ve

like poured a bunch of it out i mean a

lot of it’s like kind of bleeding and

oozing out

and so you a lot of that white stuff is

just kind of coming out easily

yeah so i i i feel like just your body

has actually

less of it and actually it’s in your

right abdomen

now go ahead i’m sorry you just point

counterpoint back and forth it’s just a

natural

it’s it’s i mean yeah i guess that’s on

me so to exclude alternative

uh conditions like colon cancer or

irritable bowel syndrome

the diagnosis is usually confirmed by

abdominal pelvic ct scan

which also distinguishes complicated

from uncomplicated disease

in the absence of complications like

frank perforation

obstruction fistula abscess acute

uncomplicated diverticulitis can be

treated non-operatively

in most patients acute complications i

disagree okay i think

some of these people who have these feet

infections

desperately need an operation just

something to stop

like the fiery fiery pain at night

and i think that we as a society are

throwing this under the rug

and i don’t think like i think what

you’re implying that that people who

have

feet infections should go to jail

they’re not

animals they just need help i where did

i imply that

the just when you were talking about the

left abdomen stuff it just sort of

seemed like a personal attack towards

people who struggle with a lot of stuff

now they’re

they’re reasons why you should be in

prison

sure but i don’t think that your

your clinical illness is one of those

reasons

does that make sense and this is why

this is why we do this people because

people think like oh debates never help

anyone every

people just double down on their opinion

but you can see here dr london came into

this conversation

saying that people who have infected

feet need to go to jail and i’ve been

able to change his mind with the power

of my words

and that this is free exchange of

thought dr london this is awesome your

turn go ahead

okay uh so acute complicated

diverticulitis requires treatment of

both colonic inflammation and the

specific complication

which typically requires hospitalization

and or surgery

regardless of whether it’s complicated

or uncomplicated diverticulitis itself

is typically also treated with a course

of antibiotics

and so cameron you have right abdominal

pain for your

and i think it’s i’m gonna disagree i

think it’s

actually treated with maybe bandages and

again just like a surgery or something

just something maybe something to like

plug the gap like to plug the hole

would be great yeah and i don’t think we

ruled that out i think

that’s i think it’s a more practical

approach

which foot did you did you say is feet

feet infected yeah sorry it is but and i

sorry i should that’s why if you know if

i look down if you notice

i didn’t really walk in here i sort of i

hopped yeah you have

a box with my feet together tissue yes

it’s just it’s just sort of uh

oh here i can just show you have sort of

melded together

yeah and you so but it smells

good i feel like a lot of these times it

usually smells awful but i mean give it

a whiff just a little it smells like

pretty good no i

i

it at least smells like normal feet it

doesn’t smell like anything extra smells

like something extra

just and that might just be my foot okay

budget uh do you mind if we move on from

there

are you have you had your alternative

opinion expressed enough

let me think what do i think about like

i could talk about like nascar no i i

feel like we could move on um

i could talk about like garth brooks i

could talk about maybe like the state of

okay your feet

juice is getting all over now and i feel

like we

oh let me put it back in my shoe box

yeah sorry about that yeah

okay all right yeah i think i’m done

okay yeah we’ll go ahead and move on

from there then

oh wait um nascar

you have these gut you got this guy just

driving in a circle over and over again

i mean right you watch that

and that’s your your alternative opinion

on the treatment of diverticulitis

no i’m just like i’m kind of just like

spitballing here yeah okay

i get to do with my time what i want to

do with my time

yeah well okay okay we’ll move on

i’m done i’m done

all right uh cameron you said that we

have a guest today is that right

that’s right dr london i am very very

excited for our guest today

wow great uh well hello my name is dr

londonsmith.com

and this is our producer cameron uh what

was your name

my name is keel over captain

keelover oh

okay um dude

not to be confused with my my younger

brother neil

okay can i ask where the captain comes

from i mean are you

are you are you a service member or are

you a

sailor i don’t really know where the

word captain like what

how does that in your title i have

a boat oh a beautiful

boat

is is that that’s okay i mean i can get

behind that okay i mean dr london

i mean it’s it’s it’s new to me too i

mean i just got it

i but i’m a captain now yeah okay i’m

the captain

like the i’m the guy i’m the captain

yeah

so because i the the only thought i had

was like maybe it was a captain morgan

situation like maybe you’d

just imbibe so this is a boating

situation

yeah um yeah aren’t you said you prefer

that to be called

captain captain over captain kilo

captain over okay

well captain over what uh what brings

you here today

oh man i just just kind of stir crazy i

mean

been trying to learn how to sail and

it’s not been going

well oh man

okay yeah i mean anything

you wanted to hear advice from us or did

you want us to teach you how to sail

or i mean i mean i’ve been able to sail

places

uh but i you know been at steve

stuck for a for a long time

i’m really happy to see you too anyone

really

okay so no we we do get this a lot where

where guests will come in

from from outward adventures and

for for whatever reason i don’t know if

cameron has advertisements on

buoys or

attached to seagulls or something but no

no no no i just for whatever

time notes well they’re flyers i tie

flyers to fish

and then i release them into the ocean

okay that way

it’s like tagging well it’s sort of yeah

i mean it’s just

i think it’s even more like putting a

message in a bottle

but way cheaper way cheaper

just a tiny little string is way cheaper

than buying a bunch of empty bottles

wow and so this way you put it out into

the ocean and then whoever finds it it’s

kind of like

fate it’s like you know that this person

was destined to be your listener

and i think that’s kind of special this

is where we get most of our listeners

these days

wow that’s just so intelligent who’s the

doctor here

cameron it’s this is

this is actually been up for debate for

a while i was

knighted in a way and to be a doctor

yes in in the past on this show and i

have

performed surgery well i can’t i can’t i

have allegedly performed

surgery allegedly on

like a sleeping person but i doctor for

the purposes of this show dr london’s

the doctor i’ll back off on that

what’s up with that hat you’re wearing

oh it is getting harder to balance i’ll

admit

uh every time i feel like it’s not

working in clinic i do kind of add

a few inches to it and so now it’s add a

couple more hoops

i feel like part of the reason i wanted

to become a captain was not only to own

a boat but i just wanted a hat too

so i totally get your you’re into hats

that’s great

and i i do love your hat by the way

captain over

but i again i i i want to say it’s too

big for your head it’s almost like a

captain version of like a 12 gallon hat

yeah like one of those extremely large

cowboys i’m not compensating

it i was not i wasn’t saying i i don’t

know

fashion that well i don’t know trans

especially aquatic fashion that is so

foreign to me so i mean i was not making

any judgments at all

i was just noting it you know it’s

really big yeah

it keeps like bump yeah it keeps like

bumping me a little bit

it’s fine i mean i i am when i walked

into the hat store

when i bought the boat the hat store and

the boat store were really connected so

they really

got me for a one-two punch and because

i’m so tall

they just got me the biggest hat they

had and um

yeah i don’t fit very well in my boat

it’s a pretty small boat but um

you know i’ve got a big hat now i could

probably

probably sail the hat better than the

boat

you know honestly get like a little

paddle while you’re sitting in a big hat

and you just kind of

row yourself away that’d be pretty cool

yeah it’s like its own

you know life raft how long

were you out on the sea um

and how long have you had this boat uh

it’s

it’s been so long and so sure i’d say

it’s been six months

and i just i went out

and the seagulls

started pecking on my eyes i have

barnacles

on my everywhere and i just

i have been gone too long so oh so six

months is the answer to both of those

questions

how long have you been gone and when did

you get it so you got lost i mean just

right away day one yeah they

they he though and i was gone and

and i didn’t you know couldn’t get back

if if i could ask uh why

how did you acquire a boat i guess

that’s because that

it sounds like you just went for it the

moment you had a boat

what led up to having it yeah so i’ve

been stuck in

quarantine for too long yes saw this

wonderful movie called medicine man

sean connery casual sexist

normal role for him isn’t that required

in medical school

seeing medicine man anyway long story

short

he goes to the jungle and he finds ants

that cure cancer and so i wanted to go

i wanted to to go there and do that

and fix it but i didn’t get very far

when you say there yeah where are you

going

i just i thought the winds would take me

and that

i thought the hat kind of directed you

along

you know to where kind of like where the

fish message would go

to where it needed to be that the winds

would kind of do

the same do you know that word i don’t

know how many like sailing words

like uh like you know that i i know like

the current events

is that what you mean

like a present event like the most

recent event of the direction the water

is going

the direction the water is going okay

but like the most

recent event of it so it is kind of

related are you a sailor that you just

seem to know so much

oh i’m just a hobbyist i’m just a

hobbyist

so did my boats i can’t help but so it’s

just wait well i can’t help but wonder

so

cameron tagged all these fish by tying

flyers to them did did that

impact your sailing journey that did

that bring you back to shore

how did this play out i set sail um

i’m sure i got one of your message

messages on one of your

fish um wait

you say it very generally like kind of

like saying

you know i i’m sure i saw whatever

seagull i saw whichever

port or something like did you actually

see a note tied to a fish because that

seems rare to me

i mean there were thousands i must have

i must have uh

gotten caught in the school of fish that

you let go

what do you keep saying i must i must

have found a fire i must have done this

do you do you remember much of your time

out that see

um i remember a lot um

i remember some of my teeth falling out

i remember eating some fish

fish eyes in particular and for our

listeners

you know we haven’t really been pointing

it out because it’s kind of

we just try to be polite but your face

is completely

red sunburned you you are visibly

missing teeth

and uh it looks like

i don’t know it looks like you haven’t

showered and

i mean and since you got back which i’ve

gotta ask

without taking a shower brushing your

teeth or changing your clothes it looks

like

i mean i i like the smell i mean i got

used to it

and i just i mean isn’t the aroma like

the the man of the sea aroma isn’t that

like an old spice

scent right yeah i mean

it’s very i guess it is very seductive

i feel like it is clashing with

cameron’s foot smell

feet smell rather it’s definitely clash

clashing with my foot smell but i would

say

maybe the seafaring smell is also mixed

with things like

urine excrement vomit and just a lot of

fish smell i would say it’s really

fishier than it is like sea yeah it is

fishy

do you have barnacles too on your feet

because these things i can’t get these

off i can’t

i can’t look i can’t look under my feet

so i’m not exactly sure

because it’s you know it’s kind of like

a welded together block

but um i don’t know there’s something

under there i think it moves

it has solidified whatever it is

if it was barnacles it’s just a block i

don’t think it’s barnacles anymore

i think it’s evolved it’s part of the

foot

i think it’s more than a foot yeah i

guess that’s the best way to put it if

there were barnacles

they are they are the foot now and

that’s good it means you can

so to call them barnacles would be

misleading you could walk on deck and

not

worry about uh stubbing your stuff in

your toes you can not get any splinters

yeah that’s great well i can’t walk i

have to hop is

stub toe a big concern on the ship

because i

i guess in my mind you know navigating

the sea would be the big thing or

but i don’t know i’m not really known

for sailing yeah the biggest biggest

problem for me

is uh stuffing my toes hitting my head

that’s the biggest problem

okay is that is that because of your hat

being

so large or because the boat being so

small

i mean i guess the boat is tiny

i mean it can it can barely fit me

yep you actually kind of think so i’m

looking out the window and i do see

a boat out there is that yours oh yeah

oh yeah okay it’s fine okay so it’s

small enough for you to carry here

yeah cause that’s that’s a regular

parking lot it’s not like

we aren’t in a port yeah it rained and

so i was able to

you know kind of get her in you know

okay a little bit

for the listeners it it does look like a

like a proper sailing boat but it’s the

exact

size of like a life raft wow so it looks

like you could maybe fit like

four people on it tops if you were

shorter of a person but because of your

height

sort of you know if you want to lay down

or something you know you need the space

standing up though maybe like three

people but sitting down

no not gonna happen nope so

is this the first place you went after

you got back from your six months at sea

because that seems like a long time to

go without

you know like did you it looks like

as i said you’re you’re kind of bleeding

from all these different spots

it looks like you could be having scurvy

uh do you know about scurvy do you know

what that is

i i know that my teeth hurt okay well

that’s

yeah and that is scurvy so that that

would be an issue so you need to see a

dentist about your scurvy issue for sure

but i i i still want to like

i mean i want to get back to your time

out there you had so much time alone i

mean did you not

learn anything from that i feel like you

know that would be very difficult but

maybe sort of enlightening in a way

like getting away from everyone like

that and

were there any lessons you brought back

from the sea with you

that you end where you begin i mean i

set out from

the ocean not too far from here and

the ocean brought me back okay that’s

that’s my lesson my sailor’s wisdom

yeah i feel like i could have figured

that out without doing

without going on the same journey uh did

you

but did you take the journey you have to

take the journey

the journey’s the real that is so

important

i’m not sure if you answered this before

maybe i missed it but

was there a reason why you acquired the

boat

i’m i’m trying to like because it sounds

like you didn’t

like you don’t have even a passing

interest in

the hobby of sailing it sounds

well it sounded like he was he was

trying to get to wherever

that’s right wherever the medicine man

is

in the jungle it’s in a jungle in

indonesia

you can’t take a plane you can’t take a

car

gotta take a boat i’m a captain wanted

to go

so okay you got in the boat it was just

gonna take you to the medicine man

jungle just by default

and then so you let’s say let’s say your

adventure

worked you get on land and then what

what

what was your intention what were you

trying to do specifically was your

illness trying to find

in this movie they find these ants that

can cure

cancer right and you said you wanted to

do something i wanted to

bring the ants back

oh that was was that like the one

downfall of that movie was that

they were so selfish they just kept the

cancer ants

also no spoilers i also no spoilers so

you can’t spoil the movie

um especially if there’s a twist ending

which i would assume would be that

like maybe maybe the aunt gives someone

cancer

on accident or something but i’m not

going to speculate because i got to see

it

but like okay so you were just gonna get

to the jungle and just start searching

for ants

yes absolutely i was gonna start digging

climbing

so you weren’t gonna try to meet someone

there wasn’t like a person like a

contact you were trying to get to

no it was just me it’s it was me myself

and i

captain wow keel over yeah so

wow and there’s um so what i’m also

thinking is

in the movie did and what

i don’t want to get into spoiler

territory so maybe just stop me if

i’m going too far but if it was at all a

historical movie

then do you think they might have just

brought the ants back within the movie

and then you can look up

like what happened on the internet

so naive the ants were in that specific

habitat

and you couldn’t you couldn’t just bring

them out of their natural habitat that’s

that’s just wrong yeah that is that is

wrong

what were you gonna do then i was going

to bring them out of their natural

habitat

okay so so you but i was gonna do it so

it was

fine yeah so it was they were gonna do

it the movie was like too moral

yeah it was too sappy i wanted to do it

the real way the right way

i guess that makes sense like you saw in

the movie they didn’t bring them back

and you’re like oh

i’ll go get them if they’ve been waiting

there for so long that’s a cure for

cancer

yeah yeah it’s right there

i mean the movie wasn’t able to you know

no spoilers but

don’t have a cure for cancer so had to

go go out and get these ants

so is this okay and i guess this leads

me to another question

has this ever happened before where

you’re watching a movie

and you get an idea from the movie

and then make a purchase a significant

purchase which that

that is a nice boat outside like it’s

it’s small but it’s nice

oh yeah it’s small it’s like the kid’s

version

of like a yacht yeah like i can see from

here like fully stocked bar it’s got

everything in there and if a yacht could

only hold

one very tall person that’s what we’re

looking at so

and everything else is very small too so

like london’s talking about a fully

stocked bar

they’re very very tiny not like

travel size looks like the normal size

of drinks but shrunk down to scale

so so if that have you ever done this

before

or is what made this time the time that

you know

pushed you to make the purchase that’s

what i’m wondering here

oh i’ve done this before i tried to buy

a submarine

um i ended up buying a huge jeep after

seeing jurassic park

uh i’ve tried to buy airplanes

i want to go back to the to the jurassic

park thing like you bought a jeep to

what to go to jurassic park of course

oh okay didn’t they you so you saw i

mean the

chaos and everything and the deaths and

i mean what

what were you gonna do what was your

plan with that i wanted to save

some of the flora and fauna there i

wanted to go there and bring it back

so your focus was on the plants just

like the doctors when they first got

there it was all about the plant life

that was yeah so

this is environmentally motivated but

the ants

you were like screw them yeah

yeah it was just something i had to do

and okay no well that is not a proper

answer

you just said there’s something you have

to do i had to go get this

you see these two movies and you came to

two opposite conclusions i had to go get

the ants

one was i have to protect the the

habitat and the other one is

i can’t believe they’re trying to

protect this habitat i mean i was trying

to steal a dinosaur too

i mean i would also you know in your

defense one of them

is the cure for cancer the other one

uh not maybe not as uh

pressing to our own humanity and you

know the salvation yeah i would say

that’s very true like

thank you dr london god the the ant

thing is

at least positively motivated it seems

i would say like it has good motivations

behind it

the jurassic park i don’t you just

wanted to you just wanted to protect the

fauna well and

one other thing about the jurassic park

they don’t get to the park by

jeep or like they have to either fly

there

by helicopter usually or by go by boat

that’s true the jeeps are on the island

amazing great

idea i should go buy a helicopter thank

you so much dr london that’s a great

conclusion i’m sorry was that

was that insult i know they’re expensive

i’m just

i no no that wasn’t sarcastic

yeah so that’s a good idea

you said you got an airplane as well

what movie had you watched that led you

to that conclusion

airplane airplane airplane the movie

oh so you saw the movie airplane and

everyone’s like

doing hijinks and everything and

i mean what was the goal there the goal

there was to

try the fish try and eat the fish eat

the chicken

eat all the the uh the food oh eat the

the two options because one would be see

what the poison was you know

try and figure out what the poison was

oh so

you you didn’t buy like a private plane

or like a jet you bought like a

commercial plane

including it sounds like the food host

exact replica

what are plane hostesses called steward

steward people stewardesses

stewardess yeah yep yeah exact replica

with fish and all

it cost me a pretty penny how much did

it cost well i bought it off of

craigslist

so it was uh wow 14.99

well it was it was really you know

100 payments easy easy payments of 14.99

um okay i think per per month

for a long time yeah for a long

100 payments per month yeah yeah i guess

it was

it they’re easy payments easy payments

yeah but you’re doing 100 a month that

means you’re doing at least like three a

day why not consolidate that to just

like

you know taxes that’s great you

uh you know finances you know everything

oh

okay okay okay yeah that’s a good that’s

true

yeah taxes i don’t even think about the

taxes

here’s here’s a question that i have now

if

for you know you say you spent that much

on an airplane

for a lot of these things i would think

like okay maybe

you planned for an investment but over

the course of our conversation i

convinced you to buy a helicopter

in passing if i may ask

are are you well off financially and if

so

you know is it inherited do you have

what do you do for your actual

work captain i i feel like captain might

be a new title for you

it is i it’s a you know

except fresh new captain except when

you’re on the plane i guess

yeah yeah i guess you would have already

been a captain there

and kind of the jeep i’m the captain of

my car i say i i say that a lot yeah

i’ll admit that you’re the captain of

yeah

yeah but yeah where’s the where’s the

money come from where’s the money

yeah where’s the cash let’s talk money

all right well

big secret i actually don’t have any

money

oh and i’ve been able to swindle all of

these people into giving me their

vehicles

nice so then what are the hundreds i am

dead

i am dead broke what are the 100

payments you’re making a month of

14.99 that’s uh that’s other people’s

money

taxes okay and with taxes yeah that’s

true

i’m glad that you’re concerned about the

taxes when you’re

taking other people’s money that’s

really considerate

you know what thank you not everyone

notices that yeah and um you know they

know who they are

but they noticed uh just thank you for

they probably noticed the rest

is what i’m saying uh yeah not yet but

yeah

you know maybe so this and you know i

don’t want to sound harsh here but this

does

sound you know criminal in nature

well what what you’re doing does that

make sense

criminal are you taking people’s bank

account information

and applying it to your purchases or is

it

convincing give it to me yeah they they

give it to me

okay so you’re just a very persuasive

person

i guess okay i i

am i am the most persuasive person maybe

we can i feel like there’s maybe some

confusion we can explain this a little

bit more

like so dr london is asking are you a

criminal like the 2016 movie

with kevin costner and gary oldman and

tommy lee jones

i have not seen that movie i assume

there has to be a criminal in that

does that make a little more sense now

someone who

breaks the law that’s that seems to be

ringing

ringing a celebrity ah a celebrity

yeah yeah i think that’s because i

haven’t seen it either but i do

recognize those names so i think they’re

they’re either they’re either the the

you know

big in their field of science and

medicine or they are celebrities

those are the only two categories that i

know who’s to say there’s that’s really

impossible and what’s the distinction

between them honestly

very little the line is so blurry jones

i ran up to ryan reynolds the other day

and i asked him if he would look at my

foot

because i associate celebrities so much

with the medical field

well i didn’t run up to him i hopped

very quickly to him

but if it’s fast enough it can kind of

look like running

but it’s it’s it’s it has not ever been

that fast i just i can assume

so you practice your hobble that seems

like a really good skill to have

i exercise you know i’m not just stuck

at home

i hop around but enough about me captain

what is i mean what’s

what’s the plan next are you getting on

the boat again the plan next

the open road the open sky open sea i

don’t know

um my my goal my goal was to get healthy

and

come here to see someone to help me with

all my medical problems

but it seems like i’ve been talking

mostly to cameron about

taxes and um i just

i need i need help with uh what’s wrong

with you well the scurvy

i think is a big thing uh scurvy

i can see your ribs because we didn’t

mention but you are just your clothes

are in tatters

yes uh and except for your hat if your

hat is

yeah anyone who knows anything good

about fashion besides a hat of course

that’d be great if you could point me in

there yeah so for one thing i would

you know go for some um some fruits

you know some fruits and vegetables and

i can really

just fill out your whole diet it looks

like you just haven’t eaten

food which i don’t know if you brought

provisions for your trip

but food is well he was saying that he

he was grabbing fish out of the sea

right and eating them right

am i right yep yep yep the eyes were

particularly tasty

oh wow i like the eye fish eyes are just

i don’t know if you ever had fish eyes

but

i think it’s that’s one of those um sort

of high-end

delicacies that a lot of people don’t

realize

you’ve had fish eyes of course after

london uh i don’t know that

the eyes of a of a fish are really that

they don’t contain the vitamins that

you’re missing i guess is what i’m

saying

but you’re on land you can just go

to most restaurants and find you know

a full meal that will cover your food

groups

so there’s more food groups other than

fish

you’re telling me this that’s incredible

it’s been six months it’s only been six

months you did

what were you eating before you went on

the ship

i don’t remember much from before i mean

it’s been okay being at sea do

being on that long journey out there all

by myself

so when you were talking about with

airplane how the

options being fish and chicken right

you were just talking about like a pet

chicken you weren’t even talking about

food at that point

yeah i didn’t know you could eat chicken

yep yep yeah that’s right

that’s right yeah what else is wrong

with you i mean

dr london fixed this man yeah i i got so

many things going on

what else we got it looks like it’s

pretty i mean you should visit a dentist

which isn’t really

you know so much my thing uh

what hurts the most

what hurts the most

my neck my neck hurts so much

i couldn’t i just take it out just take

it off my neck

i just can’t are you dr london are you

going to perform a

neck removal please take it please take

it

i don’t want it out of so his head is

attached to his shoulders

i could be shorter so i don’t hit my

head on my boat so much yeah no that’s

that’s kind of difficult to do and

that’s not really

within reason um and i do see

you do have something stuck to the back

of your neck is that a

okay those are leeches there so that’s

another thing i didn’t know those were

salt water dwelling creatures but it

looks like you do have leeches on i mean

yeah fred and saul

and henry my friends don’t i don’t want

to

yeah i like how you remove them and then

put them back because

yeah they’re they’re they are your

friends

they’re a part of you okay um so

this is just sort of thing of modern

medicine is that we rarely use

leeches as medical treatment and we

usually

don’t have them as we don’t keep them as

friends on our bodies so much

but you said sometimes so it means

sometimes you do use them right

and that that case must be in my case no

right

right yeah he got you

[Laughter]

dr london you’ve been owned so bad deny

look it sounds like it sounds like all

you need to do keep the leeches

eat a bunch of lemons um i don’t know

change your pants um but

the lemons are gonna they’re gonna get

my gums because it’s gonna

hurt yeah i don’t wanna do that it’s

gonna hurt

it’s gonna hurt but do you wanna be

better or not getting bet

medicine is work you know you can’t just

be like oh doctor

inject me with something no you’ve got

to wake up every day early in the

morning

and you’re going to there’s surgery for

this like can i get this fixed some

other way

i don’t want it i don’t want like a

surgery that that just puts the limits

straight in your stomach without having

to touch your

i we you could i think a tracheotomy

could do that right dr london

i’m sure there is a way but this is i

think going to be less

painful even in even in the short term

probably

is to just do it the um the normal way

but you know i as much as i want to keep

going through this

and all these issues you have and you

really should acquire some

some pants some trousers uh i feel as if

we are we need to do the chore

that is true i just real quick i want to

offer if you

need an alleged surgeon

who kind of operates like out of a

garage

and you need a sort of a large

tracheotomy so we can just start shoving

lemons down your

neck like in your neck uh

i know a guy okay i will but yeah dr

london we do gotta

that will grab this card we have a

chocolate

yeah so we um we have these chores we

have to do sometimes

the tours we’re talking about these are

just tasks and

and things that we needed to get done

and we were lazy

and haven’t gotten it done and so for a

little while now we’ve been

spinning this chore we’ve put all of our

chores onto this huge wheel and we give

it a spin whatever it lands on we have

to do it

and so uh i mean captain over do you

want to give the wheel a bit of a spin

i would love to i used to do this on the

boat and just spin the wheel spin the

wheel and see where it lands love it

oh that’s a that’s a boating thing oh

that that wheel okay okay the steering

wheel and it may be the source of

some issues but i won’t we don’t even

need to go but yeah yeah you can just

okay

spin this wheel for now okay sounds good

okay and it landed on okay i did not

want to do this one

oh no well because this one’s more

i i feel like it’s mean spirited

compared to some of the other ones

um but i mean it’s a mean spirit for a

mean world dr london sometimes you got

to toughen up

because we have the trash that we

haven’t taken out for

months because it just hasn’t come up on

the wheel

but i guess it’s not the choice it’s not

in the tour wheel well it is on the

channel

yeah we’ll land on take out the trash

eventually i assume

yeah okay so i mean you can do it

anytime

any you can do anything you want

voluntarily i’m not taking up the trash

until it

pops up no that’s the rule for the you

know for the whole studio we

whenever it lands on it um okay so sorry

for listeners

you know we all had our reactions in

person here but uh

it landed on in memoriam for the people

who are still alive

but are dead to me and so that’s going

to apply to

each of us captain over is that is that

all right

with you we try to bring in you know

the guests to help us with this

i would love to help more hands makes

less work

all right all right so i mean uh dr

london do you want to start us off

yeah yeah so it’s in memoriam for people

who are still alive but are dead to me

it’s funny that we we have me talking

about a sort of nautical theme today

because

so there’s this man outside who whenever

i pass by

you know on the quay he’ll yell at me

and he’ll say hey hey bring some french

fries for the birds

i’ll be like yeah so i don’t i this

like i don’t walk by a fast food place

or whatever like i don’t i don’t have

french fries with me

but every day he’ll yell at me french

fries birds

and then he’ll throw french fries for

the birds

and then he’ll point at me point at the

fries

and then like just shrug his shoulders

but angrily

and so um you know it’s i know that guy

yeah so he’s he’s gotten a little bit

more

uh pushy about it because this started

it’s been years now yeah uh

but so now whatever maybe he was hoping

you would take the hint

and like bring some fries every once in

a while but yes

i’m guessing that never happened is that

what he was trying to say

i i don’t know i don’t okay because now

now because because because i used to

bring

fries around there like and then i would

toss it but like

then this this guy kept showing up so i

was like well never mind

uh so like he i don’t know it just

seemed weird

to do that with a guy to pass out french

fries for the guy i don’t

know maybe it’s just me being weird so

anyway since he started doing that i’ve

been avoiding french fries

in that area and anyway so for me

it’s this guy who’s been just

progressively more pushy

and like he’s thrown stuff at me a few

times

uh anyway so yeah for me

you know rest in peace in my mind and in

my heart

this stranger on the quay

who wants to wants me to bring fries

sorry sorry not sorry i guess i don’t

know

that was your in memoriam yeah yeah

wrestling oh i thought you were just

telling us who he was

to prepare for your in memoriam no that

was you you would get up on a few

at a funeral and just like explain who

this guy is

yeah that’s not very empathetic well

yeah

i guess for him honestly probably at his

funeral some context would probably be

needed

so that actually that kind of checks out

yeah

i can do mine now if you want me to

yeah yeah sure so actually

speaking speaking of birds i i had a

bird friend once

when i was out out at sea um

it was very lonely as you might have

guessed

and there was a one bird

that used to follow my boat and uh

well i’ll not really follow because my

boat really didn’t go anywhere

it was just there so it really circled

the boat i guess

spy overhead yeah yeah i just passed by

and uh got him to land once got him to

land

gotta pet him once

but as soon as i started uh

you know maybe

tried to bite his leg he uh flew away

didn’t come back

and this wasn’t an albatross was it by

any chance there’s

this poem i remember where that

can become problematic anyway i named

him

birdie uh but

you know he might have been an albatross

i don’t i don’t know

yeah i imagine he was i imagine he was

really

all right and friendly but now he’s

now he’s not now yeah that is and i

guess we didn’t say

r.i.p to the fry man

wow that is sad french fries maybe rest

in power

yeah i said rest in peace i

which that’s what those initials yeah

that’s what it

represents to me sometimes but cameron

do you have oh these are these are

harder to get through than i thought

yeah yeah uh i

yeah i’m i’m gonna maybe treat this you

know a little bit more like a

you know an actual you know in memoriam

it’s sort of a

like if i was at a funeral and i was

going to like they say some words or

something like that

um

i met the jaw i met the jolly green

giant when i was seven years old

i was refusing to eat my vegetables and

he came

and he stuck his head well you know not

his whole head is really just his eye

because he’s very very tall he’s jolly

and he convinced me to eat my vegetables

because he said otherwise he would eat

me

and i continue to eat my vegetables day

after day after day after day

and then i learned recently that he was

lying and he

never ate a kid ever

so all those vegetables for nothing it

was it might not have been for nothing

that might have actually been healthy

for you

and it it might actually be you’re

standing up at the funeral and you’re

screaming this at me

i i guess so this is why i didn’t want

to do the funeral setting because i knew

this is how you would react

the it’s in memorium and we want to keep

it a little bit casual so that tensions

don’t get high

because i know how you get at funerals

i mean i get i get what you’re saying

like i associate just in memoriam with

like i don’t know the oscars showing

clips of dead people but if you wanted

to do like a proper thing maybe to get

in the right mindset maybe

imagine yourself being there saying some

nice words

and so i want to say jolly green giant

he’s

a heck of a bowler he uh

you know rarely texts back but you know

that when he does

um he actually means it um but

unfortunately he’s a liar and a fraud

and sometimes it takes a really long

time to figure that out and so

um mr giant r.i.p rest in power

and um i don’t know i hope you rot

i don’t know what happens to a large

vegetable man if he just grows into

other vegetables or

mini vegetable man i’m not sure but

i i hope as long as he’s in a compost

he’s probably okay

as long as he rots that’s the big big

part of it

wow it sounds like you lost a friend

and a mentor really you cameron to say

that

yeah yeah these really aren’t

you know it’s kind of with a heavy heart

that now

if we could just go ahead and

uh light the stick of dynamite under the

uh under the chor wheel here to to

eviscerate it because of course once we

finish one chore then

we have to sort of reorganize the entire

thing

to fit the next week’s chore and

everything so

uh uh captain over if you want to go

ahead and do the honors of lighting that

dynamite

i would love to

okay that’s so close that’s it okay

okay well

you know i feel like we’ve been through

a lot today

yeah and i i think it’s hard

time to leave that moment it’s hard to

make this transition

to to anything else but um

uh so so captain over thank you for

being with us today

and i’m sorry we had to end on sort of

such a sad note but

uh is there any way that our listeners

can keep up with you

after this uh you can keep up with me

on twitter um kyle d anderson

all right is that one of the people

you’re stealing money from to fund your

adventures

okay but you got a scandal as well

the gold watch the car his

his wife everything and he gave it to

you yeah and but you can only afford

just a tiny tiny yacht just a very small

yacht that can only hold one

person with other people’s money that’s

all you could afford it’s not the size

of the yacht

i mean i can’t even use it right but you

know i got to start start small

think big start small think big because

it sounded like you were going to go

into the saying of

it doesn’t matter the size that’s how

you use it but quick backtrack

or it’s the motion of the ocean right

all right well so anyway thank you to

captain keel

over for uh for being with us here today

thank you to

uh our producer cameron thank you to

DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

but did you take the journey

that you end where you begin i mean i

set out from

the ocean not too far from here and

the ocean brought me back

that’s that’s my lesson my sailor’s

wisdom

but did you take the journey and take

the journey

[Music]

it’s not the size of me i mean i can’t

even use it right but

you know i gotta start small think big

start small

[Music]

my name is dr londonsmith.com and this

has been

the jock doc podcast see ya

fine fine you suppose that it was a good

idea to hike up here

with this view of a vast plane

stretching out to brush against the

horizon

one can sit back and recognize the

beauty of the planet as well as how

easily one could plummet to their death

with one

single wrong step along this cliff face

when those neighbors kids told you that

they knew science better than you

you knew you had to prove them wrong

those children are so

dumb and you’re about to have proof

you take out a penny careful now this

needs to be perfectly timed and you only

have forty dollars worth of pennies with

you

you prepare a mouthful of spit

stretching your neck out as far as you

dare

over the great drop below penny versus

spit

which will fall faster you let go and

you spit

but your spit was too late and you know

you cannot face those neighbor kids

without being sure

so you take out another penny this could

be a long

night speaking of appropriate

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