Hey kids you are about to listen to a

comedy podcast

that means that none of this is medical

advice

if you need medical advice or medical

care please

contact your doctor welcome to the jock

doc

podcast featuring dr london

smith you may know him as the jock doc

but really he’s a jock of all trades yes

introducing your host dr

london smith

[Applause]

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners

we’ve received some feedback about the

excessive amount of

technical medical terms that i’ve been

using such as warmed peritoneal

irrigation and shoe fly don’t bother me

so i will try to temper my terminology

to a simpler one in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron

[Laughter]

[Music]

cameron are you

well it sounds like someone’s talking to

me but i can’t hear anything

definitely not someone i’m not speaking

to an audio issue are you

hearing either am i working is it

nope just can’t hear any people i’ve cut

out of my life because i’m not talking

to them anymore trying to talk to me

denied

uh okay so did i karen did i offend you

in some way

i’m mad okay no i and i’m not talking to

you so

this is not directed to you i’m talking

i’m pointing the opposite direction and

i’m talking in that direction for anyone

who wants to hear

do you want to say to DJ Dylan will

that help

no because i feel like DJ Dylan enables

you

yes with the sound effects

okay because i sometimes feel like he he

really takes your side with

but but sure okay um what do you have to

say to

to the opposite side of the room then

what’s what’s the problem well

hey dj dylan yes isn’t it messed up when

your best friend and co-host is supposed

to pick you up from soccer practice last

night

and didn’t okay except wow

maybe you have another podcast so you’re

the producer for this podcast you’re not

actually

you know an official co-host that’s sort

of a you know

you’re the producer you just kind of

make sure that’s your response is to

negotiate titles i say

to no one in particular yes do you have

another podcast where you’re the co-host

i want to clarify this because if you do

you did not pick me up from soccer

practice

okay now that okay no i can explain and

i waited out there

all night i didn’t go to bed right which

cause you know the soccer field is next

door to you like it’s not a

long walk you could have just well yeah

but it was cold i’m not gonna walk in

the cold

but you’re gonna stand in the cold and

not sleep in the cold

all night

yes i so for me it’s a commute

i have to drive across town to get to

you to drive to pick you up and drive

you

to next door where you live yeah it’s

not next door

nope well it’s like it’s like it’s like

two doors yeah sorry

it’s like a couple doors down it’s it’s

in the same neighborhood i should say

yeah

like a block or two so okay so i i’m

sorry

i did so so at the hospital there

there’s a patient

i mean not to but arsenal but they were

dying this

ugh this whole thing again dude you are

like obsessed with fixing people

well it’s that’s that’s kind of the gig

you know being a doctor i’m not sure

oh my gosh you’re just like oh like oh

you know you’re not gonna let people

figure things out for themselves and

sort of like

grow you see their issues and you’re

like oh i gotta fix them gotta fix them

i gotta put that back on well like say

whenever it’s a uh

a cancerous tumor i i won’t let that

grow i will

i will try to you know treat that maybe

with radiation chemotherapy surge

surgery whatever whatever’s necessary

depending on

so so a lot of things in medicine we do

not want

to to grow on their own this is beside

the point like i said i am sorry for

missing

you know your pickup time i know you’ve

kind of arranged a strict schedule for

me

that is difficult once again because

it’s across town and it seems like you

well for one thing you could walk for

another you could uber yeah like i’m

gonna spend

i’m gonna spend like a thousand dollars

a day

doing uber and lyft because i gotta go

to my soccer practice my piano practice

swimming practice fishing practice

okay what about pete your friend pete

who goes to the practices with you

you said yeah pete’s dead

yeah well i’m i’m so sorry i didn’t

realize

could that be what’s what’s making you

upset here does something extend no

he died a long time ago he died like 35

years ago

okay maybe we’re talking about a

different pete then

uh peter your friend

like there’s peter griffin on family guy

i don’t think of him as a friend he’s

more of like a scoundrel

i hate actually hate him all right just

go on okay and we should move on but

i’m just who is that who’s your friend

who plays soccer with you

that’s what i’m wondering here maybe i

got the name wrong no i just play with

the kids like the neighborhood kids

yeah and did you not ever ask like

hey could could one of you give me a

ride or your

your parents yeah well i tried but like

the buddy pegs on their bike

broke due to the the weight okay

okay so you did and i’m sorry i’m sorry

that i guess that does fall back to me

then

you’ve exhausted your alternatives

yep okay so so that’s that’s our

producer cameron and i’m still

mad okay and uh

in is producer cameron it’s not

co-hosted it is producer cameron

uh but also with us is digital in the

hose

well it sounds like someone’s talking to

me but i can’t hear anything

did you do in the house definitely not

someone i’m not speaking to

talking to me can’t hear anything so

no just can’t hear any people i’ve cut

out of my life because i’m not talking

to them anymore trying to talk to me

[Music]

hey dj dylan isn’t it messed up when

your

best friend and co-host is supposed to

pick you up from soccer practice last

night

and didn’t be the producer for this

podcast you’re not actually

you know an official co-host because you

know the soccer field is next

door to you like it’s not a long walk

you could have just

isn’t it messed up isn’t it isn’t it

isn’t it messed up

did you own the house isn’t it isn’t it

isn’t it

and later cameron tells you that we can

expect a special guest

that’s right dr london all right so look

forward to that

but before we move on i would like to

address a bit of listener feedback

there is this laboratory in a sort of

top secret wing at the hospital where i

work and i stopped by there the other

day to pick up some

candy because they always have really uh

like a well-stocked candy ball there

so anyway i happened to look up at the

big glass partition

and there was a lot of fog in there with

what appeared to be electrical sparks

and

bodies flying around and tentacles

pressed up against you know different

parts of the glass

so that was all normal but the new thing

was that there was also writing on the

glass partition

that i assume was a note from a listener

and all this is in like dripping red ink

the note read quote since ron died and

my son won’t speak to me

because he considers me rude for telling

a few truths to his godless wife

i’m alone i’m willing to lend you my

chairs

in parentheses not the good ones the

ones from the dining room in parentheses

as long as you don’t remove the plastic

cover from those chairs

end quote

so first of all i would like to thank

this listener so much for reaching out

thank you so much yes that really does

mean a lot

to answer your question i do not think

that

that i am actually in need of chairs

plastic cover or not

but it sounds like you could use some

company this listener

so it just you you’re just like out here

just encouraging

people to hang out with this person well

i just it sounds like they don’t have

company i was gonna say they could

listen to podcast for one thing that’s a

form of company really um but they

already listened to the podcast so they

wrote into you

yeah and it it looks like it’s not

helping their personal life okay yeah

then

why not you know maybe they can find a

buddy

um but what candy you get

what what candy you get oh from the

from the hospital uh

so so sometimes i go for the kitkats

they don’t always keep chocolate in

there but

yeah but what was in this circumstance

why are you so afraid to talk about it

i don’t did i sound afraid i yeah

i’m i’m sorry i what candy did you get

why are you stalling so much

sorry it was a kitkat okay

that’s it i just wanted to know and you

refused to tell me for some odd reason

now i know that you did not get a kit

kat

if anything could prove that you did not

get a kitkat it’s this okay

which i i mean that brings up so many

questions

that i don’t even really want to ask

okay well um

anyway so to this listener uh maybe

consider

making an apology to your

daughter-in-law because people can be

very defensive about

certain views uh religious or otherwise

and it’s important to bear in mind that

just because a person’s perspective is

different from yours that doesn’t make

it

a wrong view or a bad view

so try apologizing and try to

communicate your understanding and then

ask

her to express and honestly and if

you’re the daughter-in-law

cut it out stop being just like this

like

just awful person you know what i mean

oh you mean

godless because that’s all we really

know about them yeah but you can just

like you can just sort of tell from the

letter that like you know that

she’s probably a little mean and like

a little nasty yes i

i guess i i wasn’t sure whether you know

it could have been the listener

writing in who’s kind of mean and nasty

or

the daughter-in-law in any case uh sure

well dr london

our listeners are always the good guys

well i depending you know if they’re

if they’re mean or hurtful then

that’s then there was a reason for it

because those are the lessons we’ve

bestowed upon our guests

as they eat up all the tips that we’ve

been giving them

yeah and some of those tips are how to

have a righteous anger

aren’t they dr london sometimes i feel

like i don’t get that

but um in any case to this listener

thank you for listening um

now for today’s medical topic pulmonary

aspiration

so pulmonary aspiration is what occurs

when a substance is introduced into the

respiratory tract that is not normally

present

this can be acidic gastric contents from

the stomach which

are especially damaging to the lungs or

aspiration of bacteria that lives in

your mouth and your throat

or can be from a foreign body or fluids

basically this is like the times

whenever you’re

eating something and then it goes down

the wrong pipe that kind of thing except

it’s

it’s a worse version of that so

the right lung is most often involved

due to the anatomy of the right main

bronchus following a more straight path

down

and particularly the lower segments of

the right upper lobe

and the upper segments of the right

lower lobe

there are a number of risk factors this

is what i’m talking about what is the

point of talking about this

so well for one this is for training

doctors that’s really what this podcast

is all about we’re training young

doctors to be

you know the next generation to to

obsess over fixing people you’re

teaching people how to build

poor relationships dr london yeah i i

feel like that’s not really

the case you know what you should be

telling your doctors hey

let your patient be your patient you

know what i mean like let them be them

i’m not gonna tell you that you are less

of a person because of your haircut

so why am i going to tell this patient

oh you got to do this thing and

if you want this to grow back you got to

do this hey just let them be

them yeah um so i feel like maybe

it’s uh it’s more that like and so in

the case of

pulmonary aspiration if someone has

prostate cancer then that’s their choice

a lot of them don’t choose this i guess

is the issue that you know pulmonary

aspiration or

or cancer they these things happen

without them wanting to so

but but me sharing a little bit about it

can kind of clarify so

so there are a number of risk factors

for pulmonary aspiration but a few of

them include

a reduced level of consciousness

alcoholism excessive vomiting

and anesthesia so like if they’re

knocked out

for whatever reason they can

accidentally while they’re

asleep or you know unconscious they can

inhale

stuff from their mouths these people

you’re fixing you’re also

knocking them out you’re drugging them

okay so this is

a patient comes in just wants to hang

like just chit-chat

and like see what’s up you roofie him

and then you start playing around with

his organs and stuff

see i feel like you’re if that wasn’t if

that wasn’t in an

office you’d be a psychopath dr london

yes

you’d be considered like a crazy person

but because society has normalized this

through things like er

and grey’s anatomy okay

suddenly it’s acceptable yeah so it’s

it’s more that um

you know they patients come in and they

have these troubles they have these

issues but it’s

uh anyway so clinically the presentation

is variable and you’re just so obsessed

with fixing them oh my god

some patients develop acute onset of

respiratory distress

however patients will often appear well

at first

and then develop respiratory dysfunction

in the form of

coughing shortness of breath fever

increased rate of breathing

hypoxemia or for all the sputum patients

may also have

obstruction of the airways with

localized wheezing findings on chest

x-ray are variable and can resemble

infiltrates that mimic

bacterial pneumonia adelectasis that’s

that’s uh

one collapse and local areas of collapse

may also be present

differentiating between aspiration

pneumonitis and aspiration pneumonia can

be difficult

so aspiration pneumonitis will show

infiltrates acutely then why

do it see this is what i’m talking about

you’re just creating more work for

yourself yeah so

so that you’re saying oh it could be

really hard to figure out if it’s this

one thing or it’s this other thing

but like if you stopped sticking your

nose into people’s businesses

wouldn’t even be an issue well so if you

just say hey like

whatever it is that’s who you are and

that’s i’m gonna let you be you

right so and just just hang out so

pneumonitis

would be the um just the body reacting

to a foreign body whereas

pneumonia would be an actual infection

is that like

newman is this a seinfeld bit is that

the whole thing

no i mean not not really so uh

now you’re just making making jokes

you’re making light of your patients

that have these

terrible diseases that are coming to you

for help ugh

so aspirational humanities will show

infiltrates acutely on x-ray whereas

aspiration pneumonia which is the

infection one that takes a few days to

develop

however many physicians will treat

empirically with antibiotics

since it’s often difficult to predict

which ones or which patients will

develop

the pneumonia after they uh they have

aspiration demonitis

in terms of treatment if aspiration was

witnessed the first steps would be

the abcs of airway breathing and

circulation uh

you’re familiar with the abcs cameron

of airway and circulation breathing it’s

abc

airway breathing circulation the

the am i so what are you asking though

are you i was just basically asking it

sounded like you didn’t know the abcs of

of uh oh because of last time no because

of this

moment ago that’s because of the last

time you asked me to do the abcs and i

had

yeah okay i didn’t wasn’t able to follow

through with it

but i was busy i told you i was busy

well and

you also and i was stressed no because

you i was taught i was sleeping

you did list something but it was

numbers

you started listing numbers and i was

like no it’s it’s the letters that

you’re supposed to do for abcs

well and that i mean that just depends

on what language you’re using too

because i think you’re

using sort of the gregorian language

well because you didn’t list the numbers

in order

or you just kept you were saying certain

numbers

it didn’t sound like it was a time

consumption 4 8 15

16 23 42 etc

right okay well um in any case

uh you like i said you do the abcs of

airway breathing in circulation along

with supplemental oxygen and supportive

measures

if aspiration pneumonia is suspected

give antibiotics that have anaerobic

activity such as clindamycin

if obstruction is present early

bronchoscopy is indicated

uh prevention is critical in patients at

high risk for aspiration so

to prevent this you’ll keep the head of

the bed elevated

and place um a nasogastric tube to

decompress the stomach

is that does that make sense cameron and

if you don’t

you should also say like if you don’t

want to prevent this then that’s your

choice

you should say that to let them know

so that’s always part of the the

physician-patient relationship is we

we explain it to the patient tell them

the risks benefits of treatment

and from yeah but just tell the

listeners now like hey if you don’t want

to prevent this because like that’s just

who you are and it’s kind of part of

your part of who who you are then like

that’s okay

right okay we can go ahead and move on

from there don’t go to the doctor

[Music]

all right uh well cameron you said that

we have a guest today is that right

that’s right dr london we actually have

i want to say maybe a little bit of a

famous guest

okay wow great that that’ll help with

our numbers

he’s famous to me because i had met him

okay

okay your lead into that wasn’t you know

exactly

okay but um sure as long as you know

that we can

talk medicine i’m assuming this is gonna

be you know you you’ve been

kind of talking up the idea of bringing

in uh a medical expert like someone

who’s the top of their field

someone uh epidemiology i think you said

specifically was gonna be

well i mean that that’s actually an

interesting point because that i met

this man in a field

and i would say we were at the top of it

i mean i i feel like that’s hard

directionally but we were definitely on

the northernmost point of it okay

sort of just digging through like like

rappers and stuff that was like on the

ground seeing what’s

you can find coins sometimes or like

sometimes maybe

that’s that’s what you go to a field for

and soccer yeah if it’s a soccer field

once again i’m sorry but i’m not really

gonna do that anymore because

i don’t want to have to stand outside

all night yeah i don’t want to

i don’t want to bring this into the

interview with the guests

just still really pissed off okay but

hello

hi to our guest oh well we’ll

well hey there you know this is jack

over here

hey jack hi my name is dr london

smith.com and this is our producer

cameron

well i’m just a jack of all trades you

know just just just wanted to to get in

here and talk to you all

just have a little problems of myself

but i’m wondering to know i mean are

y’all are you all homeowners

do you protect the investment the

the legality of the ownership of my home

is very

complicated and lengthy subject and it

involves a lot of

like bank accounts overseas type of

thing

i understood i understood technically

i mean on paper i know that there

is a deed but it’s not to the house

itself it is

to um a place in idaho which which is

not where i currently am

yeah these are just it’s just

straightforward because i

i don’t understand it but i’m glad you

do yeah i just i just wanted to know if

you you have your gutters up you know

you have your roof cleaned

crawl space covered you know toilets

really need repair i’m

i’ll do it all for you oh okay so you’re

you’re sort of like uh like a

fixer-upper guy like you’re like a

fix-it man

like a of all trades almost like a jack

of all trades well you know

i just like to do all the kinds of home

owning things you know go to lowe’s home

depot you know you get

you get you get that uh gift card from

there and you can do much

pretty much about anything with it and

i’ve just learned a few a few things

i’ve learned how to do my

my outlets here i’ve been shocked a few

times

you know people just call me the the

jack of all trades i i just want to

start flipping houses i’ve

i’ve flipped about uh i think i’ve done

one

so far but wow ah you know i just need

to get on it

when you say flip houses you don’t mean

because

because cameron tried something once

that with with his house

and now he got it upside down but it’s

the full 360 flip that he couldn’t

master

yeah oh well no i mean i i i can see

where that can be an issue but uh

i don’t really mean flip them i just

mean you know protect protecting all

sorts of the investment you know it’s

the most important investment of your

life so you you really gotta

you really gotta make the most of it i

mean yeah i mean i’m not honestly i’m

not much of like a uh

handy guy i do a lot of experiments and

i do a lot of tinkering

but uh i mean this really isn’t my area

of expertise what

what brings you on the show well you

know

it’s funny that you asked and and and

and my clothes are real dirty but yeah

and

i just got to tell you you know i don’t

want to say anything but it’s

it’s like it’s evenly dirty the entire

way

usually i feel like when people get

dirty it’s you know you’ve got mud spots

over here and some dirt over here this

is

this is head to toe or i guess net like

neck to toe

evenly spread and distributed mud and

the floor

has taken on the color of your your body

essentially at this point yeah where

you’ve stepped

and now you might well might ask my

clothes the way they are and i’m usually

a sharpened

dresser but i had a really tricky

problem with the leaky radiator

okay so so i used a jar now i did i

didn’t have a jar right away so i used a

mayonnaise jar

and that mayonnaise jar wasn’t so empty

so you know i had to put

put it in my fishbowl that fishball had

my fishing and then i had to

put put put the dang fish in the sink

and well now

the sink was full of dirty dishes so

where did you have to put those

and you know i had to i had to load them

in the dishwasher

the dishwasher was full of the dirty

dishes so

at that point i just had to you know put

the dirty dishes in the laundry basket

and

my laundry basket is full of dirty

clothes which you see on me right now

that’s how i got here oh okay

so okay a large amount of so your fish

are still in the sink

oh yeah i guess that is i i was about to

skip over that

you’re yeah are your fish still in the

sink right now currently they are

you know what i’m saying and then and

that’s fine are they

i mean are they are they are swimming

it’s just another thing to take care of

it’s just another thing to take care of

which is your favorite thing to do right

garbage disposal

i was yeah i was gonna say that’s not

really an answer but i guess that one is

okay that is a very clear answer

i i i like it yeah well i like you

people

so oh that’s that’s nice thank you so

so i rarely get that that’s the reason

you’re on the show is because of a leaky

radiator and you blended a fish

incorrect my friend incorrect so

there’s a snake’s nest underneath the

porch okay okay

and it’s fairly unrelated well yeah

and uh you know instead of hiring an

exterminator way too expensive

i i understand you’re not a handyman i’m

not either

but it was still way too expensive is

how i got into this you know

instead of you know instead of finding

an exterminator why don’t i just

go ahead and get the snake myself well

it turns out

snakes aren’t that bad when you become a

snake charmer

you just gotta you know get that flute

looking thing that

that people overseas have you know it’s

called a punji or something

and you all you have to do is blow on

the thing and the snakes are just fine

it’s completely fine oh so that’s how i

took care of my snake problem so i mean

you just like blow on the pipe and the

snakes just come out from

under the house they do they do

sometimes they might just get on my arm

just a little bit

you know the snake is kind of nice you

know i might try to kiss my arm

so you’re just so even after the snakes

have vacated

the house you’re still playing still

playing still going at it sometimes they

want to come up and give me a little

kiss but

you know i was like hey little fella

you’re in a groove at this point and you

don’t want to stop

jamming yeah and i was like hey little

fella you gotta listen to my song and he

just snuggled around my waist and began

to contract a little

it was nice okay so but uh okay so i

have this slightly puffy you know arm

and my throat closes up

i got my hives all over so that’s really

the main reason why i’m calling here i i

don’t want to go to a doctor

well the air’s been so dry lately you

know what i mean like

i really it looks a lot like it could be

from you mentioned the snakes coming up

to you

giving you kisses uh and

did did they happen to bite you because

i’m

seeing well i’m seeing one that has not

detached from your arm that it

still appears to be well holding onto

your i was gonna

ask i guess i thought it was i don’t

know like a big belt that was just sort

of

hanging off of you but i think that i

think that is like a like a

python right it it it it might be well

you see at first it hurt a little but

then i just got used to it and then the

puffiness just comes and goes you know

and uh you know i i just i just think

it’s just really nice but

it it does hurt a little bit and i i am

trying to get rid of it and

you know my throat closing up doesn’t

help at all because

i wake up and i got the cold sweats yeah

because the air’s so dry yeah for any of

the listeners

asking or thinking to themselves like

wait are some of those he mentioned a

constriction he mentioned a python

so some snakes are poisonous some snakes

are not

and um he is covered in a lot of snakes

like we’re

we’re kind of minimizing it by talking

but he has a lot of

what appeared to be different species of

snakes attached to him

and around him constricting him in

different areas

and so you know just for the listener

it’s just hard to tell because his

clothes are so dirty so it’s kind of

like i can’t tell what snake and what’s

shirt yeah

but the parts that are writhing the i

think those are

i guess that makes sense yeah like it’s

it’s it’s impressive that they’re all

staying on you to me

i i mean at this point i just i just

have to live with it you know my wife

you know she she might not sleep in the

same bed as me but you know that’s

totally fine it’s just

i think we got the case she’s sleeping

somewhere she does she seems somewhere

we got the california king so it’s

really

you know ah i’ll make do

you know it’s just all about protecting

the investment the and i mean that that

has to be the

that has to be the goal yes the snakes

are part of the investment

so so the investment has gone beyond

merely

the house that you’re trying to fix

i guess everything on the property

itself everything that comes with it

including when you purchase a house

you’re not just purchasing the house

you’re purchasing the land as well

you’re purchasing the snakes that live

under it and that you charm

out from underneath and onto your body

yeah and you own the mud

you own all the stuff that is on him

right now he

he does own that i don’t know if you’re

trying to like steal it or something

no is that why you’re asking about own

like trying to clarify ownership you

want some of the snakes because that

actually would be very convenient for

this issue

right he’s got snakes he wants to get

rid of it sounds like you want some

no so i so we can just do a swap right

here i mean

that i mean that would be a bad idea

right there okay well i

for one thing i can go ahead and say

right now this is partly due to

you know a lack of knowledge on my part

because like i said i’m not

i’m not such a handyman i’m not a jack

of all trades

i don’t do a lot of and you’re dumb and

i don’t do a lot of house flipping

so whenever someone comes in covered in

snakes

my first thought isn’t this guy knows

how to fix a house

but i i can understand that your first

thought is probably like oh i should

play video games or something like that

right

you’re not even considering any of this

no when i see a person covered in snakes

my first thought is not i should go play

video games that’s not

oh i wish i had like uh dr pepper right

now

that’s all you’re thinking about because

you’re off in your own little world

where me and jack here in the real world

real worlds have

snakes we’re in the we’re in the real

real doing men

things lifting heavy objects and snakes

you know

i’m just saying i do gotta ask so you

are wanting to get rid of

you specifically one snake but

do you want to leave the rest of them i

mean

you know at this point they’re just

really nice i got i got that wonderful

punji

and if you don’t know what a pungent is

just just look up that middle the the

middle eastern people i mean they i mean

they have them

they have them they they they charm the

snakes all day long all night long

and uh and you can really jam with it

you can just really jam with it and at

this point

i’ve jammed so much that i have also

become a dj

so what’s the connection here oh so

you started playing this flute

and you what you started sampling it or

something you know it it’s just

it’s just that my house was clearly also

disturbed by

by ghost so i thought you know maybe i

should become a priest to expel them

or or so this is all the homeownership

thing

not only did your house have snakes it

also had

did you say ghosts yes i know that i

wanted to become a priest to expel them

the kids and the wife and i mean we all

had nightmare well i had dreams

i just had dreams of of dancing ghosts

so then maybe all of them aren’t so bad

after all

why don’t i just throw them a dj ghost

house party

[Music]

oh okay so you sort of while being

covered

in snakes learned from your snake

charming lesson

and are now sort of establishing that

line of logic towards anything you’re

trying to expel

or now make them party basically

exactly my friend and it’s not expensive

have you thought about

maybe how the snake venom that i’m

sure is becoming a part of your

bloodstream

could you be hallucinating to any extent

and maybe this could be driving some of

your

plans to you know have a dance party for

ghosts

in your home that you’re trying to flip

no i don’t know whether whether

or not to go with or or without that

suggestion

because my reality is real right now you

can

assuredly go against london’s suggestion

at any point

yes he’s usually wrong i mean everyone

that tells me that comes to me they say

hey

you know get on chip and joanna gaines

show i mean you’re jack of all trades

you’re a snake charmer you’re a dj

you’re a priest i mean

what can’t you do jack you know what i’m

saying yeah i mean that’s

three whole things it it sounds like

you’re not

like it’s more that you just have it’s

not that your jack of all trades it’s

that you’re a jack of having so many

problems

in your house you see you see them as

problems but

my life couldn’t be any better i’m just

enjoying this life

london fixing things is in his blood

look he’s obsessed with fixing things

and can’t that be okay

so can you remember life before you were

bitten by snakes

let me think before you be became

covered in snakes

because because i’m guessing it felt

better than however you

how you feel now well i mean i did i did

a few toilet repairs life was a little

bit more boring

i just discovered how to uh you know get

them wi-fi outlets working you know

you know get with my goo with my google

home so maybe

you were doing your repairs normally and

then you just came across a problem that

it sounds like you were able to fix a

toilet on your own

but then once again whenever it came to

snakes too big a problem

and ghosts maybe not quite

your specialty and so these things or

maybe

maybe you aren’t a jack of all trades

just maybe a jack of a great

many you know a healthy amount of trades

yes i thought i thought the same thing

but then

the snakes shut up and they stopped

buying me even though they’re still

hanging on

i still got hives all over but i’m i’m

still okay i can still sleep in the

night

without my wife but uh you know

life has actually gotten a little uh

better more

fun less unexciting well it’s probably

pretty fun with all the crazy stuff

you’ve been seeing right i tell you so

because i uh especially i imagine if

you’re like partying with ghosts and all

this stuff

yeah i don’t even know you you do look

very pale and exhausted

your foot does appear to be lost to the

python at this point

oh actually i do know what this is when

i met

when i met jack he goes into snake mode

sometimes which is this

and that’s when he’s got the brains of a

snake so

okay so so my thought here i don’t know

if you remember

uh if you were listening earlier the the

abcs airway breathing and circulation

so you circulate the a

you do a first airway you said your

throat was closing

well let me get a pen okay we i mean you

don’t need to

you don’t have to do a tracheotomy right

now no so i’m saying

i’m trying to write down the area there

okay so a it’s it’s

i mean he’s like wobbling back and forth

yeah

he’s like picking up a pen okay no you

don’t eat the pen

i’m sorry okay sorry about that sorry i

just can’t eat the pen that’s

that’s his choice there’s i mean

i’m not gonna stop him so so it’s a for

airway and you said that your your

throat has been closing up so it sounds

like

occasionally occasionally sometimes i

wake up and i’ve done passed out

i don’t know if i passed out from that

or dealing with electricity in the house

yeah it’s you should you should see a

doctor

about this like not well that’s what i’m

calling i mean i’m talking to you it

sort of seems like you just continuously

go to room

from room to room in your house uh maybe

hurting yourself

just in just in like very complicated

roundabout ways and then you wake up

dazed from it possibly have

suffering from some sort of hypoxemia

memory loss

and you just try to get to the next task

like something actually has this

actually raises another question you

said before that you

think you can’t remember quite but you

think you’ve

flipped one house

is that memory loss a new thing

or is the house the one house that you

quote unquote flipped is it the house

that you’re still working on right now

you know yeah you know i i just don’t

want to be a failure

i don’t want to be seen as a failure for

my family

and my wife so i i was just hoping to at

least flip one house

in the future okay

so so can

can i ask how long you’ve been working

on this house

17 okay you

you’re i i think to call that a flip is

is

very misleading i feel like i feel like

just the word flip itself implies like

sort of a quick

yeah a few years oh okay

okay when when was the last time you

slept in the same bed with your wife as

well

oh about two and a half to two oh okay

so she didn’t put up with 15 years of

you uh flipping this house is she still

living in the same house

flipping the house she’s still living

she’s still okay oh okay okay

now she lives downstairs it gets a

little cold at night

we have upstairs set on 69

downstairs 62 62.

yeah i don’t know if i needed to know

all that she gets a little cold you know

w

women get cold okay yeah i mean that is

true

well and yeah the coldest person i’ve

ever met was a woman

you also might have the issue of you

know thinking

uh you know if if it feels pretty cold

to you it could also be because you have

you know less blood circulating you’re

like i said you’re very pale

it’s probably so it it’s probably so

okay so you do agree

that’s that that is nice that we have we

are

getting somewhere here so my suspicion

is for one thing you should you should

go straight to the hospital but

uh aside from that i agree you

probably can stop

trying to get the snakes off you i guess

is a big point

the snakes i don’t think you yeah well i

and the other the other point i want to

say agree i’ve had i’ve had to eat them

here and there you know cut them off

eating stick them on the grill

oh are you are you uh are you out of

food are you hungry

i’m never hungry these snakes all around

me you know it’s good snake meat

okay so you’re never hungry because

you’re constantly eating the snake okay

i guess that does make

that adds up yeah i shouldn’t even ask

the question

but i do have another tip you know maybe

getting rid of the snakes

and these dj parties that you’re doing

for the ghost play some dua lipa

she’s been having she’s been having a

really big album cycle

now do alipa i’ll tell you it’s funny

you should mention that

i guess it’s kind of funny that you did

i mean what what is funny about it yeah

you know you shouldn’t just listen you

shouldn’t just listen to her hits you

should listen to the albums

because she’s got some oh well you’re a

big dualipa fan as well she’s got deep

cuts is what you’re saying

like a fever with that funky girl funky

woman you know

yeah and he’s about to he is

falling down again and he’s looking hey

hey hey look over here okay

so there i feel like we’ve we’ve maybe

we’ve covered a lot of ground here and i

i feel like we cracked this this nut so

to speak

uh so maybe we could go ahead and move

on to a chore

i don’t know jack would you be okay with

helping us with the chore

if you can yeah if you’re if you’re if

you’re able to stay awake

during this portion we could really help

i’ve definitely taken a few naps here

and there but definitely listening

for any new listeners uh me and dr

london unfortunately lit a huge list of

chores

build up because we were really busy

playing on our phones

and we did that for about a year and a

half and so now we’ve got

all i mean thousands of chores that

we’ve sort of just neglected

and so we just to get this done i built

a little fancy

chore wheel that we spin and whatever

chore it lands

on it we just have to do it we get it

done today

and then we can move on with our lives

so dr london can you give that actually

uh jack could you give our wheel a spin

let me give you that little spin there

uh yeah and you just want to put your

hand up okay and

well let’s cameron can you lift up his

hand for him because he doesn’t see

yeah just put it on the wall okay the

snake got it the snake okay the snake

the snake is grabbing the wheel okay

well i can just yank the snake at that

point right

oh if you’re comfortable yeah that would

be fine just try it out

try it out let’s see what he does

okay it landed on

check in with our dating profile oh okay

boy

so it is february i guess this does this

is convenient that it landed on this one

yeah the month of love as people say

yeah it is from last

february to be clear the month of

cooties but

okay no i i’ve been dreading this one

because

this month is a whole thing you know

all right so let’s log into our i’m

gonna log into mine

my dating profile is over at surf

bulliesdating.com right

you know the people when you’re trying

to surf and they just come by and

they’re

they’re messing up your vibe with your

babes

oh yeah yeah that’s my type yeah and so

that’s and that’s who i am so i gotta

surf bullies

and uh all right let me log into my

profile

okay i mean do you want to just show you

my profile is that

is that or do you want to read the

messages what what should we do yeah so

i think well specifically the the chore

is to check for um anyone you know any

prospects

who is there anyone there who looks like

they’re dateable

it looks like i’ve gotten one

message and it’s a surfboard

it sends you a surfboard is that a like

that the system no yeah so i think it’s

a surfboard it’s maybe your board is

that beyonce song

i think sir yeah i think surfboard is an

equivalent to one beyonce song which i

think is equivalent to maybe two likes

okay and then if you can see right here

there’s a beach ball as well

yeah that’s actually a dislike because

surfers and beach ballers

they’re that’s a huge clashing gang war

that’s been going on for a long time

and it’s so hard to hear about it so

all right so there is one person who

messaged me um

let’s see um it is

from ron perlman the guy

who played daredevil like a long time

ago

okay or no sorry he played

uh uh yeah i was going to say that was

ben hellboy

hellboy and he was in sons of anarchy

okay and he sent me a message and it

says sup

and it says what wyd which i don’t know

what that stands for

yeah it says it’s wide like he’s calling

you fat

so he just said sup wide yes

maybe it’s my profile maybe i’m

attracting the wrong type of people here

let me like if i pull up my profile

you can see here age i put 17

right because you know i want to appear

young and youthful and okay like i’ve

a lot of life ahead of me yeah which is

same thing you tell

like whenever you go play soccer and

everything you’d be like you’re just a

kid

at heart and you you try to live by that

yeah

and i just like hanging out yeah and i

like playing soccer

except i’m not doing that anymore

because i don’t want to be left on the

cold all night

we don’t have to talk about that now no

we don’t all right

i do i mean the only description i have

on here the only thing in my bio

is that i’ve never committed any federal

crimes

because i thought that would be like one

of the most important things to tell

someone and it’s not

true but i feel like if i put that sort

of forward

well see it would be so part of the

issue there i think is that

you know you’re on one of the rare

dating websites where a police report is

a part of the

of your registration so you’re saying

it’s you’re saying like i’m sort of

hurting my my rep

well not necessarily you just you are

making yourself have to be a liar

that’s i need to present myself as the

bad boy that i am

i no i’m just remember that time i was a

bad boy for a little while

yeah for halloween yeah yeah that’s

right

yeah all right we gotta uh so

i mean jack do you have any suggestions

on what i should add into my dating

profile to

finally well i say you you know you get

it

get on some of some of those cultured

ones you know

uh uh arabian date you know what i’m

saying

elite singles is this is this so you

have a hook up gq

[Laughter]

is the is the arabian dates so you have

a hookup for

for more flutes you have like a supplier

well

now you smell what i’m smoking you know

what i’m saying i do

i i’m now realizing that maybe a lot of

this is just

based on you wanting to acquire more

flutes

you know it might be the case it might

be the case

the snakes i can’t help but think like

the effect of the venom and the poison

in your body

and the lack of oxygen and your lungs

like all these may be really affecting

how you think

but i’m telling you he’s in snake mode

he’s thinking like a snake that’s why

he is attracted to the sound of the

flute that attracted all the snakes

and that’s why his tongue keeps falling

out yeah

and he does keep rab rattling his little

butt i think he

thinks it’s gonna make a rattle sound

but it does not

it clearly does you know what i’m saying

right

uh it makes a sound but it’s weird and

it’s not

it grows and i don’t dylan can you cut

all the times that’s a little bit

making that sound out of the show yes

it’s not it’s not good it’s not healthy

but anyways cameron

for for your profile i so i feel like

you can just go ahead and say

i committed a few felonies in my time

but i serve my time um

do we want to pick the felony here i can

just google it real quick right

you’re what okay felony

you’re gonna check that okay best

felonies to do that’s the

what i’ve googled um okay what about

forgery and counterfeiting

that sounds fun that does sound that

sounds intellectual

yep so as an intellectual

i tried to use chuck e cheese dollars

at a cvs and i got arrested

okay so you put that in your presents

i’ll put that in my profile

all right it’s really good send okay

because you on on this dating site it’s

not like you have profiles that people

can check it’s that you have to

send your profile to every user on the

site yeah so anyone

anytime anyone makes a change they then

send it as a message to the 3.8 million

users on the site that way we’re all

connected

and always talking so whenever that guy

called you

wide he said sup wide was that a profile

update or was that a message

that was a message okay okay that was

separate but it was in response to

me making that change to my profile

which then sends it to a message to 3.8

million

okay okay okay and one one lucky okay

should we should we talk to jack about

his dating program yeah jack i

i know you’re you’re married but i don’t

know

if it’s open relationship or anything

like that if you have a dating profile

just

for fun to see what it looks like or

maybe a dating profile from before you

guys got married

you know well you know i

there’s a christian singles you know

because you know can’t date anyone

listener christian you know what i’m

saying sure

and uh you know we’re in the south over

here bible belt

and uh you know just uh make sure

they’re

at least a little bit of redhead a

little bit of blonde

it’s got to have those blue eyes or

brown eyes make sure they’re a woman

and you know looking nice looking nice

okay

and that this is what your profile says

on christian

singles i am reading it now and it does

say that i want to say maybe that’s a

little too

forward i just wanted to read it

verbatim for you because

i mean i’m straight to the i do like

that you don’t say anything about

yourself in your profile it is all about

who you’re seeking and it’s a run-on

sentence it’s not

it’s not like a list it’s just those

words

together i can almost one long block as

i read it i’m

like it sounds like you’re passing out

like with the looking good looking good

at the end and your picture on here

has the snakes you took this picture

recently with the snakes on you so you

at least you’re being forward about that

like these are part of your life now

let’s just

let’s just wait a little bit let’s just

wait a little second

yeah i mean it could have been you know

they they’re able to type as many as

they are

but uh you know as far as as far as far

as dating goes you know

i’ve just i’ve just kind of run out of

ideas

okay well you know given that you’re

married i feel like it’s okay to be out

of ideas at this point

yeah so maybe we should just change the

profile i think you’re going to change

the profile to

married don’t message me

well you know if if they know that i’m

married they’re going to come running

for me you know

okay oh yeah that is true because and

especially with you being a homeowner

i’ll tell you

i mean i tell you yeah these sausage

fingers these sausage fingers barely fit

my wedding ring off okay so then

then let’s change your profile to i am

not married and you

must message me i feel like that will

give you the results that you want

yeah yeah well you know i’m saying

i just at this point i i i just don’t

know if i can even date

anymore well no that’s why we’re we’re

saying

like on the profile that you you’re

you’re it’s reverse psychology you’re

saying you must message me and then no

one’s gonna message you

and that way oh well okay well that

makes sense

it’s fine that you don’t want to date

anymore because you’re married like

that’s that’s actually a normal response

but you shouldn’t delete your profile or

anything like that yeah you want to be

able because you know what if you want

to use it later or what if you want to

use like the social

media aspects of it now yeah just in

case my my wife dies from

from from the dirty dishwasher i’m

saying

yeah i guess you think that’s the most

likely way

that she’s gonna die not the i’ll tell

you you never met this woman

she needs cleanliness you know

if it ain’t clean then it ain’t her

cup of tea you know you say that as if

like oh it’s so

strange or she’s really strict but like

you are covered

covered in dirt and

the floor where you’ve been her standard

is it my standard yeah

that is true dr london like it sounds

like she has a much stricter standard

where

you know she doesn’t want snakes and

dirt all over the house

you know because she’s very particular

and that’s very rude of her okay

well thank you cameron for no dr london

let’s go through your profile

yeah okay so what side are you on uh

okay this is tentacle dating and this is

not a weird thing

it i wanna clarify it’s not a weird

thing but it is a loud

thing i do why is the website so loud is

my question

okay well i look i didn’t build it

i guess a short answer um my

my dating sites they don’t make any

sound ever

yeah and i don’t know if you can hear it

through the computer and everything but

like there are

it’s uh it’s a lot of splashing sounds

um yeah well it’s all and it’s also just

like a piercing

static yeah it’s almost like like a dial

up modem sort of sound

but it’s sort of stuck in that yeah

and just to clarify it’s not like a

weird

uh kinky thing like it’s some people but

it’s just

it’s just a normal dating site and so i

learned about it from work

you know there’s this uh i think i

mentioned earlier there’s this

the sort of top secret wing of the

hospital and so

anyway sometimes one of my co-workers

over there

mentioned the site and it’s like so

interesting and i’ve

gone on it and like you said there’s

this this is really

entrancing sound to it so i don’t

you know uh so i can try to check my

profile i guess

yeah so just log on let’s if dylan if

you can filter out

as much as you can of the loud noise

that would be great yes okay

and so to do it i do have to okay so

every time i get on it does do this

thing where i have to

um put in my various hospital passwords

okay and then they do want information

on the government which i guess i

know i guess i did go i wouldn’t obtain

have you have you ever received a

message on this site

i honestly whenever i i don’t know it’s

kind of weird whenever i open the site i

kind of can’t think

but in a good way kind of blackout the

second the site’s open

yeah like right now i’m i’m i’m in a

weird state i don’t know what’s

happening

exactly but like i love dating when i’m

yeah and dating for you is

opening this website hearing hearing

this

hypnotic sound take over your soul

essentially and then and then uh giving

into a fishing attempt is that

right it’s hard to hear you over it

don’t uh

so i’ll get out of this window

okay so we’re just not gonna check in on

your dating profile i just

sorry you were done oh okay yeah

i’ll log in so this is a tentacle dating

oh we’re going to be stuck in a loop

like this huh no i

we’re fine i don’t know uh i’m not the

person

usually i am not the person who should

be like taking

charge and wrapping things up but i can

see what line we’re going down

and we’re gonna become stuck in a

constant loop here i think we’re i think

we’ve done the chore right

uh yeah i well no i still need to log on

to the side

unless you think it’s okay for us to

have the other do you think it’ll be

okay

just two of you just do it one more time

just do it one more time okay yeah i

mean it’s

it’s nothing i like i love to go on this

thing um

i don’t know why i just feel so good

afterwards yeah it says

yeah it says put in your password three

times social security number

looks like if you do it twice it’s going

to be locked out there

you know wow london okay

london london so i’ll just close the

window real quick

i’m just gonna just close the window

okay yeah let’s think we

oh should i hop on the uh do you think

we’ve rep you know what

you know what i think uh today

i think today you should leave the

dating site how how many times a day do

you log into the dating site dr london

i never like counted

but oh yeah you’re in a you’re in a like

a weird

state right during that time where

you’re blacked out i don’t know what

you’re talking about so

should i get on the is kind of fun

lately i haven’t liked the other side i

knew this was going to happen okay we’re

gonna we gotta wrap this up

we’ve done the chore dylan play the wrap

up the chore wheel song

before london continues to do this

no i see you trying to log in right get

stop that well it’s

stop okay dr london that whatever that

sound is that is hypnotizing you into

this weird state that convinces you

to give as much information as possible

over

i think it’s actually pretty cool

technology and we can talk about that at

a later point

and so that’s why i want to wrap up now

because we can kind of commit a full

episode to it in the future

okay sure and i i i don’t know you can

talk about a weird sound i just

i i just i don’t know i like for you

there’s no weird sound you just

you you love dating that’s all you know

i don’t love

dating usually but this there’s

something about this dating app this

website

yeah anyway yeah uh so that’s yeah i

guess

are we we’re done there for now at least

i guess we’ll go back to mine

um all right well thank you so much to

uh jack for being on jack of all trades

you know just you know i really i really

enjoy you all

and uh pray for me if anything yeah

uh and also maybe just also dial nine on

one but um

do you do you have ma do you have any

way for listeners to keep up with you

after this

uh any well

at this point i think i’m on my last leg

so if they keep

up with me i’ll see you on the other

side okay so

you can find him on twitter in heaven

um in the afterlife and

hopefully yeah that’s true okay

all right and um also thank you to

cameron our producer

thank you to digital nose

[Music]

well i’m just a jack of all trades you

know the jack of all trades you know

jack

[Music]

like a jack of all trades you know

people just call me the jack of all

trades

of all trades you know i mean everyone

that tells me that comes to me they say

hey

you know get on chip and joanna gage

show i mean your jack of all trades

like a jack of all trades on those

jackpots

[Music]

[Applause]

my name is dr londonsmith.com and this

has been

the jack of all trades see ya

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

uh there’s really no denying it your

pajamas are firmly attached to the wall

and no amount of goo gone is gonna fix

that

well not the meager amounts that line

the local store shelves at least

this would require a wholesale bulk

order

and you left that life behind long ago

no no these pajamas are beyond recovery

now

why oh why did you glue yourself to the

wall in your favorite pajamas

and how on earth will you get yourself

down

come to think of it unless a massive

amount of goo gone was within arm’s

reach

it probably wouldn’t be of much help

right now anyway you feel the wedgie

forming

strengthening as gravity does it’s

predictable and let’s face it

pretty pathetic work on you within the

pajamas

you look to the side and see your phone

within reach you pick it up

with a sigh and dial the number

yeah it’s me been a long time

i know i said i was leaving this

business forever but it finally happened

again

get me the goo gone hoes speaking of an

old-fashioned remedy to a real world

issue

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